The Detention Diaries
Chapter Eleven: Ouch

Shizuka

I finally know how Mitsui and Miyagi felt that day. All this make-up is driving me insane. My face feels like it's about to crack, and I look like a Goth with jet-black eyeliner.

What is this, Halloween?

Well, I guess I should be thankful they didn't heap on too much blusher. I don't want to look like a China doll, thank you very much.

Sendoh

I'm not sure if I picked the right person for the job. I was simply hopping mad – except I didn't hop – so I just randomly picked someone to get Mary Sue out of the way. I remembered she was the poor, smelly girl that was made victim to Mary Sue, so I suppose that played a part. Let us, the long-suffering victims of Mary Sue-ism, unite!

I flashed her one of my million-dollar grins.

She smiled back at me stiffly, her smile resembling cracks on a stone. She reminded me of the sphinxes in Egypt.

I don't think I picked the right person.

Shizuka

After the make-up was done, they shooed me off to the changing rooms to change. There was just one problem – they didn't give me anything to change into.

"Oh, of course! How stupid of us. Come now, this way," The Producers whisked me off to where the wardrobes were.

Sendoh

"Sendoh! What d'you think if she wears this?" the producers called.

Shizuka was wearing a halter sort of dress. Her shoulders were waaay too broad. Not nice.

Shizuka was wearing a skin-tight dress ending way above the knee. Her thighs were waaay too muscular. Not nice.

Shizuka was wearing a short-sleeved, knee-length dress. Although she had stocky arms, I thought that this was the best outfit among the three. She would wear this one, then.

I couldn't help but notice that when she walked, her leg muscles became very apparent. Her legs were slim, but when she walked, the muscles sort of, like, bulged out like the eyes of a bullfrog. Scary.

Shizuka

Shoulders too broad. Thighs too muscular.

Did that stupid, smiling idiot have to criticize everything?

Ayako

"Ayako-san!" A sweet, female voice rang out. I turned round.

"Haruko-chan!"

Haruko beamed at me. "You're here too?"

"Yep, Sakuragi gave me a ticket," I replied.

"Sakuragi-kun gave me one too! It's so exciting, ne? I wonder what they're going to perform,"

"You can sit here, beside me," I pointed to the seat between Rukawa and I and winked. She went red at once.

"Really? Thank you…"

Haruko made her way to the seat and dropped down delicately, blushing furiously the whole time. 

Rukawa

Gori's sister is sitting beside me. She's the one that's crazy about me, I know. I know! People always think I'm a blockhead, that I don't know what's going on. But in reality, they are the blockheads for thinking I am a blockhead.

I think there's one right beside me now.

Hmmm. All this is very fishy. Why did Shizuka get me here just to let Haruko get near me? Is she trying to be the matchmaker, or something?

That's enough thinking for now. Zzzz…

// Welcome, every ONE!!!! to the Kanagawa High Schools' Charity Concert! //

I woke up with a jerk. The PA system had gone cranky, so that "ONE!!!!" was extremely high-pitched and eardrum-destructive.

Why did I ever come to this shit?

// And now, your hosts – Akira Sendoh and Shizuka TenDOU!!!! //

I raised an eyebrow. Sendoh and Shizuka? So Shizuka was trying to set me up with Haruko while she went off with Sendoh. Was it like that?

I felt a little uneasy. Shizuka was clinging on to Sendoh like he was her everything. How romantic – even their names rhymed – Sendoh and Tendou.

I rolled my eyes.

Shizuka

I don't know how to walk in heels; I don't want to fall down on stage…

So I clung on to Sendoh for dear life.

"What's the matter with you?" He hissed.

"I can't walk in heels," I hissed back. "Be helpful!"

I peered down at the audience, and found Ayako with just a little difficulty. I owed her an explanation. Next to her was Haruko, and next to Haruko was…

OH. So it's really like that... I see now, I do.

I could almost imagine what she would be whispering into his ear a minute later.

"Rukawa… your snores are as melodious as Beethoven's 9th symphony…"

And perhaps…

"Rukawa… your drool is like the water running from a river, as clear as an unmuddied lake, as clear as an azure sky of deepest summer…" *

Sendoh cleared his throat, and I chucked all ridiculous thoughts out of my mind.

"Well, well, ladies and gentlemen. You're in for an entertaining ride! Am I right, Shizuka?" He said theatrically.

Shucks, what am I supposed to say?

"Right you are," I tried to sound as witty as possible.

There was a brief moment's pause.

"You're supposed to introduce the programs, idiot!" He whispered without moving his lips too much, maintaining a smile.

"Umm, first off we have, uhh –" I broke off awkwardly, forgetting who was slated to perform first.

