Nydegrassigirl - Awh, don't hate Clare. Every one makes mistakes. Thank you for reading and reviewing. It honestly means so much to me and to this story; I appreciate it so much (:
ilovetaylorswift13 - Clare made a mistake, and you'll have to read to see if Eli is done with her or if Clare is more interested in him now, (: Thank you so so much for reading and reviewing my story. It seriously means so much to me and I appreciate it more then anything, (:
clareandeliforever - I always surprise you? (: Is that a good thing? Lol. And the song suggestion was Back To December because of the certain lyrics "you gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye" (I know I switched them around a bit for the chapter title), but the title of my chapters come from the song suggestions, (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story. It honestly means the world to me and I appreciate it more then anything (:
Zephyr Hearts - Awwwh, I'm so happy that you love my story (: It honestly means SO much to me and I appreciate it so so much! Thanks so so so much for reading and reviewing this story. I appreciate it more then anything, and it means like the world to me, (:
EclareTheLovers - Haha, you'll have to read to see if Ellie gets involved again :P Thank you so so so much for reading and reviewing. It honestly means the world to me, and to this story. Also, I appreciate your reviews so so so incredibly much! (:
smoudy97 - Awh, I'm glad that you think my writing is good; it honestly means so much to me. (: Thanks so so much for reading and reviewing my story; it really does mean soo much to me and I appreciate it a lot! (:
RachRox12 - Well.. in upcoming chapters, you'll learn more about Julia's death and why it's such a sensitive topic for Eli. And thank you so so so much for reading and reviewing my story. It seriously means the world to me and I appreciate it more then anything, (:
MrsDibiase-10 - Awwh, I'm glad you liked it (: Also, thank you so so so much for reading and reviewing. It seriously means the world to me and to this story; I appreciate it more than anything! (:
broken14yearoldheart - I love drama too! :P Hahaaha; well, thanks so so so much for reading and reviewing. It seriously means the world to me and it also means so much to this story. I appreciate it more than anything! (:
anonymous - Here's a new update (: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story. It really does mean a lot to me and I appreciate it so much! (:
superfresh - Hahaha, Good news - Here's the new chapter! (: Haha. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my story. It really does mean so so so much to me and I appreciate it more then anything! (:
TVIsMyDrug4 - Awwwh, I'm glad that you loved it and thought I did an excellent job! (: It really does mean a lot to me and I honestly appreciate it. Anyways, thank you so so much for reading and reviewing my story. It seriously means the world to me, and to this story. I appreciate it so much! (:
LovinMunro95 - Hahahaha! (: Thank you so so much for reading and reviewing. It honestly means SOOO much to me, and it means so much to this story. I seriously appreciate it more then anything, (:
EClarefan4ever - Awwh, I'm glad that you think so (: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing my story. It seriously means the world to me, and I honestly appreciate it soooo much, (:
PullMeIntoTheDark - KC hasn't been cheating on Clare - Clare had cheated on KC. Thank you so so much for reading and reviewing my story, it really does mean a lot to me and I honestly appreciate it. (:
liveANDlovelife - Will do (: Thanks so so much for reading and reviewing my story; it really does mean a lot to me and I appreciate it sooo much! (:
Elinfatuated - Agreed, no one will/is ever going to be as hot, funny, charming, and just plain AMAYZING as Munro. (: I saw the new promo and my jaw honestly hit the floor. I went on Youtube and watched it over and over and over again for a good forty-five minutes. I even began crying! I can't believe Clare did that to him - he's gone through so much pain and it really sucks for her to leave him at such a bad time. The way he says "You promised, remember, that you'd never leave me," was honestly the SADDEST thing ever! I wanted to run to Munro's house and hug him for years. I need to see these episodes NOW. I hope Eli will be okay :( And as for the Degrassi Drama T-Shirts - I read some where that it's apart of the show, like Eli and Clare join a Drama club together? I could be wrong though. Who ever gets to marry Munro, is the person with the GREATEST luck ever. Honestly, that girl is going to be the luckiest girl in the entire world. And my friends aren't all that in to Degrassi either, which is why I write fanfictions, (: Anyways, Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story; it seriously means the world to me and I appreciate it more then anything, (:
Reviewer - Will do (: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing my story. It seriously means the world to me, and I appreciate it sooo much! (:
Song Suggestion - "Today We Give Ourselves To The Fire" by Cloud Cult
This is the song from the new promo - which is absolutely CRAZY. (:
OH MY; I just watched the new Degrassi promo, about fifteen times!
