Chapter 9: Father-Daughter Talk

After Charlie left - disgust still the most clear feature on his face - I cried myself to sleep, again. I didn't sleep much though, because when I closed my eyes all I saw were the faces of dozens of people telling me what a repulsive slut I was and how I would never ever be clean again.

I woke, screaming, followed by an unstopable fit of cries; I only calmed down when the nurses came in and gave me a sedative. All through the night, I drifted in and out of nightmares, never able to close my eyes in peace. I truly felt like dying right about now.

Morning finally came, allowing some light in my room. Though I hardly cared if it were morning or night, time had no meaning to me anymore. When they came in with my breakfast they told me I had to eat, I threw the plate to the ground. They threatened to sedate me, I told them they could all go to hell. I was pissed off, and it was showing.

Dr. Cullen came in to check on me and apologized for being blunt the other day, then left again. I still couldn't figure out why he would apologize to someone like me.

A little after noon, Charlie entered my room and I had to keep a flood of tears at bay the moment I saw him. He looked at me with pitty-filled eyes, remorse, anger and disgust, though it seemed like he was trying very hard to hide that last emotion. I turned my head, the guilt I felt too much to bare in his presence.

"I'm so sorry Bella," Charlie stated, choking a little on his words and I looked at him with confusion written all over my face. Why was everyone apologizing to me when I was the one who should be crawling on my knees and begging for their forgivenis? I just didn't understand.

"I should have protected you. I'm your father and I couldn't keep you safe. I should have known. I failed you. I'm so so sorry," He apologized again as I just stared at him in shock. He was blaming himself? I couldn't believe this.

"No, d-daddy, no! Please, don't feel guilty. It's not your fault, it's mine. And I'm s-so sorry," I cried, hoping he understood what I was saying. I couldn't stand it if he blamed himself. It was just too much.

"No, Bella, don't say that. You have nothing to feel guilty for. That monster hurt you and you have no blame in that. The blame is on him entirely," He said, crying alongside with me. I could tell he wanted to come closer and give me a hug, but I wasn't ready for that just yet and I think he knew and understood that. And I now understood that my father didn't blame me or hate me for what happened; he still loved me as much as he did before. I could see it now. When he mentioned 'the monster', as he called him, the only emotions I saw were anger, hate and disgust, directed at him, not me.

"I love you, daddy," I said, feeling like I needed to tell him. I needed to say the words and he needed to hear them.

"I love you too, Bella, no matter what. And I'll never let anyone hurt you ever again. You're safe now," He said and I believed him. I believed it when he said I was safe now, that he would keep me safe. I could see in his eyes that he spoke nothing but the honest truth.

He left me to get some sleep then and surprisingly, I had a better night sleep than I had had in years. Sure, Phill was in my dreams again, attacking me, but then Charlie rushed in and saved me from him. He had kept his promise and kept me safe, even if it was only in my dreams. Even if only for one dream, I felt a little more at peace knowing I was in safety now. And maybe, just maybe, someday I would be able to move on from all of this. At least I knew I would have Charlie with me to help me make it through.

***

'Said we're movin on
And we got nothing to prove
To anyone
Cause we'll get through
We're movin on and on and on and on'

Moving On by Good Charlotte