Sorry for the delay. Like has been busy and my mojo has been deep in the toilet. I'm going to do my best to bust our some chaps and then hopefully complete this baby sooner than later.


Chap 11

Warmth surrounded me. I was safe. Well, at least I felt that way. I felt completely safe in myself. I felt right. I felt pure. I felt perfect.

Coming down had never felt this good before in my entire life. I tried to focus to see what was making everything feel perfect. Whatever it was, I wanted it to never leave.

The warmth got closer around me, completely enveloping me.

My eyes struggled and lashes fluttered and then it was clear. He was there.

Edward.

His arms wrapped tight around my body. His leg draped over mine. Our bodies were completely tangled together.

Why was he still here? Why did he stay? I closed my eyes and tried to remember what all happened before I passed out.

At least I thought I passed out. Maybe I didn't, who knew.

Well, Edward did.

I thought about what happened and I knew that nothing happened.

Maybe if I had been sober. Maybe if I wasn't me. Maybe if we hadn't met after I tried to kill myself. Maybe if it was another life, something could have happened.

I could tell he would want it – maybe. That he would be willing – maybe. If only I wasn't me. If only I wasn't a drug addict.

It hurt in a place I had never felt before when he rejected me. A small part of me knew that he didn't actually reject me, but the rest of me felt like dirt. Like he didn't want any part of me.

Truth was, I felt him. I knew he wanted me, if only I wasn't me. If only I wasn't damaged. I could have had him, in any other situation. In any other place, I could have made him mine. He was the kind of guy I could have convinced me to take back to his place. He was the type of guy that I could have made mine – if only I wasn't me.

I lay next to him. Trying to stay still. I didn't want to wake him, I didn't want him to move from where he was. Completely wrapped around me.

His chest rose and fell. His hold on me tightened and loosened as he slept. I wondered what he was dreaming about. I wondered if on a subconscious level he was thinking about me. If I was on his mind. I knew he probably wasn't. I knew for him I was probably a charity case; someone he felt the need to save.

I knew for him once I went home, or wherever I was to go once I was allowed to be discharged, I would be the past. I would be a success story for all he was concerned.

Part of me never wanted to go home if it meant I would lose him, but the other part of me wanted to go home so I could lose myself.

His arms tightened and his eyes fluttered open.

"Hey you." His voice was groggy. "How long have you been awake?" He released me from his hold and stretched.

My body ached to have his arms back around me.

"I, I don't know," I whispered.

"Well, it's been a bit that you have been asleep, so either way, I'm happy you are awake."

"Huh?"

"You've been sleeping for a few days. After we laid down together, Carlisle came in and set you up on an IV and some meds. I don't know, you just slept. Any time I would leave, you would shake and cry in your sleep, so I stayed."

"You've been laying here with me for days?" Dumbfounded didn't even begin to express my feelings.

"Yeah. Curled on this tiny bed too." He paused and looked closely at me. "Damn, I sound like such a freak. Well, I guess now that you are awake, I should be going, huh?"

"You don't have to," I whispered.

"Well thank you, but I probably should be. I'll be back later today or something, okay?"

I nodded, unable to speak. I didn't trust my voice. I wanted him to stay. I wanted him there with me. I wanted him to never leave.

DEMONS

"Isabella, we need to talk." Jane sat before me. Our chairs were face to face and our knees were just about touching.

I pulled my legs under myself, trying to create a bit of space between us.

"What about?"

"You got high in the bathroom here. You have a serious problem. You were near death with that move. If Alice hadn't come in when she did, you could have over dosed."

"No I couldn't have. I was out."

"Where did you get it from?"

"Don't worry about it." There was no way I would rat out Jake. I knew he wouldn't be able to deliver to me again, but I still wouldn't give anyone his name. I needed him once I got back out of here.

"I heard about the flower delivery. Was that a friend that brought those?"

Silence.

"We pulled the phone records for your room. Who was it that you called?"

Silence.

"Should I go ahead and call the number myself?"

Silence.

"Isabella, you have to talk to me."

"Actually, I don't have to talk to you. I don't want to talk to you. I think I'm ready to go back to my room." I was getting a little annoyed with her.

"Well, Bella, unfortunately, we will not be allowing you alone in your room at this time."

I stood up, suddenly aware that I could move on my own. That I was able to walk and run and I didn't have to stay here – not anymore.

"Jane, I'm leaving. I don't have to stay here. I don't want to stay here!" I yelled.

On two mildly steady feet, I walked out of the office and down the hall.

Dressed in hospital scrubs and slippers, I made my way around the halls, following signs to the exit.

I pushed the door open and the outside air suffocated me.

I hadn't had fresh air in months.

I wasn't sure where I was going to go, because it didn't matter. I was free.