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Chapter 11
Shepard woke up slowly. She felt warm and safe. She hadn't slept that well in a really, really long time. She started to raise her hands above her head in a stretch, then froze, not daring to breath.
She looked slowly at the arm curled over her stomach, and followed it up to the face of the man sleeping beside her. Kaidan was laying on his side, his face sharing her pillow, breathing softly.
Shepard remembered holding tight to him, and telling him all about Mindoir and her parents. She had been so emotionally exhausted, she must have fallen asleep in his arms. She blushed with embarrassment. At least they both had all their clothes on.
She craned her head, looking past him to the clock.
"Shit!" She swore loudly. "Kaidan, wake up!" She shook him, and he shot straight up, his hair poking off the side of his head wildly, and a crease down the side of his face from the pillow.
As he looked around frantically, trying to get his bearings, she started to giggle. She couldn't help herself; he looked so funny, and his perfect hair was so wild. He looked like a confused hedgehog.
He whipped around to stare at her in disbelief as she blew into a full blown laughing fit, clutching her sides and wheezing.
"What the hell is so funny" He asked her, a smile creeping onto his face as he looked at her, bent over and laughing like a hyena.
"Your… Hair…" She wheezed, pointing at his head.
He felt around, and encountered the spikes on the side of his head. He muttered to himself while he tried to smooth them down, unsuccessfully.
"Here." Her laughing had subsided to the occasional snicker, and she reached over and patted down his unruly hair as best she could.
"We've got to get you out of here, people will be up for breakfast in 20 minutes."
"Shit Shepard. I'm sorry. I must have fallen asleep. I meant to go back down to the crew quarters once you were asleep, but you were laying on my arm and I didn't want to wake you. I'm sorry." His face was full of concern.
"Kaidan, it's fine." His face still looked troubled, and she felt the now familiar squeeze of her heart. He was so good. She knew he was worried about her reputation and the consequence of breaking regs.
She smiled at him, and he smiled in return, still looking a bit nervous.
She walked out of her quarters, and took a quick peek around. The coast looked clear.
"O.K, looks good." She stood at the edge of the wall leading into the Mess. She waved Kaidan forward, and he made a beeline for the showers.
She started to breathe a sigh of relief, which ended in a gulp as she turned around and came face to face with Joker.
He was staring at her, a doughnut raised halfway to his mouth, which was hanging open.
"Buh….Wha…" He gurgled, eyes darting wildly between her, and the direction Kaidan had just fled.
Shepard got right in his face, and he backed away hastily, waving his doughnut in defense. She advanced until he was backed into a corner.
"Not a word. Understand me, flight lieutenant?" She hissed at him.
"Yes ma'am. Not a word" He cowered.
She snatched the doughnut out of his hand, and retreated back to her cabin. She wouldn't have enjoyed the doughnut quite so much if she had noticed Garrus, standing off to the side, sipping his coffee. Watching quietly.
00oo00oo00
Joker pulled the Normandy into the dock at the Citadel. The Council had finally seen reason, and was massing a multi-species fleet to deal with Saren and the geth.
Its about freaking time Shepard grumbled to herself as she finished putting her hair into a tidy bun, and straightened her dress blues.
Liara had once again performed a mind meld with Shepard to get the information from the Prothean beacon on Virmire. This time it had actually been useful. Liara had been able to decipher that the needed to get to Ilos to locate the conduit.
Shepard went down to the airlock to wait for Garrus and Kaidan, who were coming with her to the council meeting.
Garrus was lounging casually against the wall when she arrived, and he gave her a decidedly sinister grin.
"So, how are you feeling Shepard?" he asked it casually, but there was something about his tone that made Shepard wary.
"I feel fine Garrus. Why?"
"Oh, I was just wondering if you were getting enough rest is all. I know how hard it was for you on Virmire, and wanted to make sure you were…sleeping ok."
