HOWDY YA'LL! I hope you're as proud as I am to see this update a week later, as promised.
i've had a couple people ask about Edward's virginity status, due to conflicting information that he gave in Chapter 6 to the guys, and what he told Bella. This will be addressed in Chapter 12, okay? :)
I tinkered with this chapter a bit before posting, so all mistakes are my own. Nuttyginger works her ass off to beta these chapters, and I try not to mess with them too much, but this time it couldn't be helped.
Beta'd by Nuttyginger
Preread by BubblyGreenBubbles and EveryDayBella89
Oh, and... Lemony goodness ahead :)
Enjoy!
Bella POV
I awoke the next morning, earlier than usual. Despite the fact I'd only slept two hours the night before, I didn't sleep well last night either. I tossed around ideas on how to approach Esme about allowing Edward to stay at the academy. I figured if I couldn't convince her that Edward needed more time to work on himself, then I could explain to her how much I needed Edward for my own treatment plan.
Was it healthy? No, probably not. I was well aware of the fact that Edward and I's relationship was becoming codependent, as I'm sure Angela would say. I didn't necessarily see it as a bad thing, because we found each other when we needed one another the most. Edward had come on in leaps and bounds when it came to dealing with his guilt over losing his sister. I wasn't naïve enough to think that he wouldn't harbor some sort of guilt for the rest of his life, but from what he'd said, he'd begun to transform back into who he'd been before Lizzie's death. Edward said that it's because he met me. Although, I can't convince myself to take all the credit, I could agree – at least a little bit. I know that Edward made me want to be a better person. I think of not only our future together, but what may lie ahead for me as a person. Before I met him, I didn't plan a damn thing, and I think that's because I'd lost hope. With Edward, my hope had been restored.
I knew that Edward was terrified that we'd be separated, and I'd be lying if I wasn't terrified as well. Because the scariest part about distance, was that you didn't know whether they'd miss you or forget you.
I knew this to be true.
I pushed these thoughts to the back of my mind as I got ready for our outing. We were to meet Edward and Esme to do a bit of shopping. My mom had already made a big deal about my birthday. She'd had room service sent up, and there'd been a lit candle in my French toast. Renee may not have been the best mother growing up, but she was trying her best to change now.
As we left our room to head to the elevator, it dawned on me. I had yet to hear from Charlie, today.
"Hey, mom, can I use your phone to call Dad?" I asked.
"Of course."
I waited as she dug through her giant bag that she actually called a purse. After she handed it over, I dialed Charlie.
Ring…
Ring….
Ring…..
"You've reached the voice mailbox of— "
I ended the call. I loathed voicemails so refused to leave them.
I handed the phone back to Renee, and she gave me a sad smile. "No answer?" I shook my head. "I'm sorry, sweetie. Have you and Angela been able to get ahold of him at all the last few weeks?" I shook my head again.
I stepped onto the elevator and pressed the button. I wasn't stupid enough to think that Charlie was so busy he couldn't find time in the last two months to sit down for one fucking therapy session over the phone. He was avoiding me, obviously. I just didn't understand why.
Sure, I was a pain in his ass the last few years, but I was never under the impression that Charlie was angry enough to just stop talking to me. Although, I feel like I barely even know him anymore. He'd become detached and cold, always working. I blamed my shiny new stepmom, but he'd be the first to disagree.
The elevator doors opened, and we made our way to the front of the hotel. Morose thoughts were forgotten as I saw Edward standing there with a gorgeous bouquet of red roses. I knew they were cliché and supposed to mean 'I'm sorry,' but they're my favorite.
Once I reached Edward, he enveloped me in a hug.
"Happy birthday, Bella," he whispered in my ear.
I let go and stood back as I looked up at him – his goofy grin matched my own. We both heard a throat clear and effectively tore us from our little world. Edward looked confused for a moment before he looked down and saw the roses still in his hand.
"Oh, shit. Uh, these are for you."
He blushed as he thrust them at me. I saw Esme barely contain her smile as she watched Edward struggle.
"They're beautiful, thank you." I smelled the flowers as Edward studied my face for any trace of sarcasm.
"Are you sure? My mom wanted me to get wild flowers, but I thought these looked more like you." His blush from before deepened.
