A/N: This story has no Beta. All spelling errors and mistakes are my own.

The titles of these chapters are after the music/songs I've listened to when writing. Probably should've mentioned that earlier!

Thanks for loving this story!


Okay.
I could do this. I could take a deep breath and do this.
The Grand Canyon was just that. Grand. I sniffed as I sat down on the rocks, staring out to the unknown.
"Here we are, Dad." I smiled.
It was only three hours away. Just three fucking hours. A lot can change in three hours.

"So, a little birdie told me you're eighteen this week." Alice grinned, clapping her hands excitedly.
I smiled, "Yeah. Saturday." I ran a hand through my hair, "Why?"
Alice rolled her eyes, taking my hand in hers, "Because I am going to organise the best party, ever."
I suppressed a groan. I wasn't in the party mood, "Al, you don't have to do that."
"I know. I want to." She answered, opening her textbook, "No if's or but's."
I sighed deeply and nodded. There was no point in arguing with her.
Mr. Banner walked into class, smiling widely, "Good morning!"
I scoffed, what was good about this morning? Oh yeah, how about the fact that Edward walked right by me in the hallway, not even looking in my direction? That was pretty fucking good. He was finally getting the message.
"Genetics." Mr. Banner said as he wrote on the board, "That's what we are learning today." He turned back to the class, "Open your textbooks to page forty five."
I began copying notes, not paying much attention to what I was writing.
"So…" Alice slid a piece of paper across to me, "This is the guest list so far."
I studied it carefully, "That's fine." I whispered, sliding it back.
"Good." She grinned, placing the list into her bag.
"Now," Mr. Banner cleared his throat, "Many people inherit traits and physical attributes from their parents and grandparents…"
I leaned back in my seat as he began his lecture on Genetics. I suppose it was a good thing that Biology was my favourite subject.

I pulled my phone out, checking for any messages. Today was the day my dad got his surgery. I was worried, naturally. What if everything didn't go as planned?
I shook my head, closing my locker quietly. I should stop thinking the worst. I should be positive. I shoved my phone in my back pocket and made my way outside for my usual smoke break.
Taking a deep drag, I shivered, reliving the memory of Jake's lips against mine as he exhaled smoke into me.
God.
We hadn't spoke since Friday night. The weekend passed in a blur, I was too high to notice anything. I visited my dad yesterday morning, and went back home, smoking my lungs into oblivion.
"Hey Bella."
I turned as saw Eric, smiling sheepishly at me. "Hey. Where have you been?" I wondered, taking another draw of my cigarette.
"Around." He shrugged and sat down beside me, "How are you doing?" He asked, looking out toward the parking lot.
"Yeah…I'm fine thanks." I frowned, confused.
"Are you sure?" He turned his head to look at me and smiled sadly.
"What's going on?" I asked, leaning back. He was being weird. It wasn't just me, right? He was being weird.
Eric shook his head, "Nothing. I just…I want to tell you that I know how hard it must be for you." He said, "That's all."
"How hard what is?"
"Being here. In the same school as Edward." He tilted his head to the side and frowned, watching me carefully.
"Okay? I'm lost, Eric." I had no idea what the fuck he was talking about. He didn't know about my past with Edward, did he?
"Last summer…I saw you two on the beach together." He explained, "And then when school started back, he looked so angry and stuff." Eric shrugged as if it was nothing, "Coming here, with your dad and all, and finding out Edward isn't the guy you thought he was has gotta sting. Especially Jane-"
I held my hand up, stopping him, "I don't want to hear anymore." I mumbled. I was starting to feel nauseous. Eric knew. He fucking knew. If Edward found out, he would kill Eric with his bare hands.
"Don't say anything." I begged, "No one can know. Not now." I shook my head and scuffed my converse on the sidewalk, "Not ever."
Eric patted my knee and stood up, "I'll take it to the grave."
I couldn't help but smile, "Thanks."
He nodded and walked away, to his car.
I stared up at the blue sky and sighed deeply. Praying that this day would end soon so I could see my dad.

