"This is weird."

Lips around the straw of her juice box, Rukia looked up at Ichigo's scowling face. The two were eating lunch at school, Rukia spending time in the real world again was back as a student. Ichigo though looked troubled. His bento was mostly untouched, a rarity for a boy whose stomach had been compared to a garbage disposal. Rukia slowly lowered her juice box and looked at him, confusion in her eyes. There were nay number of things that could be troubling him, she was honestly not sure which was at the forefront of her mind.

"I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm happy they're not joined at the hip anymore but its just--its weird."

He was talking about them.

Rukia tried not to cringe. Like the rest of them she had very mixed feelings on the subject of Ulquiorra and Orihime's strange relationship. She had, like the rest of them, learned to accept the ebony haired, emerald eyed man who was just always there. It was hard not to accept him. She had always wondered, albeit vaguely, how Ichigo felt when she had shown up at school that first day and told him she'd kill him if he made a scene. Well the day that Ulquiorra walked through the doors as if nothing had happened was the day she found out. It was a wildly unpleasant feeling, one she would not care to repeat experiencing. Unfortunately there was no organization that had sent him, no mission to complete, just a man who had once been their enemy and now made no effort to be their friend. Not that something that simple had ever stopped Orihime Inoue from talking to a person. Somehow they all found themselves spending time with him. It would be a stretch to say that he and Ichigo were friends but then again, the stretch was nowhere what it had been.

Sado had been the most calm of them when it came to the Espada. As it turned out, Ulquiorra was a well of hidden information as well as appreciating Sado's love of music--and getting his name right. That, the fact they both had tattoos and the fact that Sado was on something of a green kick in his brightly colored shirts helped the two of them tolerate each other the most. Naturally Rukia was far more inclined to beat him, Ichigo who had already done it was hot on her heels but Ulquiorra said he had no interest in fighting either of them and given how he left things with her, the only person who Ichigo fought for months following his return was Tatsuki. Ishida of course chalked it up to something called Stockholm syndrome and suggested Orihime needed mental help in order to deal with what had happened and her sudden loyalty to Ulquiorra.

That theory had been blown out of the water exactly three days ago.

Being enemies the simple fact was that neither Rukia nor Orihime had realized that for people who did not know his history, Ulquiorra was a very attractive person. Tall with his shaggy dark hair and piercing emerald eyes, many many girls seemed to think that he was 'hot'. For all his 'my eye sees everything' persona, Ulquiorra was actually rather blind when it came to the world of high school where practicality was not something that applied. He was, of course, completely oblivious to the fact that most of the female student body was swooning over him. He talked to girls because seemed to be talking to everyone. It did not seem to register that the fact he gave practical, bare minimum answers to the girls gave him a bad boy persona that had them positively fawning over him.

Three days ago one of them had grabbed the poor, oblivious former Espada by his shirt collar and kissed him.

Right in front of Orihime.

It was then that they learned that they were as blind as Ulquiorra when Orihime marched over to him, tore the girl off him, backhanded the former Espada and declared that she never wanted to see him again before storming off in the opposite direction. None of them had even been aware the two were more than friends--much less that they were romantically involved. Poor Ulquiorra had been completely stunned both by the nameless girl that kissed him and the fact that the girlfriend that no-one knew he had had just slapped him and told him that she never wanted to see him again. They all chalked the fact he did not go running after her up to pride--that or he was still in shock and by the time he realized she was gone it was too late. Three days later and the two of them were still not speaking. They were having something that none of them thought was even possible: they were having a normal, couples fight.

"It is weird," Rukia agreed, "I feel like we're torn between them."

Ichigo glared but had to agree. The rest of them hadn't known who to side with. The obvious choice was Orihime but suddenly they realized that Ulquiorra had become part of their group without them even realizing it. So true to teenage form they did nothing, dividing their time between the two of them and refusing to take sides. It was weird, having friends that were dating and currently fighting. Things were so much easier somehow when the matters were life and death. In high school things just seemed more--well, more complicated.

The most frightening thing was that while Ulquiorra acted like his usual why-the-hell-should-I-care-self, Orihime seemed to have taken to acting like, well, like him. To say it was odd to see a cold Orihime Inoue was a massive understatement. It was odd and weird and a thousand things that no-one could really understand. Orihime was supposed to help balance Ulquiorra's more callous personality with her bright and cheery manner. Now though she just as cold as was--almost like she was trying to give him a taste of his own medicine.

The best part was that it was working.

Down below them Ulquiorra was wondering exactly how much effort it would take to kill someone with the chopsticks he had in his hands. Despite growing up significantly during their time together, there remained an innate innocence and cheerfulness about Orihime. He knew it was still there, if repeated threats to torture her hadn't broken her spirit than an accidental act of infidelity would not do so. Which meant one thing: she was doing this on purpose. He had learned that his cold personality made him attractive to the opposite sex, something that he had not really been aware of. His relationship with Orihime was--or had been--far too complicated to chalk up to simple, primal attraction. He would not deny that she was attractive but something as--as emotional as that, it was something he would never think he would fall prey too.

Not until Orihime started acting like an ice queen.

She was sitting directly in his viewpoint, ignoring him despite his heated stare as she had been for the past few days. Instead of wearing her hair down as she usually did, she had taken to pulling it back leaving the arch of her neck exposed. Her fairy hairpins were still in place along with a dark clip that kept her hair up. All but one strand that fell from the style. It was tucked absently behind her ear leaving her features exposed before trailing onto her shoulder. He couldn't take his eyes off it. Or the long legs that were exposed by the short length of her skirt. They were crossed as she held a book open in her lap. Her soft bottom lip was caught between her teeth as her eyes scanned the page of the book, her long fingers just teasing the edge of the paper.

