Author's Note: So this update was going to be up on St. Patrick's Day but I got busy with work and school so it just didn't happen. Instead, it is going up today. Thank you to everyone who has added me and my stories to their favorite authors/stories or has reviewed this story. Enjoy this new chapter and remember to review and let me know what you think.

Disclaimers: Anything that is recognized is not mine. This is written from a complete love of the stories in the Chronicles of Narnia and no profit is being made and copyright infringement is not intended.

Spoilers: None as this takes place after any of the books and is just my interpretation of Susan as an adult. However, it is helpful to know what is in the stories or it may be a little confusing, particularly the Last Battle.

Susan POV

I sat there on the couch, reading my bible and listening to the radio. It had been a busy day and I still felt emotionally drained from the events of the day.

~Earlier that day~

I stood outside the graveyard, hesitating before I stepped into the cemetery and made my way up the green grass hillock to the headstones of my siblings. I stopped at each of my parents and friends headstones for a moment, just to pay my respects and leave a flower on each headstone, running my fingers over the cool stone which was engraved with each of their names and smiling sadly. After I did this, I made my way up to the top of the hillock, stopping in front of my siblings graves. I left each of them a flower, similar to the others and then kneeled in the grass and dirt like I had done so many times before.

"Peter, I'm sorry for what I thought about you yesterday morning. I didn't mean it but I was just so upset over the thought of losing each of you. I'm not sure I'm ready to let go of you and move on completely. It scares me because I'm all on my own now and I realize that you aren't going to be here again ever," I started to say, looking at the headstone with Peter's name on it.

I then looked at Edmund's headstone and smiled sadly.

"I'm so sorry for forgetting about Narnia Ed. I never should have betrayed Narnia or you. I always prided myself on being better than that, on being the gentle queen of Narnia but those last few years after Peter and I left Narnia for good were really hard for me. It was easier just to bury the pain and hurt by lying to you and myself about Narnia ever even existing. But I think you always knew, even after we stopped speaking to one another," I said softly.

"Lucy, what is there to say? I loved each of you so much but you and I always had a special connection, especially when we ruled Narnia together. I'm so sorry for having disappointed you and doubting you. And I'm especially sorry for the things I said to you when we had that awful fight. I never meant to intentionally hurt any of you, least of all you but the words came out of my mouth before I could stop them and you have no idea how badly I want to take them back every day," I said, feeling the tears finally slide down my cheeks.

I didn't bother to wipe them away, instead just letting the breeze dry them as they slid down my face, which was flushed from the breeze blowing over my face. I tried to collect myself and straightened my shoulders but it didn't do any good and so I finally let out a strangled cry of grief and just began to sob. I was so caught up in my grief and tears that I didn't hear anyone come up behind me and I jumped when I felt a hand on my shoulder. My eyes flew open in shock and I stood up, quickly whirling around to see the last person I expected to see standing there. I stood there, my eyes wide in shock as I stared at James, who was frowning at me as he stared into my red, puffy eyes.

"Susan, I didn't expect to see you here," he said, forcing a smile onto his face as I backed away from him and right into the tree that sat behind the three headstones.

I continued to stand there, staring at him in wide eyed shock for another full minute before I managed to wipe the tearstains off my face and really look at him. I saw the smile soften and his eyes shone with love and concern.

"I'm sorry I interrupted your privacy. I'll just go," he said, turning to leave.

Before I could stop myself, I hurried forward and grabbed his sleeve to stop him from going anywhere. He looked over at me when I did.

"Please don't go. Some company would be very nice right now," I said, looking down at my feet as I said it and feeling my face flush in embarrassment that he had caught me crying again.

James simply nodded and I let go of his sleeve, allowing him to take my hand instead and interlace our fingers together. I looked back at each of the headstones and felt a few more tears slide down my face.

"Why don't we go back to my study and have a cup of tea and talk things over?" James said after another minute of us just standing there.

"How much did you hear?" I asked, not turning around to look at him.

"I heard you saying something about an argument with your sister," he said.

I nodded and turned to look at him.

"Perhaps you're right. I can explain what happened the day my siblings died," I said softly.

I gave one last look at the headstones before wiping what were left of the tears off my cheeks and allowing James to lead me out of the cemetery and down the street to the little stone church.

~Ten Minutes Later~

"Here you go," James said with a smile, handing me a cup of tea.

