*Thank-you for the reviews on the last chapter. They were greatly appreciated. Thank-you all so much*

CHRISTMAS EVE:

"Do you want some time to talk to your mom?" asks Dean as I am pacing around in the guest room holding my cellphone as he holds Gideon in his arms.

"I don't know if I can do this, Dean," I say. "Everyone else was easy but my mama is different. This could go really bad."

"Well, I'm here for you if you need me," he says. "I'm always here for you. I love you, Azalea. If you don't want to do it tonight then don't do it."

"My mama hurt me so much growing up," I say as I take a seat on my bed in the guest room before he takes a seat next to me. "It's like forgiving her even though she doesn't really deserve my forgiveness. She hurt me so much. I was never the child she wanted. I could never make her happy no matter how hard I tried. There was always something she found to get on me about. She tore me down and ripped me apart a little more each day. Each day she killed my self-esteem a little more. I don't know. I know I'm not innocent. I know I hurt her too. I am sure no one wants their child to become an addict. I'm sure I embarrassed her more than anything."

"I'm sure no parent wants their child to become an addict either but you didn't embarrass her. You deserved better for a mom. A parent should be proud of their child no matter what they do. No child is perfect, hell no adult is perfect. I'm sure your mama has her flaws. In fact, the fact that she tore you down the way she did proves it. You're perfectly you. You can't live to please everyone. It just sucked that you were a little girl growing up with parents that didn't want to see that. They were too busy pushing you to do everything you didn't want to do that they didn't take the time to enjoy who you were. So maybe you were a little wild but that doesn't make you inferior. I think I would like to have a wild child that is spontaneous and you never know what you're going to get than to have a child that's going to follow all the rules and strive for perfection. You're amazing, Azalea. They were just too selfish to see that in you. I think you're great. You're a great mom, you're a great person. You made some bad choices but hell we all make bad choices some are just worse than others. If we didn't make mistakes none of us would have a lesson to learn. Life is about learning. Your parents should learn a little bit. They're not perfect."

"So you want a wild child?" I ask with a smile as I hold my cell phone in my hand. "I hope you remember that in a couple months when Gideon is running around wild. I mean after all he has our genes in him. He's not going to be easy."

"Probably not," he says with a smile. "Are you going to be a handful? Are you?" Gideon smiles at him. "Well, we're going to have our hands full. I was a wild child."

"Me too," I say, "obviously. Do you think calling her is the right thing to do?"

"I think that if you truly want to move past everything and move on with your life it's something you have to do. Whatever happened to your sister? Do you ever talk to her?"

"No," I say, "I haven't talked to her since I was 14. She's not my favorite person. She's probably carrying honors in high school and at the top of her class. I'm sure she's perfect."

"I'm sure she has her moments," he says. "No one is perfect. Everyone is flawed."

"I guess that's true, some are more flawed than others."

"I don't know," says Dean as he wraps his arm around my shoulders. "I kind of think that perfection is ugly, I want to see scars, failure, disorder and distortion in a person. I want to know that they have been through something so deep that they have a story to tell. A story of redemption, a story of building themselves up, making themselves better, fixing their cuts, their scrapes, turning their failures into triumphs. I want to see that in a person. I want someone that knows pain, what it's like to be hurt, someone that knows what it's like to learn a lesson from a mistake not someone that's perfect. I want to see someone that knows the pain of failure. Perfection is boring and ugly. You don't really live until you've made mistakes, until you've failed, until you've had disorder and until you have made scars. Scars are a way to remind us of our past and to remind us of what we've been through to shape us into the people we've become. I know you're not perfect and I love that about you. I'm not perfect either. We both have scars that have made us who we are today."

"I'm glad you love me for my imperfections," I say with a smile. "I love you."

"I love you too," he says before he kisses my lips softly. "You can do this, Azalea."

"Okay," I say. "I'll be downstairs when I'm finished."

"Okay," he says, "good luck."

"Thanks, Babe," I say with a smile as I start to dial my mom's cell phone number into my phone as he stands up and makes his way out of the room.

I put the phone up to my ear and take a deep breath as I hear it ringing on the other end. I have thought about doing this for so long but didn't have the courage to do it. I want to do this now. I want to get this over with and out of the way. I'm not looking for her to take me back in her life, I'm looking to let go of the pain and displeasure she brought into my life all her negative words that she filled my head with. I want to let go of all that and the only way to do that is talk to her about how much I was wrong because I screwed up. "Hello," she says as she answers the phone.

"Mama," I say.

"Azzy," she says. "What are you calling me for? Are you in trouble?"

"I'm fine," I say. "I'm really fine. I wanted to talk to you for a few minutes. Do you have time to talk?"

"I have some time. What's going on?"

"I'm sorry that I was such a problem child when I was younger. I'm sorry that I didn't want to follow the rules and didn't want to be everything you wanted me to be. I'm sorry I disappointed you and I'm sorry that I became a drug addict."

"Azzy, all we ever wanted for you was to have a good life. I never knew that you were going to turn to the life of drugs. What happened, Azzy?"

