Chapter 11: What Now?
I hadn't seen Killian in almost eight months. He had left and given me nothing in return except silence. I didn't know if he was enjoying his new position as store manager or if he hated it. I didn't know if he was doing well or if he was ready to pull his hair out. I didn't know but I wanted to. Sure he had been in my store a couple times since he had gotten promoted to his own store, but he always just said hi in passing on his way to grab whatever he needed. He never sought me out or called me to check in and see how I was doing. It was almost as if I imagined our entire year-long friendship. I shouldn't have cared. Our relationship wasn't intended to mean anything. However, to me it did. Our lives had moved on and our paths no longer crossed. It happened all the time to people, it was a way of life, it should be normal.
That thought process is why I was surprised when Eric came up to me one day in the store and informed me that Killian needed help preparing his store for inventory and he had requested me to assist him.
Not wanting to reveal my true emotions I kept my face passive and told Eric it was no problem.
I had been to inventory preps before. Killian and I had done one together before. They were done overnight and they were quite long and tedious. Everything in the store had to be properly placed and organized, ready for the inventory team to scan it early the next morning. It wasn't rocket science, just time consuming.
Still eight hours overnight in a store with Killian excited me, even though it shouldn't have. Sure there would be other people there with us, but he had requested me to show up as well. That had to mean something right?
When I showed up at his store a few days later I was filled with uncertainty and excitement. How would Killian act in this unfamiliar setting? Would our relationship maintain the same level of comfort or would time have thrown a dagger in the middle of it forcing me to finally be able to move on? My heart should realistically want the second option.
Once I walked in I immediately spotted Killian standing up front working on a computer with his back facing me. It allowed me a moment to take in his appearance before having to be on my game, prepared for anything.
He was still so handsome. He grew more classically handsome as time moved on. His facial features were chiseled like those of a hero in a historical romance novel, so clearly defined and prominent. He still made my heart accelerate and sprung nerves throughout my body.
He must have sensed my presence for he turned around and his eyes met mine. He immediately smiled and I swore his eyes twinkled with delight.
"Hey Emma," he said casually and surprisingly walking up to me and embracing me with an one-armed hug. I smiled basking in our brief moment of contact.
"How's it going big shot?" I asked unable to keep the huge grin off my face, it really was great to see him again.
"Things are good, I'm trying to fix this store and make it more profitable, which unfortunately is taking quite a bit more time than I wanted it to. However, it's slowing moving in the right direction." He replied smiling still. I could tell he was proud. He really was born to lead in this environment.
"How about you? What's new at the store?" He asked.
My mind briefly thought of August but I decided not to bring up our newly formed friendship.
"Things are good, our soap opera still remains intact, although ratings are slightly down due to one of the main characters leaving for a different adventure." I teased him.
"Maybe I should start my own spinoff." He joked back.
"It wouldn't be as good as the original cast." I quickly responded.
He smiled again and said, "No it certainly wouldn't." His words contained what appeared to hold a stronger meaning then what was being discussed on the surface.
We paused our words but maintained eye contact for a few moments longer.
Soon we were interrupted by the rest of the prep crew and the work began. Killian gave me a tour of the store and spent quite a bit of time with me always working in the same area as I was. I was relieved that our connection was still present and hadn't appeared to have diminished in the slightest due to time or distance.
The night progressed one and Killian was his same self as he'd always been. He would tease me, occasionally throw a piece of stock at me or try to interrupt my counting. If I didn't know better I would say he was flirting with me. It was relaxing, we were surrounded by his new employees but I didn't know anyone. I broke out in my typical red blush from overstimulation and warmth. Killian was the one guy who always made my body react to him quite obviously. He never commented on it, but he had to see it appear on my skin every time he was around.
Killian walked off to go deal with a problem leaving me alone with one of his employees named John.
"We've never seen Killian like this before," John said with a look of surprise.
"Like what?" I asked busying myself with straightening the inventory in front of me.
"Relaxed, joking around, having fun. He's usually so serious and focused on business." John said, not in an accusatory tone, just an observant one.
The rest of the night those words stuck in my head. Even after saying goodbye to Killian that night and not hearing from him again for months, those words provided me comfort in knowing that even at first glance our relationship was obviously special and I had an effect on him.
I didn't sleep much that night. My mind wouldn't stop. Every moment and every conversation from the last couple days kept replaying in my head. My mind wasn't filed with regret, I was grateful for all of our brutally honest conversations we had had. But where did it leave me? Where did it leave us? Nothing had changed in reality. We would still leave this town and carry on in our separate lives. Was simply knowing that we had an amazing connection and undeniable attraction enough? How would I move forward? How could I maintain everything the same as before? Before I knew his feelings were reciprocated, before I knew everything I ever thought about us wasn't just in my head, before I knew the truth. Now I knew the potential we had. Eight years of a relationship with my fiancé that I had fought for, been through hell and back for, verses a relationship lasting almost just as long that was deep and meaningful always teetering on the thin line between friendship and something more.