Jane narrowed her eyes at him. He was looking at her with an innocent expression and he was positively oozing smugness.
She raised her finger and poked it into his armoured chest. "And why are you so interested in how I am sleeping Garrus?"
He buffed his talons on his armour, still looking smug. "I care about you Commander. Just wanted to make sure you aren't having any issues with… Distractions." He finished, giving her a slow wink as Kaidan came around the corner.
A blush crept up her neck and she glared at the Turian so ferociously Kaidan stopped short, head swiveling to look back and forth between them.
"Uh, Commander? Is everything ok?" He asked, taking a step closer to her so he was slightly between her and Garrus.
Gritting her teeth, she answered, "Oh I'm fine. Garrus here was just telling me that he wanted me to take over calibrating the guns for him."
Even if he does suspect something about Kaidan and I, that was totally worth it. Shepard thought as Garrus's mandibles flared wildly and he sputtered at her.
She shot him a triumphant grin, "Lets go meet Udina."
They reached the council chambers, and Earth's councillor was waiting for them impatiently.
The councillors and Udina congratulated her on gathering the information about Saren and confirmed that they had extra patrols and guards on the Citadel in case of an attack.
"You think a blockade is going to stop him? He could be on Ilos looking for the conduit right now! What are you doing about that?" Shepard was flabbergasted. After everything she had sent them, everything she and her team had been through; they thought that putting a few extra ships around the Citadel was going to be enough?
She tried to convince them of the danger, make them see that they had to get to Ilos and stop him.
Their response was to threaten her.
"You bastard! You're selling us out!" Kaidan exploded at Udina.
Jane was shocked, of all the people to lose their cool, Kaidan was the last one she would have expected.
Udina proceeded to lock down the Normandy, grounding them. He then dismissed them from council chambers and told them they were no longer needed.
Jane boiled with rage. That stupid, arrogant, prick! He thinks he can just play politics and the Reapers would just what? Go away?
They made their way back to the Normandy, and Shepard headed to her locker, intending to change so she could go beat the shit out of the heavy bag in the cargo bay.
She fumbled at the lock, but couldn't get it to open. "Son of a bitch!" She snarled, and smashed her hand into the locker. She heard soft footsteps behind her, and she knew it would be Kaidan.
The rage melted away, and was replaced by crushing disappointment.
After everything they had done, it still wasn't enough. She had failed, again.
She turned and slumped to the floor, leaning her back against the lockers.
"Commander are you alright? I'm sure there's a way to appeal. We are under Alliance authority after all, not the council." He was looking at her with concern, and she knew he was trying to help. Trying to stay positive.
"Official channels are closed. They were quite clear about that." She knew she sounded bitter, but she couldn't stop. The feeling of failure was a crushing weight on her shoulders.
Kaidan looked down at her, arching his eyebrow at her. "Closed. And we're supposed to accept that?"
His face became angry, and he stared at her furiously. "So where do you think the best view will be when the Reapers roll through? If we have to sit it out, we may as well get a good seat." He was breathing hard, and it was the closet she had seen him to loosing control.
His biotics flared briefly at his fingertips, and he clenched his hands into fists, his jaw tight with the effort to quell his rage. It was then Shepard realized that he cared just as much as her. It was a slap in the face to every member of the team. It was a kick in the gut at Ash's sacrifice.
"We are out of the game, for now. I need you to be there while I figure things out." She wanted him to understand that they all needed to stand together. She would make this right for them.
He blew out his breath, and pinched the bridge of his nose. After a moment he looked down at her again. "You know you can count on me, or any of the crew Commander" He said it in his best lieutenant voice.
Jane looked up at him, so straight and strong. The perfect Alliance soldier. She needed him to be strong, but not just as her lieutenant. She wanted him to be strong for her.
"C'mon Kaidan. I can get a salute from anyone on this ship." She hadn't meant for her voice to sound so frustrated, and she softened as she continued. "Sometimes, I need a shoulder."