This was turning out to be a major catastrophe – it was supposed to be my stage debut, my passport to fame…

"We have Ryonan High to perform the Shakespeare classic, Romeo and Juliet!" Sendoh saved my ass.

With that announcement, we walked to the backstage as the curtains rose.

"You are suppose to be witty," Sendoh told me. "Witty." He said again.

Wittiness. How can that be achieved…?

Shizuka's imagination

Ten Shizukas stood in a circle, with Sendoh in the middle.

"Wit! C'mon, wit!!" He cried.

Shizukas start clapping and stomping their feet, moving in a circular motion.

"Oom, pa pa! Oom, pa pa! Come, wit, come!! May God bestow upon us the gift of wittiness!!"

/end of imagination

I rolled my eyes.

"Oh!" I said after about 20 minutes had elapsed. "Juliet's dying!"

And before I knew it, I was back on the dizzy heights of the stage.

"Next up is a performance by Shohoku High." Sendoh paused, indicating my turn to speak.

Go, Shizuka! Go, my dear witty wits, go!

BE WITTY!!!

I inhaled deeply.

"Their play is respectively dedicated to the masters of fantasy and storytelling – Hans Christian Anderson, the Brothers Grimm…" I paused, not knowing what to say next. An idea suddenly sprung up to my mind.

"And any politician of your choice." I added.

The audience laughed heartily.

"Let's welcome Shohoku High, with their adaptation of Little Red Riding Hood!" Sendoh finished, and we walked away.

"Witty enough for you?" I snarled.

"Yes, I think so," He grinned.

I'd love to see Rukawa grin like that.

Oh wait, what am I thinking? He probably thinks himself too handsome to smile.

Miyagi

I peered into the mirror with immense satisfaction. With all the heavy make-up and costumes, nobody would be able to tell it was I, manly Miyagi! Surely, no one could tell. Even Shizuka couldn't the other day.

Mitsui

I never knew Miyagi was such a prissy vain pot. All throughout the day he was fussing about the state of his make-up, and stuff like that. And now he's admiring himself in the mirror.

He'll be announcing his sex change anytime soon.

"Oi, Miyagi!" I called. "You're to go out on stage now, you bozo."

With one last, satisfied glance into the mirror, he left for the stage.

Ayako

So they're performing Little Red Riding Hood. How… childishly amusing.

Rukawa

Little Red Riding Hood trotted onto the stage. I thanked the Heavens inwardly for giving me a doctor for an uncle, if not that cloaked thing on stage would have been me…

Phew.

Ayako

That Little Red Riding Hood… she reminds me of someone. She looks suspiciously like… like…

I can't tell!!

Just someone I know…

Oh, there's Mitsui as the granny, I think. And there's Youhei as the wolf.

Little Red Riding Hood: Oh, what big ears you have!

And that voice… though it's distorted to become a little high-pitched…

WHO?

Sakuragi

Finally, it's my turn to go on stage!! Nyahahahaa!! Tonight the world will know the prowess of super tensai's acting skills!!

I burst onto stage.

"Do I find you here, old sinner! I have long sought you!!" I boomed.

Youhei

That idiot! Does he really need to yell his guts out? My ears hurt!

After all the performances

Miyagi

Hah! I bet nobody could recognize me up there!

"Why looking so smug, Miyagi?" Mitsui asked flatly.

I smirked and verbally repeated my sentiment. Mitsui raised an eyebrow.

"Oh?" His tone totally wiped the smirk off my face.

"You aren't going to tell everyone, are you?" I croaked.

"You can count on me," he said, putting an arm round my shoulder, "but I'm not sure about them," he pointed in Sakuragi's direction.

Oh!

Rukawa

// And now, ladies and gentlemen, the awards for tonight! //

Shizuka and Sendoh re-appeared on stage. I swear, the sight of them made me sick.

Or was it the sight of them together?

I quickly re-organized my thoughts. It isn't my business if they're seeing each other. No.

In fact, who bloody cares? Not me.

Mitsui

Awards? They never mentioned anything about awards.

"And the best play for tonight goes to…"

I could hear Shizuka's voice from backstage. Funny, how she came to be the host.

"Antony and Cleopatra! Kainan!!"

Kiyota fought off the whole cast from Kainan to scramble eagerly (and successfully) to receive the prize. He returned a minute later, delightfully showing off the award to Sakuragi.

"And the best actress award goes to… Miaka Onno of Ryonan!"

That was the girl that played Juliet. Romeo was Koshino.

"The best actor of tonight is…" Came Sendoh's voice. Sakuragi was already making his way towards the stage.

"LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD! Ryota Miyagi of Shohoku High!!"

My jaw dropped.

Miyagi

My jaw dropped. Me? Best actor?

