Many thanks again to those who review (particularly Annber03 - I always enjoy reading your detailed thoughts!), it does so make my day.

There are a few of you who asked for a Hotch chapter... well here it is. It was maddeningly difficult for me - Hotch is such a hard character to write - but here it is. Happy reading! =)


"The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving. I didn't want to destroy anything or anybody. I just wanted to slip quietly out the back door, without causing any fuss or consequences, and then not stop running until I reached Greenland." – Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

"Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad! Get up!"

I roll over toward the source of the abrupt noise. Jack stands next to my bed, a look of impatience on his face.

"What's up buddy?"

"Beth's making breakfast! You gotta get up or I'm gonna eat all of your waffles," he says with a smile and dashes out of the room.

I roll back over and push my head into my pillow, hoping that I can close my eyes and will time to move backward and allow me a few more hours of sleep. When that hope doesn't materialize, I sit up slowly, feeling an ache in my head. I glance at the clock on my bedside table, and see that it's early. Far too early to be up on a day that I'm not headed into the office, but I suppose not terribly early for most people. I quickly down the pills and glass of water on my bedside table, and send a silent thanks to Beth. I contemplate staying in bed for a while longer, but the smell of waffles is mouth-watering, so I jump in the shower quickly and then head toward the kitchen.

"Morning," Beth says with a smile.

"Morning," I reply, pressing a quick kiss to her lips.

"I thought I'd make breakfast and then take Jack on a bike ride to give you and Emily some space to talk."

"That sounds great, thank you."

Emily and I had made plans to meet this morning. I told her I had no intention of setting foot inside the BAU until Monday at the earliest, and she had laughed along with me. I invited her to meet at my place, promising coffee and no profiling eyes from the team. She readily agreed with a small chuckle, and we set the time to meet at 10am.

"These are really good Dad, you gotta try some," Jack says, syrup covering his face, hands and plate.

"Of course I do. They smell fantastic."


Having settled onto the couch, my feet up, and a fresh cup of coffee in my hands, I watch with amusement as Jack runs around the apartment getting his things ready for his bike ride.

"You find the waterbottles?" Beth calls from the kitchen as she puts the finishing touches on some sandwiches.

"In the fridge," Jack hollers from his bedroom.

"What about your helmet?"

"Not yet, I'm still looking."

Their conversation is interrupted by a knock at the door, and I wave off Beth's steps away from the counter, "I'll get it, don't worry."

I swing my legs off the coffee table, put down my coffee, and make my way to the door. A quick look through the peephole, and I unlock the door, opening it.

"Hey, Hotch."

"Hey. Sorry about the mess, Beth and Jack and going on a bike ride and I'm afraid you've caught them right in the middle of their last minute preparations."

"Oh it's no problem," she says with a small shake of her head and a smile. "Hi Beth."

"Hi Emily, sorry about the chaos. We'll be out of your way in a few minutes."

"Don't rush on my account!" she says quickly with wave of her hand.

"Em'ly!" Jack says as he rounds the corner, no doubt having heard her voice.

"Jack! " she says with a grin and opens her arms for a hug.

He readily obliges, throwing himself into her arms, and squeezing tightly.

"Daddy and I finished Charlie and the Chocolate Factory!" he says proudly.

"Did you like it?" she asks as she releases him from the hug.

"Yeah! What should we read next?"

"Hmm, that's a good question. I think you're just about old enough to really appreciate the Wonderful Wizard of Oz."

"Did you hear Em'ly, Dad? We gotta read that next!"

"Sure buddy," I say with a quick grin. "Now get back to trying to find your helmet."

Before meeting Emily, Jack hadn't been much of a reader. But once he began spending time with her at various team dinners and functions, her love of literature had begun to rub off on him. She had already recommended several books to him, all of which he and I had dutifully read together. We had finished the last few chapters of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory the previous night before he came crashing down from his sugar high, and he was practically bouncing off the walls to read something else. He wouldn't listen to any of my recommendations; it had to be what Emily thought he should read.

Several more chaotic minutes of last minute searches for items and packing of lunches later, Beth and Jack finally left.

"He seems to be doing really well. Looks like he adores Beth," Emily comments as she sips the green tea that I'd just handed her.

"Yeah, he really does. I was worried he wouldn't like me spending so much time with her, but it hasn't been a problem at all."

We sit for a few moments, enjoying our beverages and exchanging bits of small talk before I decide to really open the conversation.

"So, you wanted to talk?"

She shifts in her seat, "Yeah. But I suppose you already know what it is I want to tell you?"

"You want to leave the BAU."

She sighs, "Whatever happened to no inter-team profiling?"

I smile and shrug, "It was never really a hard and fast rule…"

"Mm. I guess I threw out any hope of that after my debacle with Doyle," she said with a hint of regret in her voice.

"Maybe. It's not like we weren't profiling each other before then though. Besides, every step you took last night screamed of a goodbye."

"Yeah, you're right. It's what I wan-" she stops midway through the word to correct herself. "What I think I need."

"You think?"

"Well it's not really 100% decided in my head. I'm back and forth on it. Some days I feel totally at home, even if it's not exactly how it used to be. But other days, it really hits me that it's not ever going to be like it was before, and it's a completely overwhelming feeling."

Her admission is slightly surprising. She is a very private person, and for her to lay it all out like this is uncharacteristic to say the least. Then again, she had changed since coming back from those long months in hiding.

I stay silent, knowing she is far from finished expressing her thoughts.