If you haven't seen it, you NEED to go on Youtube and search
"In Too Deep Degrassi promo", this promo is honestly INSANE.
I am more then scared for what's going to happen to Eli.
I'm really nervous /:
Chapter Ten
"Part One: I Am Alive"
I paced back and forth in my room, my feet feeling like a million pounds, and my heart beating louder then ever before. I felt sick to my stomach, like instead of having butterflies swarm around in the pit of my stomach - it was like the sharpest type of knifes stabbing in to me.
I purposely stomped my feet as loud as possible - praying that I could get all of my anger out on how hard my feet were hitting the wooden floor. I let out a deep breath and counted in my head - whenever I got over-angry or emotional, I would just breath and count - it was my own personal way of calming myself down..
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10..
I closed my eyes, as I continued pacing - maybe if my eyes were closed, I wouldn't feel the pain that my body and brain was experiencing. Julia's death was like the greatest torture. It was the worst experience to ever happen to me and I can't even take it back or fix it. In most situations, when some one makes a mistake, they are capable of fixing it, and making sure that no one is really hurt anymore. Unfortunately, I'm here, stuck alone, with out her.. With out Julia. I would give up every thing possible in order to go back to the night and stop her from taking off.
The worst part of it all is..
Clare doesn't even know the full truth about Julia..
Clare has no idea. I lied to Clare about half of the story.
Only KC knows the truth.
I woke up the next morning, prepared for school - prepared to go through an entire six hour period, avoiding telling KC about what I had done and practically having no friends at all. I felt sick, I wanted to fake sick and get out of school today - I couldn't bear being there for more then a minute.
Hopefully my parents would be out - how they always are, and maybe I'd be capable of ditching school - wandering off to a place that no one knows. Maybe I could go in Morty and drive, with out any direction or destination - just drive with the hope that I'll find a peaceful place with out human contact.
I wanted to live in some alternate world, where none of my life was the way it is. In a world where Julia was still alive, but she never fell for me - that way, she'd never get hurt. A world where I never came to Degrassi - since I practically am on the route to ruining Clare and KC's life. A world where I can't hurt any one or any thing - I can't ruin people's life's and cause them misery.
A world where the only person I can ruin is..
Me.
I walked downstairs, praying that I would walk down to an empty and cold house - one that still has all the lights on, and the door is unlocked. My parents being home would force me to enter Degrassi; which would soon be referred to as Hell, considering the fact that I have strong beliefs that KC is going to uncover the truth and turn every thing against me.
I turned the corner, practically begging for there to be an empty kitchen.
And..
My mother stood at the counter, making toast, and my father sat at the table. Of course, this is the morning they decide to actually come home. I should've known, with my luck, that they would pick last night to come home early..
I rolled my eyes and sighed, catching my mother's attention; she turned her head to face me and smiled,
"Why are you all upset?" She asked. Ever since I lost Julia, my mom has always been so concerned about every time I am upset, I guess that I would rather have her acknowledge it, rather than ignore it..
"Nothing mom.. Just a tired morning," I lied, hoping that she would believe me,
She smiled and nodded; "It's seven in the morning, no one expects you to be wide awake!" She added with a smile,
I smirked - "I'm not going to eat today. I have to get to school early, to help a teacher, for some extra credit points," Even though I'm tired and very upset right now.. I can't help but be the King of Lying..