Kaidan's face softened, and his eyes warmed as he met hers. "Yeah… I always leave a way out, you know that." He rubbed a hand across the back of his neck. His eyes met hers and a thrill stole through her at the intensity in them.
"I'm here for you. We're in a rough spot, and the last thing I want to do is muddy things." His voice might be saying be careful, but his eyes were definitely not. "Like it's all that clear to start with."
He took a deep breath and straightened up, every inch of his 6'2" frame filled with determination.
"Are we the pride of the fleet or not? Are we valued agents, or just peons?"
Jane sighed, happy he was determined to get the job done, but at the same time wishing he could be her Kaidan for a moment. The Kaidan who hugged her and told her she was brave and that he had feelings for her.
"You can't just pull out a good old fashioned 'it'll be alright,' can you?" She asked him, smiling wryly.
He looked slightly shocked for a moment, then chuckled. "It's that easy huh? Okay then. Everything will be fine, Shepard. You'll figure it out." He smiled at her, and she smiled back.
Her resolve was returning, and she knew she wouldn't be sitting this one out, Council be damned.
"That wasn't so hard no was it?" She teased Kaidan, purposefully trying to lighten the mood. She was going to round up the troops, and come up with some kind of plan.
Kaidan had a look on his face she hadn't really seen before. It was like he was gearing up to say something he was nervous about, and didn't know how to go about it.
"I could get used to it… I guess we have some down time to figure out what we are huh." He stepped closer and reached his hand down to help her up.
She reached out and took it, and when their hands met a spark flashed between them. Kaidan's biotics flared, and he pulled her harder than he meant to.
She rose from the ground fast, and was crushed up against his chest. His put his arm around her waist to steady her, and when she didn't pull away he left it there.
Jane met his amber gaze and could feel both of their hearts beating fast. She leaned in closer to him, and he tightened his arm around her waist. Their eyes were steady on each other and the moment stretched on. Their breath mingled together as they came closer, lips almost touching.
"Sorry to interrupt Commander. Got a message from Captain Anderson." Jokers voice came over the comm.
They stayed for the briefest of moments, then each took a step back, their eyes never breaking contact.
Shepard could have killed Joker.
"Are you spying on us Joker?" She asked it in a cold voice, and Kaidan rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.
"No Ma'am! Just knew you were on the ship and figured I'd pass the message on." The pilots voice was dripping with politeness, and Shepard knew he was probably worried she was gonna go up to the bridge and rip him a new one.
She sighed, and shrugged wryly at Kaidan as though to say 'Boy, don't we have the luck'. He gave her a strained smile in return.
"Give me the message."
Jokers voice came back across the comm, speaking in a rush. "The Captain said to meet him at that club, Flux. The one down on the wards."
She met Kaidan's eyes, and he stepped away. "I guess you better go then." His voice sounded full of regret, and Shepard knew that soon, they were going to have to sort out whatever it was between them.
"You're coming too Kaidan. If hitting a club to wallow in our misery is what Anderson has in mind, I want you wallowing with me."
Anderson had grabbed a table at the back away from the dance floor, and Shepard pulled up a chair and sat next to him. Wrex leaned against the wall, he had wanted to join when he overheard Shepard saying she was ready for a good stiff drink, and had tagged along.
Kaidan just stood shuffling a bit as though unsure of what to do. Shepard nudged another chair out for him with her foot. He sat next to her, clearly a little uneasy around Anderson.
"I'm glad you came Shepard. I heard what happened." Andersons voice was low, and she could hear the sympathy in his voice.
"They pulled me off the mission. Just like when they forced you to give up the Normandy." Her voice was bitter, and she signaled the waitress for a drink.
Anderson leaned forward, looking her dead in the eye. "I know you're pissed off right now." She snorted inelegantly 'you can say that again' She thought. "But you can't give up. They all think this is over…but we know its not. We have to go to Ilos. We have to stop Saren from using the Conduit." Anderson was staring hard at her, some unreadable emotion on his face.
