Chapter 11 – Think about it

It was only few minutes after the dawn when Hercules woke up. He was eager to continue talking with Xena. After getting her talk a little bit she had pulled back to her shell and been very quiet for the rest of the evening. He hoped they didn't move on too fast but at the moment he was happy of his success. Cyrene had told to him after Xena had gone sleeping that it had taken days to get Xena talk when she had arrived to Amphipolis few months earlier.

He hadn't met the older woman earlier but only half a day had shown him how gentle and friendly Xena's mother really was. It was a little bit funny to think that someone as vile as Xena had had a mother such gentle as Cyrene was. On the other hand everybody has a mother and father, even the meanest and evilest warlord's he knew had family somewhere behind them. He knew the story of Calisto, young farm girl whose family had been slain by Xena years ago. Xena still carried the guilt, probably for the rest of her life, but the story showed that even the gentlest person could end up being sanguinary monster if the faiths wanted it.

Slowly he washed his face and dressed to his normal outfit. Cyrene had generously given him a room without wanting any payment at all. She really hoped Hercules would help her daughter to stand up ones again. He had started the job Gabrielle had finished when he had helped Xena to give up being warlord. It had happened only two years ago but still it felt like it had happened a lifetime ago.

"Morning Cyrene!" Hercules called out when he stepped to the dining area. Room was almost full of people eating their breakfast. Tall demi-god wondered if all the people had stayed overnight because there was almost as much people as there had been last night. "Ah morning Hercules. Just a minute I will put these to the kitchen", the owner of the tavern called and disappeared to the kitchen. "May I help you somehow?" Hercules asked when Cyrene came back to the dining hall. "My principal is that my guests are guests. They are not working here so they don't have to do anything but sit and eat. Now you are my quest so please go to sit down and grab some breakfast." Cyrene smiled to him. She didn't look very stressed although the room was full of customers.

"Are you always this popular? I mean you must have all of the rooms booked." Hercules asked from the older woman when she brought him a tankard of water. "Actually only about half of these customers are night guests. Most of the people are town folks who are lazy enough to come here for their breakfast. It's been like this for years so for me it's practically a normal situation." She answered and grabbed an empty plate from the table behind her. "Just enjoy the atmosphere. Xena will hopefully wake up soon if you have planned something for her. I mean she has been so depressed that it would be good for her to do something different."

About an hour later Hercules was still waiting. Most of the people had gone but there was still some sleepyheads trying to eat their morning meal as quickly as possible. "Maybe you should go to knock her room. It's the fifth door from left at the second floor." Cyrene suggested when she noticed Hercules' worrying gaze. "She has changed her sleeping rhythm but I'm not allowing anybody to sleep all day long as far as I'm able to control it." Hercules smiled. He had seen the same determinate look on Xena's face millions of times. "Let her sleep if she wants to. It wasn't mentally easy for her to talk about the events in public." Hercules tried but Cyrene was strict. Tall warrior followed the older woman when she went to knock Xena's door.

"She has become lazy", tavern keeper murmured when her daughter didn't open the door. "Oh right I'm coming in!" She yelled and took her keys. As the owner of the place she had spare key to every room in the tavern.

When the door opened they found an empty room. "She is not here", Hercules stated the unfortunate truth. "Looks like. Weird, she must have woken very early or then she somehow used that closed window to get out. Otherwise I would have seen her leaving." Cyrene stepped to the room. Most of her daughter's belongings were where they had been. The Chakram was missing but her other weapons were on the shelf. "She can't be far. As far as I know her she goes nowhere without her sword, at least nowhere far." Cyrene murmured and picked up a withered flower from the floor. "Wonder what this is", she continued her monologue. "Does she do this often?" Hercules asked when his brains finally kicked back on. "Disappears? Well she hasn't done in in weeks but at the beginning she used to spent hours alone thinking as she called it. She will come back before the sunset. When exactly? Well, nobody knows. I guess at the moment even she doesn't know when she will come back."