"Okay, I'll see you after school honey." She responded, approving me of leaving early; I smiled once again and grabbed my back pack -
I know, before I was ranting on about how much I wanted to avoid school - but I might as well get there early, so I am capable of getting myself used to being there, all alone. I needed to find a place to fit in, sure - eating lunch at my locker was most likely what I was going to be doing for now on, but I don't know who to talk to - who to trust - or who to turn to.
I feel like I'm lost in my Degrassi. I'm a misfit.
I entered Morty and immediately let out a deep breath, as I turned the radio on - stopping at a radio station, which was playing the song; "Today We Give Ourselves To The Fire" by Cloud Cult. I drove, allowing my thoughts to be silenced, as the music took my mind over - drowning out any thoughts I had about Clare, Julia, or KC..
I finally pulled up to Degrassi, against what I had planned for the day. I didn't want to be here, and I don't think any one could blame me. KC and I are barely friends at this point - he may not know about the kiss, but he will soon, I know he will. I've never heard any stories where the cheater got away with it, meaning that Clare and me are not going to get away with it..
You may not think this; but I actually don't want KC to find out. I know, you would think I would because I want Clare; well at least I used to want Clare.. But not anymore. I don't want KC and Clare to break up, despite what many would think..
I parked Morty and exited the driver's seat. I walked as slow as possible towards Degrassi, begging for the school day to be cancelled and for every one to be forced to go home. Of course, my wishes wouldn't be granted. I approached the front doors and slowly opened them, glancing at the few people who were here.
I was at school exceptionally early today, and people usually didn't come this early. Although, I would much rather be here too early; so that I can actually do my home work for once.
I was slacking in school - and I'll be the first to admit that. I rarely do my homework and when I do, I fill in random answers that I got from the top of my head. I know, school's important and I should always do my work..
I took a seat at my locker and pulled a piece of paper out of my back pack. I had to write an English paper, and I had no idea what to write about. I personally loved English class, it was my favorite class. Writing was actually fun and it gave me a chance to talk about things in my life that I try to keep secret. Teachers never judge you or tell other people about the things you say or write - meaning, that Ms. Dawes isn't going to screw my over, unlike other people will..
I tapped my pencil, and bit my bottom lip - I stared at an empty sheet of paper,
Eli Goldsworthy
English, Period 2
Ms. Dawes
My heading was the only thing that was on this paper. I went blank - I had no idea what to write or what to think. Putting your thoughts and ideas on paper isn't as easy as it may seem. I'm the type that always thinks and thinks and thinks about things; attempting to keep them to myself. Although, English was usually an exception - since I always wrote about past experiences, but for some reason - I just couldn't write my thoughts on paper today.. All I could think about was Clare and my harsh argument the previous day..
Maybe the whole thing was my fault - maybe I was at fault, for once. Maybe I had blamed her, because I'm so used to being the criminal, that for once I wanted to be the victim..
Although, the things she said were not my fault - I had no intentions on pushing her to the point where she was willing to low blow me at the harshest point. If anything she said was going to hurt me - it would definitely be that. Maybe Clare wasn't the innocent Saint that I had thought she was, I was possibly wrong about her - Maybe people know Clare as the type to say whatever she can to hurt people..
Or maybe she messed up. Maybe I'm being too harsh on her for what she did; if it were the other way around, I might accidentally bring that up too..
No, I can't give in. I can't forgive her just because I like her. I can't allow myself to be stepped all over, just because I hold certain feelings for the girl. There is no way that I'm going to throw myself back in to this mess. I was done, for the time being - I needed a break from the drama.
A voice broke my thoughts, as my eyes stared up to see KC Guthrie's face, with a smile on it. God, just his smile proved that his ego was the size of China. He was so full of himself and self-centered. All he cared about was making sure that he was happy, without looking around to see how every one else felt.
"Doing your homework? Never knew you were such a nerd," He joked. A month ago, I wouldn't of cared that he had said that.. But for some reason, now I do.
"Oh you know it - Just trying to gain some academic knowledge." I joked back - even though KC bothers me, I'm sort of the asshole in the situation, at this point; I should probably begin being extremely nice to him now, while we're still friends.
