A/N: And we're back to Quinn. I hope people like it, this turned into a monster chapter, I think it's the longest I've written so far.
Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to anything and I don't mean any offence, just playin'.
Book Tour
The tour promoting Quinns third book, 'Flowers for An', was going well. She didn't have to tour, so much was just done online now, webchats, magazine and newspaper interviews, blog interviews and Q&As, that it wasn't a necessity nor was it a money spinner for her publisher. While her books were successful Quinn knew she wasn't JK Rowling, her audiences were small, but Quinn preferred it that way. She only toured and travelled out to those smaller independent stores that she loves.
The current store she is in is a particular favourite, situated in San Francisco, Rachel had found it and brought her here when they'd come for Pride one year. Walls filled floor to ceiling with both new and second hand books, piles in front of the shelves where they'd run out of space, a little café out the back which had books crammed into it as well and a beautiful open courtyard that her and Rachel had spent a day lounging in the sun drinking coffee and reading.
Currently she was reading an excerpt from her book to the group of around 50 people who had come to the event. It was times like this she was glad for her drama training, she'd heard and seen a number of authors who stumbled or froze when reading aloud, or were dull and unanimated, sometimes completely killing any spark that their written words had prompted.
As she closed the book in her hands the audience clapped, the manager of the store standing to gain peoples' attention and quieten them down.
'Thank you Quinn that was wonderful. Now we'll move onto the question and answer section of the evening but, before we throw you to the lions here, I wanted to ask a couple of quick questions to get us started, if that's ok?'
'Of course.'
'Something that I noticed reading not just your new book but all three, was that they all seem to have this commonality of looking at relationships between people.'
'It's an accurate observation. I think how we interact with people and their interactions with us is really the central theme of everything that happens in our lives. When we start looking at how our relationship vary and work between different people, I-I just find it fascinating.
'In Flowers for An, the ending and the option for Jenny to continue her quest for enlightenment was left quite open ended, any chance of a sequel?'
'I don't have any plans to write a sequel but it's not something I would discount. Maybe later on in my career I'll feel the need to resolve things for Jenny, but right now I'm happy to let people imagine and make their own choices about what happens to her.'
'Ok, so let's open this up to the floor . . . yes sir.'
'I was wondering why you have really varied settings for your books, like there was the crime and mystery element to Laughing Madonna and Flowers for An I suppose you could call a romance, why not stick with one genre?'
'I suppose for me the settings are really secondary. Actually a more accurate explanation would be that they facilitate what we were just talking about, the interactions between people. Putting a group of people in a situation, like in Laughing Madonna, and having a series of murders take place just provided me with a setting, a focus, for me to explore those interactions. Also I don't read or enjoy just one type or genre of book and ultimately it's fun for me to write and work from different angles.'
As she finishes her answer hands are raised in the audience and the manager points towards a young woman near the front.
'Hi. Did you always want to be a writer?'
'You're what?!'
Quinn pulled the phone away from her ear at the exclamation.
'Rach listen to me it's just an option I'm looking at, I don't know if I'm going to go, I haven't even applied yet, you're supposed to be helping me work this out.'
'England! No, absolutely not, you're not going.'
'It's just the summer and it would be an amazing opportunity, how am I supposed to work out what I want if I don't try these things.'
'How can you not know what you want? You're nearly halfway through your degree Quinn, you're studying drama so act, stage manage, whatever, why are you looking at all these other options now?'
'Because I don't know what I want to do.'
'I don't understand, how can you not know?'
'Not all of us have known exactly what we want from life the moment we were born Rachel! Some of us don't have gifts and talents which dictate our career paths, some of us struggle and have no idea where they're going and just try and make it through each day without screwing up-'
'Quinn I-'
'No! You don't get a say in this, I rang you wanting to talk and to try and work this out but . . . agh fuck you Rachel. Fuck. You!'
