Thirteen Possible Punishments for Potter Not Showing Up for Rounds AGAIN:

By Lily Evans

1. Assign him rounds with Slytherins on Friday and Saturday nights. And the most foul Slytherins at that. Force him to tolerate them for a few hours without dueling. I highly doubt he could get through it.

2. Put him in detention. Preferably during a Qudditch game. But I could be persuaded to settle for a practice. I don't care, I'll give him detention during every bloody game or practice of bloody Quidditch. I BLOODY HATE QUIDDITCH.

(Right, so I don't actually hate Quidditch. It's quite enjoyable really. I just hate what it does to Potter. He doesn't need to inflate his ego any more than it already is. At least he's stopped playing with that damn snitch all the time. That was unbearable. He's not even a Seeker!)

3. Lock him out of his dorm. But before doing so, make sure all of his books and robes are in there. Also, only to be done the night before he has a reserve report due to McGonagall, since he always leaves it to the last minute.

4. Transfigure all of his pants into lacy knickers. If I do that, I ought to do the same to Black's as well. He's probably got something to do with Potter skipping rounds. AGAIN. I will not bloody stand for such flagrant disregard for the rules and, more importantly, our agreement as Prefects. If Potter thinks he can continue like this, he is sorely mistaken. It hardly makes my job any easier. Being a Prefect does not include babysitting.

5. Shave all of his hair off. It wouldn't be too terribly difficult. Just slip something into his drink at supper that causes him to become extremely exhausted and when he excuses himself to go to bed, I could just sneak up there under the guise of asking after him. Then, while he's still asleep I could shave his head and after that's through I could start screaming bloody murder and pretend that I've just walked into his room and I found him without his hair. That would actually be a lovely reaction to witness. Perhaps I've put too much thought into this.

6. Hold a meeting of all the female prefects and tell them, in complete seriousness, that they all need to go easy on Potter. That he hasn't been having such an easy time dealing with his "illness" and that the rash is making him very uncomfortable. Also, that in the interest of not causing an epidemic, that they should advise the girls in their houses, very discretely of course, to steer clear of Potter for the time being while his rash clears up and his bits are back in working order again.

7. Hold a meeting with the male prefects telling them that if they are on rounds and they catch Potter and Black, or any other male for that matter, snogging or shagging that they should not hesitate to treat them as any other couple out after curfew and engaging in such activities. If Potter attempts to coerce them, then they should immediately report him to me for punishment.

8. Ask Peeves to please, please leave him alone because he's been under an awful lot of stress lately and is likely to cause a scene if he's angry or caught off guard. Then try to be present for as many of the ensuing incidents as possible.

9. Go up to him and say to him that he may think he has gotten away with it, but I have proof and will be going to McGonagall. Ask Remus for a near-verbatim transcript of everything Potter speculates that I know.

10. When he and Black stumble down to the Great Hall hungover one morning, switch their pumpkin juice with firewhiskey. Repeat as necessary.

11. Nick some veritaserum from Slughorn and slip in into his pumpkin juice. Enjoy.

12. Ask Potter out. When he starts jumping around and collecting his winning from the betting pools, jinx his bits. Take a photograph of his facial expression.

13. Obtain some of Severus' hair and some Polyjuice from Slughorn. Research if Polyjuice can be baked into a tart or a cake etc, etc. Leave resulting pastry in Potter's office as a "Congrats on your first month as Quidditch Captain!" Preferably on the morning of a Quidditch match. Or a Hogsmeade weekend if he's managed to get Marianne Henderson to agree to go with him.