I Miss The Me You Loved

Chapter 11: Confusion Leads To Distraction


There are just some things in this world that no matter what you do you simply can't change them unless you're the one who made the thing like it. Both I and Sasuke practically made the decision of breaking up and I know I still love him so why can't I bring myself up to fix it? Oh yes… I almost forgot, le bitch fiancé is already in his life. But if I really loved him then shouldn't I fight for him? Perhaps that I knew I really did before but he only showed he didn't want me back so that's maybe why I'm not doing anything right now.

4 days ago, I and Sai had really great coffee along with a really get-to-know conversation with the coffee we just ordered in the shop me and Sasuke first went out to. Shit, shouldn't I be thinking that that's not important anymore? Sigh… no matter what, everything connected to him still seems stitched to my very core that I can't forget about everything that happened between us. Why?

I admit that now… I really like Sai... but still not sure whether it's because he's just like Sasuke or simply because I like him for him. I knew that liking him in memory of my ex was wrong but it's not my fault… is it? A little while ago he just called me and asked if I could go to the park with him for a simple chat and some delicious ice cream, I couldn't ignore ice cream.

"Sakura, Sai's here." Mom called from below. I was wearing my denim mini-mini shorts, orange flip flops and a yellow spaghetti strap top with a really cute banana cartoon imprint on it. I loved this top. It made me look like a 5 year old kid who just loved to cuddle up everything. I didn't even know if that was a good thing.

"Hey" I hugged Sai and bid goodbye to my mom telling her I'd be back later. Maybe at 5 in the afternoon or at 6 in the evening, who knows how much having fun being with Sai will tell my inner self to just stay with him and just be with him.

"Race you there!" I giggled running fast.

"You know you're not gonna beat a guy right?" he chuckled as he ran past me. The unfair guy! Why should everything in this life refer to guys always beating girls in almost EVERYTHING? Nonetheless I ran faster, it was either he gave pity on me or he was just a loser since he fell back and I won. It was no exhausting matter since the park was only 2 blocks away from where I lived.

I lay down on the sweet dew scented grass and Sai lay down beside me, inhaling and exhaling rather faster than he usually breathed. Just then my cellphone rang and I saw Tenten on the screen. Wonder what's happening between her and the great emotionless Hyuuga.

"Hey Ten…"

"Sakura! I need help…"

"What's wrong?"

"I think I'm falling for the great Hyuuga…"

My best friend sobbed, it was obvious.

"And what's wrong with that?"

"You practically don't understand Sak! You know I hate him! Heck… we hate each other! But why am I feeling this way… he's always so sweet and stuff that I tend to forget all the things he's done to me before that made me cry almost until dawn and then he'd always help with taking care of the baby, preparing the bottle for Kamari, and when I'm tired of carrying the baby to sleep he'd always take the baby from me and tell me to rest and then he'd stay up until early morning to make sure the baby really is deep asleep and then when I'd wake up I'd find a really good scented blanket on top of me that I don't even remember using when I'd fall asleep on the couch!"

Okay this was really weird… I didn't know what was weird but something was weird… it was either my friend has fallen in love and thought that it was something EVIL and WRONG OR the fact that Neji was acting like this… this sweet thing. Unsure of what to advice I simply went with the flow of my confused mind and spoke through my mouthpiece as clearly as possible.

"Tenten breathe! You're not dying… maybe this is just the REAL Neji that he so freakishly doesn't show at school but if he's possessed then that's also a greater theory but Ten, falling in love is not a bad thing"

Ha! Not for me! I couldn't even stable my relationship! What am I thinking! I'm just making myself feel worse… but Sakura okay shut up… this isn't about you… this is bout your best friend Tenten okay? Focus! I was talking to myself in my mind which leads Tenten to calling out my name several times for me to come back to her.

"Sorry I sort of dozed off… anyways that's not all… just don't show him that you like him plus Tenten, forget the past… see what's happening and how he's treating you right now and think about if you really love him or you just fell for his act. Find out first if he really is the soft person you say he is right now and if he is then there's no worries and don't stop yourself of falling deeper for him just cause you're scared of him hurting your feelings again just as he did in the past okay?" that was all the advice I could muster up. Now to wait for her reply.

Tenten followed my instruction… she was definitely breathing but it seemed like it was taking her years to take my advice. Then finally…

"Thanks Sak but I gotta go sorry… the baby just started crying… bye love yea" the line was dead before I could reply.

