Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly or anything related to iCarly. Or anything you recognize in this story.
A/N: Wow, this is a long one. Sorry for the wait to people who actually read this story. No excuses, I've just been lazy and had major writers block. I don't know what else to say, so... Happy Reading.
CHAPTER 11
I've been back in Seattle for almost two weeks now, and I've been on autopilot since. The thought of Jerika cheating on me was always running through my mind, making it hard to focus on anything else. I don't even remember getting up in the mornings and going to school. Everything snapped me back to reality when I was deep in thought and ran into a freaking pole and fell backwards on my ass.
"Dude, Shorty. What the hell's been up with you?" Rodney asked kneeling down beside me to help me sit up. I shook my head and blinked the images of stars out of my eyes.
"What you talkin' 'bout?" I asked when my vision cleared up.
"You've been outta it since you got back from LB." he explained. "and you won't tell anyone what happened when you were there." I took his offered hand and he pulled me up after he got up himself. I held on to my head as he helped brush the back of my legs off. I jumped a little when he accidentally slapped my ass.
"Jeez, coppin' a feel, huh? I know I'm cute, but damn, I'm injured here!" I said with a smile. He returned the smile and shook his head slowly.
"See, there you go again." the smile fell from my face and was replaced with a confused look.
"There I go again, what?"
"Shorty, every time someone asks you how your break was you either ignore them or change the subject."
"Nothin' happened aight?" I said softly after a few moments.
"Bullshit. Something must've happened for you to become so distant."
"Look, there are some things I'd like to keep to myself and think about before I tell other people." I defended.
"Well you should tell other people soon cuz the way you been acting has affected all of us."All of us? Who the hell is all of us? And how the hell have I been acting? "See, you don't even know what I'm talkin' about." he said at the confused look on my face. "You've been ignoring everyone since you got back. Sam and Carly have been down in the dumps since school started again."
"Okay, and why do you have to single those two out?" I asked, clearly confused.
"Cuz it's so obvious they both like you." I shook my head like I didn't believe him. "Seriously. You're so fuckin' blind sometimes."
"Whatever, cuhz. How can they both like me? They're best friends!" I pointed out.
"Your point is?" he asked, "it's not like they've never shared someone before." my eyebrows met in a deep frown. "You need to do your homework, Shorty. There's a lot you need to know."
"What the hell are you talkin' 'bout?" I asked. He explained all about the Shane incident to me. How they both liked and dated him then things got competitive and it all came down to who he would kiss first. I was laughing through out the story, but when it came time to hear about this Shane guy falling down eight stories in an elevator shaft, I got worried. I did not want to end up like that kid. "Cuh, that is so not good for my health." I said with wide eyes after Rodney finished the story.
"I know, right? So don't fuck with their emotions, or you'll end up like him. I heard he was still in recovery." he said while shaking his head solemnly.
"I'll keep that in mind." I said contemplating what I've just heard. "I think imma go to the nurses office, my head hurts." I said with a pout.
"Alright, but don't think you're getting away without telling me what really happened on break!" he called out to me when I started walking away. I just sighed and shook my head. There are good and bad things about having great friends who care; bad thing, they won't leave you alone until they know what's wrong with you; good thing, they actually care enough to bother you until they find out the truth. Gosh, I love that asshole.
--
It's about lunch time when I left the nurses office. My headache went away and my stomach was grumbling loudly. I made my way towards the cafeteria and was pleased to see that I was one of the first people there, usually there's a long line by the time I get there. I was even more delighted to see that my favorite school meal on was the menu today. Turkey and mashed potatoes with gravy. Yummy. I grabbed a dinner roll, two cartons of chocolate milk, and an apple juice. Oh, and a chocolate pudding cup, of course. Ahh, what a fine meal.
After punching in my PIN number, I grabbed my brown box filled with food and made my way to the table that Rodney, Jonah, and I have claimed since I came to the school. I'm half way done with my main entrée when I get a whiff of a familiar scent. My hand, which was holding a spoonful of mashed potatoes, stopped in mid air as I looked around feverishly for the person who belonged to the smell.
"Carly!" I called out to her retreating form, "Come here." I said as she slowly turned around to face me. She slowly walked towards me and stopped about a foot away. The spoon dropped from my hand and in an instant I grabbed onto her wrist and pulled her close to me, her stomach was basically in my face and I was breathing her scent in.
"Uhh, Shorty?" I heard her voice, but I was too caught up in her scent to actually hear her. "Shorty!" she said a little more forcefully while shoving slightly at my shoulders. I shook from my dazed revere and pulled back from her, dropping my hands from her waist. When I looked up I noticed that she had a blush on her cheeks and a few students were staring at us. Jeez, I swear, people at this school have staring problems. "Uhh, not that I'm complaining... but what was that?" she asked quietly with raised eyebrows.
