CHAPTER 11
Ty had left Amy after she awoke early in the morning before Tim arrived to take his turn for the day. The tired young vet worked his day shift at Scott's clinic and then went straight to the hospital again when he left work. Jack offered to help oversee Georgie who was learning to do the night check on her own and make sure that Harley and the other horses were properly cared for. After another hour at Amy's side Dr. Kaminski came into her room for his evening round visit.
'Walking the loop', as they had begun to refer to the sidewalk journey around the hospital grounds, gave the sentinels keeping watch over Amy a much needed break to take the kinks out of their backsides and to get a little fresh air for a change. As he rounded the corner at the edge of the flower garden Ty was thinking of his progress with Amy and almost walked head on into Lisa as she approached the front of the hospital.
"Penny for your thoughts?" she laughed at his far away state of mind. "How are you doing, Ty?" she asked.
"I'm OK. The doctor chased me out of Amy's room to check up on her, so I took a walk. How are you?" he returned the query.
"Oh, I am fine. I just hate the waiting. Idle time lets my mind wonder too much," she thought. "Have you eaten? Why don't we get a bite in the cafeteria, my treat."
"Treat?" he laughed. "That is what I call optimistic!"
They each picked out a decent looking sandwich and a bottle of water and found the usual table farthest away from the crowd.
"What's on your mind?" he asked, thinking his curiosity might help pass some time.
"I hope you won't be offended, Ty, but Jack shared with me the report from the Provincial Juvenile Program when they placed you at Heartland. I read the evaluation. Did you know about the report and what is says?" she asked.
"I never got to read it, but I can imagine what is in there. Those people had given up on me already. If Clint Riley hadn't decided to give Amy's mother a call to see if she would take me in at the ranch…, my life would be very different, if I were even still alive," he acknowledged. "That was the best day of my life up until then, even if I didn't know it yet."
"You were fortunate, there is no doubt, and I think you deserve to know what is in the report," she told him. "I am bringing this up because it basically says you suffered from something very similar to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as a child, fighting to keep yourself and your mother from being harmed by irresponsible, abusive, or even violent adults. You were forced to make decisions that would allow you and your mother to survive. It was far too much for any child to have to deal with, and if you think about it, you are likely still fighting those memories. Have you been dealing with this alone, with no one to help you?" she asked with concern.
"I always considered living at Heartland with Amy, Jack, and Lou, along with the rest of the family, to be my therapy. They pulled me out of the bad situation I was in. They were my first and only experience of anything resembling a family. Having those guys not turn me away when I showed up after Marion died and to watch over me like they have done since I moved there….or to help me when I didn't think I needed help and straighten me out when I got out of line….or to teach me how to respect somebody and count on them, for everything….has made all the difference to me." Ty's thoughts started to carry him back to the life he built there at Heartland Ranch, the life he thought he may have lost, and then realized at that very moment the newest member of the Heartland family was here beside him, listening to him and offering to help. "I miss all of them, or I should say, all of you!" he reminded himself of Lisa finally joining the family. I feel like I have lost my 'real' family, the one I was supposed to be with."
Absorbed into the young man's story as his defensive layers began to melt away, Lisa felt a connection between she and Ty much like the one she knew he shared with her husband. His opening up to her was a thrilling development in their friendship for the tender hearted woman and it only made her more determined to help him. "I know what you mean, the way the Bartlett-Fleming-Morris clan grows on you and makes you feel like you are one of them, for better or worse," she chuckled. "But have you talked to a professional who might be able to help you get the past behind you, so you can look ahead without as much anxiety and doubt?"
"I have never had any worthwhile professional help," he reasoned. "They just considered me a number on a case file and processed me to get my paperwork put onto somebody else's desk, although I recently talked to one of the doctors at UC about it a couple of times. I get why I have trouble dealing with my lack of confidence sometimes. I can see how it caused me to give up on some things too easily, like the way I just gave up on Amy when she began to be more independent. It seemed to me that she wouldn't need me anymore and it made those old feelings come back. I hate the way I feel when things like that happen. I always lost out as a kid when I would try to find a reason to think 'this time everything is going to be OK', but it never was. I guess it broke my spirit, my belief that I had any power or ability to make things better or have any control over what happens to me, except to fight for it with my fists."
"Let me just say, Ty, that you have proven yourself to be a remarkable young man, and trust me when I say I know how all of the people at that ranch feel about you. You are already as much a part of them as anyone ever could be, and I know every one of them loves you dearly….well that is if you disregard Tim," she smirked. "In reality, he likes you too, he just needs something or someone to blame for everything that happens. He will come around again, after you get back on track with his daughter."
"Do you think there is a chance of that happening?"
