Chapter 11: Truth or Dare

a/n: Thanks for the reviews!

a/n: Since my updates have been sporadic, a couple key things to remember from past chapters:

1) Alice isn't aware of Bella's suspicions about Nalani maybe being another love interest for Edward on the trip.

2) Nalani isn't aware that Bella saw Edward and her looking very cozy at the club

3) Edward and Bella are both virgins in this story.

a/n: Okay, song for this chapter which is what I hear playing during the last part: Amos Lee's "Arms of a Woman." I have a link of it on my profile under this story's chapter. Or you can search on youtube by artist and title if you want to.

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"I would like to ask a favor, though, if it's not too much," he said.

"Anything," I vowed...

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid," he order, no longer detached. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

I nodded helplessly.

"And I'll make you a promise in return, " he said. "I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me.''

--Edward and Bella in New Moon

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BPOV

Angela and I waved good-bye to Alice, Nalani, and Rowena and shut the door.

"What the hell was all that about, Bella? Honestly?"

I had no clue.

Alice showed up at my doorstep at 2:00 PM on the dot. Angela was on her way out with Ben when Alice arrived. But when she saw who Alice brought, she refused to leave my side.

Nalani. The girl from the club who was locked in a "dive deeper into the depths of my eyes" staring contest with Edward that one night at the club. I would have been more comfortable seeing them make out honestly. The intimacy exchanged between them in that moment was stunning. Not to mention that she was also the girl hand picked by Emmett for Edward that day at Waimea Beach.

I didn't understand the meaning of Alice bringing her to see me, if there was any meaning at all.

Was Alice bffs with Nalani, and Nalani was checking out her competition? I had to laugh even forming that sentence in my mind. Like there was a competition. If she was coming to check out the competition, wouldn't she had left after getting a quick and reassuring glance at me?

Instead, they all stayed for a good hour. And were so nice. Too nice to be trying to size me up as competition.

Oddly nice too.

"Why did the mom keep rubbing your head like that, like you were some pet? And why was Nalani putting her palms up in the air towards you like you were some electric heater she was warming up to? They kept doing those same gestures over and over again. Can you say: OCD runs in that family?" Angela just shook her head. I had to conclude that Nalani had no clue who I was. She was too sincere and sweet to have been planning anything underhanded.

But Alice. Alice was the real mystery. She knew I liked her brother. And she liked me. It was clear when she said good-bye. She had tears in her eyes and ran back from the car to give me one last hug.

Whatever Alice's intentions were for making me meet Nalani right now, they weren't to hurt me. That's why the only conclusion I could come to was this. She interrupted Edward and I last night, effectively shutting down all the declarations that were happening between us. She was crying when she did. The next day, she brings Nalani to meet me. Was she warning me to be aware that there were others, that I wasn't the only one? Was she warning me about her brother?

"Weird." Angela popped me out of my thoughts. "I have no idea what that was about. But it was weird."

Angela threw a packet of Pop Tarts my way. "Lunch is on me, Bella. Now let's have that micro-bikini of yours get some airtime at the beach for all the boys to drool over."

Dang: even Angela seemed to come to the same conclusion as me. She was already trying to find me a new playmate replacement.

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APOV

Fustrating.

The meeting with Bella was utterly fustrating. Rowena was skeptical about going to see Bella in the first place. She reminded me that the smallest things can change someone's life path. She thought descending upon Bella with "all the goods" we had was anything but small.

So I compromised with her. I told her we'd go over there in a sort of recon mission, and simply get Rowena to try to read Bella's thoughts about Edward. No unveiling of truths or mysteries. Just a hand touch from Memaw Rowena, a quick aura read from Nalani, and we were out of there.

Ten Bella-face-rub-downs later, with Rowena looking exasperated and Bella looking utterly confused, I knew we had to call it a night. Between Rowena rubbing her hands on her and Nalani throwing up her palms in her direction, you would have thought there was an exorcism going on.

As I walked away from Bella, I couldn't help but notice how beautiful and precious she was. How she had single handedly transformed my brother in a matter of days, when his family had been failing for years now in our attempts to lighten him up. I couldn't help myself, I ran back to hug her. I didn't want to let her go. Hell, I was ready to put her in my carry-on myself.

As we headed down the road, Bella was still waving at the doorstep.

"Hmmm..." Rowena grumbled.

"So what did you get," I asked, trying to brace myself. She didn't look exactly jubilant, and I was fearing the worst.