Alice grabbed my arm, pulling me alongside her, "I'm taking you home." She sang.
"I'm not going home." I answered, pulling my arm away from her's, "I'm going to the hospital."
Alice's eyes widened, "Of course! I'm so sorry, I'll take you to the hospital then!" She dug her car keys out from her bag and grinned widely, "You ready?"
I nodded and followed her outside, "Thanks, Al."
She smiled warmly, getting into the car, "I figured we could discuss your party on the drive."
"Sure." I stared out of the window while Alice droned on and on about guests, themes and venue.
"So it'll be held at my house, my parents are away for the weekend anyway, so that's good. Jasper will help with the alcohol, and obviously people will bring their own stuff."
I leaned my head back against the seat and smiled to myself. It felt nice to have someone plan things for me.
"So Saturday, eight o'clock?"
I turned to meet Alice's gaze, "Saturday?"
Alice rolled her eyes, turning back to the road, "The day of your birthday?"
"Can't we do it on the Friday?" I asked, biting my lip. I wanted to spend my birthday with my dad.
Alice pouted, "No. It has to be on the day!"
I sighed, "Okay. I'll see what my dad says."
Alice grinned and pulled into the hospital parking lot, "I'll see you tomorrow."
I nodded and got out, making my way inside.
I spotted Dr. Cullen and made my way over to him, praying for good news.
"How is he?" I asked, crossing my arms.
Dr. Cullen smiled, "Your father is in recovery. The surgery went very well, I am confident, that after a few rounds of chemotherapy, he will recover."
I blinked at him, totally speechless, "You mean…he'll be cured?"
Dr. Cullen smiled warmly and placed a hand on my shoulder, "Yes."
I exhaled, "Thank you."
This wasn't the news I had expected. But to be told this? This was overjoying, amazing. I pushed open my father's room door and smiled when I saw him, still unconscious.
I sat by the bed and took his hand, "You're going to be fine, dad." I whispered, wiping away a stray tear, "You're going to be fucking fine."

Tuesday. I hated Tuesday's. It's not the start of the week, but it's not the end of the week. Tuesday's fucking suck.
Dr. Cullen was pleased with my father's progress, enough so that he was going to schedule my dad's first round of chemo on Friday. He was making a great recovery from the surgery. He was smiling again. Really smiling. And that made me elated. I skipped to my locker with Alice, my arm linked around her's, "So, do you want to sit with us at lunch?" She asked, smiling at me.
I put my bag inside my locker and turned to face her.
Fuck Cullen.
"Sure." I grinned, linking arms with her again.
"You're in a good mood." She noted, nodding to herself.
"I am. I really am." I grabbed a tray and stood in line for food, "Everything's great, Al." I grabbed a bottle of water and a sandwich, waiting for Alice to pay for her lunch before we headed over to the table.
"Look who it is!" Emmett grinned, scooting over so I could sit down, "I was just saying to the guys that things have got boring since you stopped sitting with us."
I smiled sadly, "Sorry." I opened my bottle of water and met eyes with Edward. He looked like shit. He was tired, his hair dishevelled.
"You look like shit." I smiled sweetly at him.
His eyes narrowed, "Thanks."
Emmett chuckled, "He's depressed."
I frowned, "Why?" What could he possibly be depressed about? Wasn't his life perfect?
Edward sighed, staring out of the window, "Depressed." He agreed.
Jasper snorted, "Depressed, my ass. He's just being a moody asshole."
I bit my lip to stop from giggling, "Sure." I settled in my seat and started on my lunch. This was nice. Comfortable. Sure, Edward was there, but I think he got the message when he called me. He hadn't bothered me since.
Alice cleared her throat, "Bella's party this weekend, you guys coming?" She looked between Rosalie and Edward.
Rosalie smiled, "Duh!"
Edward didn't answer, he just continued to stare out of the window, ignoring us all.
I stared down at my lap, wondering how it got to this. Where he wouldn't even look at me. I was glad he was leaving me alone, obviously. But, he was so cold.
Make up your mind.
I chewed on my lip and pushed my tray away from me.
"Earth to Edward." Emmett clicked his fingers infront of Edward's face, "Are you going on Saturday."
Edward shrugged indifferently, "Sure. Whatever."
Alice clapped her hands in delight, "Yay!" She exclaimed, "You all need to pitch in." She grinned at me, "This is going to be so much fun."
I smiled in return. Yeah, it was. I was actually looking forward to it.
Rosalie leaned forward, "Who's in charge of alcohol?"
Jasper raised his hand, "Me."
"I'll help with that." Emmett nodded, "I'll just raid my dad's cabinet."
Edward rolled his eyes, "And hope he doesn't notice?"
Emmett nodded, "Yes."
I shook my head, a smile playing on my lips, "You guys don't have to go to all that trouble."
Edward narrowed his eyes at me. He looked absolutely furious, "We do." He replied through clenched teeth.
Chill out.
Jasper smirked, "You're only eighteen once, right?"
"I guess." I answered quietly.
Alice patted my hand, "Is there anyone you want to invite? Since it is your party and all."
I deliberated for a moment. Jake? No, that wouldn't work. You don't invite your drug dealer (and possible fuck buddy) to your eighteenth.
Especially since you told him you were eighteen.
Fuck, I had forgotten about that.
"No." I said finally, "I think you've got it covered."
Alice nodded, "Okay then."
I sat quietly, observing their animated conversation.
Edward glued his eyes to the window again, barely breaking breath to anyone. How long will it be like this?

