Chapter 11 : Surfing, Amphy, Jasmine, and Silver
Finally updated. :D Hehehe...anyway...I made references to Vampire Knight, Digimon, Captain Planet (which is not anime, but a 1990s show), Avenge Sevenfold (music band), Chaotic, Bakugan, One Piece, and Star Wars. Just a note - I OWN NOTHING BUT THIS FANFIC !
So...enjoy, and laugh. LAUGH ! XD
" Man, this is sooo boring. "
Kris sighed and stood like a stone as Jessie was swimming back to Olivine City. It had been a grueling couple of hours, the current was rough, and Kris had enough evidence to prove that she was now lost in the middle of nowhere.
" This sucks, " the girl muttered to herself. " I wonder how many days does it take for a person to become unlost. Hmm. I think this is what Christopher Columbus felt when he and his crew was lost, and everyone was super-pissed off at him. "
Bump.
" I'm in the middle of nowhere, going to face death, and I haven't even told stupid Gold that he still owes me flippin' money ! Ohhh, thank you, Nintendo ! You've made me the HAPPIEST GIRL IN THE WORLD ! "
Bump-bump.
" Sometimes I hate my life. It's controlled by a f--king script, and most of the guys in Johto are either sexist or retarded. My mom's a ditzy alcoholic. Hell, I don't even know what happened to my dad. I think Nintendo just shot him or something. And...everyone I know is stupid and not up-to-date with technology. "
She sighed. " I really need to move to Sinnoh..."
" UUUUUUSE THE FOOOOORCE, KRIIIIIIS ! "
Bump-bump-bump.
Kris sweatdropped. " Where the hell did that voice come from ? It's not that usual voice that I hear whenever I do something. Ooh, maybe it's Tajiri. I have a bone to pick with him for allowing such noobiness. "
" UUUUUUUUSEEEE THE FOOOOOOOOORCEEEEE ! "
Bump-bump. Bump-bump.
" Yeah, I don't know what the force is, and I don't know who you are ! " Kris shouted. " So...could you at least tell me who the hell are you ?! "
The voice laughed.
Bump-bump.
" I AM...DARTH VADAR ! "
(...silence...)
T.T " Great. I'm screwed. "
An image of Darth Vadar appeared up into the sky and sweatdropped at Kris. " I'm just trying to help you ! " he whined. " Gawd. You hurted my feelings by saying that ! "
" Well, I'm going to if you use the word 'hurted'. Still...do you know how to get back to Olivine City ? I don't want to drown out here. "
" No, I do not. "
Kris sighed angrily. " Well, thanks a lot for your help, " she said sarcastically. " You've really been a lifesaver. "
" Yeah. NOW UUUUSE THE FOOOORCE ! "
" I think not. "
/.\ " Awwwww, damn it. "
-poof!-
Kris rolled her eyes before spotting a couple of dilapidated buildings. " Oh, my gosh ! Land ! Laaaaaand ! I finally found Olivine again ! "
She and Jessie just sat in the water for a few seconds before Kris sighed. " Maybe I should've just let myself drown in the water, huh ? "
" Kooky-kook. (Yes, you should've.) "
(Amphy)
After walking several floors forward to the lighthouse, Kris was finally at the top floor, exhausted and furious.
" I swear, Akatsuki Kain has got to be the most annoying character in the history of anime. He doesn't even do anything ! " Kris muttered angrily.
She around the room. Jasmine was sitting on a velvet chair, listening to Avenged Sevenfold while she painted her nails a shiny-looking bronze. She was also singing, but the power of music was definitely not one of the gym leader's talents.
Next to her was the yaoi Ampharos. Looking slightly loaded and depressed, the evolved sheep was braiding Jasmine's hair while trying to cut his wrists at the same time. (And no, he was not emo - just suicidal. )
Kris just gawked at the trainer and her pokemon. " I waste three days on a trip to a stoned pharmacist, just to come back to see that you've been a lazy-ass seventeen year old that's been doing nothing but lay around ?! Gotdamn it ! "
Jasmine just shrugged, not seeming to care about Kris's dangerous temper. " Sorry. There was an anime marathon on, and I couldn't bear to miss it. You know that anime is rare in these parts of Johto. "
" That depends. What anime were you watching ? "
" Uhhhh, let's see...Bakugan. Chaotic. The 4 Kids dub of One Piece. "
o.o " Chaotic's not even anime ! It's Danish ! Bakugan's a total ripoff of Yu-Gi-Oh, and One Piece dubbed by 4 Kids TV has got to be the worst piece of Japanese culture that exists ! "
-sob- " I know. I thought it would be cool to watch the marathon, but after a couple of hours I wanted to kill myself ! "
Kris tutted. " Those stupid idiots that work the television. Another life is ruined thanks to their incompetence. And why the hell are they even showing English shows when this is Japan ? "
" I don't know. Are we even in Japan, or are we in another universe ? "
(...silence...)
" This fanfic and this game make no f--king sense, " Kris muttered. " F--king Nintendo. "
" Yeah...they suck. "
The two girls stood in silence for a few more moments before Jasmine sighed. " Well, I think it's time that we start the stupid script, before we end up burning it. "
O.O " Weren't you supposed to be the shy one out of the gym leaders ? "
" No way. "
" ...Good for you. "
Jasmine nodded, pulling out a giant book and flipped it to a certain page. " Lessee...where are my flippin' lines ?..."