"I couldn't read her. She is unreadable for me like she is for Edward." Rowena did not seem amused by this development.

"Could you learn anything from her aura, Nalani?" I said that while trying not to laugh. Why did I suddenly feel like I was on the Justice League and any minute someone was going to ask me to get my magic lasoo out and drive them in an invisible airplane?

Nalani nodded tenatively. "Not what we needed to know really. I couldn't tell anything about her feelings for Edward, only about her. But I'm sure you felt it." She looked at Rowena.

Rowena confirmed she did.

"Felt what," I asked impatiently.

Rowena answered with a raised eyebrow: "Bella has gifts of her own."

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BPOV

Probably.

Edward called around 9:00 PM and told me he "probably" couldn't make it over tonight. The conversation was short. Sweet. But short.

That damn "probably" messed with my head for hours. It caused me to bail out on catching a movie with Angela and Ben in a neighboring town. It caused me to pretend that I was unlocking my bedroom sliding glass door because you never know - Angela and Ben might get locked out and need a way in. It caused me to clean the kitchen...and clean...and clean some more, just for an excuse to stay up. Just in case Angela and Ben might be locked out and need a way in. Just in case they didn't think to check my unlocked sliding door.

When I started scrubbing the grout between the tiles at 1:30 AM in the morning, I knew it was all in vain. He wasn't coming. I put away the Comet and the butter knife and called it a night.

I sat on my bed for a moment, looking out at the full moon through my sliding glass door window. I could smell him on my sheets still; I didn't let housekeeping change them today for that very reason. Because somewhere deep down, I knew I would be sleeping alone tonight. I settled down onto his pillow, taking it all in. Earthy and clean and masculine.

I shouldn't have gotten comfort by it. He was too polite tonight on the phone. As my eyes closed, his words were echoing through my mind.

Edward reminded me that he was leaving the morning after next, early. He needed to spend the day with his family. But he would come by to see me no matter what tomorrow night. He said we could go on a walk by my condo, since there were some trails right beside it that led to the beach.

It sounded like he was organizing a business meeting instead of planning an evening together.

He was trying to backtrack from what was said in the heat of the moment last night. About wanting us to continue on once we got back home. I knew it.

I decided right then and there I wasn't going to spend the next 24 hours sulking because Edward seemed to be saying good-bye to me. That was the natural thing to do, when you meet someone on vacation, I reminded myself. You meet, you have a better time than if they hadn't been there, and then you say good-bye. You get to preserve perfect memories of perfect days in perfect places...with perfect people. At least for the short time you knew them.

That's all I wanted now, for Edward and me. I could be the bigger person. I could walk right up to him, give him a hug, and thank him for making my vacation so much more than I expected. There was no need for awkward good-byes. Because what we had for a few short days? Was beautiful.

I nuzzled back into his pillow and replayed my vacation in my mind. At least the part of the vacation that mattered most: meeting a boy on a cliff in need of a push.

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EPOV

I tried to tiptoe through the suite to the back bedroom. The sun was just rising, and everyone was still in bed. My dad wasn't even up yet.

As I opened the door, I found Alice sprawled across my bed, asleep.

I nudged her over to one side as I collapsed on the other.

She jerked upwards, slightly disoriented, and then zeroed in on me.

"YOU! Where the hell have you been?"

I threw a hand over her mouth to mute her screeching.

"Shh...people are trying to sleep."

She took my hands. "Were you with Bella?"

I hadn't been with Bella. I went back to Laie Point, the place Bella took me two nights before. There was so much to sort through, I had to be away from everyone else. Especially her.

"Edward, we need to talk."

She confessed within seconds what SHE had been up to yesterday. It took everything in my power not shake her shoulders and ask her what she was thinking.

Alice had gone to Bella's. With Nalani and Rowena.

"She's...gifted too, Edward. Nalani and Rowena picked it up right away. They think that's why you two gravitate towards one another so strongly."

I gave her a dubious look. She ignored me and continued.

"Your gift leaves you open to others, exposed. But Bella works in the opposite way. They said Bella has qualities that are very unique and hard to cateogorize--just like yours." She pointed at me with a dramatic face.

"What qualities?"

Alice leaned in closer.

"Edward, how did you meet Bella?"

I rolled my eyes. She already knew the story about her making me jump off the cliff with her.

"No. You're wrong," she said smugly.

Huh?