"I just… I can't grab onto my old life and pretend nothing happened."

"No one expects you to, Emily."

"I know, and you've all been so supportive, you especially, Hotch. But it doesn't change the fact that it doesn't feel right anymore."

"What doesn't?"

"This life," she says simply with a shrug, her gaze dropping to the mug in her hands.

I see her conflicted expression, and feel a pang of sympathy for her. She's obviously been struggling with this for a while.

"How long has it felt that way?"

She doesn't answer right away, taking a large drink from her tea first, "Since I got back."

This answer both surprises and doesn't surprise me. She tried very hard to reintegrate herself into the team when she got back, and was met with some enthusiasm, but also some anger and frustration. I watched as Reid and Morgan juggled their emotions, trying to let her back in but not being able to right away. For someone who cares so deeply about those she considers family – and that is a small group indeed – to have her efforts thrown back at her would be devastating. They let her in eventually, and their close friendships had since been rekindled, but she was right, things weren't the same.

"What is it exactly about it that makes you want to leave?"

"It's not you guys. I love the team, I hope you know that."

I nod in agreement.

"I'm just tired, Hotch. I spent years of my life getting intimately close to some of the most evil people on this earth, and then I jumped into a career of profiling and chasing them down. I've spent my career meeting and interacting with people during the worst moments of their lives. It wears on you. I'm just tired of there always being more nefarious criminals to hunt down. I guess I just reached my breaking point."

I can hear the emotional exhaustion in her voice. She had broken completely after hiding for months from Doyle. She'd slowly and roughly patched herself back together, and had brought some semblance of Emily Prentiss back for the sake of her friends and family. But that kind of event leaves a mark on you. Her eyes are still haunted, and her compartmentalization skills are not as finely tuned as they used to be. Her admission of even having a breaking point, let alone the fact that she'd reached it, would not have happened pre-Doyle.

"I'm tired of having to push everything down and ignore it. I've done it my whole life. I want to be able to live and experience life."

"Where will you go?"

"London, I think."

I blink in surprise. I had expected a transfer, or some time off before settling into something else locally. But London?

She must see the confusion on my face, because she quickly explains, "Clyde asked me to run the London office."

"That's a big promotion," I say honestly.

"Yeah, but that's not why I want to go."

"It's the change you think you need. The chance to not have to put things back to how they were."

"Exactly," she says with a sigh of relief.

"But it's more of the same work, isn't it?" I ask after a brief pause.

"In the same vein, but it's more administrative than anything."

"You, doing paperwork?"

She chuckles, "I guess that speaks volumes as to how much of a change I need."

I smile in response and we settle into silence once more. We sit like that for a minute before I broach the topic again, taking a light-hearted approach.

"You know, if you took that job you'd outrank me. And Strauss, come to think of it," I say with another smile.

She grins in return, "Well that would be satisfying… And if I hadn't already pretty much convinced myself, that would've done it for sure."

"How long until you go?"

"I'm not sure. I have to talk to Clyde and figure out the details, but I'm guessing maybe a couple months. He'll be just tickled I'm taking the job."

"Oh?"

"He's been after me to come back to Interpol for a long time. He never wanted me to leave in the first place."

"Completely understandable. You really are one of the best agents I've ever worked with."

She blushes and directs the attention from herself in typical Emily fashion, "I was going to say the same about you. It's been an honour, Hotch. I know that sounds cheesy and clichéd, but it's true. You and the team are nothing short of amazing, and I'm honoured to have been a part of that."

"You played a big part in making the team amazing, Emily. Don't forget that."

She brushes off the compliment once more by diverting the conversation's topic, "Oh, I was hoping you'd give me some words of wisdom for how to not go completely insane with all the paperwork I'm going to have to deal with."

I consider her words for a moment, "Make sure your office chair and desk are comfortable."

She laughs, "I'll make sure to do that."

"Refill?"

"I'm good, thanks," she says waving off my offer.

I refill my own mug and sit back down on the couch. A comfortable silence taking hold once more.

"Thanks Hotch," she says a few moments later.

"For what?" I say, shooting her a questioning look.

"Everything."

"Of course, Emily."

"No, really Hotch. I appreciate it. I know keeping my secret wasn't easy, and the backlash from the team wasn't fair to you."

"It was what you needed. I'd do it again if I had to."

She smiles, "I'm really going to miss you. All of you."

"Likewise," I say with a smile in return. "Who else is going to keep Morgan in check?" I add with a smirk.

Instead of a chuckle or a laugh, I'm met with a look of sadness. She doesn't verbalize the reason, she doesn't need to.

"They'll understand, Emily."

"I hope so. Doesn't make it any easier. I feel like I'm going to break their hearts."

"To an extent, you are. But they'll understand that you're doing it to heal your own."

"I hope so. Derek and I talked about it last night a bit. I think he gets it, but the look in his eyes was…" she trails off and does not finish the sentence.

I don't miss the use of his first name. The two of them have been dancing around each other for years. It's painfully obvious to everyone but them, and now another curveball is going to be thrown at them.

"He'll miss you. We all will. But you're leaving the job, not the family. You'll still be important to us, and we won't just forget you."

She stares at me for a moment, probably shocked by my lack of "professional" demeanor and emphasis on the team being a family. I see her eyes glisten ever so slightly with unshed tears, and she says quietly, "Thank you."


If you are so inclined, let me know how you liked it. I love hearing feedback about my writing, so reviews are always welcomed!