A/N: Twilight and all characters associated with it do not belong to me.
"Ow! Alice if you pull my hair one more time I'm going to punch you. .Face." I threatened angrily. "Okay, I'm sorry. Jeez. You act like I'm doing it on purpose." She snapped. "For all I know you are. What's the point in straightening my hair when it's already straight to begin with?" I snapped back. "Uh, newsflash, Bella. You're hair isn't straight. It's wavy." Rose stated smirking as she walked into the room. I glared at her in the mirror, and sighed as Alice pulled my hair for the umpteenth time. "Sorry!" She squeaked, running her hands through my hair. "Finished. Now you can go get dressed." She said, unplugging the straightening iron. I happily jumped off the stool, and walked to my closet. I pulled out a pair of black yoga pants, and a long sleeved t-shirt. I dressed quickly, and walked back out into the bedroom. Alice glared at me, and Rose started laughing.
"What?" I asked innocently. "Isabella Marie Swan! I did not just spend thirty minutes straightening your hair and applying make-up to your face for you to come out wearing that!" Alice scolded. I shrugged my shoulders. "You insisted on doing that crap. I tried to tell you it was pointless. We're spending the evening here, at home. I'm not getting all dressed up just to stay home." I explained smugly. I spent the next fifteen minutes arguing with Alice on why I didn't need to change while Rosalie was laughing her butt off in the corner of the room. Much to Alice's dismay I won the argument. I sauntered down the stairs with a pouting Alice following close behind and a still laughing Rosalie after her.
"What's so funny?" Edward asked at the same time Jasper said, "Why are you pouting Alice?"
"Bella isn't playing fair." Alice whined sitting next to Jasper on the couch. "Alice, look around you. Everyone, but you, is in comfortable clothing. Why? Because we're spending the evening at home. You know, relaxing." I sighed impatiently. I walked over to where Edward was sitting, and sat down as close to him as possible. He chuckled and kissed the top of my head lightly. We all sat around and talked for awhile until Esme called us into the dining room to eat. Our spread included spaghetti with meatballs, a ceasar salad, garlic bread, and an apple pie for dessert. Yum-o! We ate mostly in silence, with a few words here and there between couples. When dinner was over I helped Esme with the dishes while everyone else piled into the family room. As I was heading into the family room myself my phone chirped from my pocket. I stopped in the hallway and I pulled it out to see who it was from.
Leave him. I want you to leave Edward, and be with me.-J
I sighed, and rolled my eyes.
I love him, Jacob. I'm not leaving him.-B
I can give you everything he can't. I can buy you the world.-J
First off, you can't buy my happiness or love. Secondly, he gives me everything I could ever want.-B
You don't deserve him.-J
You're right. I don't.-B
Please, Bella. Be with me. Choose me.-J
No, Jacob. I choose Edward. It will always be Edward.-B
"Bella? You coming?" I jumped at the sound of Edward's voice, and tucked my phone back into my pocket. I interlaced my fingers with his, and followed him into the family room. "Bella! There you are! We're playing truth or dare." Alice chirped. I groaned and sat cross legged on the floor next to her. Edward sat behind me and put a leg on each side of my body. I leaned back into his chest and inhaled his intoxicating scent. I felt a pang of guilt for not telling him about my run-in with Jacob right away, but I didn't want to ruin our family night. I'd tell him later; before he went home for the night. I looked around the room, and noticed Esme and Carlisle were not there.
"Where are mom and dad?" I whispered to Edward. "They went to play bridge with some friends. They said we needed some sibling time." He whispered back with a shrug. Sibling time my ass. They just didn't want to be stuck playing truth or dare with the rest of us. Not that I blamed them; I'd punk out if I had the option, too.
"Bella, truth or dare?" Rosalie asked with a grin. I groaned inwardly. I hated this game. Either way I went I always ended up embarrassed. "Truth?" I muttered weakly. "Have you ever been pregnant?" She asked. . "What the hell kind of question is that?" I blanched. "Oh, come on! It's a fair question!" Alice exclaimed excitedly. "It's a completely random question!" I squeaked. "Why are you avoiding the question, Bella?" Rose asked playfully. I felt my face heat up in embarrassment, and tears spring to my eyes. I couldn't lie to them though I desperately wanted to; mostly for Edward's sake. I had never told him about the miscarriage. Mainly because I was ashamed, but also because I was afraid he'd be mad at me for losing our baby.
Oh, please! Bella just tell them!" Alice chided with a smile. "What?" I squeaked. "That you've never been pregnant silly. You shouldn't tease us all like that." She explained quickly. "Um…" I stumbled, biting my lip. Shit! Why couldn't I just lie? It would so much easier. "Oh my god." Rosalie whispered as Alice gasped. I felt Edward stiffen up before he hurriedly jumped up and walked out of the room. Fuck my life. "Bella, I'm sorry! I had no idea!" Rose exclaimed. I gave her a half hearted smile, and jumped up to follow Edward. I found him pacing out in the front yard, smoking one of my cigarettes. Oh shit. Not good. The only time I've ever seen him smoke was when he first found out about Jacob and me. He didn't talk to me for three months. I grabbed the cigarette pack from him, took one out, lit it, and took a long drag.