Quinn hit end on her phone and threw it across the room onto her roommates empty bed. She heard the familiar ringtone which meant that Rachel was calling her, ignoring it she focused on a random spot in the room, balling her hands into fists and counted off the deep breaths she takes in an attempt to calm herself down. The ringing stops but then just as quickly starts again, not wanting to touch the device Quinn grabbed a pillow from her bed and flung it over the phone, muffling the sound in consideration of her neighbours as she picked up her gym bag and left the room.
At the other end of the phone an irate Rachel kept redialling, but as she pressed redial for the twelfth time she resigned herself to the fact that Quinn wasn't going to answer anytime soon. With a sigh she put her phone down on the counter in front of her and leaning on her elbows put her head in her hands. She knew she'd been selfish but so had Quinn, didn't it occur to her the impact that being abroad for the summer would have on her family and friends. Rachel didn't get it, finally getting to New York, being at NYADA and performing had only strengthened what she already knew she wanted to do with her life. Quinn seemed to be going in the opposite direction, interning last summer at a photography studio, picking and studying more random and varied classes. Surely doing something and not enjoying it helped you understand what you did want, didn't it?
It had been two days of silence and no contact when Rachel grabbed her overnight bag and metro pass and made the trip to New Haven.
Quinn was heading back to her dorm room from her afternoon classes. As she turned onto her corridor she saw a figure huddled outside her door, realising as she got closer that it was a Rachel Berry leaning against her door, ipod buds in her ears, cuddled around her backpack asleep. Quinn couldn't help but smile at the cute girl in front of her but also couldn't help the desire to tease her. Pulling her keys quietly out of her bag, she slowly pushed them into the lock, watching to make sure the click of the door unlocking didn't wake the girl, she then quickly twisted the handle and flung the door open, causing Rachel to fall backwards into the room jerking her awake in the process.
'What the . . . Quinn!'
The blonde couldn't help but laugh, despite the annoyed glare she was receiving from the sprawled out girl, as she stepped inside the room and closed the door. She knew it wasn't a good idea really, the last time they'd spoken they'd argued and this wasn't going to help the situation, but she just hadn't been able to resist and in truth she was still a little bit angry.
'It's not funny. I came here with good intentions and this is the welcome I get.'
'It was just too tempting.' Quinn shrugged as she held out a hand to help the girl up.
Once they were stood in front of each other silence fell over the room and the two girls simply stared each other down. Neither wanting to be the one to break the silence, it was a challenge now, and both could be too stubborn for their own good. After nearly five minutes Quinn relented slightly, shifting her weight as she folded her arms, her lips turning up slightly into a smirk.
'You know this is the point where you're supposed to offer to buy me a cup of coffee to apologise.'
'I'm getting there.'
'Really? You are aware that most places will start closing in a few hours.' Quinn looked at her watch for emphasis as Rachel let out a loud huff.
'Fine. Quinn do you want to go get a coffee and we-'
'And a muffin.'
Quinn saw the other girl bite the inside of her cheek.
'I'm sorry I reacted the way I did on the phone, do you want to get coffee and a muffin and we can talk about it?'
Teasing Rachel was always fun, and the easiest option, as Quinn pretended to be thinking about her answer, raising a finger and tapping it to her chin in 'fake' thought.
'Ok, I guess so.'
'How very gracious of you Quinn. Shall we?' Rachel raised a hand, gesturing towards the dorm room door. As Quinn turned she suddenly reached out and took the blondes hand, stopping her.
'Seriously, no messing around I am sorry for the way I acted, and we are going to talk about this, as in I'm going to be good and listen to you and you'll be good and listen to me, ok?'
Quinn took a moment, before she visibly relaxed, giving Rachel a small smile.
'Ok.'
'I had no idea what I wanted to do. It wasn't until my supervisor pushed me to send a manuscript to publishers after I graduated that I really thought of writing as a career option.'
'Quinn, you seem to have so many creative outlets aside from actually writing books. How do you keep it all together?'
'It's just part of the process for me. I've always done lots of different things at the same time, maybe that's why I couldn't decide on a career. In college I did quite varied, some would say random, modules. I was studying drama but I did stage management, dramaturgy, some english and psychology classes. I even spent a summer interning in a costume and props department.'
