'As winter approaches, I can feel those old feelings creeping back in. Statistics prove, more people commit suicide during winter. I wonder if I'll become just another statistic. I had vowed, before, to never be one.
Each day, I hate myself a little more. I know it's not good, but I can't help it. I just..., I don't feel like myself. My image for what I would like to be, does not at all match with what I am. I'm tired.
I've thought about it, more than once in the last few days. Though, there are two events that still need to transpire before I make a decision. The cliche is that no one will miss them when they're gone, but even so. It's true. No one will. I'm really just a sarcastic asshole. I'm dark. I say the wrong things. My jokes are impossibly stupid.

I suppose though, there is some good that's occurred recently. A blond boy, Naruto, has been joining me outside on breaks. He tries to be quiet and not interrupt much when I'm reading, but sometimes, I talk to him. He's nice enough, attractive, but..., I don't know that he'd like me in that way. And even if he did, what of it?
He already told me he's into men, because he said he didn't want to give anyone the wrong impression about him. At the time, I had chuckled with a slight smile. Whether or not he knew I was attracted to males as well, was up to his perceptiveness.
We've spoken a few times as we've worked near each other for a few brief periods. He's interesting enough, single, and happens to be an xbox gamer. We exchanged gamertags, in hopes of chatting over Live if not gaming together on occasion.

I am..., hesitant for anything to be more than friendship especially as we work together. On one hand, I hope he loses interest in even friendship, but on the other, I suppose, I hope we could..., be something.
I don't know what exactly, but something. It's..., nice to have someone to talk to. Though I haven't yet confided about my depression and all of those fun things. I do wonder, no..., I bet, when I do, it'll scare him away. And, it will be a good thing. Someone like him shouldn't get mixed up with someone like me. It would only dissolve. And I don't want to hate him.'

Gaara sighed as he leaned back into the pillows on his bed.
He honestly liked Naruto, but wasn't sure what, if anything, could be between them. Aside from their friendship.

'I'm sick. Sick of everything. Like I'm walking a tightwire everyday, everything is starting to feel forced. I remember, when I'm alone. Friends, I know I could tell, but I can't. Cause they aren't here. They aren't me. They don't know. I know that's unfair. Sometimes, I just can't take it anymore. I want to be done. Maybe this is the nightmare, and death will be waking up. I just..., I don't want to anymore.
Things just keep piling up. Reasons to give up. It's been what..., eight years? How can I continue like this? Because I don't want to. Not anymore. I could take the final steps. It wouldn't take much. Just a few things to do.
Death, wouldn't leave me remorseful. It would be welcome. I'm tired.

How can I keep doing this?'

Eyes shining with unshed tears, Gaara looks away as his phone buzzes and the screen lights up, indicating a text message. Blinking a few times, he unlocks his phone and swipes down, to get the message. It's from Naruto.

"Hey buddy! Wanna game later? I'm off tonight. :D We could even go to the other's place and have some split-screen gaming!"

Naruto...
And then..., Gaara smiles. It's not gone, not that easily, but it's receded.
"We can game yeah, I'm going to get my tattoo pretty soon. I won't feel like driving much after, but if you'd like, you can come over after I get up. It'll be pretty late, but I don't care if you don't."

"Sweet! Anything you want me to bring with? Like snacks or cash for take out?"

The smile, turns into a grin, Naruto just seems to have that affect...
Would they be something? Would he confess everything to Naruto? And lastly, would he ever beat his depression?
Only time would tell...