I was asked for a sequel to 'Used To Be' where Deeks starts his trek to becoming a lawyer once more. I hope you guys like the new story!
Warning: None
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Sitting on the stairs leading up to the front door Callen watched as his kids laughed and ran around the front yard. They looked so happy as they played. You never would have guessed that anything had happened.
Something that he was a little jealous of. He wasn't the type of person that moved on and forgave easily. Probably because he wasn't the type that trusted easily. If that trust was broken once than he was done.
Children weren't like that. Okay, so Isabelle hadn't broken any trust that Wesley had in her. She had been mean to him over the past few days. She had done something that scared him enough to call Callen away from work.
It wasn't an easy thing to forgive in his mind. Except that was exactly what Wesley did. Actually, that hadn't even been an apology. As soon as Wesley saw his big sister he was hugging her and talking about what he and Nell had done.
That was the thing about having kids that he hadn't expected. He knew that one of the biggest jobs a parent would ever have was to teach their kids about the world and how to survive it without killing anyone.
He never thought that he would learn anything from them. Every time he saw them though it was like they were teaching him something new. They just saw the world so differently than he ever had. It was amazing.
Whenever he got to go home and be at home that was one of the things that he looked forward to. He spent weeks on end sometimes looking at the worst of humanity. People that had no regard for anything or anyone. People that he had to be friendly with sometimes.
One of the biggest fears that came not only with being an undercover agent, but being a cop in general, was becoming what they were trying to take down. It was why they spent so much time talking to psychologists.
It might not be his favorite thing, but he knew there was a reason for it. Sometimes he even felt better after talking to someone. Though it didn't help all of the time it was better than nothing. It was better than he could ask for.
He didn't truly start feeling better and forgetting about what he had done in the name of justice until he was at home. When he was able to see his family and know that he had done something good in his life.
There was just something about getting to see a child look at the world that made everything seem okay. It also made what he did seem all that more important. He did what he did so fewer people had to become like him.
Every time he wanted to throw the towel in he thought about that fact. It was enough to push him to do whatever it took to take the bad guy down. That then gave him enough push to get home and see his kids again.
As odd as it sounded it felt like years had passed every time he stepped into his home. Wesley had a new best friend in school and Isabelle had changed her mind about what she wanted to do when she was an adult.
No matter how short of a time he was gone he missed something. It wasn't just missing it once either. No, it was them going through multiple changes and him having no idea what the hell was going on anymore.
It was one of the reasons he was glad to be home at the moment. It might not have been the best way to get called home, but it was nice to be there and have a clear mind for once. He could just focus on his family.
There was nothing dragging his thoughts away from them. He was in the moment and he wasn't going to miss a thing. Which was not something that could say happened all that often when he was just home for a night or two.
As much as he hated to admit it he knew how many things had to be repeated to him over the years. Especially things that he should know since he was their father. He still couldn't say what his kids favorite colors were.
The amount of times that Deeks or Sam or even Hetty had to remind him of simple things was a little depressing. Truthfully, he was just waiting for the day when he forgot one of their birthdays. He wasn't proud to admit that he had done that with Deeks once or twice.
The man understood though. Working as an undercover agent took up so much of ones mind that other things didn't really matter. As long as he came back alive and healthy without dragging work home than Deeks was happy.
What he never wanted was for his kids to understand why he blanked on things. He didn't think that he could handle his kids 'understanding' that. He was their father. He was supposed to be there for them.
Yes, when Wesley called he had come without a second thought. They had been lucky though. If the case was any more dangerous or if Kensi had been doing something he wouldn't have been able to go.
He would have had to tell his six year old son that he was too busy to help his family. That he'd have to wait until he was done with the case to go see them. That the case was more important than his family.
Just thinking about that made his heart ache. He was dreading that more than he could explain. Mostly because that was going to happen one day. There was no way that he was going to get around that.
Those thoughts had been racing in his mind ever since he got back from the ship. It wasn't the first time either. It was different this time though. It felt more like something that he might actually want to consider now.
As much as he hated it he wondered if maybe it was time for him to take a step back from undercover work. He was getting up there in age and he did have a family to think about. It was time for him to start thinking about it.
It seemed that Hetty knew that there was a lot thinking to do in the Callen/Deeks household too. At least that's what it felt like after he got off the phone with her only to be given three weeks off with the instructions that if she saw him in the office it would be longer.
Callen was pulled out of his thoughts by something cold touching the side of his face making him jerk away. Spinning around he couldn't up but glare when his laughing husband plopped down on the stairs next to him.