'What was that like?' The manager interjects.
'I really enjoyed it. It could be quite repetitive, lots of sewing and gluing, but at the same time you could walk in and it would be 'we need these three things by tonight' and you'd have three hours to find or make, a 1930s camera, a palm tree lamp and a green and white striped scarf.'
'Yes, lady in the red shirt.'
'I wondered were you never tempted to go into the theatre or acting? Your girlfriend Rachel works in theatre and tv, has she ever tried to sway you?'
'Not in so many words. It was an option, I enjoy acting, I enjoy all aspects of performing arts. I do help Rachel with learning lines and practice scenes with her, but I'm happy with how things are right now.'
'Hello, has Rachel read your books, what does she think of them?'
Quinn chuckles before responding.
'Yes Rachel reads everything I write and she's not shy about giving me her opinion. In fact she used to come into my study and read over my shoulder while I typed and would point out errors and such, until I banned her from the room. She's my best critic, aside from myself, but she's also my best support.'
Gayberry wats da sitch with ur woman? She jst txt me sum random shit.
Hi Rachel, I thnk u mite wanna call Quinn or smthng shes actin kinda strng Meghan xxxx
Rach I don't think Q is ok. San got weird txts an I rang but shes not picking up xBx
Rachel had just finished rehearsals for the day and had been surprised to find a number of texts and missed calls when she pulled her phone from her bag.
Santana, what do you mean? What did she say? Rxx
Ddnt make mch sense. Jst osrt it out Yentl.
Rachel rang Quinns phone continuously on her journey home but there was no answer. As she stepped inside her and Kurts apartment she pulled up Meghans number on her phone. Meghan was Quinns roommate, an improvement on some of the others Quinn had had in the past, she was actually quite sweet and more importantly sane. The girl answered and explained to Rachel that she was worried, Quinn hadn't really been sleeping for the last few days and was more stressed than usual about the project she had due. She didn't go into details but expressed her concern because she was going home for a few days and Quinn would be alone. Rachel thanked her and as she hung up the phone began packing.
Rachel reached Quinns dorm room and entered to find a dishevelled Quinn sat in the middle of the floor surrounded by paper, a mixture of piles and loose sheets fanned out and surrounded the girl. They ran almost like a river, a waterfall flowing from her desk where they were precariously piled, spilling onto the floor. They flowed up the walls, where Quinn had obviously taped them up and trailed over and covered the blondes bed.
Rachel took a deep breath as she put her bag down and closed the door.
'Quinn?'
The blonde looked up at her with a look of confusion, before giving her a quick smile and returning to look and riffle through the papers in front of her.
'Sweetheart, where's your phone?'
Quinns gaze didn't move up from the sea of papers.
'Erm . . . somewhere.'
Rachel glanced around the room, finally spying the device next to a pile of papers on the desk, seeing that it had been placed on silent and that there were a number of missed calls and text messages.
'Is everything ok? Meghan said you've not been sleeping, when was the last time you slept?'
'Slept when we spoke the other day.'
Rachel remembered the call it had been two days ago, they'd been talking planning their time together when Quinn would visit in two weeks, and Rachel had stayed on the phone until the other girl had fallen asleep and she could hear the blondes rhythmic exhales. It was Quinns final year and her time at college was all coming together in a final project that was consuming her time and energy. Rachel had graduated the previous year and had recently landed a major part in an off Broadway production, that was equally devouring everything. They were working hard at keeping everything together, regular texts, skype calls, but it was challenging and Rachel sighed, annoyed that she'd missed some of the signs that Quinn was struggling.
'Why are you here? You have rehearsals, is everything alright?'
'Everything's fine, they've given me a few days off and I wanted to see you, the girls were worried as well. You look pale, I know you've not been sleeping Quinn but what about food, when did you last eat?'
'Skittles.'
Rachel sighed in exasperation as she knelt down near the girl and began picking up loose papers, piling them together.
'No!'