(-flip-flip-flip-)
" Ah ! There's the page, the little bastard. Uh...will that medicine cure Amphy ? "
Kris shrugged. " That pharmacist said yeah, but he said that it would cause hallucinations. "
" Eh. Anyway...please don't be pissed off at me...Amphy won't take anything from anyone except me. He got abused by a giant taco and has been untrustworthy ever since. "
" I reeeeally don't care. "
Jasmine nodded, grabbed Amphy, and shoved the medicine down his throat. The Ampharos went into convulsions before a few seconds before standing upright, looking even more stoned. " Uh...Amphy, how are you feeling ? " the gym leader asked.
Amphy looked at Jasmine and Kris wide-eyed. " Palu. Palulu. Paluuuuu-I'M FEELING GREAAAAAAT ! "
(Kris) o.o " What the f--k ?! "
(Jasmine) " Thank Arceus. This is good to know that Amphy won't need my company anymore. Thanks, Kris. I'm really thankful. He was starting to get me p.o.'d. "
" Ho-how ca-can h-h-he ta-ta-ta-ta- "
" Aaaaanyway, I better return to the Gym, or those assholes in Kanto will shut it down. "
-poof!-
Kris just stared at Amphy, wide-eyed. The Ampharos chuckled. " Hey, do you wanna play Halloween ? You could be Michael Myers, since you're so fugly. "
PUNCH !
-.- " That's it. I'm getting outta this dive. "
(Jasmine)
As Kris walked into the gym, the nooby advice-giver stopped her. She groaned. " Ohhh, I thought you got killed off ! Just my luck ! " she grumbled.
The assistant grinned. " Yep ! It's your lucky day, homie ! "
MALLET !
" WHAT THE F--K DID I SAY ABOUT USING GHETTO SLANG ?! IT'S NOT F--KING COOL ! " Kris screeched.
" Meh. Anyway, Jasmine uses the newly discovered steel-type. "
T.T " The steel-type was discovered ten freakin' years ago. Damn, get your history facts straight. "
" Well, I don't know much about them. "
Kris rolled her eyes. " That's because you're an idiot. "
" Eh, probably. Ya know, I never went to college. "
" Heh. Gold owes me ten bucks, then. "
Kris shoved the advice man out of her way and walked up to where Jasmine was sitting. The gym leader grinned. " Hey, Kris. Thanks again for the Lighthouse situation. But this is different. You already know I'm Jasmine, and I'm a gym leader. "
" Dur. "
" I use the steel-type. It was recently discovered. So...intros aside, could I begin ? "
" Sure. "
" Okay, then. "
Jasmine : Uh, let's go, Magne-...you know what ? F--k it.
Kris : Huh ?
(-Jasmine forfeits out of sheer laziness ! ;D)
Kris sweatdropped. " Jasmine...I respect your ways..."
" Uh, thanks. "
(...silence...)
" So...you're a better trainer than me, blah, blah, blah. To make sure I follow the League rules, I will give you this badge. "
(" KRIS RECEIVED MINERAL BADGE ! ")
Jasmine sweatdropped at the mysterious voice before continuing. " Anyway, this badge raises your pokemon's defense. Oh...take this TM, too. "
(" KRIS RECEIVED TM23 ! ")
" Uh...that's Iron Tail, " Jasmine continued, looking around her gym. " It does stuff. "
Kris nodded. " That voice is annoying, huh ? "
" Yeah. Hey, you want to watch Digimon before you go ? "
" Eh, what the hell ? "
Jasmine nodded. " Okay. DUDE ! "
The advice guy looked up, surprised. " Yeah, Jasmine ? "
" GET THE F--K OUTTA MY GYM ! "
(Kris) " o.o "
(Advice Guy) /.\ " Yes, Jasmine. "
-poof!-
Jasmine turned back to Kris and grinned. " Okay, then. Let's watch some good anime. "
(An hour later...)
Kris snorted and took a sip at her Coca-Cola. " I swear, Myotismon is f--king Captain Planet ! "
Jasmine giggled so hard she fell to the floor. " I know ! He has a double life ! Hehehehe. "
" Well...I better go. "
" Yeah...Mahogany Town's the next town. Be careful, though - there's angry people that live in the caves. A lot of angry people. "
Kris nodded. " Thanks. "
" Add me to your weirdo phone ? "
" Sure. "
(" JASMINE WAS ADDED TO KRIS'S POKEGEAR !")
Kris sweatdropped. " Okay...bye ! "
" Bye-bye ! "
(Silver)
It had been two hours, but Kris had finally made it back to Ecruteak City. She was about to head off to Mt. Mortar, when a certain someone stopped her.
" HEY ! ANGRY LADY ! "
Kris turned around to see Silver flailing his arms up and down like a wild Fearow. She rolled her eyes. " What the hell do you want now, Scratcher ? "
Silver huffed. " It's Silver, and are you actually going to go through Mt. Mortar by yourself ?! "
" Uh, yeah. "
" Could I go with you ? "
" Why ?! " Kris demanded.
" Well...I DON'T WANNA GO IN A CAVE BY MYSELF ! I DON'T LIKE PITCH-BLACK CAVES ! "
Kris just stared at Silver for a few seconds before groaning out of frustration. " Fine, then. But if you trip, or fall, or piss in your pants, I'm not stopping. "
" Uh...thanks. "
And so Silver followed Kris like a confused Psyduck into the murky and dark place called Mt. Mortar.
End
