A/N: Sorry about the delay guys! Week before last I couldn't think of anything, and then last week I had to work Saturday XP bleh. Oh well, but this week I have compiled an amalgamation of all the helpful ideas my lovely reviewers have so kindly granted me.
Cat: Hang on…something's wrong here…
I realized, thanks to the wonderful Browny Pink, that a Teen Titans Christmas Party would be perfect for this holiday season!
Cat: Is this Squares? This is Squares, isn't it? Why am I—
And now, without further ado and with one cat who is about to learn the meaning of vengeance, though probably not Christmas,
Cat: Wait, what?!
I give you,
(8)
Christmas Party
T'was a few nights before Christmas and all through the tower, not a creature was sleeping, not even a mouse – which was actually Beast Boy who had decided to pull a prank on Argent.
"That doesn't rhyme," stated the cat.
SHUT UP I DON'T CARE! Ahem, the stockings were all torn down and being eaten by Teether, who'd already gotten into trouble over the punch bowl, the ornaments, and some cat's tail.
"I hate you all," hissed what had to be one of the most unconventional tree-top angels that'd ever been seen in the T-Tower. Which is saying something considering its occupants.
The children were going wild, too wired for bed, while too much caffeine danced in their heads.
"PARTYYYYY!-!-!"
"TIMMY! DO WE NEED TO HAVE ANOTHER TALK ABOUT IN-HOUSE VOLUME CONTROL!-?"
"Sorry…"
Starfire in her scarf, and Nightwing in his bowtie (which had been magicked into place by a certain white-haired someone he only thought was his friend), were just getting started for a long winter party.
"On my planet we celebrate the changing of seasons by striking one another with coddlflots! Shall we?" Starfire asked hopefully, holding out what appeared to be a chain of rather large and heavy-looking iron marbles. Nightwing stared at it and wondered whether it'd be better to try explaining the general fragility of the human race, AGAIN, or to think of some excuse not to. Saying that being smacked around by a bunch of iron balls was against the Christmas tradition might work…
"Uh…hey, look, mistletoe!"
"Where!?"
"Uhhhh…looks like Slenderman is holding it…"
"Kissy, kissy," said the tall, faceless man.
"Who invited that guy!-?" Cyborg demanded angrily.
"I never get invited to Christmas parties. This is the best Christmas ever."
"That's great, but keep your hands off my kids. Got it?" snarled The Other.
Slenderman started to sweat. "K-k-kids? What kids? I see no kids. None at all!"
"Glad we understand one another," Raven said pleasantly.
Over by the tree…
"That's not an angel," Iron Man stated.
"Brilliant observation there, Sherlock. Would you like to make another?"
"You're a cat…"
"Amazing, how do you do it?"
"It is a white cat," Speedy pointed out. "Close enough."
"Not hardly," Iron Man snorted. "Anyway, how are you talking?" he asked the cat.
"I'm not talking. Cats can't talk. Everyone knows this," she answered.
"But…"
Elsewhere…
"Rorek's the best!" shouted Kate Clone 1.
"No Malchior!" argued Clone 4.
"Rorek's the real wizard here!" retorted 3.
"Malchior was here first!" stated 2
"Team Rorek!" cheered 1
"Team Malchior!" 2 interjected.
"How about Team Keep-Your-Hands-Off-My-Boyfriends?" Raven suggested with a growl.
Kate the Professional Fangirls looked at one another, merged back into one Billy Numerous-style, gave her a nervous smile, and sidled away.
"I think I just saw my life flash before my eyes…" Malchior whimpered.
"How does one cram over a thousand years' worth of memory into a single flash?" Rorek asked.
"It was pretty blurry, I'll give you that."
A bloom of mistletoe was waved high up over their heads by an inhumanly long arm.
"Kissy, kissy!" said Slenderman eagerly. The place where his eyes would have been had he had eyes went wide. "Whoa…I've never seen that before…"
"Never seen what be—oh, god! How are they—how is that even possible?-!" Jinx exclaimed.
"What, kissing two people at once? You have to rewrite the very fabric of reality. Or exist in a fanfictional one. One of the two," Thanatos answered.
Back at the tree…
"Yoruichi!" Kate squealed, jumping up and down in an attempt to reach the tree angel which was actually an evil white cat, who glowered down at her.
"Why is this human sneezing at me?" she wondered.
"She's not. She thinks you're a character from an anime called Bleach," answered a voice from within the branches. Another cat's head poked out and looked up at the white one.
"Who the heck are you?" the white cat demanded.
"You're, uh, friend, apparently…" the other cat answered uncertainly.
"Friends? Us? We're cats!"
"It's been known to happen…"
A third cat's head poked out of the tree. This one was extremely fat and tabby. It looked around. "I think someone spiked that lasagna. Where am I?" it asked.
"Oh now we're just getting ridiculous!" exclaimed the white one.
The tree started to tip over with the weight of the fat cat.
"Augh! Get back in the branches! Get back in the branches!"
The tabby cat scrambled back into the tree so it leveled out. The other two breathed a sigh of relief.
"My owner is so dead…" the white cat growled.
"What happened to your tail, by the way?"
"Shut up!"
Back somewhere else…
"Fortune cookies? This isn't a Christmas tradition," Beast Boy mused.
"This elderly woman was selling them at a small stall which also supported a cursed mirror with the soul of a wambat and a Chinese finger trap that eats your socks!" Belladonna told them.
"Well that doesn't sound suspicious at all! Hang on, what happened to your French accent?"
"I'm on holiday. Or the author got lazy. One of the two."
"And here I thought this party was going to be lame," Red X chuckled, taking one of the fortune cookies. He opened it up and read the note. "'You are about to be hit on the back of the head by a snowball.'" he read aloud. "Wha—?" A snowball smacked into the back of his head and he whirled around to see a rather confused-looking Rorek standing there. "Dude! What was that for?"
