Kappa Mikey

Hit In The USA

"Japanese Girl"

By Emerald

"Son of a dingo ate my babies teeth gum infection hemorrhoid George Washington's vaginal piercing!" 'Hobobobobobobo' roared, tipping his cart over and roughly depositing the two anime stars onto the Cedar Point fair grounds. Then he was arrested for public drunkenness and was never heard from again.

"We made it! Now we just need to sneak in." Mikey stated, having enough money to get in legally but wanting to break the law again just for old times sakes.

"How do we do that?" Mitsuki asked unnecessarily, looking at the huge lines of people that were lined up in front of the great white wall that blocked off access to the park.

"Can you imitate a southern accent?" Mikey asked, pulling out two Halloween masks. The actress eyed her friend quizzically, not liking where this idea was going.

And so Mikey and Mitsuki disguised themselves as John McCain and George Bush going on a date, told the ticket booth woman that they would drop weapons of mass destruction on Ohio if they were not let in for free, and made it into the amusement park without paying a dime.

"I can't believe that worked. Do you always keep these masks with you?" Mitsuki wondered as she took off the very convincing rubber mask.

"Of course, I never know when they might come in handy. Don't you remember that news story a year ago, 'George Bush moons Prime Minister of Japan'?" he answered, and indeed Mitsuki did remember that particular fiasco. Mostly because it was the day she learned the definition of the word 'fiasco'.

Looking around at the amusement park as afternoon began to turn back to night, she was in awe of what she saw. Then she remembered that 'awe' and 'saw' rhymed. 'Yay for rhyming!' she thought to herself, in what was a very Mikey-like thought. All puns aside, the park was beautiful, and full of rides that looked both fun and frightening.

"What do you want to go on first, Mitsuki?" Mikey asked his friend as they wandered around the park, avoiding screaming children and the parents who were too busy talking on their cell phones to monitor those kids.

"How about one of those 'rolling coast stores' I crashed into earlier?" Mitsuki remembered the circuit of lights that had looked so much like a landing pad from miles above.

"Good choice! There's a big one called the 'Jesus Christ Superstar' just a half mile from here. Better put our masks back on if we don't want to wait two hours in line, though." Mikey replied, and then put his McCain disguise on again as he led 'Bush' towards the coaster.

It didn't take them long to push through the line of angry thrill seekers. All it took was a few cries of 'Don't mess with Texas!' and 'I'm a crazy maverick!' to adequately threaten the crowd. Soon, Mike and Mits were seated next to each other in a cozy little car that was designed to look like a cloud. A fluffy cloud pasted with numerous health and safety warnings that warned the rider to never, ever go on the ride if they valued their lives. But Mitsuki was too happy to be so close to Mikey to read the cautioning advice, and Mikey was too busy arguing with an Obama fan he'd cut in line.

All political debating and fawning came to a halt as the voice of God cut through the loading dock. Well, at least the voice of Morgan Freeman pretending to be God came through the speakers.

"In the beginning, God created the world. Then he created some other cool things, like plants, people, and corndogs. His final and most magnificent creation of all, he called the Roller Coaster!" the heavenly voice rang out, and then the line of carts sped down the tracks, breaking the sound barrier with a scream and a 'pop'!

The two actor's masks flew off almost immediately, to be found by a Fox News van that would immediately begin broadcasting a story about the tragic finding of the two Republican leaders' severed heads. Meanwhile, the two Japanese actors were screaming bloody murder and praying that Morgan Freeman would have mercy on their souls if they should not survive the ride. The in-cart speakers blasting horrible 'Reliant-K' music wasn't helping matters, either. Luckily, in a matter of seconds, the ride was over and the carts came to a screeching start where they had began.

"And God looked at the roller coaster, and saw that it was freaking sweet. Amen." The heavenly host concluded, and the restraining bars retracted to let out a much shaken Mikey and Mitsuki out of their cloud as the Rolling Stones song 'Get Off Of My Cloud' began to play.

"That…was…Awesome!" Mitsuki cried, her hands grasping the air in excitement. Mikey was genuinely surprised by her reaction, especially considering how the coaster had much more intense than even he was used to.

"Glad you liked it." Mikey answered, trying not to hurl as he climbed down the catwalk with his unofficial date. They reached the bottom and he leaned on a trash can to steady himself before asking, "What next?"

"Hmm, I don't know. The building that say's 'Happy House' might be interesting." She replied, pointing towards a rainbow-colored building that was being tended by a vaguely familiar magician.