All my efforts gone to waste!! Everyone now knows that Little Red Riding Hood was me! Argh!!

Mitsui

MWAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!

Miyagi went up on stage, received his prize and darted quickly back down, all the while covering his face with the hood.

Poor Miyagi!

Nyahahahaaa!!

Ayako

Oh! So that's why I found Little Red Riding Hood so familiar! It's Miyagi! Haha!!

Buffet

Rukawa

"Umm… Rukawa-kun?"

Gori's sister began tentatively. She was as red as a potato. No, wait. It's tomatoes that are red, right?

"What?" I snapped.

"Y-you want to join us at the buffet?"

"No." I said coldly, and walked off. Just then, I saw Shizuka and Sendoh walking towards the buffet tables. Shizuka was, again, clinging on to him like a baby koala to its mother. Mother Koala Sendoh. Haha.

It wasn't long before I realized my feet were carrying me to the buffet tables, too. I met Haruko and Ayako there. Shizuka and Sendoh were in front of us.

"Ne, Rukawa-kun! You're here!" Haruko said, delighted. Shizuka turned around.

"Oh, Sendoh-kun! Will you go over there with me?" Shizuka said, her voice sounding very artificial.

"Uhh, ok." Sendoh said, and walked away with her.

"Let's go." I blurted out the words, and dragged Haruko with me.

"Rukawa-kun…?" She said, bewildered.

We followed them close behind, and I tried to cut in front of them so that we'd be in front in the queue.

Suddenly, I felt something on my foot. It hurt. A LOT.

I looked down and saw Shizuka's heel digging into my Nike sports shoe. She removed them, looking very smug. I cannot tell you how much I loathed her at that very moment.

Why won't God just do the world a deed by ridding it of Shizuka Tendou? The world will be a better place... God will be in his Heaven, and all will be right in the world.

"We came first," She said.

I snorted, and walked away. Haruko immediately followed.

Shizuka

That imbecile of a pig! How dare he walk away!

I dragged Sendoh along quickly, trying to catch up with them.

"We came first," Rukawa snarled, and stamped his foot on my bare toes.

OUCH.

I dug my heel into his shoe.

Sendoh and Haruko

?

That night, in Rukawa's bedroom

Rukawa

I sat there on my mind, thinking, thinking.

I looked at my foot. There was a blue-black spot on it where Shizuka's damned heel had been.

Shizuka. What was her point, giving me that ticket? It made no sense at all, unless…

That's possible, of course. Who knows? She might be joining my fan club anytime soon. But I just can't picture her holding a flower in her hands and plucking off the petals one by one… he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, oh yipeee he loves me!

I shook my head. It can't be. And besides, I saw for myself how she's gone ga-ga over Sendoh.

"Sendoh-kun…"

Eeyuck.

I retrieved the fortune-teller's stone from under my pillow and stared at it. It was as though the stone was mocking me. Sendoh and Shizuka…

The next morning

Rukawa's housemaids

"Hey, would you look at that!"

"Isn't that Young Master's stone he forbade us to touch?"

"Yeah I think so… I think he threw it against the wall, look at the mark here!"

"And the stone, it's smashed to smithereens…"

**

Author's note:

[7.25pm] This fic was edited for funniness.

Short (and sucky) chapter, sorry. I've been a little low on confidence lately. Please tell me how you like this story, is it going okay so far? Do you like it? Do you want me to continue? * sniffs *

You know, I think I suck at writing romance stuff. I should've just stuck to humor. Argh.

Thank you for all your reviews, I really appreciate it. Hope ya'll will stick around for future chapters =)

* as clear as an unmuddied lake, as clear as an azure sky of deepest summer A Clockwork Orange

Replies (added at 7.24pm)

kkk: I guess I should've named her Sally Flu, huh? Ahehe =P

unchained: I'm glad you like it! I'm trying my utmost best not to make this love story unbelievable... and it's hard! I should've stuck to humor instead =X

mystika: Making people laugh is my business =D (sounded like an ad slogan, eh?) Please continue reading (and reviewing, of course. *cough*)!

sLL: Hey, that's an idea! Btw, hope you're happy... Kiyota got to go up on stage, hehe.

Rocky: I dunno, should they end up together?

Anime Sk8er Chic: I won't abandon this story, quit worrying =D I'm just a little nervous, though. I'm afraid there'll come a day when my fic ain't funny anymore =P

tensaispirai: I dunno! D'you think she knows?

kiwigal: No, no. Sendoh was just a little extra =)

metallic gene: Thanks, and please keep reading! ;D

a-sendoh07: Always the cockroach! Ya know, one day, all the fanfic authors should pay tribute to cockroaches for making their fic so pricelessly funny. There should be a cockroach day, or something. Hiak hiak.

cheers,
qian hui