With an amused roll of his eyes Callen took the bottle of water from the man and straightened back up. For a moment it felt as if they were back to how things used to be. Just them being a family. Nothing more.
As they sat though he found his attention drifting over to Deeks. He looked so happy and peaceful. The twinkle that had been missing from his eyes was even back. He looked like the man that Callen had fallen in love with.
"Hey," Callen signed grabbing the younger man's attention.
"Hey," Deeks smiled his eyes flickering back to the kids for a moment, "Having fun?"
"I am. It's nice today."
"Yeah, it is. It's comfortable."
"I wasn't talking about the weather."
"I didn't think you were."
Shaking his head Callen took a drink of his water while examining the younger man. He might look like he used to, but there was still something in his eyes and posture that was wrong. It was as if he was waiting for something else to happen.
That wasn't really all that surprising. Both of them did that. It was just easier to assume that something bad was going to come next. As much as he tried to prevent it good things didn't last long in their lives.
Still, he did look better that he had. Like he had a weight lifted from his chest. He was being crushed by whatever it was that was going on in his head. Callen couldn't help but smile at that as he reached out to pull his husband into a kiss.
It wasn't anything more than gentle kiss that they had shared multiple times before, but it brought a smile to Deeks lips. It also made Callen wish that they were alone. After everything that they had been through spending a little time alone sounded like the best thing on the planet.
As much as he loved his kids he needed time with his husband. It had been… Now that he thought about it, he wasn't sure when their last date night was. They both had so much on their plate that they had stopped with each other.
"What was that for?" Deeks signed his head cocked to the side as he stared at the agent.
"Do I need a reason?" Callen responded trying to go for teasingly. It wasn't a good sign that that didn't feel as natural as it should.
"No, but..."
"But it's been awhile since either of us has done something like that? I know. We've gotten too…"
"I think I get what you're trying to say."
"I hate what we've become, Marty. I hate that I don't feel like this is my place anymore. I never wanted that to happen. This is my home. You're my family. This is the place where I should feel nothing but peace."
"I know. I do. I hate it too, G. I just don't know how to fix this. How to fix myself."
"Don't do that. It's not just you. We're both to blame. We both got lost somewhere without meaning to. You in the kids and me in work. I don't know how this happened, but I promise it's not just on you."
The ocean blue eyes stared at him as if he was looking for a lie. That hurt more than Callen thought it would. Deeks wasn't supposed to look at him like that. It wasn't how their marriage was supposed to work. How did they get to the point of them not knowing each other anymore?
"How do we fix this, G?" Deeks signed his eyes pleading, "Because… If we keep going this way I'm not sure either of us will make it. I don't want this to end. Us to end. I don't want to put the kids through that."
"Hey, it's going to be okay," Callen soothed moving closer to his husband, "It will. We will be fine."
"You don't know that."
"I know that I love you too much to let it end without us fighting to keep this. We don't give up without a fight."
"What are we fighting for? Each other? We don't know each other."
"We will. We just need a little time to learn each other again. To learn ourselves again."
"You know who you are, Callen."
"Maybe, I do. Sometimes at least. But I'm not the man that you fell in love with just like you're not the man I fell for. We've grown and changed and we got lost. That happens. We just have to find out who we are now. We have to be adults."
"I'm tired of being an adult."
"I know, but we don't get to stop that. What we do get is each other."
"Really, Callen? It's not that easy and you know it. Plus, that was a little cheesy."
"I'm being an optimist."
"But you're not an optimist."
"I could be an optimist."
"Please. Five seconds and you'd be begging Sam to shoot you."
"Oh really?"
"Yeah. Really."
It was sad to say that it felt odd having the younger man tease him like that. That had been their way of flirting since they met. It wasn't who they were anymore. At least, it hadn't been for the past few years. Maybe it was time to get back some of who they used to be.
Narrowing his eyes slight Callen smirked as he reached out for the younger man. It took a second for Deeks to get that he was playing, but he moved away as soon as he did with a playful glare in his eyes.
The smirk on his face grew larger as the agent got to his feet as well. The two started to walk further into the front yard though they kept a good distance between them. It was nice to see Deeks hadn't lost a step in his police training.
"Izzy, Wes," Deeks called out a glint in his eyes when he stopped next to their kids, "I think Papa wants to play."
Callen watched as the three loves of his life turned to look at him. All of them had the same gleam in their eyes that on anyone else would make him want to run. Actually, it made him want to run seeing it in theirs as well.
"Get him!"