'Quinn you can't possibly work like this or know where anything is in this mess, go take a shower and I'll sort it out or at least make a start.'
'No! Don't touch my stuff!'
Quinn reached out and snatched the papers from Rachel, hugging them tightly to her chest, continuing to look at the papers around her in search of something. Rachel sighed heavily again as she placed her hands on her hips, trying to keep calm at the other girls stubborn and childish actions.
'Stop being difficult. No arguments, this isn't negotiable Quinn. I'm telling you, give yourself a break, go and take a shower.'
'Excuse me.'
Quinn looks up now and meets her gaze, a spark of defiance in them. Rachel holds her breath for a moment realising her mistake, telling Quinn what to do is like setting off a fuse, as she quickly considers in her head how to deal with this. She reaches out to cup the girls face in her hands, one of Quinns hands releases its grip on the papers and swats a hand away, but the other finds its mark as Rachel runs a thumb over the blondes cheek.
'Ok, I get that wasn't the best course of action or way to phrase it but please don't fight me on this Quinn, you need a break.'
She can feel the girl relaxing under her touch, giving into her exhaustion, the brunettes thumb working back and forth across the skin of Quinns cheek as she watches the hazel eyes closing and the girl nuzzle into the familiar feel and touch of Rachels hand. They stay like that for a few moments before she moves her other hand up, uninterrupted this time and cups the girls face, coaxing her to open her eyes and meet hers.
'You need to stop and take a break.'
'There's so much to do.'
'I know, but right now you need to eat and sleep and let me look after you a little bit, ok?'
Quinn nods weakly.
'Ok. Now go shower.'
Rachel watches as the girl puts the papers she still grips down and stands taking out a towel and some sweats from a drawer before she leaves the dorm room. Once she's gone Rachel moves around the floor and the bed, putting all the papers into ordered neat piles, sketches, research, notes and outlines, red penned pages, next to the desk in the corner. Once the carpet and bed sheets are visible she goes through to the kitchen and sets about making sandwiches and drinks for the both of them.
As she returns to the dorm room with the drinks and food she walks in to find Quinn back from her shower, dressed in sweats and sat on the bed drying her hair.
'How are you feeling?'
Quinn stops her movements and looks up at Rachel. She looks more like herself now, some colour has returned to her face as she gives a weak smile.
'Better. I-I'm not . . .'
'I have food and I need you to drink this. All of it.'
Rachel hands the girl a sports drink, which Quinn begins to drink eagerly, as she places the sandwiches on the bedside table. She gets on the bed, placing a quick kiss to the wet blonde hair, before sitting with her back against the headboard and her legs stretched out in front of her, reaching over for her sandwich she catches the blondes gaze and motions with a nod of her head to the other plate.
'Eat.'
Quinn reaches out for the sandwich and takes a bite, moaning out loud at the taste of real food, of bacon.
'You cooked bacon?'
'I know it's not traditional in a BLT for the bacon to be hot but I think you need it and it seems to be the only thing of real substance either you or Meghan has in the fridge. I had to steal a little bit of peanut butter from one of you neighbours. We'll go shopping in the morning.'
'I love you.' Quinn says around a mouthful of food as she quickly finishes the sandwich and drink.
She lays down on the bed, turning towards Rachel and placing her head in the girls lap instantly feeling fingers begin to run through her hair. She can feel her eyelids growing heavy at the sensation, her breaths are becoming slower and more rhythmic, as she breaths in the familiar smell of Rachel, and reaching up a little she snakes a hand under the hem of the girls top to feel the warm soft skin above her hip.
'I love you too.'
'Who would you like to play Jenny if Flowers for An were made into a film?'
'That's a tough one. It's not something I've given a lot of thought to but I guess part of me is tempted to say someone like Emily Blunt but equally she could be someone more mature like Cate Blanchett perhaps.'
'Do you base any of your characters on real people?'
Quinn laughs.
'No, although my friend Santana is adamant for me to write her into one of my books one day.'
