A/N: I seem to be losing my juice and feel the end for this story coming. Just a friendly warning. Also: to those who asked for longer chapters. Sorry, but with my current workload, no can do. I still hope you'll enjoy this, though.
The first touch was unexpected and she still had her eyes open. Then a jolt ran through her, hitting her hard in the pit of her stomach and she realized what was happening. She closed her eyes, latched onto Chloe's lips purposefully. She wanted to feel this, all of it. Wave after wave of emotions, arousal, joy hit her and left her breathless after only a few short minutes and she had to come up for air. She looked at Chloe, so close, so beautiful. And smiling. Beca was about to lean in for another kiss when she heard a familiar voice over the beating of her heart.
"And tonight we introduce to you the 3Bs, Barden's Bisexual Bellas!" It was Bumper, unmistakably. Beca looked up at him and thus also at the man standing next to him: Jesse. He seemed frozen to the spot and didn't react to Bumper's outstretched hand ready for a high-five.
Beca looked back at Chloe but her friend looked at Jesse. The Treble finally found his ability to move again, turned and walked out of the bar.
"Hey, Jesse, come on. We just got here..." Bumper followed him and after another look at the two girls so did Donald.
"Chloe?" Beca said. Chloe looked at her, the smile was gone, determination had replaced it. "Why did you just kiss me?" The DJ asked but she already knew the answer.
"I... I didn't want him to come over and ruin our evening," Chloe finally answered. "He would have just wanted to talk to you again."
"Then I would have told him no," Beca said.
"But you said you wanted to talk to him about what he did earlier. I thought... I didn't want..." Chloe looked down at her hands.
"You kissed me because you wanted Jesse to see it, is that it? You wanted to... mark your territory?" Beca stood up off her chair so quickly it fell to the floor with a loud bang.
"I just wanted for him to get a clue," Chloe stood up as well, facing Beca.
"And I just wanted to kiss you... because I like you. I don't care about Jesse - not anymore. I thought you got that. I thought... Never mind." Beca pulled her jacket from the back of her chair on the floor. Then she left the bar.
Beca felt numb. For half an hour she just walked aimlessly through the streets of the small college town, not looking at anything or anybody, just walking. She tried not to think of the kiss. The kiss was only one side of the coin that now made up this experience. The other side was the reason Chloe had kissed her - the wrong reason. Jealousy.
Beca didn't need that, not Jesse's, not Chloe's. She couldn't live like that. She had to know that she was in control of her life, that she was calling the shots on who she was with and why. And if Chloe didn't respect that then... damn her.
The thing that confused her, though, was that this wasn't at all like Chloe. She wasn't the jealous type. So, why did she act like that?
It was all very confusing and infuriating. It shouldn't be like this. Her first kiss with Chloe should have been perfect, not just the execution - which had totally knocked her off her feet - but everything around it. Like the one with Jesse had been. Given, it paled in comparison with having Chloe's lips on her mouth - now that she knew - but the circumstances had been... movie-like? Was that what she wanted? Her life like a movie?
Beca shook her head disgustedly. She looked around herself, a little lost at first but then recognizing the neighborhood. One of her friends lived only three blocks further down the street. Beca only hesitated for a moment. She knew it was late but she knew that there wasn't a Bella who would turn her out, not even at this ungodly hour (unless maybe if they had company but Beca would take that chance).
Beca knocked at the apartment door and listened. There was no sound from within. She tried again, louder this time. She listened again and then heard someone grumble. There were footsteps and then the door opened to a disheveled-looking Cynthia Rose.
"Beca? What..."
"I'm sorry, CR, I... can I come in?" Beca asked.
"Is everything all right?" Cynthia Rose pulled the door open and waved Beca inside.
"I just... needed someone to talk to," the brunette offered hesitantly.
"Oh, okay. Sit down," she pointed at her desk chair but Beca merely used it to hang her jacket over then walked to the bed/couch combo that was made up as a bed, slipped out of her boots, and made herself comfortable. When she looked up at Cynthia Rose she saw a raised eyebrow and rolled her eyes. They smiled at each other and Cynthia went over to slip beneath the covers at the other side of the bed.
"What happened?" She then asked.
"Chloe and I went out - on a date," Beca answered simply and it was easy for the other Bella to surmise that it hadn't gone well.
"Is Chloe okay?"
"I think so. I left her at the bar we were at... Dave's den, or something." Cynthia Rose grabbed her phone. She started typing a quick text, got an answer, typed again. There was a final answer and then the African-American woman put her phone back on her nightstand.
"She took a taxi home. I told her you were here," she told Beca. "What happened?" But Beca didn't answer that question just then, she wanted to talk about something else first:
"How did you know? I mean, why did you tell me to ask Chloe out... I mean... how..."
"You wanna know how I knew that you and Chloe had the hots for each other?" Cynthia Rose grinned. Beca blushed but nodded.