"So you are not worried she has disappeared? I mean anything could happen to her now when she is depressed." Cyrene walked to the window and gazed out. "You really think some bandit could surprise her. I don't think so. She may not be herself at the moment but fighting is on her blood. She can take herself without really wanting it." She didn't look worried but inside she did feel fear. She was not sure what was happening inside her daughter's head. She had learned to hide her feeling very well. She had no idea if her daughter was planning suicide or just processing the yesterday.

"I guess you are right. Still, if you don't mind, I would like to go asking if someone has seen her. After yesterday I'm not sure what's happening inside her mind. She showed me some of her feeling but it's hard to know if there is also something else", Hercules decided and stepped back to the corridor. "Of course if you want but I'm sure if she didn't what to show herself to us then probably no-one has seen her. Trust me she is that good."

After asking almost everybody Hercules gave up. No-one hadn't either seen her or didn't care what she did. Most of the village still cared about her at least a bit but there were some that hated her very deeply, partly because of the warlord days partly because of Gabrielle. Though Gabrielle was not from Amphipolis villagers had fell in love with her stories and smile every time she had been in the village. The stories Cyrene didn't let people to tell in her tavern had spared faster than anybody could understand. Sadly Hercules understood that Joxer's work as an emissary of Gabrielle had worked better than Joxer could even imagine. The good and the respect people carried for Xena had disappeared faster that she had gain it. He knew how hard it had been for Xena to begin her life again after the change and he knew how much harder it would be now without Gabrielle helping her.

"Hey are you Hercules?" About 20-year-old man asked when he walked past a regular looking shop full of scrolls and paper supplies. "Depends who's asking", he answered gently. This was one of those days he was not so interest to be recognized at the street. "I'm Danius, the son of Atrius the scribe of Amphipolis. I've been reading stories of your accomplishments and I have to say I'm the huge fan of yours. My dream is to be a hero like you", the boy gabbled. "Hero uh? It's not so glory as it looks like when you read the scrolls. If I would be as young as you are I would probably follow my father's footsteps and continue his work", Hercules tried to calm down the eager man in front of him. "Your father is a god. Does that mean you want to be a god? I understood you don't want that much power." Hercules snorted. "No, I mean if I was you I would follow your father's footsteps and became a scribe."

It was Danius' time to snort. "I admit it is sometimes fun to copy scrolls and that kind of stuff but mostly it's very boring. You have no idea how monotonous it is to copy some law scrolls or statements to the king about some idiotic thing that doesn't even matter. The only job I found interesting is when you can copy hero stories and that kind of stuff. I've made dozens of your stories as well as Gabrielle's stories of Xena and so on. I just love heroes and the greater good stuff. You have no idea how excited I was when Xena gave as all of Gabrielle's scrolls to made copies of. I promised to help my father and the job is almost done. I mean it's not just a boring task, its adventure at the same moment. I need action and being hero is the only way I can satisfy my curiosity." He spoke so fast that even Hercules had troubles to follow.

"Yes but your life is secured. If you start travelling and looking for trouble there is a great risk to die." Hercules stated. He was used to kids like this one, the ones eager to be heroes. They didn't realize that they can be heroes just by staying home and helping the society. "Ye but if everybody would think like that then there would be heroes stopping wars and so on. You are professional as well as Xena. It's sad she is so depressed at the moment, I hope she can someday get over it."

"You know Xena?" Hercules queried. "Everybody knows Xena! Some people say she is pain in the ass but I think she is our village's national hero. Last night I didn't sleep at all because I was reading stories of her." Hercules smiled. It was good to hear that Xena had still some fans. "Sound like you are a big fan of Xena."

The youngster smiled. "Well yea. She is not so popular at the moment but I'm sure she will recover", he kicked the rock near his foot before continuing. "I know you are a friend of her so I dare telling this to you. I don't know why but she at the moment she got pretty raw mood swings. Yesterday when I saw her she was okay. Maybe little bit empty but at least she was doing something. Then today when I saw her early in the morning she looked totally different. I'm not sure what the difference was but it was there. Please I don't know if you are angry to her or something but please help her. She needs a friend. I've heard the stories of Gabrielle's dead but I don't believe them totally. There must be something else behind them than just some fit of rage."

