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Bella/Natsuki POV

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What was going on?

I really had no idea. I was almost as if I was living in a dream world, and all of the colors were blending together, moving past me, and falling into my eyes. I couldn't tell what was happening. It was probably the most confusing thing I had ever experienced in my life.

My conscious and subconscious fought each other. Well, it was more like my monster and mortal self fought each other.

I had moments where I was completely conscious and able to think for myself, and others were a mix of the two where I was frozen with shock and unable to really do anything in my confused state. I was sure there were moments when the monster was in control as well. I was almost positive of it, and I knew she would be taking her chances at revenge a lot more seriously than I was, and that was because I really didn't want revenge any longer. What was the point? I was cursed, and I finally admitted it to myself.

What did Kikyo say to me? My conscious mind fought for it. That one simple sentence that could restore my humanity before I fully became a monster and remained that way for the rest of my days. It was probably the most important—or one of them at least—sentences ever said to me in my entire life, and I was having trouble remembering it. Just my luck.

Ugh! Why couldn't I remember? Why was my brain hitting an impassable wall? Why couldn't I see what I wanted to? It was blocked. I knew that for sure, but what I really wanted to know was the reason why.

An evil cackling sounded in the back of my head, and I could feel my senses enveloped as I was thrown into my own mind as I never had been before. There stood my monster self. "Having troubles?" Her red eyes glared at me, her extended claws and her large fangs bared. Her rainbow hair waved in the wind, the slight glitter shining even though there wasn't any wind or sun.

I narrowed my eyes, staring at her suspiciously. "Are you the reason I can't remember what Kikyo told me?"

She rolled her eyes before turning them back to my face, now glaring daggers at me. It was almost as if she hated me. Wasn't I supposed to hate her? Wasn't she the evil confident one? "Now, Bella, of course I wouldn't want you to cast me out."

I snarled and bared my own teeth at her. "My name is Natsuki. Use it, but don't wear it out." I was angry that she'd even go so low. "Now I want back into my own mind. You've fed. Now back off."

She hissed, and her eyes seemed to glow even brighter if that was possible. I could see that she was burning with rage as she argued, "Look what he's done to you. He ruined you. He made you into nothing, and yet you still want to become better for him? You want to fight me off to make him happy? He'll never want you! He wants to be with Kagome…with Kikyo. You were nothing to him, and you always will be nothing to him."

I hesitated, unmoving for a moment. Was she right? If I returned would I be welcomed back, or would they cast me out once again? Was I loved anywhere in InuYasha's heart? Even if I wasn't the love of his life, couldn't I be a sister? A friend? Anyone or anything? Was I really that useless in his eyes?

I found that I didn't have the answers, and I knew I never would if I let my other self convince me not to at least try to find my place in InuYasha's pack. "No."

"What?" she spat, her eyes nearly crossing in her rage.

"I said no," I repeated, somehow staying calm—even though a bit of my fury and frustration shone through—and just watching as she tried to suck in air between her growls and snarls. I had really gone past the line.

"You will get revenge!" she howled, rushing at me with her long, dangerous claws. "You will even if I have to force you to!"

I dodged, throwing a kick at her back and watching as she flew and hit the nearest tree my mind had conjured up. "I will not. I will not kill because you do not value life. There is no reason to kill InuYasha, and I won't do it."

"You don't seem to have a problem killing anyone else," my other self pointed out. "What makes him so special?"

I didn't even have to think about my answer. "He's different because he is special."

Then, almost as if a bomb went off and destroyed the wall in my mind, I remembered what Kikyo had said. I had to call my soul back to me. I had to use my power to force it back into my body.

I dodged the blow my other self had aimed for my stomach, kicking her again. She snarled and kept throwing herself at me wildly. She would never win if she attacked that blindly. She was too out of control to win this fight.

When she was on the ground once again I started to concentrate. A white haze filled the inside of the world my subconscious had created as I searched for my soul, pinpointing the familiar piece almost immediately.

It wasn't long before my other self realized what I was doing. "NO!" she threw herself at me for what had to be the hundredth time, but it was almost like she was moving in slow motion. Then, without warning, she disappeared completely, and my world went black.

Now though I felt more whole than I ever had before. I had an entire soul.