I bit my lip as I kept myself from jumping him. I didn't think our mother's would like that very much.
"Yes, I'm sure. Red roses are my favorite, actually."
I decided to run my roses back up to the room so I didn't have to carry them around shopping all day. When I returned, I held Edward's hand as he guided us through the streets, in and out of different shops. My favorite, by far, were the art galleries we wandered into. Most of the art was of western theme—sculptures of buffalo's and whatnot. Unfortunately, Edward deemed the galleries 'boring' and would only walk through them because I made him. His main goal for the afternoon was to find a shop that sold cowboy boots.
"Fuck, yeah! Bella, come on." Edward pulled me into a small shop that housed hundreds of different cowboy boots, floor to ceiling. I watched his face light up as he went up and down the different aisles.
"I never really pegged you for the cowboy boot type. Shall I start calling you Stetson?" I said playfully.
Edward stopped inspecting a pair of boots and scoffed. "Please, Stetson only makes hats, and that is never happening."
I tried to contain myself, but a snort escaped anyhow. To the left of Edward was an entire section of Stetson boots and apparel. Since he was enjoying himself so much, I chose not to enlighten him. I did, however, want to know why he didn't want a cowboy hat to go with his new cowboy boots.
"Why no hat? Afraid it'll mess up your hair?" I joked.
Edward turned and looked at me seriously. "I'm not actually a cowboy, Bella. Where the hell would I ever wear a cowboy hat? I'm from Chicago. We city boys don't wear cowboy hats."
His logic was baffling.
"But, you 'city boys' wear cowboy boots?" I questioned.
He widened his arms as if to say 'duh,' and I just rolled my eyes. Boys will be boys, and all that.
I found a stool to sit on as I waited for Edward to pick the perfect pair of boots. Our moms were at the coffee shop next door, and I appreciated the space they were giving us. Although, Edward and I agreed we would spend the day with our moms tomorrow. It was nice of them to sacrifice their time with us for Edward and I to spend some time together.
I felt as if someone was watching me, so I looked up. Edward was standing at the opposite end of the aisle, smiling.
I quirked an eyebrow. "What are you smiling about?"
He leaned up against a shelf as he continued to smile, effectively making me squirm.
"I've never known what it's like to look at someone and just smile for no reason, until I met you," he said softly.
Stunned by his admission, I felt my body warm all over, beginning with my cheeks and ending at my toes. I went to respond, but I was interrupted by a familiar voice.
"That's not true."
I looked to where Esme and my mom stood quietly. Esme took a step forward and looked between us, her eyes watery.
"You used to look at Lizzie like that. Any time you were in a room together, I would often catch you staring at her as she played. Of course, you would quickly look away if I ever caught you, but I knew. You loved her, just as you love Bella."
I looked at Edward. His knuckles were white as he clutched a boot in one hand. His other hand trembled at his side. He wouldn't look at me, or Esme, but the pain that was ripping through his body was evident to us all. I got up and walked towards him, ignoring Renee's suggestion that we should check out the gallery across the street. Obviously, she was trying to give Esme and Edward a moment alone.
As I approached, I could see out of the corner of my eye that Esme was watching us. Her tear-stained cheeks told me that more than anything she wanted to be the one comforting her son.
He was still staring at some random point over my head, his jaw clenched. I brought my hand up and cupped his face. After a moment, he looked down at me, and his expression softened. I could feel him trembling beneath my hand, and I could see the tears that threatened to spill over. I thought back to something Edward had said to me on the roof of the hotel our first day in Park City.
There's a war going on inside my mind.
It's not that I didn't believe those words before, but now I could see them to be true. My beautifully broken boy indeed had a war raging inside of him. I took a deep breath, trying to stay strong for him. I knew that he could overcome this, accept the situation for what it really was.
"It's okay," I whispered.
He leaned into my hand, and I heard Esme take a few steps toward us and grasp Edward's hand. His eyes darted between the both of us as he nodded.
"She's right, baby; everything's okay. It was never your fault." Esme promised. I knew that she was trying her best to assure him that his sister's death would never be blamed on him. It was a moment to be cherished.