"Mama, to be honest, most of the stuff I did was to spite you. You were so horrible to me when I was little because I wasn't perfect. You abused me you made me feel like I would never be anything. That I wasn't good enough, I felt so unloved with you. I felt horrible. I knew what would make you tick. I knew hanging out with the wrong people would piss you off. I knew that having sex would make you hurt, I knew that doing drugs would hurt you. I just wanted to hurt you the way you hurt me. You never really made me feel like I belonged in our family. When I was with my friends I did belong and while I belonged I was hurting you and that made me feel good. I wanted to hurt you and I'm sorry that I did everything I could to hurt you. I'm sorry that I turned to drugs, that I stole from you, that I disrespected you and I'm sorry that I ruined our family. I was 15 years old when you kicked me out and I probably would have kicked myself out too. I am sorry for the pain and agony that I caused you."

"Azzy," she says.

"Please call me Azalea," I say. "That's what I want."

"Okay," she says, "Azalea, why would you want to hurt me so badly?"

"Because of the way you hurt me. You pretty much destroyed my childhood. You were trying to shape me into everything I didn't want to be and I didn't agree with that. You wanted me to be perfect and when I wasn't you didn't want me. You have always put Angelina on a pedestal because she was everything you wanted but then I was nothing. I was just a shadow in the night, forgotten about, left out. I wanted to hurt you because you hurt me. I wanted to show you I wasn't perfect. I wanted you to feel the hurt that I felt. I just got lost in it all and screwed myself up. I'm sorry that I did it. I'm sorry that I hurt you."

"Azalea, you have no idea how much pain it brought to your father and I to see you doing drugs and to lose you to the streets. That was the hardest thing I have ever seen. We didn't want to kick you out but you didn't want to follow the rules and then we just lost you. We tried to find you a couple months later but you were nowhere to be found. We didn't know if you were alive or dead. We didn't know where to find you. I spent two years in agony thinking I lost my daughter. We could have helped you but we didn't. Instead we chose to kick you out allowing you to fall victim to the streets. You had a problem and we turned our backs on you. I'll never forgive myself for that. I don't know what you went through on those streets," she says as I hear her voice crack. "But when we saw you in that hospital bed it broke my heart. I feel like everything is my fault. I feel like because we kicked you out you ended up there. I will never forgive myself for that."

"Mama," I say with tears in my eyes. "It's not your fault at all. I don't blame you for my drug addiction or what happened to me. I made my own choices. I chose to get high, I chose to do heroin. I chose to hang out with Chris and Ty. I chose that life. You didn't make me do it. I chose it. Don't blame yourself for my mistakes. I knew right from wrong and I chose to do the wrong thing. That was all me and I'm sorry."

"Azalea, I love you," she says before she lets out a sob. "I want you to come home, come be home with your family."

"Mama," I say, "I'm not coming home. I don't want to come home."

"Well, are you well?" she asks.

"I'm doing well," I say. "I'm sober, I'm out of rehab. I've been seeing a therapist and I have been going to a group. I have a son. I have a job and I am going to college. I'm doing well but I don't want to go home. I like it here in Cincinnati."

"You went to rehab?"

"Yes shortly after my attack. I spent 6 months in rehab to better myself and to be a better person. I needed to get sober and I needed help. My life is going well now. I'm happy. For the first time in years I am happy and I am enjoying life and I like myself. I haven't liked myself for a long time but I love myself now. I love who I am becoming. I made bad choices but I have learned from them. I hated the person I used to be but now I'm loving myself more and more each day. I'm discovering my true self. I am doing so well and I'm doing everything I can to give my son the life he deserves."

"I'm glad to hear that," she says, "I'm glad that you got yourself the help that you needed. I'm happy about that. You were in bad shape when we saw you in the hospital and you kicked us out."

"Because you weren't making it better, Mama. And I'm glad I got the help that I needed too, Mama. And I have Dean to thank for that. If it wasn't for him I wouldn't be doing as well as I am doing right now. He got me into the best rehab center he could have and he got me into a really good support group and a really good therapist."

"Who is Dean? Is that the baby's father?"

"Yes," I say, "he is the baby's father and my boyfriend. You met him at the hospital," I say.

"Oh," she says, "he is cute."

I smile and say, "he's gorgeous but he's a really good guy, Mama. You'd like him."

"I'm sure. He sounds like a good guy. How is he with your son?"

"He's an excellent father, Mama. He does so well with him. I love his bond with him. I'm really sorry about everything."

"Me too," she says, "Azalea, we should have never kicked you out of the house. We should have never done that. You had a problem and we should have helped you then. You may have turned out differently if we got you the help you needed then instead of kicking you out. You were 15 years old it was like we kicked you out and told the streets they could have you. I guess we thought you were going to come back home but you never did."

"Because I was too wrapped up in the streets and getting my fix. I got bad. I won't even lie. I went through things that I will never forget. I have been through more pain than I should have been. I went through things that you probably have only had nightmares about. I will never forget it but I have learned from it. I am in the process of fixing myself and making myself better. It is our past that shapes into who we are and who we want to be. I don't want to be a drug addict anymore. I want to be me. I want to be free to live my life. I want to be able to have a good job, I want to raise my son the best way I can. We can't hold onto the past. We have to let it go so that we can have a future."