"Oh uhh, nothin'?" I said with a blush. "You uhh, smell good." Like my girlfriend, I thought to myself. "What are you wearin'?"
"Clothes...," she replied like it was obvious and I was stupid. I chuckled slightly and smiled up at her.
"No, I meant your perfume."
"Oh," she said understanding what I actually meant, "Cool Water for women." Yup, definitely the same thing Jerika uses. "Why?" she asked curiously.
"Nothin', just wonderin'... anyway, wanna sit with me?" I asked hopefully. That smell always got to me and I was missing Jerika, a lot. Ever since I got back from Long Beach we haven't talked much. Every time I called her she would say that she was busy and I felt crushed every single time. That scent, it always, always calmed me down, no matter what.
"Yeah, sure." Carly answered happily. When she sat down next to me, I scooted closer to her until our arms were basically brushing against each other every time one of us moved a little bit. I knew she noticed me scooting closer to her, but she didn't say anything, instead she shifted her body closer to mine and made small talk.
--
Sometime during the meal Rodney, Jonah, and Freddie sat across from us. I bet they were wondering why Carly and I were sitting so close, but I was too wrapped up in Carly's smell to really care about anything else.
Towards the end of lunch, I felt a rush of wind and the space on the bench to the left of me slightly bent down. When I looked over it was Sam and she looked flustered. Looking back through out the day, I didn't see her at all, this was the first time I saw her all day.
"Sup Sam." I greeted but she looked deep in thought, "Sam." I tried again, bumping shoulders with her. She slightly jumped and shook her head.
"Hey... guys." she said, finally acknowledging everyone at the table. She looked so troubled and I wanted to know what was wrong, so I moved away from Carly and scooted closer to Sam so I could speak low enough that only she could hear.
"Hey...," she looked over at me, "where've you been? Haven't seen you all day."
"I had some personal issues to deal with." she replied quietly, not looking into my eyes.
"Oh yeah?" she nodded her head. "Anything I can help with?" she shook her head. "If anyone's fuckin' with you, tell me. I'll handle 'em," I said playfully, but with a hint of seriousness in my tone.
"No, it's fine." she said with a wave of her hand. "and if anyone messes with me, I can handle them." she stated confidently. I smiled at the determined look on her face and turned back to my meal. I grabbed the chocolate pudding cup and turned back to face her.
"Here, take my puddin', puddin'," I drawled out, causing her to smile. She slowly reached her hand out and took the pudding cup with hesitant hands. "Don't trip, just take it," I assured her. I reached over the table and snatched Jonah's vanilla pudding cup then held it in front of her face, "I got another one."
"Hey! That's mine, asshole!" Jonah exclaimed like a five year old. I looked at him and held the pudding cup in front of me. I pulled the lid back all the way and stuck a finger in the pudding, I scooped out a finger full and put it in my mouth.
"Mine now, ya bish!" I taunted after I pulled the finger out of my mouth with a loud pop. Jonah just glared at me as everyone at the table started laughing.
As the laughter died down I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. When I took it out and looked at the display screen, it read that I got a new text message from Jerika. I felt my heart beat faster and my palms started to sweat. I was excited and happy, I hadn't heard from her in like two days, and if a text is all I'm going to get then I'll take it.
After I flipped my phone open, accepted the text, and read it, my whole demeanor changed in an instant.
"We need to talk. Call me when you're free."
Fuck, we need to talk. Those are four scary fucking words to use in a relationship. I snapped my phone shut and threw it on the table. Everyone got quiet but I was too caught up in my own world to notice. I placed my elbows on the table and cupped my face with my hands. After a few minutes of silence, I felt a warm hand running, unsurely, up and down the length of my back in a soothing motion.
"Are you okay?" I heard Carly ask softly. I shook my head as the scent of her perfume got into my nose. The smell that I couldn't get enough of was now a painful scent to breathe in. I couldn't take it anymore, I had to get out.
"Naw, I'm not cuhz." I said quickly. I stood up abruptly and gathered my things. "I'll see ya later." I quickly left the cafeteria and walked outside the school. I stopped near a huge oak tree and swung my fist at it hard, once, twice, three times... ten times and I heard a loud crack. I stopped myself mid swing and looked at my limp hand. My knuckles were tore up and it was covered in blood. I tried to move my fingers and barely succeeded, but I couldn't feel anything. My whole right hand was numb as fuck.
"Amanda." I continued to stare at my right hand and contemplated whether or not I should still attack a fucking tree. "Amanda." The tree never did anything to me before, but now it probably broke my hand. Fucking tree, I should cut you down! "Amanda!" I broke out of my internal battle and looked up, away from my hand, and towards Sam, who was yelling my name out like a crazy person.
"Huh?" I asked with a frown.