Although, I had a feeling that Esme had told him this time and time again but it'd never sunk in. Edward nodded and cleared his throat, signaling he wanted to change the topic. Esme and I exchanged worrisome looks, but let it go.
Edward decided he didn't like any of the boots in that particular shop shortly after, so we moved on. Renee did her best to try and distract Esme, and I did the same with Edward, but the damage was done. Neither of them could hold a smile unless encouraged, and their laughs were anything but genuine.
After lunch, Edward came around a bit more, finally finding a pair of boots that he liked. While he paid for his boots, I wandered into a jewelry store across the street. As I was looking down through the glass window at the beautifully handcrafted metals, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around to find Esme smiling down at me.
"Do you mind?"
"No, of course not." I scooted over and waited for her to continue.
"I wanted to thank you, Bella."
"Thank me? For what?" I asked. "It's completely understandable. I'm sure you feel as if you lost both children, rather than just one."
She nodded.
"Do you mind if suggest something? Please don't make Edward leave the academy next month. Granted, he's made leaps and bounds since he arrived, but he's not ready. I'd hope that you saw that today in the boot shop." I began to nervously twirl the ring around my thumb as I awaited her answer.
Esme looked beyond me for a moment before returning her gaze back to mine, her eyes sad. "I did see it, and I will allow Edward to stay at the academy for however long he see's fit."
I smiled. "Thank you."
Esme brought her hand up and tucked my hair behind my ear before gently placing it back at her side.
"You're a beautiful girl, Bella, inside and out. Promise me something? Promise me that you'll take care of him. That no matter what happens between you in the future, that you'll always be there for him."
"Esme, I— "
She put her hand up to silence me. "He loves you, more so than he may even love me. It's fate, don't you think? Two broken souls finding each other when they needed one another the most. Please, promise me?"
I looked deeply into Esme's eyes as I tried to hold back the tears threatening to spill over. "I promise."
She brought me in for a hug, gripping me tight as she whispered, "Thank you."
When I pulled back, we both laughed, wiping the tears that had finally spilled over.
We left the jewelry store in search of the others. I smiled when I saw Edward on the sidewalk across the street, doubled over laughing at something funny my mom had said. I watched as I caught a glimpse of the real Edward; So carefree, young, and pure. He looked as if he hadn't a trouble in the world. No fear – just happiness.
They say the most beautiful sound in the world is a child's laughter, and I disagree. The most beautiful sound in the world is of laughter that has broken through pain and grief. To see someone you care for truly smile, when you know it took everything they fucking had inside of them to create that smile – that's priceless.
Edward caught my eye as we approached, and I couldn't help but notice a dim twinkle that had been missing for days. With him, the twinkle is never fully bright, but I hoped that one day it would be. He brought me to him squeezing me tightly. I wound my arms around his neck and looked up at him.
"I love you," I whispered.
Edward smiled and buried his face in my neck. "I love you too. Now, help me get rid of our moms. I want some alone time with you, and soon." I felt my face blush in embarrassment, but my body surged with excitement.
Edward had asked me earlier in the day to watch a movie with him tonight. Esme had gotten him his own room because she said that no eighteen year old man should have to share a room with his mother. Edward said it's because she thought boys stink, and that this was her vacation too. She shouldn't have to share a room with a boy when she has to share one with his father at home. It was totally something I could see her saying.
After a quiet birthday dinner in my room with Renee – at my request – I asked if I could go down to Edward's room to watch a movie.
"I suppose so, Bella. I'm going to assume that we don't need to have the talk about the consequences of having sex?" She looked at me seriously.
My cheeks reddened as I glared at her icily. "No, Mother. I think I have a pretty good idea what those consequences entail. Regardless, the nurse at the academy gave me another dose of the depo shot when I arrived."
Her expression softened as she sighed. "Just be careful, Bella."
"I will." I mumbled as I left the room. Definitely allowing the door to slam behind me for good measure.
Edward's room was two floors below mine, so I decided to take the stairs. I wanted some time to gather my thoughts before I faced him. I knew what going to his room alone meant.
Tonight, Edward and I would have sex.
Edward was my lighthouse in this storm I called life. He always had a way of guiding me home when I would get lost within myself. He grounded me. I knew he wouldn't pressure me into anything I didn't feel comfortable doing because he respected me.
