Lyna burst out laughing. She couldn't help it. It was shock, more than anything else.
"I'm serious." Alistair insisted, looking more than a little offended.
"No you're not Alastair." She finally said, and Alistair frowned.
"I could be!" He told her. "We could make it work."
Lyna shook her head. She was going to tell him they couldn't, but suddenly he pulled her towards him, and crushed his mouth to hers. She took a moment to react, but then she slipped her arms around him, and lay back, straightening her legs so he could move over her.
The passion was still there, obviously, but there was something missing. When they broke from the kiss, Alistair looked into her eyes, his breath as heavy as hers.
"I would take you back to me in a heartbeat Lyna," he murmured. "But I won't take a woman in love with another man." And he rolled off her and stood up by the fire.
Lyna was panting slightly as she watched him, and then she stood up herself, walking over to the window, although the heavy curtains were drawn against the dark night.
"I wonder if the Pearl is hiring," she muttered, and Alistair stared at her in shock. Lyna looked up at him. "What?" She grumbled "I'm starting to feel like I'd fit right in there. First I let Anders kiss me only moments after almost kissing Nate, and then I'm on my back for the king, after saying I didn't love you any more. If I'm so desperate to get on my back for people I may as well get paid for it."
"Oh just shut up!" Alistair groaned, and walked over to her, gripping her shoulders and turning her to face him. "Lyna, you have suffered. So much. I always hoped that I could be a bright spot in your life, and then I turned you away, and it was the biggest mistake I ever made. But you have a chance now to be happy again and you are not going to waste it by feeling sorry for yourself."
Lyna, who had been softening with his words, stiffened again.
"I am NOT feeling sorry for myself!" she insisted. "I'm realising what I am."
"Oh really?" Alistair growled. "And what's that? You think you're a whore? Is that it?"
"I'm starting to feel like one." She muttered, looking at her feet.
"So what? You're going to work in the Pearl and that will help how?"
At first Lyna couldn't answer, but finally she looked up at him.
"At least I'll get laid!"
Alistair stared and then he burst out laughing. Lyna pushed him away.
"Shut up Alistair!" she cried. "Do you know how long it's been?"
Alistair quirked an eyebrow.
"So that's all that this is? You're just what? Feeling frisky?"
"No!" she insisted, although she was still pouting. "But it HAS been a while." Alistair shook his head.
"Have you been with anybody since… I mean, since you and I…"
Lyna shook her head.
"No," she sulked.
"Me neither," Alistair admitted. "Well, I mean, except for Morrigan." He shuddered. "I still don't believe I did that."
Lyna glared at him.
"If you hadn't, I would have died." She reminded him.
"Trust me love, that's the only reason I did it." He reassured her, and Lyna rolled her eyes.
"Oh I'm sure it was such a burden." She muttered and Alistair looked so hurt.
"It was actually." He told her. "The night before I thought one of us would die, there were better ways I would have liked to spend my evening. But I did what I was told, made the sacrifice, and you survived."
Lyna found it a bit hard to be annoyed at him after that. She groaned and sat down again.
"It's easier for you though." She said, bringing the conversation back to the earlier topic.
"Easier? How?" Alistair asked, sitting beside her. Lyna blushed.
"You know." She mumbled and Alistair shook his head.
"How is it easier?"
Lyna glared, and then lifted her hand.
"You know." She mumbled again, and joined her fingers in a ring, shaking her wrist up and down. It took Alistair a moment but then he burst out laughing.
"Oh Lyna, trust me, it is nothing like the same." He told her when he finally managed to stop laughing. "My hand is no where near as satisfying as, well, you. But you can look after yourself as well, right? I seem to remember that one night…"
Lyna's cheeks were bright red as she glared at him.
"It's not as much fun when you're not watching." She told him, embarrassed. Alistair just started to laugh again, and eventually Lyna joined in. "I've missed you." She admitted, and Alistair nodded, patting his lap. She lay down, her head resting against his thigh, facing the fire, and he started stroking her hair.
"If you hadn't lost Tamlen, do you think you would have been happy with him?" he asked her after a few moments silence.
Lyna shrugged, as best she could in the position she was in.
"Probably. But while I'm sorry about what happened to him, I don't regret my life since."
Alistair nodded.
"And we could have been happy too." She told him.
"I know." Alistair replied, "But now you have a chance with Nate."
"Don't call him that. He doesn't like people calling him that." Lyna cut in. Alistair frowned.
"But you were calling him that." He pointed out, and Lyna shuddered.
"Yeah well, I used to be allowed to, but not anymore." She admitted. "I messed that up too." She sighed.
"You'll be able to call him that again." Alistair reassured her. "You just need to stop pretending and be yourself again. You'll make him fall in love with you and you will finally be happy, and stay happy." He leaned forward and kissed her gently on her temple. "You deserve to be happy Lyna. You really do."
Lyna drew a shuddering breath.
"What if I lose him too?" She whispered, and Alistair wanted to cheer. She was finally being honest. He knew that was probably the real root of the problem.
"You won't." he told her. "not if you tell him how you feel, and you show him you can be trusted. It's not you Lyna. I know you, and I know how you think. You did not cause Tamlen's death. You didn't make me leave you. You didn't do anything to deserve any of the bad things that have happened to you, but if you don't stop this self destructive behaviour you will be responsible for losing Nathaniel."
Lyna sat up and stared at the man beside her.
"When the hell did you get so mature?" she asked him, and Alistair laughed.
"Um, king? Remember?" he smiled at her. "I love you Lyna. I always will. But I want you to be happy now, and that's not going to be with me. So go to your room, pack your things, and then go back to Vigil's Keep tomorrow and make that man realise that you are the best thing that could ever happen to him."
Lyna beamed at him, and grabbed him, kissing him deeply.
"Thank you." She grinned, and then jumped up from the sofa. "Thank you." And she ran from the room.
Alistair's smile stayed on his face until the minute she was out the door. And then he slumped back into the seat.
"Andraste's flaming knickers." He groaned, and poured himself another glass of wine, contemplating the state of his crotch. Then he glanced at his hand and sighed.
"Nowhere near as good." He sighed. "I'm sorry hand, but I just don't love you." And he gulped the wine, trying not to cry as he made himself accept he had yet again sent away the only woman he could ever see himself loving.