"With Amy? Absolutely! If you two will talk this through and stop doubting each other, you will be fine. I know you love her, Ty, and I know she loves you too. I think you and she both know it. You two have got to find the answers to whatever causes your fears of loss. Amy has the same battles to fight with her fears as you do. Remember, she has lost a lot at an early age too. Some things we can't control, but most things, we can. I will help you any way I can, Ty, I mean it. Whatever it takes, Jack and I will see to it that you two get anything you need to fix this, OK?"
They both rose from their chairs and shared a hug that only comes from someone who you love and trust.
"I am lucky to have someone like you, Jack, and Lou looking out for me. I will do my best not to let you down," he promised.
"OK, then, Ty, why don't you go on home and get some sleep. I can stay for the night if needed. You have a job to tend to and you need to get some rest."
"I think I will stay one more night, Lisa. Amy is doing better and we have started to talk….about things. I just want to stay and make sure she is alright, you know?"
Lisa knew what he was trying to say, that he did not want to miss the opportunity to be there for her if she needed him, and said, "OK, Ty. Just start thinking about taking care of yourself too. There will be plenty of time for you two to talk when we get her home," she told him as she kissed him on the cheek and pushed through the door to head home.
Ty spent the night floundering around in the chair beside the sleeping horse whisperer who was soundly resting. Nurse Karen overlooked the regular visiting hours normally observed in the ICU and allowed the two of them to spend more time together. Karen Fowler had gotten to know the couple last year after the accident at Hillhurst which sent Amy into her care and she was a fan of the celebrity horse trainer, having four beautiful geldings stabled at her own farm. She was aware of the break up between the two, but in her opinion they belonged together and if there was a way for her to play a part in helping the couple work through a rough patch, that is what she wanted to do. As Amy's caregiver, the RN couldn't think of anyone more committed to watching over her patient than Ty.
"Hey sleepyhead," Amy said as she raked her fingers through Ty's flattened hair to wake him and see if he had in fact stayed with her all night. "I don't know, but you may look worse than I do! You need to get some real sleep before you fall over from exhaustion."
"I'm OK. It's just so unbelievably noisy in this place. You would think it would be quiet in a hospital, but there is always something going on…, beeping monitors, squeaking footsteps, doors opening, carts rattling down the hallway, and nurses coming in to check on patients. It never stops!" he complained.
"Well, if everything goes according to plan, this was the last night I have to spend here. Karen says I should be able to move into a regular room today and maybe in a couple more days I can go home. I am soooo looking forward to going home. It seems like forever since I slept in my own bed. Aanndd, speaking of my bed, I hear you have been kidnapped by Grandpa and have been staying in my room," she smiled at the idea of Jack arranging for Ty to stay at the ranch like he did.
"Yeah, he insisted that I stay there, until you get home, anyways."
"You don't have to leave on my account, I always feel better when you are with me," she blurted out, and then almost cringed at the realization of those days possibly being in the past and tried to recover with, "What are your plans now?"
"I think I will stay in the loft for a little while. Dr. Hartman has assured me that I can use his guest cabin for a while longer, now that things have settled down at the clinic, but I have already moved all my stuff, Harley, the old truck, and the Norton back to Heartland and I just don't see the use in moving again," he said.
Amy's heart fluttered when she heard him say he would be staying at the ranch with them….with her! "I want to tell you how excited I am that you got your job back!" Amy said. "You deserve to work at such a fine clinic, and it will be great for your career as one of Calgary's more prominent veterinarians," she bragged to him. "Old truck? Oh, that's right, the new truck….I'm going to have to get used to the idea of seeing you driving something that starts without a prayer!" she giggled.
"Thanks, but we will just have to see how it goes. I hope everyone gives me a chance to prove myself without thinking I am some kind of hothead…, and if you behave yourself, I may just give you a ride in my nice new truck when I take you home."
"I'm looking forward to it! And, it isn't like you haven't had to prove yourself before," she reminded him. "Ask me how I know!" she laughed at the memory of him as a smartass teenager on probation and hanging by a thread with the Alberta Provincial Juvenile System. "You will be fine, I know it, because of the kind of man that I know you are."
Amy smiled as she reached out to him and he got up from his chair to wrap her in his arms. The gesture from Ty was somewhat guarded, but embracing her came naturally as the barriers began to fall away and it reminded them of how good it felt to be needed by someone you love.
"Thanks, Amy, I need to hear that from someone….that I respect so much," he hesitated to go any further with his comment, not yet sure of his standing with his estranged fiancée.
Amy noticed the way he pulled back from what he was going to say and thought 'That's OK, I will show you I mean business, and I am SOOO going to win you back!'