"Tenten? Sai asked looking at me and apparently he was listening intently on our conversation… even if he didn't listen he could still hear our conversation anyway since Tenten was on loudspeaker and I was just beside Sai.

"I never thought that Neji could be that sort of guy" Sai said tucking his hands behind his head.

"Me too… wanna get ice cream now?" I asked as I stood up and offered my hand.

"Sure… last one there pays for the ice cream" he said taking my hand. I took my hand away and giggled as he fell back to the ground. I ran for it… no way was I paying for the ice cream!

"Arigatou… come back again" the ice cream man smiled at Sai who put his wallet back in his back pocket and we walked back to our usual spot. This time we sat down and looked at the cars passing by and the children playing tag a few meters in front of us.

"Hey Sak… what do you like in a guy?" Sai asked licking his ice cream.

"Hmmm…" my mouth was practically touched on the ice cream as I was thinking of an answer. Finally I sipped the sort of melted part of the ice cream and swallowed before I opened my mouth to reply.

"Well… everything… his positives and his negatives… you shouldn't only accept a person for who he is but you should also accept them for who they're not cause if you only look on the positive side then you're only looking for a perfect person which everyone knows exist not wherever you look for them."

"Sense enough…" Sai said looking at me… he already finished his ice cream!? I looked at him. He chuckled so suddenly… it sounded such like how Sasuke did it that it made me feel so happy. Suddenly the reason to his chuckle came embarrassing fact for me… ice cream was painted at my cheek; how it got there I don't know. He took his handkerchief and wiped the ice cream of my cheek. He put his handkerchief back in his pocket and moved his hand caressing my cheek feeling if it was sticky so that it should be wiped with water or it was okay and smooth.

When all good things come to even better THINGS… this was it. He was moving closer. I was expecting him to ask me out again since that was how he usually did it but no, I could feel his lips on mine… this was Sasuke's kiss… exactly how his kiss felt like. NO! WRONG! THIS IS SAI NOT SASUKE! SAKURA GET YOUR HEAD STRAIGHT! And then every part of my brain gave up in remembering him and now… I was kissing Sai for Sai… it seemed like he freed me of something. Should he be the one that I should get another relationship with?


"Is it really weird for you to feel that just cause' Tenten's in your house?" Sasuke asked through his cellphone, driving towards where Neji, who was on the phone right now, was.

"Not just-"suddenly Neji's voice left Sasuke. There he saw as he passed the park was Sakura… kissing Sai. SAKURA KISSING SAI!

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!

The cars behind him honked, shouting out of their window for him to move. He had practically dropped his phone on the car's floor and stopped in the middle of a busy road as he saw her KISSING HIM. But wait… what was wrong with it? He shouldn't care at all. NOT AT ALL… right? I mean… he already had a girlfriend so why bother. But his eyes were still glued on tight to Sakura. They were still kissing. How long had this been?

They just met and why was she already kissing that GUY! His hands shook a little as he put it on his keys and started the engine once more. He took one last look at Sakura being lay down on the grass and now Sai was moving on top of her, he tore his gaze off them… feeling the thing inside him squeezed tight again making that THING hurt… and it was only now that he finally knew what it was. His heart ached. Why though… should he feel this way?


"I'm sorry…" Sai got off me and sat beside me. Resting his hand through his hair as he leaned his arm's elbow on his knees.

"What's wrong?"

He softly chuckled and closed his eyes.

"I think this is a bit too fast for you… and sometimes I think it is for me too. And Sakura I don't want to keep stuff from you cause' I really like you… don't get mad but sometimes I treat and see you as my ex… you look so much like her and act like her that since I still have a little part of me that still loves her… I sometimes loose it and think that you really ARE her and sometimes the things I do for you are my ways of showing that I still care when I see you as my ex… I'm really sorry, but don't get me wrong. I really do like you…"

"Well I'm sorry too Sai… I also see you as Sasuke sometimes" I softly laughed at how stupid it was we felt just the same. "But I also do REALLY like you…" we looked at each other and laughed. It felt so good to laugh like this. It felt so good to laugh having my stomach hurt. I haven't had a laugh like this since… okay stop the memories!

"Sai… don't worry… it maybe fast but… its okay with me… at least I know I'm helping you get small bits of your ex girlfriend off your heart everyday… I'll help you" he smiled at me and kissed me softly on my lips. A short kiss to be precise.