"Dad, are you sure you don't want me to stay a while longer?" I asked. He looked so much happier. Like he was given a new lease of life. He looked alive.
He shook his head, "No. It's okay. I'm gonna get some more sleep anyway. And I'm sure you have a lot of homework to do." He chuckled, scratching at his chin.
I smiled and patted his hand as I stood up, "That's true. I do have a lot."
He smiled, "Better get going then, kid. I'll see you tomorrow?"
I nodded, "Yeah." I stopped for a moment, deciding if now would be the best time to tell him about my birthday plans.
Just do it.
"Dad?"
"Yeah?"
"My friend has planned this birthday party for me on Saturday…" I started, "I know I said I would spend it with you but-"
"Go!" He laughed, "Seriously, Bells. You don't have to ask permission. It's your birthday. Go. Have fun and enjoy yourself."
I couldn't help but smile, "Thanks dad. I'll see you before it anyway."
"Of course you will." He settled into his bed and smiled, "Now get going! I don't want you falling behind on your coursework."
I rolled my eyes and headed for the door, "Bye dad. I love you."
"Love you too, kid."

I sat in the middle of my bed, staring at my mountain of homework. How did I let it pile up? What had I been doing with my time?
Getting high and almost defiling yourself.
I scowled at my better self. That was beside the point. I should've dedicated time to my schoolwork. The last thing I wanted was to fall behind.
I tied my hair up and started flicking through the pages I had to study for Calculus. I had just attempted the first question when my phone buzzed.
"Hey. Can I come over?
"Sure." I responded. My insides turned, and my heart thumped in my chest.
No funny business.
Definitely not. What happened the other night shouldn't have happened. I shouldn't have let it happen. It wasn't supposed to happen.
If it wasn't supposed to happen, why are you squeezing your legs shut?
I sighed deeply. Okay, fine. It felt…good. That better?
It felt more than good, actually. It felt fucking amazing. Of course, that was before I freaked the fuck out.
No strings.
I nodded to myself. No strings.
"Everything okay?" Jake asked, sitting across from me.
I nodded, moving my school work to my desk, "Yeah. Why?"
"I haven't heard from you in a few days." He shrugged, picking at a lose thread on my duvet.
"Look, Jake. What happened the other night…I just…" I couldn't get the words out.
Word vomit.
"I just…I don't want a relationship or anything." I exhaled, sitting back down.
Jake smirked, "And I do?"
I frowned, tilting my head to the side, "What?"
Jake rolled his eyes and scooted closer to me, "I don't want a relationship either, Bella. Just some…" He stared off, thinking of the right words, "No strings attached kinda stuff."
No strings.
I breathed out, thankful that he understood. Even though he didn't know what the hell I was thinking about this situation.
"Oh." Was all I could muster.
Jake smirked again, moving closer again, "What do you say?" He asked, trailing his fingertips along my arm, "I'll give your fix for free." He joked.
I snorted, "Sex for drugs? Is that how it's going to be?"
He chuckled, "I was kidding."
I smiled in return, "I know."
Even still, it seemed like a pretty good deal.
He trailed his fingers down to my hand, taking it in his, "Well?"
I took a deep breath, I had to admit, it probably would do me a load of good to get Edward out of my head. Which is why this decision came easy. "Okay." I whispered.
Jake grinned, pulling me onto his lap, "Okay." He kissed me gently, testing the waters.
Fuck gentle.
I cupped the back of his neck, pulling him back to my lips as I kissed him passionately. I didn't want fluff with him. I didn't want romance or love. I wanted raw, consensual, unadulterated sex. And he could give me that.
He pushed me down onto the bed, towering over me, supporting himself with his elbow as he attacked my body with kisses, "You're so soft." He commented, pulling my shirt off. He kissed along my jawline. I tilted my head to the side, allowing him access to my neck. He growled in appreciation and proceeded to bite into my neck.
A low moan escaped me as he left his mark. My nails dug into his chest as he pressed himself against me, grinding slowly. He kissed down my chest, pulling my jeans and underwear off. He wasn't wasting time this time around.