"I asked Bella, Edward. And she recounted the story very differently. You always say she saw some wimp on a cliff and pushed him off. Bella said she came onto the cliff, and saw a guy who looked incredibly scared."

"I told you that part already--"

"But Edward," Alice interrupted," you left out the part about Emmett and Jasper screaming insults at you from the water below. That was the biggest thing for her. She told me she remembered you from the club the night before, with all the women hanging around you. Bella said she would have never approached you, because she was intimidated by you. But she had to in that moment...because she hated seeing others treating you badly."

I looked at her in confusion. I didn't get her point. It was her turn to let out a put-out sigh.

"EDWARD...Bella's been protecting you from the beginning, right down to your meeting. The way Rowena and Nalani put it, Bella has a very keen ability to pick up on others' pain or despair and to protect them instinctively. Her ability to protect and love those she cares about is crazy..."

I was even more confused.

"How is that a gift? That's what many people do."

"Rowena said it's about degrees. The degree that Bella picks up on others problems and needs, and the precise degree with how she attends to them is the key. She's finely tuned, without consciously realizing it."

She waited for that to sink in a little before beginning again.

"Think about it, Edward. You've been robbed of sleep for years, and what does Bella do without any knowledge of this? She got you to take naps with her. You've always had a hard time with touching of any kind from others. What does she do without knowing this? She takes your hand at every opportunity from the moment she meets you, like you told me. And before long, you can't keep your hands off her. Edward...don't you see? Bella's saving you from yourself."

I was starting to get the idea, but it only made me feel worse.

"Great, so I'm a parasite."

"NO, and that's what Nalani pointed out, Edward. You two save eachother. Her gift, just like your gift, can be a curse. Just as your gift opens you up too widely to people? Her gift actually shields her off to those around her. Her ability is to be protective. But in many ways she's been so protective she's never let anyone in beyond family and a few childhood friends. You disarmed her as much as she's disarmed you."

My heart sank, realizing she might be right.

"I have to tell you though, Edward. If I didn't know better, I would have thought Bella was slightly jealous of Nalani."

And then it came back to me. Ben had told me days earlier that Bella had seen me with Nalani in the club days before. That she had thought we had been there as a couple.

"Oh, God, Alice what have you done?" I told her what Bella must have been thinking when she brought Nalani by.

"Well, just explain it to her when you see her tonight. Bella deserves to know what's going on. You owe it to her to let her make her choices with this situation. This doesn't involve just you. You two have a lot to talk about."

"Alice, I'm not going to see her tonight to talk. I'm going to say good bye."

Alice lit into me immediately. She asked me how could I go ahead after hearing what she had learned about us both. How I could be so arrogant to make a choice that affected Bella, not just me.

I reminded her she knew better than anyone how I could. All she had to do was close her eyes and see Bella's face as she tried in vain to hold onto my grasp.

"You can't say good bye to her, Edward. It will break her in ways you don't even realize right now, not to mention how it will affect you."

"Clean breaks heal fastest, " I answered, barely above a whisper.

She stared at me with her mouth open. "You aren't in medical school right now, Edward. And she's not a damn bone that simply needs to be set right. She's a human being, who's fallen for you. There's no such thing as a clean break at this point for you two."

She stopped and pointed an accusing finger my way. "And besides, if you are planning a clean break, why do you care if she thinks you were on a date with Nalani??"

I hesitated, embarrassed of my murky logic. "Alice, I just want her to remember me how I was when I was with her. Not some two timer jerk she suspected on occasion. But someone who really cared about her."

Alice's eyes widened as an apalled gasp came out of her. "Oh, Edward, you have got to be kidding. You don't get to break her heart and be the good guy too, that's not how it works. You choose to do a clean break, then buck up and be the bad guy. The bad guy who rips her heart out and WILL leave wounds that won't be healed by the next schmuck who comes along."

I thought for a moment. She had a point. Clean breaks don't have lingering ties.

"You're right, Alice. I can't be the good guy here, can I? But at least there will be a next to time for her."

I turned to leave before Alice could say another word.

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BPOV

He hadn't called yet, and it was almost 11:00 PM. There was a good chance he wasn't going to show. I felt like an idiot, done up in his favorite dress I wore on our swing date, my hair tousled and styled, and walking around my kitchen in heels.

I headed to my room to change into my pj's.

As I was gathering my stuff from the closet, I heard the sliding door open.