"Trust me - it's way too late to start trying to learn now - you're too far behind, Goldsworthy," He responded - smirking after. I smiled, holding back the urge to roll my eyes.
"Oh, I see.. I forgot that you were just so brilliant," I sarcastically stated, KC was the complete opposite of brilliant. KC was more bad at school then I was, which was considerably terrible. KC laughed, and took a seat next to me.
"Alright dude, enough of this school shit. I need to ask you some thing." He began, I nodded -
"Proceed" I gave him permission to continue,
"Clare has been really distant the last couple of days, what should I do?" Oh fuck..
My teeth were clenched, as my brain scrambled for an answer..
'Well me and her kissed and she's scared you'll find out' that sounds like a reasonable answer...
"Have the two of you argued recently?" I had to play dumb; like I had no part in it.
"Well, earlier this week - but we made up yesterday and we talked on the phone last night for like three hours, and she was so quiet and she seemed so upset. I asked her what happened and she said she just makes stupid comments that she knows she shouldn't make. I asked her who she made this 'stupid comment' to, and she said 'never mind'." He explained. The stupid comment? Must of been talking about her Julia remark.
The nice thing to do would be to admit up to what I had done, and why Clare was so upset..
"She probably said some thing to Alli about Drew, or some thing of that sort," Maybe I wasn't as nice as I had thought..
"Most likely," KC replied,
"How about you just suck up to her today - you know, try to show her that you really love her and that it's not all just an act. You tend to put your friends before Clare, and that might be what's bothering her. Just really be nice to her today and put her before every one else," My advice proved that I was nice. I knew that KC's priority list bothered Clare; and here I am, setting KC up to be the perfect boyfriend; when I'm in love with Clare.
"Do you really think my friends bother Clare?"
I nodded, not wanting to admit that she had told me that they did.
"Alright thanks man." KC stated, "I hope Clare will be happier today,"
"Speaking of the devil," I murmured, seeing that Clare was approaching the two of us.
KC turned his head to see her and smiled,
"Hey KC, want to go to the cafeteria?" Clare asked, practically begging for him to be dragged away from me - probably convinced that I had plans to blow the huge secret and tell KC what had happened between Clare and me. No worries, Clare.. I don't plan on telling him..
"Well, I actually have to go to meet up with Drew at the Library, he told me it's some thing really important - so I can't miss it," KC stated.
It's funny.. I just specifically told him NOT to put his friends before Clare, and there he is again.. Putting his friends before Clare.
"Oh," Clare murmured, as she looked at the floor. As I stated before, it bothers her.
"I'll see you at lunch though?" He asked, standing up and placing his hands on her shoulders.
"Of course," She had the fakest smile on her face; to hide the misery that KC put her through. I would stick up for her and tell KC that he shouldn't do this to her.. But she wouldn't do that for me, so why should I do that for her?
KC kissed her cheek and walked away;
We were all alone.
Clare and me. Me and Clare.
Just the two of us.
I grabbed my books and threw them in my back pack. I then proceeded to stand up, and throw my back pack on, over my shoulder. I started walking away, when I heard Clare call my name. I turned around to face her - to see what she could possibly want.
"Eli!" Our eyes stared in to one anothers, as we were silent for a moment. Clare hesitated to speak again, but soon began to; "I'm sorry." She paused once again, "For what I said - it was.. Unnecessary and rude."
"Okay." I began walking away again,
"Eli!" She yelled my name once again, I stopped and faced her - not wanting to even speak to her.. "Are we cool?"
"What do you think?" With that, I walked away - for good this time.
Honestly, I didn't want to forgive Clare - I had low-respect for her right now and I think I had every right to. She kissed me, rejected me, brought up my past and still puts up with KC's shit. I never knew that some one so brilliant, could be so fucking dumb.
I walked outside, and immediately saw Adam walking up the stairs, by himself.
"Hey dude." I greeted him, feeling bad about how I treated him the day before - I had no intentions on snapping at him and being such an asshole; I just really couldn't deal with people, at the time.