"Sounds good to me." The actor replied, letting his death grip on the dumpster slide off. He followed Mitsuki into the building and past the blue-garbed magician that he swore he'd seen in Tokyo before, and found himself in a room full of fun-house mirrors. He started to wonder why the park would have such a crappy carnival-like gimmick, but he heard Mitsuki calling him to come look at her.

"Hey Mikey, doesn't this mirror make me look 'hot'?" Mitsuki giggled in a flirtatious fashion, and Mikey looked in the mirror to see what she was seeing. The morphed glass hadn't modified the majority of her reflection, but it had seen fit to increase the size of her breasts two-fold. Mikey chuckled at the absurdity of it, and was joined by the reflection's own laughter. "Too bad I don't always look like this."

"Oh Mitsuki, you look beautiful all the time." Mikey answered, and he truly meant it. But he'd also truly meant to keep that comment to himself! There was more nervous laughter as the two of them tried to hide their blushing, and this continued until a loud rumbling could be heard coming from around them.

"What that?" Mitsuki asked, staring as the mirrors receded into the floor boards and the lights began to dim. There was a heavy 'slam' as the door shut behind them, locking them in the room.

"Don't worry, I've been in these kinds of things before. It's just trying to spook us out." Mikey said as the room continued to shift until another hallway had opened up in front of them, a pit of snakes blocking their way to the exit sign that had materialized at the end of the tunnel. "Look, these snakes aren't even real."

Mikey reached into the hole and waved his hand at the reptiles below, flipping off the animatronics. However, one of the 'robots' coiled itself up and launched itself at the offensive finger, and the actor had just enough time to rescind his hand before it was bitten.

"Mikey, are those flame throwers coming out of the walls?!" Mitsuki gasped as turrets of flames began to erupt from the walls near the entrance, blatant pyromania occurring for the third time that day.

"And I think those spikes jutting out of the ground are coming towards us!" Mikey shouted as he noticed 'Indiana Jones' style needles popping out of the ground, moving in succession towards them both. "We'll have to jump the snake pit!"

Mikey and Mitsuki grabbed each others hands and raced towards the pit, jumping at the last second and just barely clearing the poisonous rattlers. They continued their mad dash through the corridor, ducking as high-powered laser beams tried to separate their heads from their shoulders. After what seemed like hours of near-death experiences, they reached the exit and reappeared back outside, next to the entrance.

"What the hell was supposed to be 'happy' about that house?!" Mikey shouted in the face of the magician who had willingly let them enter the torture chamber.

"You didn't die, did you?" the magician asked redundantly, and both the actor and the actress looked at each other to make sure they had both survived.

"No, but-"

"Yaaay!" the magician clapped his hands in delight. Then Mikey punched him in the face, and the actor did get a small amount of enjoyment out of that. Mitsuki followed up by kicking their tormenter in the crotch, and then they both headed off towards another section of the amusement park.

"Sorry that didn't work out so well." Mikey apologized. This wasn't the first time they had faced death since visiting his home country though, and Mitsuki was becoming used to it.

"It's okay. Better to focus on the positives." Mitsuki smiled. 'Like knowing that you think I'm beautiful', she thought to herself. She looked to the sky to hide her once more blushing face, and saw that the sun was beginning to set.

"Hey look, its Cedarick the Entertainer, the Cedar Point mascot!" Mikey exclaimed, pointing towards a man in a sharp and pointy tree outfit who was autographing a photo for a little boy.

"Here ya go, son." Cedarick said as he completed his signature, and then handed back the picture. One of his razor-sharp leaves cut the boy across the scalp, and he fell to the floor screaming in pain. The talking pine tree began to freak out, looking around to see if there were any witnesses. "Oh crap, oh crap! I am not going to jail for this again!"

Mike and Mits watched as Cedarick bribed the boy with one-hundred dollars to tell his father that he'd been attacked by an eagle, and then the tree ran off to wash the incriminating blood off of his branches.

"Geez, this place has really gone to hell." Mikey thought aloud as the boy began to tell his father about an evil eagle who'd tried to steal his lollypop.

"Let's go on some more rides." Mitsuki offered in an attempt to take their mind off what had just happened. "What about that one?"

Mitsuki was pointing at the whirling teacup ride. As if on cue, the ride began to run out of control and reach speeds well in excess of two hundreds miles per hour. One of the cups became detached and flew off at a forty-five degree angle, sending it out of the park.

"Uhh, maybe later." Mikey said as he sweat-dropped. Mitsuki looked at him in unabashed surprise.

"Whoa, Mikey, how are you doing that?!" she asked, knowing full well that American cartoon characters should not be able to do such things. She also knew that she wasn't supposed to know they were all cartoon characters, but she ignored that for the moment.