There he was. Edward was in sweats and an old t-shirt, as if he was already dressed for his plane ride. His hair was a mess, and his eyes were bloodshot. And yet, still he looked beautiful enough to grace a magazine cover. I wasn't even thinking as I began to run toward him with open arms.

And then he put his hand up. The way a traffic cop would tell you to slow down. Or stop.

I froze right where I was. Shame shot through me quickly, even faster than the rejection that followed right after.

"Hi," I muffled out.

Edward greeted me back with a tight smile while his hand brushed through his hair. He took a deep breath, as if he was getting ready to begin some long speech he had memorized.

Oh, this wasn't good. I needed to let him know.

I was ready to say bye. As friends, who wouldn't see each or talk to eachother after this night.

But something stopped me from opening my mouth.

His face smoothed out to the point of alarm. His crooked smile turned into a straight line, his eyes went flat.

I gulped reflexively, but willed myself to move forward with my plans. I retrieved the giftbag from my bed that I had put together earlier and handed it to him.

"Here, this is for you."

He grimaced, but opened it up. The wetsuit top was the first thing he took out, holding it up like he didn't recognize it.

"That's the top I bought you earlier on in the week for snorkeling. You left it here the other day. It may come in handy for you later on sometime."

He nodded once in acknowledgement and continued on. The bag of lychee that I had picked up at a stand this afternoon was the next thing to come out.

"That's self explanatory."

He smiled back politely.

"That's sweet of you, but I can't take them on the plane. They have those inspections in the airport that prohibit bringing fruit onboard." .

Sweet. There was something humiliating about having that word directed at me, after everything we had shared together. I had no experience with these things - no reference points to tell me how to say good bye to someone that I loved but couldn't have.

I just wanted to give him a couple momentos. Momentos that wouldn't keep for more than a couple of hours - nothing that would insist on lingering past his trip home. And he was acting like I had just handed him a promise ring.

"Just eat them at the airport before you board," I mumbled. He just shook his head and handed the bag back to me.

Edward took out the final item in the bag. It was his favorite find during our travels together: a piece of Haupia Chocolate Creme Pie from Ted's Bakery.

"I thought you could eat that on the plane ride home."

He said thanks with his head down as he put it back in the bag.

Edward looked at me for a split second before starting in. "Well, I just wanted to come by and say I had a really fun time with you. You're a great girl."

He kept glancing back at the sliding door as he spoke. Why didn't he just make a break for it already? At this point, I wouldn't have minded.

"And I wanted to apologize for Alice bringing the girl over here yesterday. She wanted to warn you. She felt the need for me to come clean to you."

The girl? Who was this person in front of me?

I didn't understand why he was doing this to me now, when he was already leaving. Bitter tears were threatening to spill over, so I concentrated on his face. His cold, distant face to make my tears rethink the point of falling.

"Bella, I really didn't want to leave this thing we had here. I meant it when I said I wanted to bring you back with me to real life. I wanted to bring Neverland back home. But real life ended up seeping into Neverland instead. Distractions that made me realize I can't change who I am."

I shut my eyes. Distractions. There were more than just Nalani. I couldn't reconcile that thought with the picture he had painted of himself as a near recluse. Nothing was making sense.

"I...I don't want any confessions like this. I just wanted to say good bye to you, Edward." I struggled with the words as those traitor tears dropped quickly.

He took a deep breath as he punched his fists into his pockets.

"I'm sorry I'm upsetting you. You deserve better than this. You deserve better than me."

His voice didn't match his words. He didn't sound sorry. He sounded rehearsed. Like he'd done this routine numerous times before.

My sadness was now mixing with anger. "Don't. Don't do this. Don't use these cliched lines on me. I may be naive in some ways Edward, but I'm not dumb."

He nodded somberly, his eyes narrowing. "Okay; fair enough, Bella. But, I was wondering if I could ask one thing of you."

I looked up, surprised he would ask anything of me. I tried to wipe the tears from my eyes for my dignity's sake.

"Maybe."

Something flashed across his eyes with my answer, but I wasn't sure what. His words fell out of his mouth in quick sucession.

"Could you promise me to be careful? I mean, extra careful and vigilant for awhile when you go back home? The world is a dangerous place as it is, you don't need to add on top of the danger by doing dangerous things. Like jumping off cliffs left and right. Especially since your dry land legs are a little unpredictable."

A genuine smile appeared then, as if he was remembering the various times I had tripped in front of him over the past week.