'Quinn, I noticed you always have at least one gay character in your books, which I think is commendable, but I have to be honest I think it's a shame that you make them so stereotypical and they have such predictable endings.'
'That's an interesting comment. I think with those characters if you take away their sexual orientation there is nothing stereotypical about them compared to any other character. If you take Micheal, for example, he's a promiscuous character and the fact that he's gay I can see where you're coming from but that's the character, that's what the story requires. If he wasn't gay he would still be promiscuous and in the story, but if he wasn't like that but was gay then his and Jennys paths would never cross.'
'So you don't think there's an element of stereotyping in your characters?'
'I have to disagree but more so on the fact that there's stereotypes in everything, it's human nature to group and categories things, to find commonalities and patterns. I can understand with certain groups that are considered a minority, like those who are gay, there can be stereotypical ideas, but if you look at classic gay literature you're right the storylines and outcomes are formulaic, stereotypical, but the characters, their personalities, how they deal with situations and interact with other characters is different, it's individual.'
The manager gives her a nod as she concludes and he looks back out to the audience.
'Right, ok, yes sir with the green jumper.'
'What book are you currently reading?'
'It's actually really fun when I'm on tour because even though I'm busy I actually get time to relax and just read for pleasure, rather than research. Plus being in so many book shops I can't help but pick up books. At the moment I've got an odd assortment with me, I've just finished 'By the open sea' by August Strindberg and I'm about to start some of the Ian Fleming James Bond books. A friend of mine gave me a couple after I revealed I'd never read them and he keeps harassing me about whether I've read them yet.'
'What are your thoughts so far?'
'Well I've only just started 'Casino Royale' but I'm enjoying it, I think when I finish I'll have to revisit the films, and 'By the open sea' was good, I love the naturalism works . . . but it's not a happy book.'
'I love your books but I absolutely adore the photography that you post on your blog. Do you ever worry that the blog will become bigger than your books?'
'The blog for me is just part of my process. It gives me another outlet and an opportunity to be creative in different ways but the completed book at the end is what I'm always striving for. If the blog becomes more popular than my books then so be it but it won't stop me writing them, the finished book is to me the apex, the coming together of everything in the way I want to express it. So it's not something I worry about.'
'Jenny is a horticulturalist, do you have any interest in plants and gardening at all?'
'Living in New York doesn't really provide many opportunities, or space for that matter. My abilities only extend to the small number of plants we have in the apartment that I manage to keep alive. Where I grew up in Ohio there was lots of agriculture and green space and I do miss it, we both do Rachel and I, but it's another great thing about living in New York being in this busy and densely populated space and then you walk into central park, the gardens of remembrance or the Brooklyn botanic gardens and it's like walking into another world of sorts. I spend quite a bit of time in the parks and gardens and Rachel is always bringing home flowers, I suppose it's what prompted the idea.'
The manager stands once again, dismissing the raised hands in the audience.
'I'm sorry folks but that is all we have time for, however, Quinn is going to hang around and sign copies of her book, but first if you can join me in thanking Quinn once again for being here.'
A/N2: Reviews and comments keep me sane, sort of.
That second flashback was so tough, it was really hard to articulate things and I had this huge issue because there was another flashback that would have worked so well there but I decided to go with this one but it was seriously a 50/50 decision, hopefully it's worked for the better.
I've actually somehow managed to get a little ahead of myself, which is handy because I have a load of training interviews coming up and I'm always an emotional wreck after them. It's only a few chapters, and I still have to edit them, but it means I'll post a new chapter weekly for the next month.
I should note that I am a complete book shop junkie and thankfully so is my partner. A day spent in a second hand book shop is a day well spent in my eyes. In fact it was one of the reasons for the delay in the Christmas chapter because we went to our favourite book shop and it was supposed to be a quick visit and instead we spent the whole afternoon there, not that either of us minded . . . ok the credit cards minded : -)
Spell/grammer checker and I regularly fall out. So much in fact that for many many years I have just kept a dictionary close by instead, this chapter for some reason caused a lot of disagreements.