"What, this? It's just a sticker I made myself so I could fit in." he replied, peeling the decal off of himself. Mitsuki sweat-dropped for real, and Mikey quickly put the sticker back on. They shared another laugh at this, and then Mitsuki began to look around them for any rides that seemed safe. She finally spotted one, but she wasn't sure if Mikey would want to ride on it with her.

"Hey, M-Mikey?" Mitsuki ventured, and her orange haired crush looked at her. "Do you want to go on the Ferris wheel?"

"Sure!" Mikey answered, both eagerness and nervousness coming through in his voice. They both smiled and made their way towards the spinning wheel as the sun continued its descent.

No longer having their political masks, they had to wait in line like everyone else, which gave both of them more than enough to wonder what they were going to say to each other. Until then, they discussed nonsense topics such as the politics and religion.

"All I'm saying is that I think God is on the Republican's side." Mikey concluded, and Mitsuki had to admit he'd done a fine job of arguing his point. But now the time had come for them to board the ride, and the conversation was put on hold. Mitsuki would withhold her opinions on whether Satan approved or disproved of stimulus plans for a later date.

Their cart began to rise in the air with a creak as they made their way slowly around the loop. The nervousness from before returned with a vengeance, and neither were able to speak for a number of moments. Finally, Mitsuki broke the silence.

"Mikey… did you really mean what you said back in the 'Happy House'?" she asked him tentatively. A strange look of worry appeared over her crush's face.

"What? No, I would never sell my soul to the devil in exchange for my life. That's absurd." He replied with a nervous laugh, looking to his left and right shiftily.

"No, what you said before we were about to be killed." Mitsuki clarified, though she knew what Mikey was talking about and had decided to ignore it. Mikey calmed down somewhat, and looked into Mitsuki's eyes for a long moment before answering.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Authors Note: WASN'T THAT A GREAT CHAPTER?! Oh wait, am I interrupting something? Sorry, my bad.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

…Mikey calmed down somewhat, and looked into Mitsuki's eyes for a long moment before answering.

"Mitsuki, you are the most beautiful woman I have ever met, on the outside and the inside. And even if I'm not good at showing it, I like you alot." He answered, and prepared to say more but the words became caught in his throat. He knew it was enough, however, when he looked in Mitsuki's eyes and saw the tears that were forming there.

"Oh, Mikey…" Mitsuki managed to speak as their cart reached the climax of the ride. A beautiful sunset could be seen behind the Japanese girl's face, highlighting all of her features. Mikey was suddenly stunned.

'Uh oh, I'm freezing up.' He thought to himself, realizing what was to come next but not being able to gain control of his body. Time seemed to freeze. 'I should kiss her, I know I should. This is the perfect moment. But isn't this a bit cliqued, a kiss on a ferris wheel? Does anyone even think about whether something is cliqued in a moment like thi-'

It took Mikey a full second to realize that Mitsuki had kissed him, and by that time he was returning the kiss with equal passion. They remained in each others arms, sharing the kiss for quite some time. Halfway through, they vaguely imagined that they could here fireworks going off in the distance.

In actuality, it was the sound of an explosion in Canada.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Real Authors Notes: Once again, sorry about before. I could have sworn the chapter was over, honest! Hey, at least I made it up to you by uploading this chapter when I said I would. That's only because this chapter was already completed, of course, but it's the thought that counts.

Are you ready for the big finale?! It's all been leading up to the next (or next-next) chapter, and the twist will have you on the edge of your seats. So hang tight until then, Kappa Mikey fans! Only one fun-fact for this authors note: Cedarick the entertainer's name is obviously based on the comedian Cedric the entertainer, who you might remember from the 'Transformers' movie among other things. Okay, I'll conclude these authors' notes early because I've been writing almost non-stop for five hours now. Also, HITUSA has reached a stunning 71 pages in Word (minus these authors notes)! Whew, I need a break… but just a short one!

Fan Corner:

General Shadow Wolfsbane in da house! Hope you liked Cedar point in this chapter; the actual place is about the only thing interesting in all the Ohio area. Kicking Squirelador keeps on kickin' it real smooth in his reviews, and that's coo', yo. Bkugn, on the other hand, was so uninspired by chapter 10 that he fell asleep while writing his review. At least that's what I gather from his cryptic message, "yu e anymo n. ihnkot". Sorry, I don't speak italian. Thanks again x11 for all the (english written) reviews! Every review pushes me one step closer to completing this story.

Long live America! Read and review!