Author's Notes - This chapter is the shortest one in The Emissary, and I don't think I could cut it much without making it incomprehensible, so here it is. Also, I feel compelled to confess that I've had several people tell me these beginning chapters are not as strong as the later ones, and I wholeheartedly agree. This is the first story of any kind that I had written in many years, and I'm not ashamed to admit that I wrote chapters that paralleled the series until I gained enough confidence to go my own way. When posting it here on FF, I had the choice to post it mostly as is, or to try to revamp it so that the earlier chapters reflected the quality of the later ones. I've decided to keep it true to the original, altering it only to meet the T rating. I don't know if this is an apology for the weakness of the first part of the fic, or a plea to stick it out until it gets better. Either way, I hope you enjoy it, and I will warn you that by the time the watch is opened, you'll want to bash the characters' heads together and tell them to get a clue!
Two loud, insistent knocks interrupted Melissa's computer work. Yanking open the front door, she paused in confusion as she peered at the stranger before her. Rubbing her forehead, she took in the man's appearance with a quick glance. "You're still not ginger, you know, although the ears are a significant improvement."
"Oi! My ears weren't that bad!" Then realizing the impossibility of what she had said, he became puzzled. "How could you possibly know it was me?"
"Where's Jack?" She didn't mean to sound brusque, but her head was starting to pound.
The new, younger-looking Doctor instantly looked regretful and sympathetic. Unwillingly, she suddenly knew the purpose of his visit. Stiffening, she told him, "You know, the Air Force sends two people to do a casualty notification. Where's Rose?"
He blinked and opened his mouth as he thought of several different responses. Seeing he was still standing outside, however, he opted for, "May I come in?"
"They ask that too," she remarked bitterly. For a moment, she debated the idea of refusing, but in the end, her desire to know what had happened trumped her desire for self-deception. Feeling strangely detached, she invited him in.
"Why don't I make you some tea," he offered, leading her gently to the kitchen table. She remained silent, staring at her hands as he heated the water and then prepared two cups. Worried, he studied her as he poured the tea, but she scarcely noticed.
"Melissa, I'm so sorry," he told her sincerely, crouching down to her eye level, but her eyes would not meet his and her hands stayed in her lap. "Right then," he muttered to himself. Placing a large mug of hot tea on the table in front of her, he wondered how close she was to shock.
Patiently, he sat in silence until the tea had gone tepid. Finally, she asked in a hoarse whisper, "Was it the Time Agency?"
"No. It was something else." Trying to decide how best to tell her, he eventually asked, "Did Rose ever tell you what a Dalek is?"
Her head shot up and she glared into his eyes, her hatred so intense that it astonished even him. "I know what a Dalek is." Harshly, she rubbed her forehead.
He found himself looking away from her. He could not bear to have that hatred turned towards him as he told his tale. "We found the Daleks very far into the Earth's future. Hundreds of thousands of Daleks, waiting to attack the Earth. We were on a satellite, and I designed a weapon, a delta wave, that could kill them all, except I needed some time to build it. I sent Rose home in the TARDIS, but Jack stayed to mount a defense. He was the last man standing. I heard him run out of ammunition, and then the Daleks. . . ."
He couldn't bring himself to say the word exterminate, the memory of Jack's death was too fresh in his mind. Putting a hand on her shoulder, he finished quietly, "He died a hero, Melissa."
His touch was like fire, and electrified, she pushed back the chair giving him a hard slap on the face. Her mind blazed as the Bad Wolf revealed everything that had occurred.
"You liar. Oh, you've told me the truth, I'll grant you that, but you're trying to deceive me nonetheless. Forgot to mention that Rose decided to play god and bring Jack back to life, did you? Or were you going to tell me about the Bad Wolf at all? You can't hide her from me; I've know her since I was a child. Who do you think brought me here? If not for her, I'd be trapped inside the Void!"
Flinging her mug to the ground, she watched it shatter into tiny shards. "I hate her! Hate what's she's done to me! Hate what she did to Jack! Never-ending suffering! He'll die, and die and die again! And I never, ever thought I'd live to see the day I called you coward, but you left him! You left a man who died for you alone on a satellite full of Dalek dust and dead humans. You left him ignorant about himself! What's going to happen when he dies again? How could you? You're better than that!