"Hey." He replied, seeming as if he felt awkward about the entire situation.
"I'm sorry about yesterday - I was really pissed off about some thing else,"
"Need to talk about it?" He asked,
"No, I've thought about it enough and I'd rather forget all about it." I admitted,
We walked back down the stairs and stood on the sidewalk,
"How's the whole Clare situation?" He asked,
"That's what I'm trying to forget about," I answered, attempting to keep the answer as simple as possible; avoiding details.
"Oh, she's the one who pissed you off." Congratulations Captain Obvious.
"Correct." I murmured, his facial expression proved that he wanted details and I decided to just hand them to him, "I told Clare some thing about my past - some thing that I honestly do not want to talk about - and while we were arguing, she brought it up and now I just have no respect for her and I can't deal with some one who is willing to be so cruel to some one else." I explained,
"People are stupid, and tend to throw low-blows at other people, when they know they're about to lose an argument,"
"Couldn't agree more," After saying this, I heard one of the Degrassi front door's slam opened, and I suddenly heard Clare's voice.
I turned my head to see KC stomping towards me - with Clare, Drew, and Alli following him.
KC looked like he was out to murder - and I was the one in his path..
"What kind of best friend are you!" He screamed at the top of his lungs, getting in my face.
"What are you talking about?" I asked, confused to why he was exploding on me, out of nowhere.
"You made out with my girlfriend in an abandoned park! That's what I'm talking about!" He responded,
Fuck. My. Life.
Clare grabbed KC's arm, attempting to calm him down - "KC, come on, let's just stop and talk." Clare suggested
"Get away from me!" He demanded, he then turned his attention back on me - "You're a joke, Eli! You always pretended like you were my best friend and that you actually cared about me, but instead you go behind my back and flirt with my girlfriend constantly? I was there for you through every thing in the past - what happened with Julia and your dad!" Just like Clare, he brings up my past..
"My dad and Julia have nothing to do with this!" I yelled, very angry at the fact that the two were being brought up,
"I'm not scared to hurt your feelings or to bring up the past right now! You fucked my life over, so why should I care?" He screamed,
"You should care because I'm your best friend!"
"Best friend? Are you kidding me right now? Best friends don't make out with each others girlfriends!" KC argued,
"I'm sorry, KC! I didn't mean to cause so much damage and I didn't mean to do this to you! I don't want to fuck up your life! You can have Clare, I don't want her!" I glanced at Clare, who was only a few steps away from KC, she looked so nervous - so scared;
"You don't want her? You don't deserve her!" He responded,
"Don't act like you're some Saint! You are just as big of a scumbag as I am!"
"Oh, is that what you think?" He began "Did you tell any one here about your past, Eli? Huh? How about your record, or Julia, or your dad?"
"KC shut up." I murmured, begging for him to stop.
"I can easily tell every one about how your dad-" Before he could finish, I punched him in the face as hard as I possibly could. KC went to punch me back, but Drew pulled him back -
"Dude, stop." Drew demanded.
"Eli - you have made the biggest mistake of your life! Prepare to leave Degrassi, because people are soon going to know the real you." KC then walked inside with Drew, holding his lip - which was bleeding.
I was in complete shock; about twenty people were surrounded in front of the school - staring me down, as I stood there; barely even moving.
"Why did you tell him?" I yelled at Clare,
"I didn't!" She defended herself,
"Well then how the hell does he know!" I screamed back.
"I only told one person!" Clare responded,
"Who?"
Without answering, Clare turned to look at Alli who looked like she was frightened for her life.
"I told Drew and he promised not to tell anyone." Alli stated.
At that moment, I became even more mad then I was before.
"Alli! Are you kidding?" Clare yelled, "He clearly told KC!"
"I'm sorry! I had no idea it would end like this!" Alli sympathetically stated,
"It's a little too late for sorry." I responded,
Clare stormed in to Degrassi, as Alli followed - I stood there, in shock.
What if KC tells people the truth?
Eli has a lot of dark secrets from his past.. Prepare to find them out (:
