Disclaimer: I don't own the Winchester boys nor Bobby.

Notes: I actually came up with the beginning and the idea for the ending and the rest wrote itself. I have all of the chapters written out, but I don't know if they'll get uploaded at one time though

Setting: Set after Season 2, 'Born under a bad sign'. But take an AU approach. Major AngstSam and GuiltyProtectiveDean

Warning: Deals with self harm, and thoughts of suicide. However if you are like me, you might be happy to know, this has a happy ending. No tragic ending here. I don't do tragic ending anyway.

Summary: Five times. Five times he has thought about it before he acted. The sixth time he couldn't stand it. Silence followed. Maybe various letters would save him....before the silence wrapped him up forever...


Chapter 11: The second letter

Night had settled quickly and finally found the house asleep. Dean woke up at the slight noise as he was trained to do. He sat up in bed just at the door to the bedroom was being closed softly. Dean raised an eyebrow, curious yet afraid of what Sam was doing. He got up and opened the door in time to see Sam disappear down the stairs. He waited a moment before going down the stairs himself. He peaked around the corner to see Sam back at the laptop, typing away, oblivious to what was around him. Dean sat down on the steps. He had no idea what Sam was up to but he wasn't letting the younger male out of his sight. He closed his eyes.

Hadn't intended to fall asleep.

But the next time he awoke, a foot was nudging him. He groaned and looked up to see a gruff, concerned yet slightly irritated face. "Boy, I'm too old to jump over you. Move your behind." He ordered gruffly.

It took Dean a moment to drag himself from the uncomfortable position he had put himself in, allowing Bobby access down the rest of the stairs. The night came crashing on him and he looked over at the desk.

Sam wasn't there.

"Calm down, Sam is upstairs", Bobby said.

"Bobby he came downstairs and was on the laptop all night. He isn't…."

"Dean, here". Bobby handed him an envelope.

"What is this?" Dean asked.

Bobby sighed. "Dunno, it was sitting on the kitchen table here."

Dean flew upstairs to and threw open the door. He wanted to see Sam before this goes any further. He found said male sitting on the bed….

……. in the process of tying his shoes.

Dean breathed a little too ragged as Sam looked up at him, slightly confused. "Sam, you okay?"

Dean came over and picked up his sibling's wrist and studied it. Sam withstood it a moment before battling the eldest hands away. Dean was surprised at this. Sam hadn't responded much in a few days here.

"Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" Dean cried unable to help himself.

Sam simply snatched the letter way from Dean, that he forgot he was holding and pushed it at the eldest chest as he stood, clearly telling him to take the letter. His eyes wouldn't meet Dean's as he did so.

"Sam", Dean asked worriedly noting this. He put his hand on his brother's shoulder. Sam simply pushed at his chest with the letter, urging it to him.

Dean reached up with his other hand and took the letter. "This for me?" Sam nodded.

Dean watched at Sam walked out the door and down the stairs. He figured he'd be okay with Bobby there for a moment.

Now, about this letter…..

Green eyes stared down at it. On the envelope was Sam's handwriting; written was his name. A letter from Sam? This was new.

Dean finally tore into the envelope and pulled out the letter. He tossed the former away from him opting for the perfectly folded letter. Dean smirked. "College boy', he said fondly before he opened the letter. The letter was printed out from the computer. Was this what Sam was doing in this last day?

Dean,

Hey, man…..I know I've caused problems the past while. I'm sorry for that. I did not mean to cause such problems. I know that I did though. Wow, I'm already rambling and this is a letter. I know I haven't said a word. I honestly don't know what to say.

I haven't spoke because, well, what's the point? Everything has been said, there is no sense in repeating. And I don't know what to say anymore; how to say anymore. It needs acceptance.

I want you to know, I'm not suicidal. I'm not. I didn't mean to go that far. It wasn't supposed to go that far. I just needed some relief that's all. It was just suppose to be one cut. But that one turned to two….two to three and before I knew it, I lost control.

I didn't mean to bring this upon you guys like this. You and Bobby are all I have, man, and I hate to destroy that. I will try to accept the things that are wrong in my life. You however, need to let go. You need to get your own life. Don't worry about mine. You shouldn't have the burden of me. Even our own father said…..that you'd might have to kill me one day. Isn't that proof enough of you needing to get your own life?

I know I brought this family nothing but pain. It was my fault….and this is why I don't talk anymore. Repeating what has been said dozens of times. It does no good repeating what had been said. We've both been there, done that.

These are my issues; I won't burden you by dumping them on you anymore. You don't have to care so much anymore. I give you permission, if that is what you need, to let go. I just hope we'll still have some contact. That's all.

Anyway……

Dean turned the letter over hoping to find more. He found the envelope and looked inside.

Anyway…

That was how his brother ended this letter.

This whole thing was making Dean sick. Did his brother still harbor these feelings? Of course. He was the fool for thinking that Sam could just let it all go; just as Sam was a fool for thinking that he would just let him go.

He wouldn't let him go.

TBC….


A.N: Almost done with this story....