I felt like slapping him.

"Promise me you'll be more careful than you have been on this vacation."

His face smoothed out again, all sparks of sentimentality wiped blank now.

"And if you promise to do that, I will make a promise in return. That I'll walk out this door and not bother you again. I made promises to you that I couldn't keep, and I hurt you for not living up to them. But this is one promise I intend to do right by, Bella. "

I was quite certain he was intending to keep this promise. Bastard.

But then it struck me.

I owed nothing to THIS Edward. I didn't need to acknowledge the person in front of me, he was a stranger.

He promised that if I didn't do anything dangerous, he would stay out of my life. Wrong thing to say to a girl who doesn't want him to leave in the first place. It made me react almost instantaneously.

I thought of the most dangerous thing I could do at that moment, to let him know I wasn't going to play along with him.

Something more dangerous than any cliff dive. Something that would hurt infinitely more for a long time to come than if I just accepted that THIS was the real Edward.

I would say good bye, but not to THIS Edward. I would only say good bye to MY Edward.

I answered his question with a question.

"You're proposing a pact then, Edward? I stay safe and you stay away from me? Aren't you coming out ahead with that proposal."

He shifted uncomfortably on his feet.

"Look at the time," I said as I began to retreat towards my bed. I jumped on top of it, landing on my knees. I leaned forward his way, resting my hands on the mattress.

"You have a plane to catch and I've got to get to bed."

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I could do this. He cared about me. Somewhere within him, he did. And I was going to shake that part out of him, if I had to. THAT part of him was the only part I'd be negotiating with tonight.

In a flash, I pulled my white dress over my shoulders, and threw it on the ground. I felt my bare breasts react to the cool air instantly. My hands rested upon my knees.

I heard him gasp from the other side of the room, followed by a string of muffled cursings. He started fumbling towards the door.

I didn't know if I wanted to laugh or cry. Probably both.

"I should go, Bella."

"Fine, but you didn't shake on it."

He stopped trying to unlatch the door handle and looked over at me.

"You didn't shake hands on our pact, Edward, so I don't owe you anything."

I threw out my hand with a sneer.

He trudged on over with his head lowered, trying not to look at me...and failing.

Cassanova my ass, he couldn't even stare at my breasts without blushing.

Edward tenatively shook my hand, his eyes finally meeting mine. They were pleading. Not just his eyes. His whole body was screaming out to me. Silently pleading with me.

My self-satisfaction dissipated as my hands cradled his face. "Edward, what's wrong?"

He just shook his head, as he tried to push my hand away gently. I caught his arm by his wrist.

"It's okay, Edward..."

His hands were shaking horribly - he looked like he was about to come undone.

Without thinking, I bent over to kiss his palm I was holding.

He jerked backwards on contact. My arms reached out nonetheless.

"It's all right, Edward."

"It's not, Bella. Not at all." His voice cracked as he started backing up from me again, raising his arms as if I were a cop and he was a suspect, showing he had no armor or weaponry on him now. No more cold stares, or distant posturing.

He just wanted me to let him retreat in peace.

But I couldn't. Something in me told me not to. That this was bigger than just us saying good bye. He was in so much pain.

I reached out and pulled him back to the edge of my bed by his shirt.

"Shhh..." I stood up on my knees, pressing my finger firmly to his mouth. "Edward, let me be here for you."

He softly kissed the tip of my finger. I pushed it farther into his mouth.

His eyes were shut, but...there was moisture on his eyelashes. I tried to kiss it away on both lids. So much pain.

The miniscule distance between us was still too much. I needed him closer. He needed me closer.

My finger hooked inside his mouth as the rest of my hand gripped onto his jaw; I yanked him back towards me gently.

Our chests met, and he let out a groan. But not one of simple lust. No, it was mixed with a grief that was permeating the whole room now.

My elbows bended on his shoulders as I began to massage his scalp, just the way he liked it. His head nudged into my hand.

It was working a little. The more I touched him, the more his body relaxed. But his mind was stilling running a million miles a minute - in the opposite direction of me. I could feel it.

I whispered softly into his ear: "I may be mad as hell at you right now, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm here for you."

He threw his head back with a fustrated outburst that was somewhere between a cry and a laugh. " If I don't leave right now, I'm going to ruin everything."

"Too late," I shot back with a sad smile.

I released him. But he stayed right where he was, his eyes raking over me. I crawled to the center of the bed, quietly pulled back the covers, and laid down.