"Ah so you didn't stop me because you are the big fan of me. You stopped me because you are a fan of Xena and you want me to help her get up and moving, right?" Hercules asked. He was relieved that someone was still standing behind her. It was also rewarding to hear he had seen her earlier. "I'm also a loyal fan of your but I have to admit Xena is totally the best. I stand behind her forever." His tone was strong and respectful. "She is good friend of mine and like you I'm worried too. I promise I will do everything to heal her soul. It would help me greatly if you could tell me where you saw her today. I've been looking for her but I can't found her."

"Well it's been time. It was early in the morning, long before the dawn. She headed to the mountains but trust me you should wait. I've been watching her for weeks now. She always comes back and it's impossible to track her in the woods", Danius answered. "Thank you very much. I will still try to track her down from the woods. Xena may be good but I'm a hunter. I've used to follow almost invisible tracks." Hercules stated. He knew Xena was impossible to track but maybe she left some mark now when she was not so careful. "Good luck for that!" The son of scribe yelled after him.

-.-

It was just as hard as Hercules had thought it would be. He found several begins but all of them were old, at least two days olds. He ended up running back and forth calling her friend. There were some moments he was sure he saw some shadow or movement but when he turned the nature looked untouched.

After several hours of ineffectual searching he decided to give up and head back to the tavern. He secretly wished that Xena would be back by now. "Hey Cyrene. Has Xena returned?" He questioned from the tavern keeper. "No, I haven't seen her after yesterday evening." The older woman handled the demi-god a tankard of ale and sat opposite Hercules. "I heard from a boy called Dinius, Dosius… I'm not sure about the name. He said he was the son of scribe…"

"You must mean Danius", Cyrene interrupted. "Yup, Danius was his name. Anyway he had seen Xena going to the woods. I tried to search her from there but it was impossible. I guess she knows that forest better than anyone." Cyrene chuckled. "Of course she does. You think she wouldn't know her own forest while she knows almost every other. She will come back. Even as a child she did that all the time. Okay in those times she tried to hunt something or play with the other kids but all the same. Just wait and make yourself comfortable." She turned to serve other customers and Hercules immersed himself in his thoughts.

At the moment he was living in the middle of the maybe biggest mess he had ever cut in. Gabrielle was dead, Xena totally collapsed and Joxer full of hate and fury. Then there were families and friends, both Xena's and Gabrielle's. Even though Cyrene never showed it, she was not pleased what had happened to Gabrielle. She knew the situation better than anyone. She had told to him Xena that after molding and triggering Xena she had been able to make Xena talk. It hadn't been a conversation like he had had last with Xena. It had been deeper in many perspectives. The connection between mother and daughter was always different. As much as you sometimes may hate the other you always make things up. In the end it's all about the selfless love. It is possible to make even deeper connection with someone else but that was rare, very rare.

Hercules was pulled back from his thoughts when the diner guests started to arrival. Like in the morning most of the customers were town folks. The key to popularity was cheap but tasty food and the atmosphere. Tavern was the place where they took care of their social lives after the tough day in the fields. There were other bars in Amphipolis as well but Cyrene's was the most popular but unlike in Cyrene's bar the others were full of gossip and derision of Xena. If someone did that in Cyrene's she threw they out faster than they were able to apologize. She was mother after all and everything she did she did to protect her daughter.

-.-

Xena didn't return until after the sunset. She regretted that she had talked so much with Hercules. He couldn't possible understand her or help her. She felt herself so weak when she had shared her problems with him. The only persons she opened up were her mother and Gabrielle. For her it was like showing where to hit to slay her. She had spent her day thinking like she had many times before that. Hercules had tried to look for her but she hadn't been interest to talk with him. Before she went back home she went to ask how long it would still take to finish copying the scrolls. She knew the scribe had also other jobs to do so it would take some time but some kind schedule relaxed her mind. It had been hard to leave the scrolls there. It had felt like she had left a big part of Gabrielle behind. When she was gone her items were the only thing that remind of her if the memories were not counted.

Most of the streets were tolerably empty. She walked past the tavern of twilight which was full of drunken farmers. Unlike her mother tavern, twilight didn't serve any food. It was only for drinking and that's why banned from children. The scribe's office was two blocks from there. She was not sure if it was still open because most of the shops weren't. Though she had met the scribe many times before, she didn't remember his name. There had been more important things that his name when she had last time years ago needed his services last time.