"I do not know…I simply had this…curious urge to throw packed sphere of snow at you and I did not have the presence of mind to stop myself. It was very…odd."
"'You are about to have the most horrifying experience of your life.'" Beast Boy read aloud.
"Look who's under the mistletoe!" Slenderman said, holding the bloom up over the heads of Beast Boy and himself. "Kissy, kissy!"
"AAAAAAAHHH!-!-!"
"Self-fulfilling prophecies, maybe?" Red X wondered. And then an evil smile, mostly hidden by the mask with only the shape of the eyes as an indicator, spread across his face. "Heheheheheheh…"
Elsewhere…
"Thor, why do you keep following that goth around?" Iron Man asked.
"Silence, mortal! Don't question me!" he hissed.
"Thor? Do you know Cyborg's backup?" Argent asked.
"No! No! Of course not! We only just met! Haven't we?"
"No, we haven't, we—"
BAM!
"Whoops! Clumsy me! Lost control of my hammer there for a moment. I'm so sorry!" Thor said.
"The pain…" Tony Stark whimpered.
"Now where is that Slenderman person?" Thor murmured.
"You mean the creepy guy with the mistletoe? He's right…oh." Argent said, looking up.
"Kissy, kissy!"
"Hey, Iron Man, are you al—whoa…" Dr. Banner (AKA: Hulk) stopped, staring.
"I know, right?"
"I'm sure that kind of kissing is not appropriate for this environment," said the doctor. There was a tug on his pants. He looked down and his eyes went wide when he saw Timmy.
"Should I be taking notes?" he asked.
Raven went white, her jaw dropped, and her eyes became two large blank circles. She made a sound like the creaking of a rusty door hinge and fainted dead away.
Elsewhere…
"Fortune cookie? Whoa…uh…who are you? You're not a Titan."
"No, I…ah…I am Alduin, the World Eater."
"What, from Skyrim?" Red X asked incredulously.
"Yes, I ah, I am from Skyrim, yes. I am currently in human form because apparently that is possible in this world. Hmm…in any case, I am looking for my fiancé. Have you seen her? She has lots of wild violet hair that defies the laws of physics, pointed ears, horns, and a tail. She's a bit difficult to miss, I admit."
"Dude…you're engaged to the author? Tough luck, man."
"What do you mean?"
"Is it some kind of arraigned deal? Did her father get his shotgun out or something?"
"What? No. I proposed. And anyway, what is a shotgun?"
"You proposed to her? Why?"
Alduin opened his mouth, and then closed it, trying to think. "To be honest, she's the first female dragon I've ever met."
"Huh, you know, I noticed that Skyrim seemed a bit sparse in the lady dragon department. At least with the ones you meet who actually talk, and who can tell just by the names? So, rarity value then, that makes sense. Well, I haven't seen her all day but she's got to turn up sometime. There's this contract or other so stick around. Sure you don't want a fortune cookie?"
"Hey, hey dragon…person! Up here!"
Alduin looked up. "Is that cat talking?"
"Of course not, cats don't talk. Anyway, listen. You want to find your fiancé, right?"
"That is the whole reason I am here, walking around in this human body. Although I can't say I am all that disappointed where the whole finger thing is involved. These are far more dexterous than claws."
"Right, right, whatever. Well, you want the author, and I want back in my rightful place as absolute master over this universe. So let's help each other out. Do me a favor, and take that fortune cookie. The one on the left—no, no farther left, no more to the—yes! That one! Now open it up, and read it."
"'You will find what you are looking for in two seconds.'" he read.
0.0' uh oh…
Two second later there was a scream, a crash, and two hissing, spitting cats ran out of the broken remains of what had been a rather beautifully decorated Christmas tree. The author, having fallen back into her own fanfic, groaned and looked around for a cat to kill. But since SOMEONE has to be writing this it just so happened that the same instant she fell in, the cat returned to her proper seat of power.
MUAHAHAHAHAHA!-!-!
"Way to crash the party," Malchior chuckled.
The author groaned, got to her feet, looked around, and whimpered, ears drooping as she spotted Alduin.
"There you are! I have been looking for you for months now. Where have you been? We have a wedding to plan!" Alduin told her.
"You are getting married?-! How wonderful!" Starfire cheered.
"No! No! I'm not ready! I don't want to get married yet! I'm too young! I still sleep with a blanket at night! I have too many spoons! There's a duck in the fridge! We left the frogs outside all night!"
A familiar white hand hovered over the two dragons with a little green shoot held in its fingers. The author looked up at it and paled. "Kissy, kissy!" said Slenderman.
"What?" asked Alduin.
"You're supposed to kiss her now," Red X informed him with a smirk. The author whimpered.
"Ah…ahem…yes…how does that work, exactly?" Alduin asked. "I'm afraid I do not know what this…kissing thing is supposed to accomplish…or what it is."
"I know someone who could teach you," Argent giggled with a big grin on her face.
"I hate you all!" the author cried.
(8)
A/N: Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Rhea: Evil, you are EVIL! I hate you so much!
SPECIAL ALERT! PLEASE READ!
The AMAZING Browny Pink has actually written actual music for the actual song that Malchior sings Raven to sleep with in Chapter 6 of Circles. It is REALLY GOOD! She is an awesome pianist and song-writer and you all have GOT to check it out. Go on YouTube and search for 'Wake in Fire' posted by JazzyJMCKaila. It actually sounds like something you'd hear in a renaissance festival or Medieval Times! She did a really good job. YOU'RE SO AWESOME BROWNY PINK! :D
PS: There probably won't be another Squares next week or the week after because next week's Christmas and the week after is notoriously bat(bleep) crazy where work is concerned. MARRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!