"Arigatou Sakura…"


"You can do it! We've practiced this for 4 days already! Don't be such a scared cat!" Ino said pushing Shikamaru from behind. He bumped Temari and made a face to Ino.

"Uhhm… hi" Shikamaru rubbed the back of his head smiling sheepishly at Temari who was shopping at the mall.

"Ugh… hi" Temari chuckled.

"You're Temari right?"

"And you're Nara Shikamaru"

"How'd you-"

"I know how to keep up with what's new… plus you caught my attention on your first day at our school" Temari said smiling at Shikamaru as she held her hands behind her back.

"Real- I mean… uhhmmm…" Shikamaru didn't know what to say… "What I mean is… do you wanna grab lunch at the mall… I mean… here tomorrow?"

Ino was watching him get his girl. Although he looked funny having a hard time talking to Temari. Her smile faded. She wanted him to ask her out for lunch. She wanted him to talk to her like this. She wanted him to be hers. At least he was her friend right? They could still talk to each other. She of course, couldn't force him to like someone else. It hurt but… she couldn't do anything about it. Maybe it was best for her to move on RIGHT AWAY even though she already fell for him. Effective move on immediately! She knew she'd only hurt more if she waited on any hopes of him liking her.

"Y-Yeah sure… meet me at the second floor Italian restaurant at 11:30 tomorrow." Temari smiled and waved goodbye.

Shikamaru waved goodbye dreamily and went to where Ino was hiding.

"I did it!" he shared as he hugged Ino. "Thanks Ino! I owe you big time! I… man I gotta reserve a table… see you at school!" Shikamaru left. Ino waved goodbye with a smile but turned back loosing it. She held both of her hands clutched on her heart before walking away.


"Hey… you wanna go out sometime?" a cute guy asked Hinata. He had 4 other guys with him. They seemed to have surrounded the poor Hinata. She was wearing a short dress and her hair was up in a ponytail. So you could say her legs are what's driving guys crazy right now.

"Nnnnhh… no thanks…" Hinata walked away tucking her purse closer to her body, scared of what could happen.

The guy grabbed Hinata's hand which made her drop her bag and bump body-to-body with the guy.

"Hey… I asked you-"suddenly the guy flew back 10 feet away.

"Who wants to go further than your friend over there?" Naruto was looking at the other guys with deadly anger and clenched fists. The others ran for it and the one that was punched whimpered and sort of crawled away. Naruto sighed and picked up Hinata's bag.

"Hinata… you should be careful around here… if those guys did something to you I wouldn't know what worse things I could've done to them."

"A-Arigatou Naruto-kun" she took her bag with flustered cheeks. Just when she already came over her stuttering… here it was again. It was embarrassing.

"You're stuttering's back again" Naruto chuckled. "I missed that… you sounded so cute whenever you stuttered before" he put his hands in his pockets and grinned at Hinata.

Naruto-kun… thinks I'm cute…

Hinata turned a dark red.

"Oi Hinata… you seem to be growing red… are you sick?" Naruto asked putting his hand on Hinata's forehead. Wrong move! It made Hinata dizzy and so light that her knees shook and abandoned he standing. Just timing, Naruto caught her.

"You seem like you really are sick… I'll take you home…" he remained his hand behind her back and the other by her legs and lifted her.

Naruto-kun is… carrying me… she passed out in Naruto's arms. Boy would Neji go crazy when he sees Hinata being carried home passed out by Naruto.


"No it's okay… I can pick up things I need to buy on my own" I pushed Sai away but very lightly, I wanted him to rest. I on the other hand still needed to buy that reserved top I saw at the mall yesterday. It was the only one left plus the cashier said if I don't get by 5 today she'd sell it to someone else.

"Are you sure you're gonna' be okay?" Sai asked looking at me with complete worry.

"I'm sure… now go and rest…" Sai had totally told me a while ago that he suddenly felt light headed and weak. He insisted on going with me when he found out I still wasn't going home after the park but now I have just won in telling him to go home and don't worry about me.

