This was an anonymous request, and I'm not sure, but I think it's the same anon who requested the gingerbread man drabble.

Happy Birthday, Tom Hiddleston

**
"Hey there, Jane! Sorry to barge in, but I need to borrow some- HOLY CALL OF CTHULHU, WHAT IS THAT?!"

Darcy Lewis looked positively cartoonish as she twitched and pointed at the monster curled up at Jane Foster's feet. Her jaw fell; any further down and it would unhinge like a snake's.

In the face of such abject petrification, the best Jane could come up with was a nervous laugh and a sheepish rub of her neck. It was really no wonder she didn't have many friends.

"Hi, Darcy!" Jane waved, seemingly ignorant of her intern's hunched over posture and the way the color had sucked out of her face. "Happy Valentine's Day."

There was an obvious underscore of comfort that Jane was trying to convey. Unfortunately, Darcy's brain was still in the process of crashing and re-starting, otherwise it might have caught on.

"Haaaaaaa…" Darcy's limp wrist swung weakly in the general direction of Jane's feet, and of… whatever that thing was nuzzling it's tentacled face around her ankles and purring.

"Oh, I almost forget," said Jane, who definitely had not forgotten at all, so who the hell did she think she was kidding?! Jane nudged at one of the tentacles, prompting the creature to remove itself from her and stand. It reached a height that would put the Hulk to shame. "Darcy, I'd like you to meet Terry. Terry, Darcy."

The tentacles blew outward, from the force of the breath the beast released. Something resembling a 'hello' could be heard if one listened closely, and drank several shots of tequila beforehand.

Darcy, however, was completely sober.

Probably.

About 80 to 85 percent for sure.

She took one step forward, then thought it over and took two steps back. The thing blinked it's bug-like black eyes at her, tilting it's head to one side, as if trying to determine if she fell under the category 'friend' or 'dinner'.

"Hi there," Darcy waved awkwardly, her fingers half curled in. "Uh… it's nice to meet you… Terry. Terry…?"

She glanced helplessly at Jane, for more reasons than one, as 'Terry' appeared to be crouching down in preparation for a pounce. Jane placed a hand on it's… arm… calling off the attack for now.

"Yeah, uh… apparently, it's real name is untranslatable and way too long to remember anyway," Jane explained, "so Loki said I should just call him Terry. It's close enough."

Make that 70 percent.

"Wait a second," Darcy cried out. "Loki got that for you? Loki- actually no, I'm not shocked. I'm not shocked at all. Why would I be?"

A delirious laugh filled the room, mingling with the baritone grinding of Terry, who seemed to think Darcy was playing some kind of game, and was eager to join in. Another shushing from Jane later, and it was once more docile at her feet. Meanwhile, Darcy was not even close to stopping. If anything, her good humor increased.

"Darcy, knock it off!" Jane shouted in vain. "This isn't funny."

"Isn't funny?!" Darcy shouted in between guffaws. "Jane, there is nothing not funny about this. Except for the fact that after everything this whackjob has done, you're still with him!"

"Hey! You know as well as anyone that Loki has changed. He hasn't tried to take over the world in months!"

"Oh yeah?" Darcy shot back, having finally gotten herself under control just in time for one of Terry's tentacles to run up Jane's leg to her waist, rewarded with a pat on the creature's head… shaped thing. "Let's think about that for a second. Case in point: last Valentine's Day, one of the coldest in history."

"I remember, Darcy," Jane said, groaning. Undeterred, Darcy went on.

"You made the wise decision to complain to Loki that your heater was broken, and that you'd like some hotter weather. So what does he do, Jane?"

Darcy rotated her hands, in the universal 'get on with it' sign. Jane was clearly wondering if she could get away with having Terry eat Darcy as she sighed and mumbled.

"He put a volcano in the-"

"A vol-fucking-cano!" Darcy shrieked, unable to wait any longer. "In the backyard, Jane!"

"He took it right out!"

"After two weeks and three eruptions!" Darcy was literally pulling at her hair by now. "I still have a bald spot back here from the last one!"

Darcy scratched furiously at said spot, knocking off her hat and the sections of hair carefully placed to cover it.

"So what did you tell him this time?" Darcy asked with a manically. "Let me guess, you extolled to him your deep, unending love of HP Lovecraft."

"No," Jane snapped, only to lose the bite to her bark mere moments later. "I… I said that I was in the mood for some squid."

Darcy gave her a look.

"Squid as in food," Jane elaborated. "I wanted to go out for sushi, but I guess he didn't get it, or-"

"Oh, I think he got it, Jane," Darcy said, nodding her head. "I think he got it perfectly. He just decided to fulfill your little Valentine's wish in his own twisted way, which is how you got your hands on Squidward Tentacles over here."

As if things couldn't get any worse, the creature started to whimper, and hide away from Darcy's penetrating gaze behind the safety of Jane's legs.

And as if that wasn't bad enough, the temperature in the room proceeded to do a nosedive, as familiar, haunting laughter filled the air. It started out kind of echo-y, only to solidify alongside it's owner. He cast a long shadow over Darcy.

"Now, now, Miss Lewis," Loki said, waving his finger in a 'tut tut' sort of motion. "You should choose your words more carefully. Regardless of what your misguided scribes of old have led you to believe, Terry is of a very friendly and sensitive breed. He's also quite intelligent, capable of learning any language within just a few weeks."

At this, Terry stepped slightly into the open, groaning something that sounded vaguely like 'A, B, C, D, E,-'

"Not only that, but he loves meeting people," Loki grinned in the most normal, 'I-am-not-a-psychopath' way he could manage, which just made him look twice as psychotic. "Why don't you go and say a proper hello?"

He gestured her over to Jane and Terry. When Darcy wouldn't move, he 'gently' guided her there. Any attempt to break free was half-assed at best, not that Darcy had a prayer of escaping him even if she did fight back. The fear was too debilitating. From this close, more of Terry's disturbing features came into view, from the scaly, spindly appendages one might mistake for fingers, to the sheen of mucus that coated him from 'head' to… feet type things.

Darcy felt as though her soul had left her body, and she watched from afar her arm reaching out and coming to rest just over Terry's left eyeball. Warm wetness against her skin brought her back to reality. Darcy fought not to gag as Terry let out another purr and closed his eyes, pressing himself more into her touch.

The bizarre thing about it was- as the seconds dragged on the initial disgust wore off- it really wasn't so bad petting him. Maybe it was because he hadn't chomped her arm off yet and she'd been lulled into a false sense of security. Or maybe it was the sudden lack of Loki's weight at her back that allowed her to breathe easier, and see that up close, there was something kind of… cute about Terry.

A really, really, really ugly sort of cute, but cute all the same.

"See that?" Loki said to Jane as he wrapped an arm around her waist. "I told you they'd get along swimmingly."

There was a long pause before Jane answered. Out the corner of her eye, Darcy could see her watching them, with a less than enthused look on her face. For the first time all day, Darcy wanted to tell her to stop worrying. It was all good.

"I guess you're right," Jane said, though a twinge of uncertainty still found it's way into her tone.

"Of course I am," Loki jovially declared, "and now that our pet-sitter has arrived, let us be off, Jane. I have a night prepared for you that you will never forget."

Darcy listened along to the lines of conversation until the moment it hit her.

"PET-SITTER?!"

But they were already gone.