Dumbfounded, the Doctor stared at her in mute horror, rubbing his stinging cheek. As she continued her rant, he finally saw how tightly her right hand grasped her head. He grabbed her by the shoulder, and with a pained sob, she collapsed unconscious to the floor.
Cursing himself for being so thick, he whipped out the sonic screwdriver to scan her brain. Her neural activity was much too high. When she didn't stir after several minutes, he carefully carried her to the sofa. Trying not to dwell on the guilty accusations she must have extrapolated from his own mind, he returned to the kitchen to clean up the glass and make a fresh pot of tea.
When he returned, she was sitting up, a look of confusion on her face. The confusion changed to fear as soon as she noticed him. Bolting from the sofa, she grabbed the fireplace poker and brandished it at him. "Get out of my house! I don't care who you are, get out of my house!"
Assuming an affable smile, the Doctor kept his hands out in front of him to show her they were empty. "Blimey, Melissa, I know I look different, but that's no reason to stab me with a poker. Now, I've made some tea, so why don't we go into the kitchen?"
She didn't move an inch, not that he had actually expected her to. More earnestly, he added, "Melissa, it's me, the Doctor. I know, new personality, new face, new clothes, but I promise it's me. You had a migraine, why don't we go into the kitchen, eh? I made us both some tea."
She eyed the man uncertainly. "Where's Rose?"
"At home with Jackie. Christmas was a little hectic what with the Sycorax, so we thought we'd stay through New Year's." He kept his hands out, but he gave her a reassuring grin.
She pondered his explanation, wishing Rose had been with him to explain. She hadn't changed her face, had she? "Where's Jack?" The poker was pointed at the ground, but it was still gripped tightly in her hand.
"Not here, either," the Doctor admitted quietly.
That raised her suspicions; surely Jack wouldn't miss a chance to visit. The poker again pointed at his chest. "Tell me something only the Doctor would know."
Thinking for a moment, he answered flatly, "Jack told me that you've only had intercourse with Mark and him."
Outrage superseded her suspicions and she shrieked at him. "Why on Earth would he tell you that?"
Looking momentarily embarrassed, he ran his hand through his hair. "We were discussing cultural definitions of sexual morality. Perhaps that wasn't the best thing to say. I think I'm slightly rude this time. I could have said the fire that killed your parents wasn't your fault, or you make the best banana muffins with cream cheese on the planet, but I wasn't entirely sure what type of secret you were looking for."
All at once, her outrage was replaced by astonishment, and the poker clattered to the floor. "Doctor? What happened to you?"
Shrugging, he replied, "I died."
She blurted out, "Is that like the Dali Lama and reincarnation?"
Pleased that she had accepted him so readily, he enthused, "You're brilliant! Completely wrong, of course, but absolutely brilliant. I regenerated. It's this little trick Time Lords have to cheat death. Every cell of my body changes, and I become a new man, new looks, new voice, new quirks. Everything on the outside changes, but on the inside, I'm still me."
Actually following his rambling, she suddenly understood that something terrible must have happened to make him change. "Where's Jack?"
Blimey, but he hated explaining twice. At least this time he would do it properly. "Why don't you sit down and I'll bring you a cup of tea and we'll talk about it, eh?"
Ashen, she sat heavily onto the sofa. Sitting beside her, he made her take a few sips of the hot, strong tea before he started to speak. "How are you feeling?" he began, scanning her with his screwdriver.
"Tired. Afraid. Jack would be here if you had good news."
"I'm sorry," he told her sincerely, wondering what her reaction would be this time.
"Just get it over with," she pleaded as she took another sip of tea.
"He's not dead, Melissa." He didn't want her to delve in his mind again, and not knowing what triggered her ability, he decided to be completely honest.
"Is he a prisoner?" Her hands were trembling slightly, but otherwise she seemed to be taking the news well.
"No, it's complicated. We were far into Earth's future where we found millions of Daleks preparing to attack the planet and take over the rest of the galaxy. Jack . . . Jack was very brave. He led the defense of the satellite so I could have time to build a weapon to defeat them. The Daleks attacked, though, and killed everyone on the satellite but me.