"Bye… and Sak… I… I love you"

I smiled and kissed him full on the mouth before pushing him softly and telling him that I too loved him. This wasn't a lie. For the past days we've always spent together… I was confused if what I felt for him was really already love. And it was only know that I knew… my simple like for him had mutated itself into loving him. I'm happy, not sad. Satisfied, not lacking. Calmed out, not worried… loving Sai for Sai… and finally letting go FULLY of Sasuke with the also promised help of Sai. This was it. We were finally together. I just got myself a new boyfriend…

I waited until he really disappeared before whistling for a cab. One stopped in front of me after 3 whistles and I got in telling the old man to go to the mall at the right side entrance. My head was still racing of what just happened a while ago. I didn't feel anything, of regret… of feeling weird cause of us being already US but truly and honestly… I felt happy. Was this how Sasuke felt when he and that… slut… got together?

Now my thoughts were back on Sasuke. Even though I was thinking of him right now… I didn't regret getting together with Sai. Although it made me miss him. I admitted even to Sai that I still loved him but… I was also very willing to stop holding on. I didn't even have any reasons to! For hoping on him? Nah! If I hope and wait each day that he'd come back I'd only grow old and die single. I deserved happiness! Plus imagine, Sasuke had found someone to "replace" me within 2 weeks! 2 FREAKING WEEKS!

At least I still had respect on what we had and only got another boyfriend after months. But him? 2 weeks! Until now I still think of that as stupidly and hurting UNBELIEVABLE.

But I'm not like the other girls. He be happy I'm not using Sai to make him jealous and I would never ever do anything to use Sai in any way. NOT EVER!

"Miss… Miss excuse me…" the driver was calling and looking at me through the front mirror. It seemed like I was too deep into my thoughts I didn't notice I was already at the mall.

"Here… sorry and thanks…" I paid him and skipped on the sidewalk. The cool air that welcomed my face when I got in made me feel like it was snowing. I liked it. Forget about this stuff, I need to rush for the third floor and get my reserved top from 14/Teen.

"I thought you weren't gonna' come… a lot of other customers were begging me for this top you know" the saleslady behind the cashier took the purchase from behind the counter and handed it to me.

"This was the last cute top… I couldn't simply let others have it… here" I pad her money and bid goodbye. Now I felt so complete having this top. My day couldn't have been any more per- and now it just stupidly sunk on getting the worst day ever. Of all days to bump into Ayuki… it had to be today where she was with Sasuke. His hand was behind her back pulling her closer and she was smirking at me.

"I see you got the last one… I told the saleslady I'd pay her more but she told me you were TOO desperate to buy the only shirt you could afford…"

I snorted. "Oh please… don't talk trash on me bitch, you know as well as I do that I can even afford getting you stalked on and killed anytime." I threatened. But of course I was bluffing. I couldn't actually kill Ayuki. That just wasn't me. Although I really do kill her in my imaginations every night before I go to sleep. –evil… EVIL me, and yet I feel happy on imagining her death… too bad I'm just to good to still have her around breathing-

"Oh really? I never knew that an army of cheap, sex-paid losers could actually kill me?" this time Sasuke let go of her and watched us fight at the side. The freaking idiot! He still wasn't gonna do anything!? Baga!

"Check yourself Ayuki and you'll see who the slut between us is… I don't have that much confidence as you to actually sleep with someone just to do your dirty work… and shut up, don't talk when I am cause I'll run you through… you just keep your days happy and glorious and try to keep on stepping on me cause honestly I don't care… heck nobody cares… it just seems like you wanna step on me cause you wanna be me and your too damn angry that you can't… so dream on whore…" I rolled my eyes and when I passed her I flicked my shopping bag behind me so that I could purposely hit her head.

I did it since I heard her mumble the word "bitch". I giggled and pushed the down button on the elevator outskirt. WHAT A DAY. I just felt like I had a new paint overdo if I was a car. It made me feel all new, shiny and sleek. This of what I really feel is good, not-good-to-be-looked-down-on and confident. Which I so badly needed ever since my break-up with the so called ex prince charming.

The door opened and surprise, surprise… happy to be the only one in the elevator. Ground floor button pushed and away I went. Now that I had Sai… maybe… just maybe… it was time to tell the others the TRUTH… and that meant every detail about mine and Sasuke's breakup. Should they know? Maybe I should just keep it to myself right? Right.

Oh great… things just got my day to be perfect-er. The doors opened and guess who was standing right in front of me right now…

None other than the heartless Uchiha Sasuke.

I rolled my eyes and pushed the 26th floor button. Yeah I know! This was such an abnormally big mall! To my unlucky points… Sasuke stopped the door just in time and got in. I was about to go out but the door already closed and the elevator started to move.