"Are you okay?" I tilted my head to the side slightly and thought about her question. It's funny, I was just comforting her not even ten minutes ago, and now she's here helping me.
"Yeah, I'm good." I said with a chuckle.
"Are you sure?" she asked, looking at my right hand. I followed her gaze and looked at my right hand too. I turned my attention back to her and shook my head slowly. "Looks bad. We should let the nurse take a look." I shook my head some more. "It could be broken." she reasoned.
"The nurses don't do shit." I said quietly. "They only look you over and then send you back to class. I don't feel like going back to class." I said with a frown, "I think imma dip out."
"I'll go with you." she said quickly. I looked at her with raised eye brows. "I got your phone." she said, lifting her right hand up and waving my phone in my face. "You left it on the table." she explained.
"Aight, whatever. Let's go." I said, leading us to my car. On the walk through the parking lot, I held my arm out behind me, gesturing for Sam to hand me my phone. When a few seconds passed by I turned my head to look behind me. Her gaze was shifting from my hands to my face, and she had a confused look on her face. "My phone." I simply stated.
"Oh." she said, placing said phone in my waiting hand, when realization dawned upon her. I think she was blushing, but couldn't be sure because she hung her head down and her curly blond hair made a curtain around her face. I just shook my head and continued walking to my car.
--
The drive to my house was relatively quiet, the only sound was from my stereo softly playing Tupac music. Tupac is the shit, hands down, he's one of the greatest rappers ever. He rapped about hardships and true shit happening in the hood. It's not only slanging drugs and fucking nigga's up if they talk shit about you, it's about a way of life and doing what you've gotta do to get by. Tupac understands, and he tells it like it is.
Pulling into my drive way, I turn off my ignition and pull my keys out, but stay seated. Sam takes my lead and doesn't move either. I shift my gaze to look at her and notice that she's suddenly very interested in staring intently at her hands while shuffling one thumb over the other quickly. I smile to myself and clear my throat to get her attention.
"C'mon, let's go inside." I said quietly. She nods and gathers her things in the space near her legs and gets out of the car. We walk across my lawn together in silence and she waits patiently as I unlock my front door. I step through the threshold and hold the door open until she walks in all the way. I throw my keys on the kitchen counter and said, "Make yourself at home. There's drinks in the fridge if you're thirsty, chips and cookies in the cabinets if you hungry, and the TV remote should be on the coffee table."
"Oh, okay." she said softly.
"No I'm serious, make yourself at home. I have all kinds of shit in this house." I said seriously, "there's ham in the fridge, too." I said with a smile.
"Okay, okay." she said with a wave of her hand, "Don't regret saying that after you find out all the food's gone." she laughed as she made her way to the living room and plopped down on my sofa. I watched as she casually kicked both of her feet on the table and slouched back into the cushions.
"At least take off your shoes," I tutted, "I do use that table to eat, you know."
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever." she waved me off, but bent down to take her shoes off and placed it to the side of the sofa. "There, is that better?" she asked with a roll of her eyes, getting comfortable again.
"Yeah, thanks." I said with a laugh. "Imma be in my room. I gotta make a phone call." I murmured. "You need anythin' before I go in there?" I asked.
"Yeah, get the remote for me." she demanded more than asked. I just raised my eyebrows at her and pointedly looked at the remote right next to her feet. "Well, are you gonna stand there all day or get it for me?" she asked annoyed. I just shook my head and made my way around the sofa to grab the remote. I was about to hand it to her when a plan formed in my head. I quickly yanked my hand back, causing her to look at me surprised, and turned the TV on. I turned to the PBS channel and Sesame Street was playing. I looked down at Sam, smirked, then walked away with the remote in hand. "Hey! I don't want to watch no puppets interacting with each other!" she cried out after me.
"Too bad!" I said loudly with a laugh before closing my bedroom door.
--
"Hello?" Jerika answered on the second ring.
"Hey...," I trailed off.
"How are you?" she asked.
"I think I broke my hand." I replied bluntly
"What? Why? How?" she questioned, concern laced in her voice.
"I got into a fight with a tree. It won." I said, voice dripping with sarcasm.
"Why?"
"I was pissed." I replied unemotionally.
"Why?"
"Cuz I know what you're 'bout to do."
"And what am I about to do?"
"Break up with me."
"No, not that!" she paused. "I just think we should take a break."
"Same shit."
"It's not. We're still together, just not officially."
"Same shit." I said through clenched teeth.
"I'm sorry."
"Just tell me one thing." There's a pause. "Is there another person?"
"No, there's not." she answered after a few moments of silence.
"Don't lie to me." I warned
"I'm not! I've been busy with school and work, how can I have time to cheat on you?" she asked like she couldn't believe me, "See, this is why we need a break. I don't want to have you keep thinking shit like this every time you call and I tell you I'm busy."