But…
I was nervous.
Having never remembered the only sexual experience I've ever had, I was at a loss of how to make it even remotely good for either one of us. I don't know how to have sex, and given Edward's virginity status – neither did he.
I mean, I know that you stick the pole in the hole and all that, but…
Will it hurt?
I was scared of what would be triggered if Edward caused any pain during sex. After what had happened with Jamie, I had been sore and achy for days. It was a painful reminder that I didn't want to tarnish what was so special between us.
I wanted tonight to be perfect.
I appeared in front of Edward's door at last and drew in a deep breath before knocking. At last, I saw the handle begin to turn, and the door opened to reveal a shirtless Edward in basketball shorts. My voice caught in my throat, and I blinked a few times as I tried to not completely embarrass myself. I saw Edward smirk and I quickly sobered.
"Don't do that," I said, smacking him on his bare chest as I walked past him into the room. I sat on the end of the bed and glared at him as he walked toward me laughing.
"I didn't do anything."
"Yes, you did and you know it! If I'm not allowed to answer the door topless, then neither are you." I glanced up at him as he towered over me. I watched as he thought over my words, and a look of lust flashed in his eyes.
"No one said you couldn't open the door topless."
I smirked. "I'll remember that tomorrow morning when room service arrives with breakfast."
Edward growled as he picked me up and moved me to the head of the bed. He settled in next to me and I turned so that we were facing each other. He brought his hand up to lightly brush the hair out of my face. "No one's allowed to see you topless but me, Bella." His voice quiet, but firm. I felt my heart start to beat quickly and I blushed.
"I promise," I whispered. I began to trace the lines of his chest, as I always did when we were alone like this. He stilled my hand with his, and I flicked my eyes to meet his, wondering if I'd done something wrong. "What?" I asked.
Edward stared at me for a moment before answering. "Do you want to watch a movie?"
I paused for a moment and looked over at the TV and back at him before shaking my head no. I leaned in, lightly touching my lips to his. The kiss was slow at first, Edward holding back as he let me lead. I moved my body closer to his, and he gently grabbed my ass as he pulled me the rest of the way. I moaned as our bodies came in contact. I stopped the kiss for a moment as I looked deeply into Edward's questioning eyes. When I looked into his eyes, I saw everything that I could have ever wanted swimming in an emerald pool.
Love, fear, lust, trepidation, wonder, warmth, security… it was all there.
I was home.
The fear had melted from within me, and I had the sudden urge to make Edward mine. I wanted all of him. I wanted Edward to have what was taken from me my first time.
Love.
Edward had the power to destroy me more than any other person could. He knew the real me, the real Bella. I'd been stripped of all the walls I'd built around myself – I was completely raw. Edward utterly consumed me now. Without him, I'd be lonely and without warmth – still the cold and distant Bella of the past. Always pushing my problems – and others – away. In the comfort of Edward's arms, I had no reason to run anymore.
I pushed Edward onto his back, not entirely ready to let him have all the power yet. I crawled over to straddle him and reveled in the feeling as his hands found my hips. I bent down to kiss him, our tongues caressing each other as we lightly sucked and nibbled. I trailed kisses to his ear, and he moaned as I began to whisper.
"I love you, Edward Cullen. Always." My voice was gentle.
Edward tried to roll us over so he could be on top, but I stopped him. I began to lightly suck on his collar-bone before I trailed my kisses lower. I halted at his nipples, quietly questioning myself whether I should go for it. I took one in my mouth and twirled my tongue around before lightly biting. I heard Edward hiss, and I flicked my eyes to his face. His eyes were closed, but he looked pleased.
I did the same with his other nipple, which resulted in the same outcome. Pleased with myself, I moved lower, lightly biting between kisses. As I passed his navel, I licked a trail down to the waistband of his shorts where his erection stood firm. I tried to pull his shorts down, but he stopped me.
"Bella, stop," He said as he sat up.
"Why?"
"I've, um… never done that before." He blushed.
I sat back on my heels, exasperated. "Well, neither have I, Edward, but you don't see me stalling. I want to try…"
"Right. You don't have to, you know…"
The look in his eyes was so sincere. I crawled over to him, and lightly pushed him back down on the bed. I looked into his eyes as I gently grabbed his erection and lightly stroked it through his shorts.