"I guess I pretty much knew that Chloe swung that way from the beginning. She was checking out Stacie, I mean, we both were," Cynthia Rose smiled self-deprecatingly. "And then she would always defend you infront of Aubrey, and I guess I figured she was into you. She was looking at you a lot - and you were looking at her, too, pretty much all the time. And then there was that duet in the pool after... Aubrey and Chloe faught over the pitch pipe. I thought you guys would hook up for sure after that... I mean, you guys sang to each other that night, it was so... And then you kissed Jesse at the finals. I actually wanted to rub my eyes, I didn't see that coming. And then I looked at Chloe..." Cynthia Rose was shaking her head. "I guess, she didn't see it coming either," she only said but it wasn't all that she had seen in Chloe's eyes. Beca had broken her heart that night, Cynthia was sure about that.
"She liked me even then?"
"Yeah, and I thought you liked her, too."
"I did... I mean, she was my friend and... the pool mash-up was... I mean, I didn't think of it... I mean we did sing to each other but...oh God, I'm such a bonehead... how can she even like me?" Beca put her head into her hands, embarrassed by her ignorance. But how could she have known that Chloe liked her that way? How could she have even suspected that she herself... swung that way, as Cynthia Rose had put it? Except for the fact that it had been obvious, of course!
"Hey, it's not always easy to... read the signs. I mean I'm kinda tuned that way. But I'm not even sure any of the other girls noticed. Well, Jessica hinted that she did and I think Chloe talked to Aubrey at some point but the others... they didn't say anything, at least."
"Now that's comforting," and the sarcasm practically dripped out of that statement.
"Don't beat yourself up over it, Becs. These things... take time."
"But... I kinda knew but I didn't... know!" Beca grumbled. "How can that even be possible? To know oneself so little? Chloe... she's..." But she didn't finish the sentence. She couldn't go back to telling people how amazing Chloe was when she felt betrayed by what had happened at the bar.
"Jesse was your first real boyfriend, right?" Beca nodded, looking down at her hands. "People are different, Beca. Most lesbians I know have been with men before they found out they liked women better. Then there's bisexuals who like both sexes. Some people know from the start, others find out late in their lives, after they had kids and were married. You can't force these things, Beca, they make themselves known to you. Sometimes subtly, sometimes with rainbows and unicorns." Beca looked up to find Cynthia Rose grinning. She tried a smile of her own but it faltered.
"She kissed me. Chloe. She kissed me at the bar... but just because of Jesse," she finally said and had to swallow at tears that were threatening to fall. She put a hand over her face.
"Because of Jesse?" Beca nodded.
"He had just come in with Bumper and Donald. I hadn't seen them but Chloe had... and then she kissed me. To show him that I was taken, or something. That's just... that's not like Chloe, she's not like that. Why did she do that?" Cynthia Rose touched Beca's hand, the one she still held infront of her face. She took it and held it. Beca looked up at her.
"At the finals, when Chloe saw you kiss Jesse... she was pretty hurt, everyone who looked could see that. I think I was the only one who looked but it was obvious. I think she had hoped that... you liked her the way she liked you. Did you ever tell her how you felt about Jesse?" Beca shook her head no.
"I wasn't even sure myself. I mean... he was cute and all that. We got along well... when he didn't try to talk for me instead of to me or tried to shove some of his conventional beliefs down my throat... I... God, I make him sound like an ass. He's not an ass. I'm the ass. I played him, and I played Chloe."
"No, you didn't play them because you didn't know that you liked Chloe better than Jesse. Sometimes these things happen, it's not fair to anyone but... it can't be helped. You didn't do it on purpose, not like other people who stay in the closet and flirt and kiss you when they're drunk and then go back to the boyfriend because it's safer... people like that exist, Beca. You're not one of them," the African-American Bella told her friend.
"But I broke Chloe's heart back then and I didn't even know. And now I broke Jesse's as well. Why is this so complicated?"
"Because human beings are idiots," came the simple answer and Beca could only nod at it. She certainly felt like an idiot right now.
For a few minutes they just sat silently then Beca sighed. She pulled out her phone. She started typing, then thought about it, deleted what she had written, wrote something else. She sent two texts that night, both saying the same thing:
We need to talk. Tomorrow. Beca. She sent it to Chloe, then she sent it to Jesse.
Beca returned to her dormroom around 8 a.m. She hadn't slept well, Cynthia Rose was an uneasy sleeper and kept waking her with her tossing and turning. Not that she had only Cynthia Rose to thank for the restless night, Chloe had invaded her thoughts and dreams. It was impossible for Beca to not think about the kiss, it had filled her with life - as short-lived as that had been. And she wanted more of it. But first, they needed to talk.
Beca turned the knob to her room and found the door open, a sure sign that her obnoxious roommate was within. The DJ steeled herself for another round of their favorite game: who's the greater bitch?
"Y'know if you spent all your nights over at your girlfriend's now you might as well move in with her," Gracie Lou said as soon as she saw Beca entering.