"There is only one ship that can get me into the Terminus systems undetected, and she's grounded."
The waitress deposited a round of drinks on the table and Shepard downed hers, bitterness creeping up on her again.
"Ambassador Udina issued the lockdown order. If I can hack the computer in his office, maybe I can override it." Shepard recognized the look on Andersons face now. Recklessness. She just gaped at him, unable to form words.
"He's not just gonna let you waltz into his office and use his computer." Kaidan blurted out, then looked slightly sick as he realized he has just back talked someone willing to help them, who had a much higher rank than himself.
Anderson looked at her lieutenant with a slightly pitying look on his face. "Hopefully he wont be there. If he is…I'll just have to think of something."
Shepard's head whirled to look at Kaidan, who definitely looked panicked now, but couldn't seem to stop the flow of words spilling from his mouth.
"Udina wont let this slide Captain. You'll be charged with treason! A capital offense."
Anderson looked at him calmly. "We don't have a lot of options."
Shepard looked back and forth between Anderson who looked calm and resigned, and Kaidan who looked like he wished he was dead.
Anderson turned his calm face to her and said "You ready to get the hell off this station Commander?"
Jane stood, and triumphant smile spreading across her face. That bastard Udina was in for it now. She had seen Anderson in action, and once he started, the plan would not fail.
"Let's do it!" She grinned at her old Captain, who grinned back, then clasped her hand and brought her in for a chest bump.
While they hauled ass back to the Normandy she brought Joker up on the comm and got him to gather everyone in the debriefing room. There was no way she would steal an Alliance ship and commit treason and not tell her people. They deserved the choice.
Once they were all gathered, she looked at them gravely. "All right everyone. We are going to Ilos." She held up her hand for silence as they cheered. "But we aren't going as part of the Alliance."
Confusion ran through the team. Kaidan looked at her, and gave her a slight nod of encouragement, even though he still looked ill at the thought of betraying the council and the Alliance.
"Right now Captain Anderson is trying to break into Councillor Udina's office and break the grounding orders on the Normandy. Once he succeeds I am taking the ship and going to Ilos to find the Conduit and stop Saren. Once we do this, we are committing an act of treason, and may be prosecuted upon our return. Anyone who joins us also faces this risk."
She looked around the room, and met the eyes of the team that had stuck with her so far.
"Well I'll be coming Commander. There's no way in hell I would let anyone else take my baby… I mean the ship through the Mu relay." Joker stepped forward, face red.
"Yeah Shepard, how can you expect to take down a bad ass Turian, without another bad ass Turian watching your six?" Garrus rumbled, grinning at her.
One by one the team stepped forward until it was just Kaidan, leaning against a wall with his arms folded over his chest.
Everyone slowly turned to face him, and he looked at them all, confused. Garrus leaned over to him and whispered something. He flushed bright red and stepped forward quickly.
"Of course I am coming with you Shepard… I thought you'd just know." He trailed off lamely.
The iron bands that had been tightening around her chest every time someone other than Kaidan stepped forward released, and she breathed a sigh of relief. She knew how important his career with the Alliance was to him, and Jane had been sick with the thought he wouldn't be coming.
She smiled widely at him and said "Alright everyone, to your stations. Now its up to Anderson."
She followed Joker up to the Bridge and they waited for the docking mechanism to release.
Five minutes passed, then ten. Joker twisted in his chair to look at her, and she stomped down the fission of nervousness that Anderson wouldn't get it done.
With a flash of green light and a whoop from Joker, the docking clamps released.
"Let's go! Get us out of here Joker, now!" Jane spun and headed for the CIC, while Joker grinned and began punching commands to get them out of the dock.
Good luck Anderson, and thank you. Jane thought, heading for her cabin as they cleared the Citadel, and Joker hit the FTL drive.