"I want you to be mine. All of mine," I whispered.
Edward looked confused. "I am yours?"
"I want every part of you to be mine – every first that I can have, every touch, every kiss. Just let me try this. If I hate it, then I'll stop." I backed away as I settled back down between Edward's legs. I watched as he warred within himself, before he sighed. He lifted his hips so I could pull his shorts down, effectively freeing his cock.
I lightly grasped my hand around his base, as I stared. I'd never seen it, only felt it, and it definitely wasn't pretty or anything. I moved my hand from the base of his cock to lightly roll his balls in my hand.
Thank God for Cosmo.
I looked at Edward, who'd moved up onto his elbows to watch me. His eyes rolled back in his head, and his breathing was labored. I let go, and moved my hand back to grasp the base of his erection. I brought my mouth to the tip and licked in a circular motion before bringing it into suck, hard. Edward moaned and his hips twitched at the sensation, causing me to take his cock in further. I did this a few more times, in and out, as I sucked harder. I moved my other hand down to his balls again, but Edward came up off the bed and stopped me. I flinched away from him, wondering if I'd done something wrong.
"Oh, no. You're fine, Bella. I just won't last much longer if you keep doing that."
Edward pulled me back to him, and laid me on the bed. I giggled as I looked at his naked form hovering over me.
He quirked an eyebrow. "What's so funny?"
"Nothing." I smiled.
He brought himself down to kiss me, and I felt his hand wonder underneath my shirt. He pulled away and looked in my eyes.
"Can I undress you?"
I nodded and sat up. His hands started at my hips and slowly inched upward, taking my shirt with him as he went. Once it was off, he leaned forward as he wrapped his arms around me. He put his mouth next to my ear, and I shivered.
"I love you, Bella," he whispered.
I felt him undo the clasp of my bra, and discard it, as he lightly sucked on the sensitive skin below my ear. I felt his hands cup my breasts, and I moaned. He bent down to take each one into his mouth, and I held on to each of his arms as I rode out each new sensation.
Edward eventually let go and moved lower to pull my yoga pants down but stopped. I looked at him confused, as he brought his head up to rest against my forehead. Nose to nose.
"Bella, I'll love you forever," he whispered. His voice was filled with emotion.
"Always." I smiled.
It was a promise I was more than willing to make. I knew, that no matter where we were in the world, I would always love Edward.
I helped him make quick work of removing the rest of my clothing, and we got underneath the blanket. Edward went to turn off the light, but I stopped him.
"I'd prefer they stay on, if that's alright. I don't exactly remember anything from my first time, and I want to remember this. All of it."
Edward kissed me hard, and I wound my hands up to grasp the back of his neck. He situated himself between my legs, and I moaned when I felt his erection graze my sex. He moved his hand down to lightly rub up and down my folds before he inserted two fingers, causing me to cry out at the sudden sensation. We were kissing frantically as he pumped his fingers in and out. I would arch my back every time his thumb would press my clit. I was going mad with want. I wanted to feel closer to him, I wanted all of him.
I grasped Edward's cock, and he stilled his hand. He looked at me asking for permission to move forward, and I nodded. He pulled his hand back, allowing me to guide his cock towards my entrance. He pushed his hips forward, and I hissed as I felt overwhelmingly full. I could see that he wasn't but half way in, so I took a deep breath to relax, and urged him to push in the rest of the way. He stilled as he allowed us both to acclimate to the feeling before he began to move slowly. His thrusts were long a deep, and I could feel every bit of him. I closed my eyes as I reveled in the feeling of Edward moving over me. We were joined as one as we gave each other everything that we had to offer.
He was mine.
"Bella, you feel so good – too good. I won't last much longer, I'm sorry." Edward gritted out.
I sucked on his collar-bone as he began to thrust harder – faster. I tried to stay quiet, but I couldn't keep myself from crying out – the feeling of him inside of me was exhilarating. The harder he thrusted, the deeper he went. I felt my body begin to tingle all over, and I welcomed the familiar coil in my stomach – excited for my pending orgasm. But, Edward's thrusts became more erratic and harder before he finally stilled, groaning. I could feel his cock as it pulsed inside of me and it caused my whole body to shiver. I gripped onto Edward's body like my life depended on it, not allowing him to move. He gripped me just as tight, and we held each other for a few minutes as we caught our breath. Finally, he tried to pull away, but I wouldn't allow it.