I took the cup with a smile and took a small sip of the tea, sighing deeply as I felt the warmth of the tea help to calm my nerves and frazzled emotions. James made a second cup of tea for himself and then sat down beside me on the small settee in the corner of the small office.

"Now what happened between you and your sister?" he asked gently.

I set the teacup down on the saucer, which I set on the small table behind me, taking another deep breath to calm myself before I began speaking.

"On…..on the day my siblings died, I got into a horrible argument with them. My sister Lucy, she's…..she's always had the most faith about everything. She always believed that we each had a fantastic destiny. Well, when we were younger Lucy and I used to be queens of a magical place. However, when we grew up, I lost my faith in everything," I said softly, looking down at my hands in my lap.

James reached over and grabbed one of my hands, squeezing it lightly and causing me to smile at the comfort of the gesture.

"Lucy, Peter and Edmund all three tried to convince me to come with them on the train trip to meet with the others, mostly to discuss old times and reminisce about each of our lives in that magical land we had ruled as children. I told them that they were all being foolish and behaving like children continuing on in their fantasies of a game we played as children. Peter just shook his head at me and walked away but Lucy and Edmund continued to try and convince me to come with them. Edmund finally asked me point blank if I remembered anything about our time in that place as children and I knew that Lucy was paying attention to and hanging on my answer to his question. Rather than answering truthfully, I thought it would be better to end them asking me at all by hurting them deeply, especially Lucy so I told him that I didn't believe any of it and that he and Lucy were both acting like selfish children who didn't know how to and would not grow up. When I looked at Edmund, I saw him shaking his head sadly and Lucy burst into tears before running down the stairs to find Peter and I turned and slammed the door shut in Edmund's face. They all three got on that train later that afternoon and…..and I never saw any of them again," I said, the tears returning and sliding down my face.

I went to wipe them away from my face but James placed his fingers under my chin and lifted my face so I was looking at him before he ran his thumb over my cheek, wiping away the tears sliding down my face. After he wiped the tears away, he leaned closer and kissed me lightly on the lips before he let me go and smiled at me.

"It seems to me that you have found some forgiveness from them in the last few months," he said softly.

"How can you say that?" I asked angrily.

"You don't believe it?" he asked me evenly.

I shook my head at him and looked down at my hands again.

"I can't believe that until I see them again. My dreams tell me that they are happy where they are now but I don't believe it because they aren't here for me to make amends," I said softly.

"Susan, you've made amends simply by making the changes in yourself that you have. You told me when we first met that you were interested only in cosmetics, stockings, dresses and parties with fashionable people however, I haven't seen that in you at all. What I have seen is a loving, kind, caring young woman who puts others before herself and works her hardest to live the life her family wanted her to live. You have told both myself and Hannah on several occasions that the dreams you have are of your siblings telling you to be happy and it seems to me that because they are your family they would want that for you whether they were still here or not. They loved you regardless of how you treated one another because they were your family. Families fight, that is just to be expected, especially siblings but it doesn't mean that you or they loved one another any less," James said.

I felt the tears sliding down my face again and I nodded before he pulled me into his arms for a hug as I began to sob freely once again. We sat there like that, me sobbing into his shirt and him rocking me back and forth as he stroked my hair until the sobs finally quieted to occasional sniffles.

"I should go," I said softly, pulling away from him.

"Will you be alright?" he asked.

I nodded as I stood up from the settee, brushing my hair away from my face and straightening my clothes as I did.

"I'll be fine. I just need to go back to my flat and think about everything," I said softly.

James stood up and nodded, smiling at me slightly. I could see the hurt and disappointment in his eyes at us not going out that evening together but I knew I was doing the right thing by going back to my flat and just being alone. I still needed to have a proper cry and I could only do that alone, in the privacy of my flat where I could completely let my guard down.

"I'll call you tomorrow then," he said.

I smiled and nodded before leaning closer and kissing him lightly on the cheek.

"Thank you James, for being so understanding," I said.

He just nodded and blushed slightly at the compliment before I turned and let myself out of the office, closing the door behind myself as I left.

Okay, so I was rewatching LWW while I was typing this and so it got to be much longer than I intended originally. The creativity just sort of hit me and the words flowed out onto the paper so I had no real control over it. Anyway, let me know what you think and enjoy it. I may get another chapter posted tonight as I am feeling ultra inspired right now. :)