For her luck it was open. When she entered she noticed young man sitting at the desk. He was totally concentrated to his work but raised his gaze when she entered. "Hello", Xena began. "I'm looking for the older man who was here yesterday. Do you know where he is?" Boy raised his slim body from the chair and walked to the counter. "You mean dad? We went to pick up more scrolls from our storage. Is there something you need, I'm sure I can help you."

"Well yes, I was walking past your shop and I decided to come here to ask if you can give me some kind of schedule when the scrolls I ordered are ready. Not like I'm hurrying you or anything but those scrolls mean a lot for me." The boy smiled and walked that to his desk. "You mean the scrolls of your feats? Actually they are almost ready. I'm helping my dad so I don't think I will take so long anymore. I have to admit I'm your fan. I love stories of your exploits. They are so well written and so full of actions and feelings that I just have to get more and more and more", he praised.

They were interrupted by his father who entered the shop hands full of empty scrolls. "Good evening Xena. I didn't expect to found you in here. How may I serve you?" He walked behind the counter and placed the scrolls to the table. "I came to ask how long it about takes to finish the copying. Your son told me you are progressing faster than you thought." Scribe's smile widened. "Yes. My son decided to help me. He is a big fan of your and fast writer as well. With his help, I'm sure we are ready tomorrow. This has been one of the most pleasant tasks I've had in years. It is good variance for the endless piles for legal documents and divorce applications that most of my works are." Darius was proud that his father mentioned him for the warrior princess. He was full of joy when Xena gave him approving smile before turning back to his father. "Oh that is good to hear. I'm grateful for both of you are that you gave this job so big priority. I will be back tomorrow. Just say the price, I'm ready to pay as much as you need."

Few moments later Xena found herself in front of her mother's tavern. She had left before dawn without telling anybody. She had hunted her breakfast and lunch from the forest but still she was a little bit hungry. Her cooking skills were far from Gabrielle's so for the last years she had let her to go the cooking. The rabbit she had cooked earlier had been eatable but not very tasty.

She was not sure what was waiting for her inside. Her mother would of course be there waiting for her as well as Hercules. She knew it had been rude to leave without leaving any note but at the morning her only thought had been 'I have to get out of here'. She hadn't thought what Hercules, her mother or anybody else would think.

She took a last deep breath and stepped inside. Although the house was full of customers she noticed her mother and her friend very quickly. Tall demi-god was standing next to the counter while her mother filled tankards of ale and sold them to the thirsty customers. Hercules noticed her first and a smile appeared to his face.

"Good morning Xena. It was time you woke up", he laughed when Xena was close enough to hear. "I eh, I'm sorry." She answered and mentally received her mother's angry stare. "I needed some time to think." She felt herself like a five year old kid explaining why she had run away without saying a word. "Well you could have at least left some note or something like that. It was rude to leave like that when there is someone who wants to spend time with you", her mother upbraid her. "It's okay Xena. I know it was not easy for you to talk me so openly like you did last night", Hercules interrupted. He was not sure where the conversation was leading to but he didn't want any dispute between Cyrene and her daughter.

"Come on let's try to find one empty table. I don't know about you but I'm a bit hungry", Hercules decided to change the subject of the conversation. Like he had suspect, the debate between Xena and her mother had ended up to dispute. Cyrene was angry to Xena of being thoughtless and selfish and Xena didn't tolerate the tone of her mother because she hated when her mother talked to her like she talked to kids. "Oh yea that's good idea Hercules", the older woman repeated. "Go and sit down. I will bring you something to eat."

They ate mostly in silence. Hercules tried to read Xena's body language as much as possible. He understood there was something bothering her but he was not sure if it was only the Gabrielle's dead or if there was something else. After couple of good mouthfuls he decided to break the ice and ask directly. "Xena I appreciate you shared your pain with me yesterday. I know it was hard and I understood why you left today. It is just, well, is there something else bothering you. This is the best situation to share whatever it is. You need to get all the pain out of you. Until you do that you won't get better." She stared him for a good while. "You think I want to get better?" She finally asked. "Everybody wants you to get better. I know you want too."