"So a break will stop me from thinkin' shit like this?" I asked incredulously.
"No, but it'll help me think about things more clearly."
"Like what?"
"Like if I really want a relationship with someone who's a thousand miles away and shit." she muttered
"We've been in this fucking relationship for almost two years! Why do you have to think 'bout it?" I asked, raising my voice.
"Because it hurts okay!?" she yelled, finally breaking. "Every time you say good-bye it fucking hurts. Every time you leave you take a part of me with you. And we don't know when we're gonna see each other again. I love talking on the phone with you and hearing about your day, but it's not enough, okay? I can't have a relationship based on technology. I need you here, with me, not a million fucking miles away!" she exclaimed quietly.
"But we said we were gonna make it work!" I croaked out softly.
"Obviously it's not working." she stated.
"Fuck it then," I murmured angrily.
"What?" she gasped, taken aback.
"FUCK IT THEN," I yelled. "You're right, it's not workin'. I'll save you the fuckin' trouble, cuz it's gonna happen one way or the other right? Might as well end it now."
"If that's what you want." she said, hurt.
"Of course that's not what I want!" I exclaimed. "I want you, I need you. I fuckin' love you Jerika. I fuckin' do. But you said yourself that this thing we have ain't workin' for us. If you can't get over this stupid fuckin' obstacle that's keepin' me from you physically, then it ain't worth it."
"It just hurts."
"Yeah, I know." I said, "But you're not the only one that's getting hurt. I hurt too, okay? If you want a break, I'll give it to you, as long as you want, all the space you need. But I'm warnin' you, I won't wait for you. I won't. I love you, but I'm not gonna hurt myself by waitin' for you."
"I understand... it's just... I don't know." she trailed off.
"Look," I sighed, completely exhausted now, "I don't wanna do this shit over the phone. What we have is too good to be ended over a phone call. Christmas is like a week and a half away. Why don't you fly here and we'll talk things out." I offered. "I'll pay for the ticket and everythin', you can leave whenever you want. Or stay until New Years cuz I was plannin' on throwin' a party anyways."
"Okay," she agreed after a few moments of thinking, "that sounds good."
"Aight cool." I sighed, "I'll call that flying agency in the East and you can pick your ticket up sometime this week. I'll call or somethin' and let you know."
"Okay." she said quietly.
"Imma go now. My home girl is out in the livin' room waitin' for me."
"Your home girl?" she asked indignantly.
"Yeah...," I trailed off, she stopped the tree from attacking me again." I said sarcastically.
"Oh, okay." she said, sounding relieved.
"Uh huh... I'll talk to you whenever then."
"Okay, bye. I—I love you"
"I love you too. Bye." I sighed and tossed the phone over my shoulders onto my bed. I fell flat onto my back with opened arms and felt like shit. I stayed in that position, staring at the ceiling until I heard a knock at my door. "It's unlocked, come in." I turned my head towards the door as Sam came in. She silently walked over to my bed and I pulled my hands to my side when she laid down next to me in the same position.
"You okay?" she asked slowly.
"You heard didn't you?" I asked, turning my head to look up at the ceiling again.
"Yeah, sorry." she apologized. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but you were talking pretty loud."
"Naw, it's cool." I assured her. "Let's go eat some ham. I'm hungry." I said, turning to her with a smile on her face.
"I ate it all." she admitted sheepishly.
"That's cool, I'll eat the chips then." She shook her head.
"I ate those all too."
"Cookies?" I asked hopefully. I started laughing after she shook her head again. "What didn't you eat?" I questioned.
"I didn't touch the beer."
"Thank you!" I said happily. "I could go for one right now."
"Do you regret telling me to make myself at home now?" she questioned uncertainly.
"Naw." I said with a smile. "You can't regret somethin' that makes you smile." I smiled even more when she looked the other way with a shy look on her face. "C'mon, lets go chill outside." I got up and off of my bed, offering her my good hand.
--
"Thanks." I said, after a couple hours of just chilling, watching TV, and playing some video games. Right now we're posted on my sofa, side by side, in the same position: slouched back on the sofa and legs propped up on the coffee table. I turned my head to look at her and saw that she had a confused look on her face.
"For what?"
"If you weren't here I'd probably be all depressed and drinkin' all the alcohol I have in this house." I admitted.
"No problem, Amanda. No problem." she said with a smile before returning her gaze to the television screen. I smiled at her for a few moments before returning my own gaze to the flat screen.
Maybe moving to Seattle was the greatest decision I've ever made all along.
A/N: Like I said: Wow, this was a long one. I promise drama in the next chapter. Wayyy more. Like so much more your head is gonna explode! Just kidding, but there will be drama in the next chapter. So uh, review. It makes me happy and encourages me to write more.