"I thought you said he was alive!" With his quick reflexes he caught her mug as it slipped out of her hand, spilling only a little.
He searched her face looking for signs that she once again walked in his memories. She seemed fine, however, although understandably tense and shaken. Putting the mug on the end table, he leaned forward and gave her a soft, sympathetic smile. "I said it's complicated. I sent Rose home in the TARDIS. I wanted her to be safe."
His expression became somewhat bitter as he continued. "But she's never been very good at accepting the inevitable. She managed to open the heart of the TARDIS and absorb the power of the Time Vortex." Her face was full of questions, and he gravely explained, "She had the power to do anything. She turned the Daleks into dust."
When he hesitated, she prodded, "And Jack?"
"She said 'I bring life' and she brought him back, but she's human, and couldn't control the power she wielded. She brought him back forever."
When it was apparent she didn't understand, he added quietly, "He can be killed, but he can't die, not permanently. He's going to live forever."
A strangled sob escaped her as she comprehended what he just said. "Where is he?"
"I left him on the satellite," the Doctor confessed. "What Rose did changed him in many ways. He's a fixed point in time, and I can sense that. It makes me very uncomfortable. He looks wrong to me, and it wasn't the best time for me to try to sort it out."
He saw the look of betrayal on her face, and he apologized. "I wasn't making the best decisions then, but what's done is done. He's got his Vortex Manipulator. I'm sure he'll be fine."
"Can Rose fix him?" She couldn't believe the Doctor had just left Jack! How scared would he be when he died and came back?
"No," he answered regretfully, "She doesn't even remember. The Time Vortex is much too powerful for anyone, especially a human to hold. I had to take it out of her."
"How?"
He looked uncomfortable, and she wasn't sure he would answer, but finally, he did. "By taking it into me. I was able to channel it through my body so the energy could return to the TARDIS."
Insightful, she commented with a hint of amazement in her voice, "That's how you died."
He gave an embarrassed half-shrug. "Yeah."
"You were dying when you left Jack." The silence stretched between them until Melissa dared to ask the question she was afraid to ask. "Would he look wrong to me?"
"No, but he probably won't age."
She nodded; she could live with that. Gathering her courage, she spoke as calmly as she could, although her voice quavered a bit. "Could you stand being around him long enough to bring him here?"
For a long minute, he forgot to breathe. Is this why he had come alone, sneaking off without telling Rose in the first place? Had he dared hope she would accept Jack, offering him the support and love he would need as he slowly came to terms with his new existence?
"I can. Now that I'm not about to regenerate, it will be easier to be around him. But you need to be absolutely sure because if I do this, then there will be no more visits from Rose and me, no one to turn to if it goes wrong."
Her pale cheeks flushed with conviction. "He's Jack! He doesn't deserve this, and I understand your need to protect Rose, but I love him. And you're better than this. You can't just abandon him! I won't pretend that it's going to be easy, but he needs a safe place to understand what's happened to him and to learn to live with it, and that's here."
"You'll get old, and he won't," he warned, wanting to make sure she understood absolutely."
"Then he can leave me when I get too wrinkled for him." As she made her retort, a ghost of a smile flitted across her face.
Her resiliency amazed him. "Have I ever mentioned that you are an incredible woman, Melissa Morgan? The Captain is a very lucky man." Grabbing his coat, he strode to the front door. "I'll be back in a few minutes."
The Doctor returned fifteen minutes later, haggard, upset and alone. "The TARDIS wouldn't let me land any sooner than six months after the attack. I tried. I promise; I've been trying for two weeks, but she's being obstinate. When I searched, he had already left. I have no way of finding him now. I'm sorry."
He looked so dejected that she couldn't do anything but believe him and give him a tight hug. "It's not me you'll have to apologize to."
Finally taking pity on him, she added cordially, "There's some hummingbird cake with your name on it. Why don't you come in and take a break. Wouldn't want Rose to see you like this; she might ask questions. There's no sense upsetting her if she doesn't remember."
Grateful, he went inside, letting her fix the tea this time.