"Bella, let go." Edward laughed.
"Never." I joked.
Edward tickled me, effectively making me let go of him. "Are you alright?" He looked at me worried.
"I'm great. More than great, actually." I snuggled into him, but realized I desperately needed to run to the bathroom.
"I'll be right back." I was out of the bed in a flash, grabbing my clothes along the way.
Once in the bathroom, I surveyed my body in the mirror as I cleaned up. There were no bruises; only red splotches I assumed were from heated kisses or caresses. My skin glowed. I looked and felt more radiant than I'd ever seen. I felt worlds apart from the girl who stood bruised and broken in front of mirror a few years ago.
With a smile on my face, I left the bathroom in search of Edward. I'd heard that he'd switched on the TV, and I found him sitting on the bed fully clothed as well. I watched as he gave me a shy smile, which I returned with wide grin.
"I love you," I said as I bounced on the bed next to him.
"I love you, too." He laughed as I snuggled up next to him. "Guess what? I didn't get to tell you the great news before you jumped my bones."
I rolled my eyes. Because that's exactly how it went… oh, wait. That was exactly how it went. I looked up at him with a look of innocence. Edward just smirked at my antics.
"My mom said I can stay at the academy." He beamed at me.
I crawled up him and gave him a big smooch, and I quickly decided I wouldn't tell him of my talk to with Esme.
"That's great! I told you everything would work out." I smiled up at him.
"You're right, you did."
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
The rest of the trip went by quickly. I barely saw Edward the next day, as we had held up our agreement to hang out with our mother's alone. I did go over to his room after my day shopping with Renee, but we only watched a movie. Admittedly, I was a bit sore. Thankfully, each painful movement flooded my thoughts with loving memories of the night before. It kept a smile on my face throughout the day.
I hadn't heard from Charlie the entire weekend away, and it was slowly eating away at me. It was my eighteenth birthday. I was no longer a child. Why wouldn't he want to call and talk to me? It just didn't make sense.
Renee and I pulled up to the Academy at exactly nine AM and I gathered the few items I'd purchased in Park City that wouldn't be considered contraband. Lauren searched through my bags as we waited for Angela to check me in, commenting how this check in was much different than the last. She smiled as she congratulated me on my progress.
"I'll see you when you get upstairs, Bella. It was nice to see you again, Ms. Swan."
Lauren left Renee and me to wait on Angela. Fortunately, we didn't have to wait long until we heard her melodious voice.
"Bella, Renee! Why don't you come on back?"
We followed her back to her office and sat just as we did before we left for Park City. We discussed the great time we had together, and I truly meant it. Regardless of seeing Edward outside of the academy, I'd had a great time with my mom. We bonded while we worked towards mending a once fragile relationship.
"Bella, I got a letter in the mail from your father. As you know, I screen your mail for your protection. I thought it would be best if you received this information in front of your mom, so that maybe she may be able to help explain it to you better than I would." Angela said as she handed me a large manila envelop with my name on it.
I noticed the penmanship on the front was not the messy scrawl of my fathers, but the perfected cursive of Sue Swan. I opened it up, and what I found was something like a bank statement with my name on it and numbers.
Big numbers. As in… Millions.
On top of the paperwork, was a sticky note, also written in Sue's handwriting.
Do us a favor, and don't come home. This will more than provide for you and your future. You're welcome.
I looked at Renee. "What the fuck is this?"
She took the papers from my hand and looked them once over. "It looks as if your trust from your Grandmother was entitled to you on your eighteenth birthday. I knew of the money, but I'd no idea when you were to receive it." She then took a look at the sticky note, and gasped. "I'm so sorry, Bella." She tried to take me in an embrace, but I shrugged her off.
I wanted to cry, but I couldn't will the tears to come. I was anything but sad – I was fucking infuriated. Five million dollars is one fucked up way of being kicked out of your own home.
I looked up at my mom and Angela with eyes blazing.
"Charlie Swan can go fuck himself."
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