My hand patted the other side of the bed and then my arms reached out to him: "You'll leave soon enough. Come rest with me one more time."

He inhaled through his nose sharply, with his hands on hips. And then he came to me.

In a rush, he slid into bed, bumping up against my body a little too hard. I couldn't help but laugh as I helped pull his shirt off over his head.

"You dork."

He chuckled through the material, flung the shirt across the room, and then laid back on his side, facing me.

His finger brushed against my lips. "Beautiful Bella. My silly, beautiful Bella," he whispered in hushed tones. It took everything in me not to burst out crying.

"MY Edward, " I whispered back.

For a short while at least.

Edward captured my lips with his as he rolled over on me. My eyebrows furrowed; he asked me what was wrong. I looked at his elbows on both sides of me, propping his body just above mine.

"Too much space between us," I muttered against his lips.

"I'll crush you," he said as I took a hold of his hips.

That's the point, I answered silently.

We had been so cautious all week together. But back then, we had time on our side. Not now.

I crushed upwards as he crushed downwards and it was like a switch being flipped on. My legs parted on contact; his hips swiveled right into place where I had made room for him.

Edward hit the ground running. His lips greeted me with flushed kisses. The kind of kisses that others frown upon in public - unless you are the recipient.

"Ed-"

He quieted me with his mouth. No more declarations for the moment, at least of the verbal kind.

His tongue stroked over my open lips, then slipped inside. He started to tangle slowly with me, his tongue pulsing in time with his hips below me. Against me.

He pushed harder into my mouth as he swiveled deeper into my domain.

A new rhythm was added to his movement. I shifted upward to greet every grind, met each swirl he pushed against my tongue. But I needed even more from him. I began arching and circling my back in tandem with my hips. Dragging my breasts against his chest was like heaven to me; his torso was the best of both worlds, hard muscle blanketed in soft skin.

"Shit, Bella..." He propped back on his arms, looking like he was in the starting position of a push up. All body contact stopped instantly.

"Edward, come back," I managed to sputter out, my lower and upper body still moving in a slow tandem.

"I won't last if you keep moving like that against me," he whispered, his hips still in motion.

He began eyeing my body below him, beckoning him back. "I'm not going to last watching you do that either." He looked up, with one eye scrunched. "Can you just lay still for a minute, Bella?" His voice cracked with the last sentence.

"Lay still? That's got to be a first," I muttered as I complied with his wishes.

He let out a laugh. I looked up in surprise. It was the loudest, most joyous laugh he ever let out. His eyes sparkled in the darkness as he crouched over and kissed my forehead.

"I love you, Bella," he blurted out between snickers.

I gasped. Stiffened.

His eyes grew wide, and studied my face cautiously. I simply closed my lids, and brought his lips back to mine. I didn't want my eyes to betray me.

Suddenly a heated exchange between our bodies turned into something else. Unspoken apologies, regrets.

Edward stayed crouched over me, kissing me softly wherever his lips could reach. He started with my face. Down my neck. Across my collarbone. When he came to my breasts, his lips were reverential, thoughtful. As if he was commiting each square inch to memory.

My stifled cries broke through in that second.

"I'm sorry," I huffed out unevenly. I felt so ashamed, crying when I was the one who started this all. My tears were spilling out quickly now. I tried to hide them with my palms.

"Bella, don't be sorry. I'm the one who's sorry...I shouldn't be here..." His voice trailed off as he removed my hands from my eyes. I peeked. He hovered over me, his beautiful face full of sadness. Large tendrils of hair were falling onto his face as he looked down. I brushed them back reflexively.

"I'm just going to miss you," I blubbered out as a new rush of tears came upon me. "I don't want to go home. I don't want you to go home."

Edward looked on mournfully. He opened his mouth to respond, but then stopped himself. He started to sit upright, away from me. I had to put things back on track. He needed it. I did too. Maybe even more. I took a deep breath and willed all tears to cease.

I pulled Edward back over me, kissing him hard, my arms wrapping around his neck. My legs manuevered him back into place, right where he belonged. And I started moving again, the way that seemed to work for him earlier. It took some convincing on my part that I wanted this, wanted him, but we found our rhythm again.

He was ready for me; his body and movements were getting harder, more eager now. I reached out to grab him in my hand, which I thought was standard procedure; but he hissed in response, his jaw tensed tightly.

"Bella, not a good idea. I'm too close."