I knew the events of the past few days were going to fuck with me for a long time, if not forever. I had broken so many barriers, confessed so many things, and went down so many paths I never thought I would go down. There was no going back, and to be honest I didn't want to go back. I had enjoyed every single conversation, every topic, every joke and every intense look. I wouldn't have changed a thing, not one second or one confession. Because I wasn't confessing to a stranger, I was confessing to Killian, the man who had become a permanent fixture in my life, and I wasn't confessing anything we both didn't already know. I was thrilled because I hadn't imagined our whole relationship in my head, I wasn't like every other girl to him. I was different.
I stayed in bed as long as I possibly could before getting up and getting ready. I skipped breakfast, I couldn't manage to eat with so much going on in my head. I wanted to freeze time. I didn't want to move forward but I knew I couldn't go backwards.
I slowly got ready, experiencing more of an emotional hangover than an actual alcohol hangover. My fiancé was still missing, he hadn't returned any of my multiple phone calls. It should have bugged me more then it did but in reality it just annoyed me.
I walked into our last class session before the closing ceremony at seven on the nose. I easily found a seat next to Graham.
"Damn Emma are you okay?" Graham asked me as soon as I sat down. I knew I looked pretty worn out I just didn't think it was that obvious.
"Yea I'm fine, just tired and Walsh is missing." I replied.
"I looked for you at breakfast and even asked Killian if you were okay because I knew you two were hanging out." Graham said.
"What did Killian say?" I asked trying to appear nonchalant but secretly curious about what Killian's response about me would be.
"He said he thought you would be fine, but he hadn't seen you yet." Graham answered.
"Yea, I'm good just tired." I repeated again not wanting to explain all the drama in my head to him.
"Granola bar?" Eric asked sitting down in the chair on the other side of me.
"God, you're the best." I replied quickly accepting his offer.
The class began then. I looked around knowing there was no way I was going to actually listen to what was being said in this frame of mind. I saw Killian sitting a few rows ahead of me with his district. He didn't turn to face me and I again began to wonder if this would be the day he ignored me and carried on as if nothing happened. I decided to concentrate on myself and not worry about him.
The next few hours passed by quickly and before I knew it I found myself standing in the long security line at the airport. I hadn't spoken to Killian all morning. It wasn't that I was ignoring him, I was just dealing with all my emotions and trying to sort them out before going home and dealing with the aftermath.
I felt his eyes on me. I knew they were his without even turning around. I did my best to try to keep my composure but I'm sure he could tell I was dying inside.
I must have been pretty obvious because as soon as he was through security he walked up to me at the gate.
"Are you okay?" He asked concerned.
"I'm great," I replied sarcastically.
"Want to grab some lunch before we board? We have time." Killian asked softly and I looked into his eyes for the first time all day. For once I saw emotion evident there, I'm sure his mind was going a mile a minute as well.
"Sure," I agreed and we walked down to the food court right by our gate. We got our food in silence, separately and then sat down at a table together.
Now after the dramatic few days we had both just had together you would've thought sitting together at lunch would be awkward. That we would both feel regret or guilt for pouring our souls out to each other. However it didn't, it surprisingly felt comfortable even though we were both obviously emotionally drained. Walsh had finally called me before leaving the hotel and even though I played it off to all my other friends that that what was bugging me, honestly it was the furthest things from my mind.
"I don't regret anything," Killian said to me looking me dead in the eye.
"I don't either," I replied honestly.
"Hell I'm happy we are at this point, now we can joke and flirt for years to come." He said before biting into his sandwich.
I wasn't sure if flirting and joking was good enough for me. I didn't come all this way to be back at square one, but I didn't have a solution. I was going to be married in a few months and he was going to carry on with his life with Milah. This angered and saddened me. We would both carry on as if nothing had happened. We would return home to our significant others and time would march on. How was I going to deal with what had happened mentally? It was hard enough letting him go the first and the second time, I didn't know if I had the mental strength to do it again.
The rest of our brief lunch was spent discussing what we had learned at the conference that we could take back to our stores and other unimportant drama that had occurred at the conference with others. We boarded the plane and ended up sitting next to each other since we were flying Southwest and you could pick your seats. Killian distracted me with meaningless chatter on takeoff since I explained to him how nervous flying made me. Once we were settled in the air I knew we were flying back to reality. Flying away from our confessional, back to the prying eyes in our lives. Reality came crashing down as we drew closer and closer to home. Now I had to deal with the repercussions alone…or so I thought.
Well their trip is over! What happens now that they've returned to reality? The story will be wrapping up soon with a HUGE surprise at the end. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all the reviews and follows, again this story is very very very special to me so I appreciate all of your feedback. What did you think?