"Last time this happened I wanted to revenge and that thought pushed me forward. The vengeance was an obsession for me many years. When I finally found Cortese I already knew Gabrielle. I never killed him. She had made me understand the revenge was not the way. I told that to my older brother, Toris. Cortese was thrown to jail and I felt pleased. Still, that didn't bring Lyceus back. Now I can't revenge and that's why there is not that power to help me over it. I don't know what to do. I know I'm vulnerable at the moment. Ares had already tried dozens of times to get me back. I'm lost and I need some direction." She was pleased after she had been able to say it aloud.

"You will found the direction. You always do. Don't you remember how lost you were after we destroyed Darphus. You found your new direction and I'm very proud of that." Xena interrupted him by snorting. "Yes I found a new direction because of Gabrielle. You mean I should find a new Gabrielle somewhere. Tell her or him that I may kill you on some point if you are not careful. I can't, I can't travel with anybody anymore." Her body language was strong and aggressive. "You don't have to find another Gabrielle. She is unique. What I mean you just need to find new purpose to your life. Maybe not even a new. Just discover the old one again."

"You want me to become a warlord again?" Xena asked ironically. "Start helping people again. That is your legacy and that is what Gabrielle will proudly watch you doing. Fight the evil until you are old. Make the world better place for all of us." Xena turned her gaze back to her plate. "I can't do that", she whispered. "Why? Because of Gabrielle?" She sniffed. "Also because of her", she muttered. "There is something else, isn't there?"

"Ares cursed me." She sighted. "What you mean?" Hercules asked confused. He was aware of Cyrene who was now listening very carefully behind the counter but fortunately she didn't look angry anymore. "It happened a couple weeks ago." Xena began. "He came to meet me and we talked. I tried to kick him out and he tried to get me back. In the end he said that my problem was my age. His opinion is that I think I'm too old to be a warlord. I have no idea where he pulled that but anyway he said so. He said his gift for me is eternal youngness. I don't remember how many years he gave; 20, 25 or something like that. He said I won't age anymore but after those days I will just die. I felt the warmness and I hear the voices when he made the spell. He cursed me to youngness forever. He forced me to be young and able to fight as long as I live."

Hercules was silence for a while. He had heard the gasps of Cyrene and the melancholic tone of Xena when she told her story. He was not sure what to say. "I don't think he cursed you", he said after a while. "He gives promises and so on but he rarely actually does something. Most of the time he only casts fake spells and then laughs behind their back. That is his way to gain trust and alliances. When people notice his fraud, it's usually too late to do anything."

"I know that but still I'm confused. I've never even thought about the fact I'm getting older. I don't know where he pulled it and frankly I don't even care. It's just that how quickly he was able to shatter my world. First Gabrielle, then this. I'm not sure how long I can tolerate his plots and charm. Without Gabrielle I'm not sure if I can resist him forever." Cyrene walked past Hercules and hugged her daughter closely. "Remember Xena, always remember. Whatever he tries, remember Gabrielle. She gave you strength to resist Ares so many years. You that love she gave you to resist him. Her soul is watches over you. She may have been angry for you in the beginning but she can see the guilty you carry. Resist Ares and make her proud of you. Make her smile in Elysian."

"Thank you mom, I love you." She released her mom from her bear hug. "If you don't mind I would like to go to sleep but I promise I won't run away like I did this morning." Cyrene smiled to her grown up baby. "Good night Xena, sleep well." She gave her another hug before pushing her to the door. "Wait for me my friend. I will go to sleep as well", Hercules said quickly and stood up.

They walked together to the upper floor. Hercules was staying at the first room from the right. "I'm really grateful that you came. Many wouldn't in your situation." Hercules smirked. "Well, I have always been different that other people. When I hear about this couldn't believe it. The second thought was that I wanted to see you. I knew you needed my help to get back up and I promise I will do anything to help you." They hugged friendly before Hercules withdrew to his room. "God night Xena", he whispered ones more before closing his door.

End of part 11

I'm sorry I've been busy lately but now when the summer holidays begin I will try to update bit more often. :P