"Sorry, but I already asked her to move in here. That's gonna be so cozy," Beca gave back.
"I hope you're joking. I won't live with two dykes, bad enough that I have to live with one!" The blonde glared at her from her bed where she sat with her laptop.
"Dyke? Do you even know what that means?"
"It means you fuck girls," Gracie Lou said with a sweet smile.
"No, dude, it means that I have butch girlfriends who will kick your ass if you keep calling me that," Beca answered and looked earnestly at her roommate.
"Are you threatening me?"
"Yes," Beca answered. Gracie Lou just stared at her open-mouthed.
Beca pulled some clothes out of her closet and left with them and her shower kit in her arms.
When Beca returned from the showers she found somebody waiting for her there, someone unexpected: Aubrey.
"I thought the redhead was your girlfriend. Does she know that you fuck her best friend behind her back?" Beca looked at Gracie Lou, first irritated but then she smiled.
"Gracie Lou just called you a lesbian," she addressed Aubrey.
"I'd rather be a lesbian than a slut," the tall blonde dead-panned. "You have a few minutes? I need to talk to you."
"Sure, but not here," Beca answered with a look at Gracie Lou.
"It's not like what you have to say is so damn interesting," the curvy blonde snapped.
"Then stop commenting on everything I say, Gracie Lou!" Beca slipped into her boots and then she waved at Aubrey to follow her out.
They went to have some coffee, Beca felt she needed some caffeine for the day that was already dragging on. She hadn't expected to have three meaningful conversations today and she didn't even know what Aubrey wanted from her. But by the look of her it was serious.
"Did you talk to Chloe last night?" She asked.
"No, I was already asleep when she came home. We talked earlier and she wasn't very happy about what I had to say," Aubrey said. "Did she tell you about that job in Chicago?"
"Yeah, she told me. It sounds great. But she seems... reluctant to move there," Aubrey nodded. Obviously, Chloe hadn't told Beca that she had turned the job down.
"You know why, don't you?"
"She says she's gonna miss... us all, the Bellas." Aubrey gave Beca that look of superiority that she had. It was obvious what the blonde thought, that if Beca believed that she was an even greater fool than she had took her for.
"She's gonna miss you, Beca. She's in love with you, has been for... I don't even know how long but if you ask me, for too long," she told her friend honestly.
"Alright, I know I've been an idiot, okay? Was that what you wanted to hear?"
"No, I want to hear that you will talk Chloe out of staying here instead of going to Chicago. She needs to take this job, for herself."
"But that's what she wants. She's not going to stay... is she?" Aubrey breathed deeply, hard-pressed for patience.
"She called this guy Davidson yesterday and told him no, she wouldn't work for him. She wants to work for a publisher in Atlanta, to stay close."
"She didn't tell me that," Beca said. "That's idiotic, this was her dream."
"Yeah, well. Seems she has another one of those, one that includes you," Aubrey said not unkindly. She pulled the door to the coffee shop open and let Beca enter before her. They both got their respective coffee creation and left again. Beca had a thoughtful expression on her face.
"Have you talked about... the possibility of being together?" Aubrey asked after awhile.
"Well, yesterday was actually our first date," Beca answered and smiled a little sadly.
"It didn't go that well?"
"It was great until... Jesse appeared," the brunette didn't want to go into last night's details with Aubrey. She was sure that Chloe would fill her in soon enough.
"Ouch, and how did he take seeing you together?"
"Not so well, none of us did." Beca pointed to a bench and Aubrey nodded. They sat down.
"Do you want to be with her, though?" The DJ thought about that question. The answer was almost too easy considering that they were talking about a life-altering decision, about the future, about love. These things shouldn't be decided in a heartbeat, but Beca knew there wasn't really a choice. It was like Cynthia Rose had said: you had to be yourself. And the person Beca was going to be from now on wanted to be with Chloe.
"Yes, I do. I... I'm in love with her, too," she looked up at Aubrey and her friend smiled.
"Good for you," she said. "But this will make it more difficult for Chloe to go to Chicago."
"If she has already turned the job down..."
"Well, I hope that if she calls Davidson again - today, ideally - and tells him that she had made a mistake that he will still take her on. This is her dream, Beca, the one job she had worked for for three years. She has to take it - she wants to take it. She just doesn't want to leave you," Aubrey explained. Beca nodded, she knew how much this job meant to Chloe. But she also knew that Chloe didn't just want to stay for her. She also wanted to stay for the other Bellas, she loved her friends. And she was afraid that she would be lonely without them - as lonely as she had been when she went to be with her family this summer.
"I'll talk to her about it," the brunette promised.
"Good. You're gonna see her later?" Beca nodded.
"Yeah, but first I'm going to talk to Jesse."
"Tough day, huh?" The DJ smiled but it looked pained.
"Tell me about it," she said and they got up off the bench and resumed their leasurely walk around campus until Beca left to see her ex.