Jake pulled his top off, throwing it to the floor before his jeans joined it. He leaned back, studied my naked body, "Damn, Swan."
I bit my lip and blushed scarlet. His arms hooked under my legs, pulling me down to him. He nibbled along my inner thigh, my breathing becoming ragged in anticipation.
His tongue softly circled me, tasting me. I gripped his hair, bucking my hips, matching his speed. My eyes scrunched, my chest rising and falling at a steady rhythm.
He gripped my waist tightly, moving his mouth back to my thigh, biting and sucking as he left another mark. He swiftly removed his boxers, settling himself in between my legs.
I bit my lip and looked up at him.
He cocked a brow, smirking, silently asking me. I nodded and brought his face to mine, kissing him. He grabbed my arm, pulling me up. "Do you want to?" He asked, looking down.
I followed his gaze and bit my lip.
It's like a giant lollipop, Swan.
Nodding slowly, I moved closer. He threaded his fingers into my hair and pulled my head down.
He groaned, tilting his head back as I took him in my mouth.
"Fuck." He hissed, thrusting into my mouth, causing me to gag.
He gripped my hair tighter, the pain was welcome. I fucking loved it.
Jake groaned loudly, thrusting harder into my mouth, hitting the back of my throat. My eyes started watering uncontrollably.
No strings.
He grabbed my chin, pushing me onto my back. He settled in between my legs, "Don't worry." He whispered, leaning down to his jeans, "I brought it." He held up a condom and smirked as he rolled it on.
I sighed contentedly as he kissed down my shoulder. He grabbed my legs, hooking them around his waist.
I screamed out when he thrust harshly into me, my nails digging into his back. Jake grabbed my hips, both of us moving together in hissed through his teeth, as he moved faster.
My back arched, moans escaped me at every thrust. Jake leaned his forehead against my shoulder, groaning quietly. He nibbled my earlobe, I bit my lip, my nails embedded into his skin.
Just a little bit longer.
"Fuck, Swan." Jake growled, digging his fingers into my hips.
My legs tightened around his waist as he led me closer, closer, closer.
I screamed out, shuddering against him.
Rest in peace innocence.
Both us, panting softly, lay quietly. Beads of sweat dripped from Jake's forehead onto my shoulder. He smiled widely at me and kissed me chastely, before sitting up and pulling his clothes back on.
I covered myself with my bed sheets and stared up at the ceiling.
"Wanna smoke?" Jake asked, patting his pockets for his lighter.
"Okay." I sat up, legs crossed under my blankets.
Jake handed me a joint, smirking as he watched me.
"What?" I raised a brow, exhaling smoke.
"Nothing." He shook his head, "You're something else."
I frowned at his words, "Good or bad?"
Jake chuckled, "Good."
Good.

I skipped to my locker with Alice, giggling to ourselves about nothing in particular.
"I can't wait for tomorrow night." Alice leaned against the lockers, watching me place my bag inside.
"I know. It's going to be great." I commented.
Rosalie sighed, leaning her elbow on Alice's shoulder, "You guys seen Emmett yet?"
I shook my head, "No. Maybe he's late."
Rosalie frowned and flicked her blond hair over her shoulder, "This is ridiculous. He was supposed to meet me before school started. And school starts like, now."
Alice smiled sympathetically, "You can see him at lunch."
Rosalie scoffed, "Yeah. Right."
I shut my locker and gripped my books tightly against my chest, "Better get to class." I mumbled.
Alice linked her arm with mine as we made our way to Calculus.
I was excited about tomorrow night. Actually excited. I had a lot to celebrate. My dad was doing good, I was eighteen, I finally felt like I belonged here. For now, anyway.
Edward didn't show up at lunch time, which caused my stomach to turn.
You're a masochistic motherfucker.
I sighed to myself. I couldn't argue. I was.

I wanted him to leave me alone, and when he did, I missed it. What the hell was wrong with me? I could deal with his jokes and his anger, but I couldn't deal with his coldness and complete disregard to my existence.
I brought it on myself, I know. I told him to fuck off. I told him to leave me alone.
And now he finally was.