"I agree," she says, "I love you, Azalea. I love you so much and I am glad that you're in a really good place right now."

"Thanks," I say.

"What are you doing for Christmas?"

"I am spending it with Dean and his family," I say, "what are you doing?"

"Nothing, your father and I are just spending Christmas with Angelina and his family. We don't have much planned."

"I see," I say. "I'm really sorry, Mama for everything."

"I'm sorry too, Azalea. So what is your son's name?"

"Gideon," I say with a smile.

"After your grandfather?" she asks.

"Yes, Mama, after my grandfather and your father, Gideon is a little warrior too. I wanted to name him after grandpa because I did respect grandpa a lot. I loved him and I wanted to name my son after him in his honor."

"That's wonderful," she says. "Grandpa would have liked that. So you like being a mama?"

"I love it," I say with a smile. "I have done so many wrong things in my life but Gideon is the right one. He makes my life. He makes my entire day. He is my world. When I look at him I see perfection. I created something so perfect in my imperfect times. He is such a blessing if it wasn't for Gideon I don't know where I would be. I wasn't going to abort him mom. I couldn't do that. He has been my saving grace. He is what helped me get through rehab and helped me want to better myself. I want to be a mom that will make him proud, give him everything he desires but most importantly let him know I love him unconditionally. He is the best thing to ever happen to me, Mama. He's a great baby."

"I'm glad," she says, "do you think you want to come to Tennessee to visit us sometime? You can bring Gideon and Dean with you. I would love to meet Dean under better circumstances and I would love to meet my grandson. I want us to have some type of relationship, Azalea. I know I haven't been the best mom to you. I could have been a better mom. I could have done more to help you but I didn't. I have missed out so much on your life and I just want to get to know you."

"Mama, honestly, I am just starting to get to know myself. I'm not sure about going home to Tennessee. Would Papa like that?"

"I'm sure he would love to see his daughter and to see his grandson. I'm sure he would love to meet the man you're involved with again under better circumstances. I want to see you. Would you like to come to Tennessee?"

"Mama," I say, "I don't know. I have a lot going on, Dean is a busy man. I don't know. And we're leaving for Hawaii in a couple days."

"You're going to Hawaii?" she asks. "You and Dean?"

"Yes," I say. "Dean and I."

"Wow what a guy," she says. "You deserve someone like him in your life."

"Actually I don't really deserve him at all but he's a good man and despite all the wrong I have done he still accepts me and still loves me."

"Well, you think about Tennessee and you let me know. I love you, Azalea. It was nice to talk to you. Merry Christmas."

"I'll talk to Dean and I'll think about it. Then I'll let you know," I say. "Merry Christmas, Mama. Have a good night."

"You too," she says before I hang up the phone and hold it in my lap trying to gather myself together. That went a lot better than I had expected it to. I still have to talk to my dad and my sister. Those two I'm not sure about. I put my phone down on the bed and stand up to make my way downstairs to spend Christmas Eve with Dean and his family.

I make my way into the living room and Dean's mom is handing Gideon his Christmas gift from her. I walk over to Dean and he smiles as he puts his arm around my shoulders as we watch his mom help him open his present as she holds him in her lap. "How did it go?" he asks as he kisses my cheek softly.

"It went okay. It was a lot better than I had ever expected it to be. She wants you, Gideon and me to go to Tennessee to visit her."

"What do you think about that?"

"I'm not sure I like the idea. I'm not sure I'm ready for a homecoming after everything."

"I understand whenever you're ready let me know and I'll go with you."

"You will?" I ask.

"I will," he says with a smile as Dean's mom exposing a little drum for Gideon as they opened his gift.

"What is that, Gideon?" I ask with a smile. "Is that a drum?" I ask. He smiles at me as Dean's mom shows him how to work it but I don't think he even cares. He's still too young for it yet but he'll grow to like it.

After we do Christmas presents Dean's mom and his brother leave. McKenna changes into her new Christmas pajamas and I change Gideon into his while Dean makes us hot chocolate and gets us some Christmas cookies that McKenna and I baked together earlier. I like her. She's a sweet little girl and we have gotten along really well. We gather around the Christmas tree to drink hot chocolate, eat cookies and to listen to Dean read a Christmas story called The Night Before Christmas. When he is finished we put the kids to bed before we put out their Christmas presents before we go to bed. "I'll see you in the morning," he says to me as we stand outside the guest room.

"I'll see you in the morning, goodnight, Baby. I love you."

"I love you too," he says before he kisses my lips softly. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight," he says before I walk into the guest room. I change out of my clothes and into a pair of flannel pajamas before I crawl into bed and fall asleep for the night.

*A/n: What did you think of Azalea talking to her mom? Did it go well? What about her mom blaming herself for Azalea's mistakes? are you glad Azalea owned up to her mistakes and told her mom it wasn't her fault? What do you think about her mom asking her to come to Tennessee do you think Azalea ever will? Please review and thank-you for reading.