"You're pregnant?" He asked quietly.
"No." I exclaimed vehemently. He visibly relaxed, but only the slightest bit.
"But, you were?" He asked in a whisper. I took another drag off the cigarette. "Yes." I exhaled. He stiffened up again. "When?" He demanded. "Two years ago. I had a miscarriage. That's why I wanted to relapse." I confessed. He stopped pacing, and just stared at me, a look of shock in his eyes. I took another hit off the cigarette, and stared back, letting him digest that information. "You mean to tell me that all of the bullshit we've been through the last two years started over a… a miscarriage?" He whispered. "Yes." I whispered back, tears falling from my eyes. "Why?" He asked. "I was ashamed, and devastated. I had only known for about a week, and I was trying to figure out the best way to tell you that we were having a baby, and then I lost it. I thought I had done something wrong, and I was afraid if I told you you'd be angry with me." I explained quietly.
"Was it mine?" He demanded as he began to pace again at a more rapid pace. "What?" I deadpanned. ".Mine?" He demanded a little louder. I thought that's what he said. I wanted to hit him. I mean I really wanted to hit. More than I've ever wanted to hit him before and I didn't want to stop at just one punch. I swiped furiously at the tears streaming down my face, and threw my cigarette to the ground. I clenched and unclenched my fists as I counted to ten, and then twenty. "Yes, Edward. The baby was yours. If you remember correctly I didn't start sleeping with Jacob until after the fighting began." I sneered.
He stopped pacing, and stared at me again, this time with pain in his eyes. "How should I know when you started fucking someone else? If you could hide something like this from me than who knows what else you've been hiding." He snapped. "Two years? Two fucking years and you just now decided to tell me? If Rosalie hadn't asked that question would you have ever told me?" He yelled. I couldn't answer him because I didn't know. I wasn't planning on telling him anytime soon I knew that much, but in the long run? I had no idea if I would have told him or not.
"ANSWER ME!" He screamed, causing me to jump. "I don't know!" I exclaimed as fresh tears began to fall. He shook his head, and started walking backwards away from me. "That's not good enough for me Bella." He stated, and turned away. I watched him get into his car, and pull out of the driveway. I had no idea if I'd ever see him again, and that was the worst feeling in the entire world. I walked back inside, and ignoring everyone, went straight upstairs to bed. The only thing I wanted more than Edward right now was sleep. I wanted to forget this night ever happened, and to wake up tomorrow feeling ten times better than I felt right now. Yeah, like that would happen.
I couldn't sleep. My anxiety had me shaking like a leaf, and try as I might I couldn't slow my breathing. Thank God for drugs. I padded my way downstairs to the kitchen, took an ativan, and made my way outside to smoke. A part of me wondered why I was made this way. Okay, a part of me and a part of Lady Gaga's "Born this way" made me wonder. If there was a God (and I wasn't completely convinced there was) why would he make me this way? A person with manic depression and an anxiety disorder who had a hard time trusting people, and anger issues. What kind of life is that to live? Not a very fun one I can tell you that much. Was this the path I was forced to take? Or, was this my test? To see if I was strong enough to overcome these issues? God tested people right? Was this His way of testing me? And if so, what was the point? Why make me suffer through this bullshit life in the first place? Hadn't I dealt with my share of unfairness, and poverty of sorts? Hadn't I been dealt a shitty enough hand? He just had to throw in the depression, anxiety, and anger issues to top it off? For what? To make me stronger? I thought of myself as a fairly strong individual in the first place; I didn't see the need for improvement in that area. Evidently my opinion and God's opinion were completely different.
I lit another cigarette, and took a long drag. And why make Edward suffer along with me? It wasn't his fault I'd grown up the way I had. He had nothing to do with it. Why was he forced to play along in this pathetic little game? Why did I take everything out on him? It wasn't fair damn it! I reminded myself of my father, and I hated it. I was making everyone around me suffer right along with me. If I wasn't happy no one else should be either. Fuck how they feel, or what they think. I took another drag off my cigarette, and swiped at the tears that had begun falling down my face. If I wasn't so selfish I would end my relationship with Edward. But, I was a very selfish woman, and I couldn't break my own heart or his for that matter. If there was even a relationship left to salvage. The only thing to do was fight like hell for what I wanted, and deserved. And fight I would. I took a final puff of my cigarette, stomped it out, and went back inside to go to bed.
A/N: Hope everyone had a great Easter! I had a great day with my babies. =] Song for this chapter-"Secrets"-OneRepublic. Leave some love!