Of course he wasn't stupid enough not to remember that the door could open anytime at any floor so... Yeah now he was stupid enough to push the emergency button. The alarm went on and a voice went through the speaker saying not to panic and just stay there for a couple of minutes… and that someone was gonna pick us up.

A COUPLE OF MINUTES?! I can't freaking stay that long in here with Sasuke!

I knew I couldn't do anything so I turned to him.

"What do you want?" I leaned on the walls surrounding me. He moved in closer and put his hands; no he didn't smash his hands this time, on the wall on either of my side so I was like a stupid, stupid trapped mouse under his every watch. GREAT. If Sai knew that he'd think of me as a two timer in this place or something.

"Tell me…"

"Tell you what?" Did Sasuke just take drugs? I didn't know what the hell he was talking about.

"Are you and Sai together?"

I was taken back. Why, in all hell's fire, would he ask ME that question?

"What do you care?"

"I saw you kissing him a while ago…"

What the- is he freaking hell stalking me?

"So? You make out with Ayuki too… why can't I with someone else?" I said sarcastically. He seemed to be hurt because now his hands were shaking a bit. And I knew he was hurt because he would always shake whenever he was before… hello? We were together once before, how could I not know how he acts on his emotions?!

"Have you ever seen me making out with her?" he shot with a brow raised.

"Of cou-…" come to think of it… I haven't actually seen Sasuke make out with Ayuki. And now, come to think of it, it was weird. "No…" I ended.

"Are you and Sai together?" he repeated.

I avoided his serious gaze and simply looked to the floor on my right side. I thought of something to shoot back to him to avoid answering the stupid question. Finally one serious one popped into my now-melted mind.

"Are you really gonna' marry Ayuki?"

This time he was the one who avoided my eyes.

"Answer my question Sakura" maybe this was the time to make him feel how much it hurt knowing that someone had replaced him in my heart just as he had hurt mine when I knew someone was already making herself comfortable holding Sasuke's heart.

"Yes I'm already going out with him…"

"Then yes I'm marrying Ayuki…"

It hurt. I felt like my heart was crunched into his soft, smooth cruel hands. At this point I knew that if he was still holding my heart because he was the only one that could hurt it this much… then I also still loved him… as much as I had the first time we kissed and the first time he gave me the feeling of butterflies in my stomach.

This was it. My breaking point when I was already hurt too much. I cried, and the worst part was I actually hugged him and sobbed on his chest. He didn't do anything. His hands were still on his sides when I was expecting him to hug me back.

"Why Sasuke…" I breathed out. I felt his chin rest on my head and I heard him exhale deeply.

"You… you moved on so fast. I was so… so much hurt. You couldn't imagine… and now you're marrying her… really marrying her…" as I knew that I already looked stupid enough right now… I pulled away and once again leaned myself on the wall.

I laughed. He looked at me.

"A lifetime union of two people who are so… so in love with each other." My smile faded and I looked at him who looked back at me with nothing… not even sympathy in his eyes. "Do you remember Sasuke… how we… we were so excited before when you introduced the marrying thing to me… we seldom talked about what kid we first wanted to have and then we'd fight cause you wanted a girl and then I wanted a boy and… sometimes I wonder if you and Ayuki fight about silly stuff like that too." My tears now leaked out of me. Like a submarine sinking… the water came out of me like it was swallowing the water-free insides of a sub.

He looked away.

"Do you still even love me Sasuke… because you know I still do… I still love you… so much that it hurts…"

Just as god had answered my prayers to get out of this hurting torture chamber…

"Is anyone hurt?" some guys asked as they had finally opened the door.

"No… its okay, were fine…" I got out with the help of one guy. I walked away.

Sasuke got out a few seconds later.

"Sakura!" he called out. It only made me cry harder and I ran for it. It hurt to see his face. It hurt to see him. And it hurt knowing that THAT person I was looking at had personally told me that he really was going to marry Ayuki.

I just felt my heart break again. Was it even possible for an already broken heart…?

To be broken again?

-to be continued-


-read & review pls :)-

Here's the longer than the other chapter I promised1 I hope you liked it and just as the second chapter! Listening to the song:

"Never Had A Dream Come True"

Would really make you cry when you read this chap. I know… because it made me cry so much when I read and checked the chap. Anyways… ja!

:) applegreen.jelliiebean08 -