He could walk over there and talk to her but she would give cold, curt, replies that would have him torn between wanting to strangle her and wanting to push her against the wall and claim her in front of the entire school. Neither was a good idea so he sat where he was, wishing all kinds of death on girls an their taunting ways. He had not known what tat girl was going to do. Truly he hadn't until her lips were on his, her tongue shoved into his mouth. He was too shocked to do anything and the fact that her leg was dangerously close to his crotch made it impossible for him to move without either making the situation worse or endangering his, uh, other sword. He would have apologized too if when he had gone to talk to her she hadn't answered him so coldly. He had been too stunned to talk, much less apologize for something that hadn't technically been his fault.

Now though he was just going to go insane.

He was acting like a--like a teenager.

Ulquiorra dropped the chopsticks, wondering how it was that he thought for an instant that he was in charge of her. He as pretty sure that the entire time in Las Noches she probably knew that she'd be fine and he was just being ridiculous. And then when she said everything was fine she was probably just waiting for the moment when she could pull something like this on him. It was no wonder that Aizen just had one female Espada. Anymore and no work would ever get done because girls were manipulative creatures who were put in the world to torture the poor men stupid enough to be in love with them. He threw out his uneaten lunch, knowing that he wasn't going to be able to eat thanks to the disgust coursing through him. He was pathetic when it came to her. He always had been. He should have just strapped her down and given her IVs from the beginning, before she sunk those claws into him.

Before he realized what he was doing he walked over to her. Her only response was to let out a small sigh, turn the page of her book and scratch an itch high on her thigh. Ulquiorra's mouth seemed to dry up at the sight of the red lines her fingers left so high on the pale skin. Instead of blushing or pulling the skirt down, Orihime simply let it stay where it was, moving her hand up to brush the lock of her hair back, completely ignoring the fact that he was standing right in front of her.

"You've made your point," he said, his voice a cool monotone despite the heat inside him.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," she said, her practically matching his.

"Woman," he began.

Orihime ignored him as she closed the book and got to her feet, flicking her hair back and turning to go. He would not grab her. Grabbing her meant touching her and while his control snapping was a concern, he would not touch her because that meant that the tables had been reversed and he as officially acting like her which was something his pride would never allow.

So he stepped in front of her.

"Wo--"

"I am a woman," she said drawing herself up with haughty indignation, her voice still cool, "my name is Orihime."

She glared at him for a moment before she sidestepped him and walked into the building before he could get a word past the block in his throat.

It wasn't until the pain from his nails digging into his palms registered that he was able to jerk himself out of his stupor and go after her. Walking was probably the wrong word, he stormed after her, his emerald eyes furious as he picked his way through the students milling about. The thing that slowed him down the most was the fact that the boys that seemed to have always thought she was attractive now seemed to be tripping over themselves. Only his furious glare kept them from being stupid enough to approach her. The fact that the idea had crossed their minds was enough make him sure that they were going to deal with this problem now before anyone was stupid enough to make a move on her.

Finally as she was passing a deserted classroom he swallowed his pride and acted, grabbing her arm and pulling her inside, closing the door behind her before she could so much as move. Anger sparked in the cold fury of her gaze as all the blood that circulated through him seemed to fly south for the winter. She glared right back up at him, her grey eyes not shying away from his emerald ones. But then again, why would they? She had never been afraid of him, not really anyway. Even her so-called breakdown on the battlefield had been centered around Kurosaki, not his new form. Now that they were both there looking completely normal she had absolutely no reason to be afraid of him, even though they were in a darkened classroom.

"What do you want?" she demanded, her voice still cool and haughty as she glared up at him.

Words were useless to him.

Grabbing her and kissing her was the only thing he could do.

For all her anger she met his lips with the same raw eagerness as he kissed her, her fingers burying themselves in the fabric of his shirt. His own wrapped around her narrow waist, crushing her body against his as he ignored the small part of him that was desperate to figure out what the hell he was doing. It didn't matter. All that mattered was that the odd melody of flavors that hit him when he kissed her were there again. Her weight was heavy in his arms as she practically melted into the kiss, the ice queen becoming the spring princess once again. Her arms moved from his shirt to wrap around his shoulders as his own moved in response to her change in attitude.

Neither heard the bell for their next class.

Later when they both got detention for missing said class neither really minded. Ulquiorra focused on his work, finally able to thank to the fact that Orihime had her hair down and the usual smile on her lips.

Orihime on the other hand wrote a letter.

Dear Matsumoto

It worked!


I have no excuse for this except I wanted to write something fun and lighthearted. There.

Hope you enjoyed.

Oh and also, there was some confusion over this last time. This story is listed as COMPLETE because each oneshot is a stand alone story or a followup. This isn't a multi-chapter story with cliffies and all that goodness.

However, if you enjoy that sort of thing on my profile there are much longer Ulquihime goodies:

Almost Lovers: 5 chapters of Ulquihime goodness with a plot. Started out angsty, didn't exactly end up that way.

Silent Force/Arcana: this is my first big Ulquihime-duo story--well stories since Arcana is the sequel. Its long and dramatic and a totally awesome thing, or so people tell me. Hell I like it too. Warning is that it does have other couples and I know sometimes people don't like others. So if you're worried you can PM me and I'll forewarn you if a couple you hate is in it.

Oh!

Dwellin has once again blown my socks off with a fantastic piece of art inspired by the story! Go check it out--check out her whole gallery! She's a wonderful wonderful artist who does great work. Her Bleach fanart is among my favorites on the site.

Okay more oneshots soon.