He was straining now, he needed a release soon. Even through his pants, his arousal looked unyielding and painful. I tried to ease his pants down with my toes, while keeping up my other duties. But I never said I was multi-tasker. The elastic waist kept snapping back upwards every time my toes lost their grip. Which, from the look on his face, didn't feel too great against a screaming erection.

He wasn't having much more success with my cheekies. His fingers were frantically trying to draw them down, but they were getting tangled up around my thighs.

"Talk about the blind leading the blind, huh?" I mused at the awkwardness of the scene. In movies, clothes came off much more gracefully.

I got another big laugh out of him as he finally pulled mine off successfully and then fumbled out of his own. I tried to be casual at the sight, but it was jarring almost to see his erect dick. Not to mention the thickness and length, but the fact it seemed to have a life of it's own, independent of Edward, the way it moved around like it was being hoisted by a string. Edward caught my stare, and we both shared a knowing smile together. I was going to miss that more than anything. That I really didn't have to explain things to him. He just got it.

He positioned himself against me once more with a grateful smile.

"Thanks," he said with a kiss.

"For what?"

"For...being patient with me." Little did he know, my heart soared seeing the display. He was as innocent as me. We were both trying to figure this out together.

He kissed me urgently while his hips began to move again, his stiff, thick head asking for entrance. I grinded up against him in reply, eager to welcome him in now.

He pushed forward slightly, his arms tensing to the point of shaking on either side of me. Edward's eyes were closed, his forehead creased in concentration. He was trying so hard not to push in farther until I was used to him. But he was losing control.

I let out a small gasp at the spreading inside me, just from the tip as it pushed through tight folds of flesh. He looked down in alarm.

"Tell me if I'm hurting you, Bella. I don't want to hurt you."

"Too late," I said with a sad smile. My hips then bucked up to push him in further. I had always been a "jump into the fire" type of girl. Baby steps never interested me.

It was hard to describe. One second, I felt like I was being pulled at the seams by both legs. The next second, having Edward on top of me moaning and moving with me, while inside of me, felt sublime. Like I was being consumed by him. Burning. Warming. Piercing. Stretching. Painful pleasure. All wrapped into one.

And I wouldn't have had it any other way. I needed the pain to keep me grounded throughout. Because tonight wasn't about a dreamy first time, with flowers and drawn baths and the man of your dreams pledging himself to you. Tonight was about the man of your dreams telling you he loved you - and that he never wanted to see you again.

Painful pleasure. Pleasureable pain. All wrapped into one.

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He came to me once more after we had drifted off to sleep for awhile. The pain subsided this time, and pleasure took center stage. Edward lasted longer, now that he knew what to expect. We would have been good together, it was clear. Our bodies moved in sync naturally, they fit together naturally.

He needed to leave soon. I could feel him drifting away, even as he laid behind me, his arms encircling me. I didn't want any more tears. I was through with those.

I didn't even face him.

"I'm going to fall asleep right now, Edward. And when I do, you can leave through the silding door."

I didn't even want to say good bye.

He tried to say something, but my hand waved the words away. A glint of anger passed through me.

"I'm ready for you to leave now. I want you to leave now." I settled back into position and closed my eyes.

I wasn't known for my acting skills, but I tried to lay as still as possible within a couple minutes of my declaration. There was no way I was truly falling asleep tonight, so I'd have to fake it.

And still, he held me longer than was reasonable. Almost an hour after my grand words, he was still cradling me in his arms. My mind began to drift, falling into a light state of unconsciousness. I could hear noises around me, but my mind was heading towards sleep.

I vaguely felt him kiss me one last time as his arms let go of me. But I heard his whisper clearly:

"You are my life now."

And with that, he walked out of my condo, and out of my life for good.

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a/n: I've always been intrigued with how Edward left Bella in New Moon. He talked of clean breaks; and yet, when you look closer, it was anything but. He made a pact with her that day. He told her if she promised to not do anything reckless to herself, he would promise in return to never come back. He made his "never to return" claim conditional on the fact that she keeps herself safe.

So what did Bella do? She did every reckless thing in the book, including the mother of all recklessness by jumping off a cliff. I thought at first that Bella was just being overdramatic. But in reality, it could be seen as an act of defiance against Edward.

Like she was calling out to him through her actions and saying, screw you and this pact of yours. I'm jumping off a cliff, you mofo, now come back and find me.

And that? Makes me like Bella all the more...