Warning: Strong t for sexual content & language
A/n: Thank you all so much for the feedback! Here's the new chapter...I had to finish this part and now I'll work on Love At your Darkest. ;)
Chapter 11: The Anniversary Part 2
"What are you going to do?" Andi asked, sitting on Severus's bed. She had watched Severus pace around his room for twenty minutes, first relaying the story and then simply continuing to pace, deep in thought. Finally, she had to speak. She couldn't take Severus's silent, but obvious distress much longer.
Severus sat down beside her, "I simply do not know."
"Sev," Andi sat up on her knees and put her hands on his shoulder. "I know that you are trying to give her space to be an adult and figure things out, but when your child is drowning, you don't just let them die. You dive in and you pull them out."
"I appreciate that, Andromeda, but she has to learn to make her own mistakes," Severus reached around to squeeze the back of her neck, "She's an adult now. This is what parents of adults do."
"She's only eighteen, Severus. It's not like she is thirty and you are still bailing her out. And Merlin knows for what she has gone through in the past few years with you-know-who and my sister…she still very much needs you." She squeezed his shoulders, "Don't go against what is in your very nature. You know her better than all of us. You have been struggling for months not to interfere that it's caused a massive divide between you two. Would she have really taken our relationship so poorly if you and she were on solid footing?"
Severus let out his breath, "No, I think not."
"And what are your instincts telling you to do?"
He thought for a moment, "I made a promise to her after Sirius's death that I would always lead her out of the darkness that she faces…and that I would be able to do so because I've been in those depths before. My instinct…" Severus paused, trying to get hold of his emotion, but she knew he was struggling because his voice grew hoarse, "will always be to walk through the depths…through the inferno…to save her…even if it is from herself."
"Then go," Andi said, her eyes shining with her tears as she saw his heart and it made him love him even more than she already did…an emotion that remained unexpressed.
Severus studied her intently; his hand on her head and then leaned over for a kiss. "I love you, Andromeda," he looked into her eyes. "Completely."
She stilled. "You have never said that to me before," her voice cracked.
"It's been true for a while now. I'm just not the best with expressing my feelings."
She nodded and kissed him again, "I love you too, Severus. Now, go find your daughter."
He stood and summoned his clothes. He pulled on his pants and then his shirt. As he was buttoning it, she asked, "Where are you going to go?"
"Potter to start with. He'll have an idea of what is going on. Maybe Lupin next. I don't know. We'll see what Potter says. I don't want to involve Lupin unless absolutely necessary as he is one of Sarah's superiors."
"But she said she might need me?"
Severus nodded, sitting on the bed to pull on his boots, "What the hell do you think she did?"
Andi looked at him incredulously, "It must have been bad though, Sev."
Severus shook his head in disbelief and then with another kiss, bid Andi goodbye.
"You need a shower," George said, touching the soot on her cheek.
"I suspect I do," Sarah said, downing the shot of fire-whiskey and then sputtering. "This is so disgusting."
"Do you want wine or something instead?"
"Do you have wine?" she asked, titling her head.
"I could go get some. There is a shop around the corner. While you shower…"
"Where would I shower?"
"I have a shower, Black. Honestly."
"But I don't have clothes."
"You can wear one of my shirts."
She pursed her lips, "Are you trying to get me starkers, Weasley?" she asked.
He rolled his eyes, "It would come down to your knees, I'm so much taller than you."
She poured another two shots of fire-whiskey and handed him one, "And wider," she clicked his shot glass and downed it.
"Awful, hideous stuff," She grimaced, her braids shaking, more hair falling out of them. "Fine. I haven't showered in two days."
"Good," George nodded, pulling her braid, teasingly, "You are a mess."
"Ha ha," Sarah rolled her eyes.
"Lavatory through the bedroom. I'll leave a shirt on the bed and I will be back in ten. Feel free to use whatever you need in the lavatory."
She nodded. "Thanks."
She came out of the bedroom ten minutes later, George's shirt in fact swallowing her whole. She had a towel and she was wringing out her hair.
George was sitting on the couch, uncorking the wine. "Feeling better?"
"Actually, it was quite refreshing." She moved to sit on the couch with him and then take the glass of wine he had poured for them. "Let's get plastered." She took a sip of wine.
George summoned her crackers, "At least eat these while you are otherwise you will be vomiting all over my couch."
She nibbled on the cracker and then took another sip of wine. "I haven't gotten smashed before…well, maybe a wee bit with Lupin that one time."
George laughed, "With Lupin of all people…I can't imagine. Well, I take it your teenage rebellion came late…"
"Oh can you imagine if I had done this at fifteen? My arse would be sore for a week."
"Did Snape actually spank you?" George raised an eyebrow.
"Not often," Sarah amended with another swallow. "Probably just a handful of times…took a ruler to my hand when I was older. Hurt like the dickens."
"What did you do to deserve that?"
"There was that time I purposely went into his mind…" Sarah admitted, "Ahh, that was awful. He was so angry. And then there were times, he did it to properly punish me so Voldemort would be more inclined to go easy on me."
"And did he?"
"No, not really. He just took it out on muggles instead," She took another swallow of wine, "Did you know I went to see Snape tonight?"
"I figured that's where you were going," George said, "What happened?"
Sarah took another big gulp, "He's shagging Andromeda Tonks."
"Bloody hell," George spit out his wine, "A warning would have been nice leading up to that revelation."
"Sorry," Sarah said, apologetically as she poured George more.
"Drink it slower," George advised. "You already had two shots of firewhiskey. Sips, not huge swallows, Black. And eat the cracker. I'm serious. I'm not holding your hair for you tonight."
"I mean," Sarah put the glass down and picked up the cracker, "Snape is getting some…and it's been ages for me. Not since I was married…and speaking of marriage, is he and Andi married?" she shook her head, swiftly, "No, they are not!" she said, dramatically.
"Marriage isn't a requirement for shagging," George said, amused.
"Oh, yes. Yes, it is. Snape said it was," Sarah said, wagging her finger, "Bloody hypocrite," She grunted.
George laughed, "I think he was probably only referring to his teenage daughter shagging her boyfriend, not him."
"Still, bloody hypocrite," Sarah said, dramatically taking another sip of wine and then sitting it down. "And is every one shagging except me? I had to sit Harry down and explain to him the use of silencing charms because your sister is just so loud."
"Oh bloody hell," George grunted, reaching for the fire-whiskey and pouring himself another shot, "That's my sister you are talking about. I'm going to kill Potter."
She waved her hand, "They have been doing it for the past year. And then there is Ron and Hermione, though Hermione swears they haven't yet. And Luna and Neville."
"Luna and Neville?" George asked, incredulously, "really?"
"Yeah, Neville is a real catch these days," Sarah said, seriously. "And of course, Snape and Andromeda." She picked up her wine for another big gulp. "Let's not forget about them. My dad is having sex…and I'm not. Isn't that twisted?"
George grunted, "Didn't see that one coming."
"Me either," Sarah said, her mouth gaping open. "Snape and Andromeda? She's the grandmother of my godson! And like my second cousin three times removed or something like that. We are bloody related."
"And," George added, dramatically, "She looks like Bellatrix…Merlin, do you think he wanted to shag Bellatrix?"
"I always thought he had a thing for Narcissa Malfoy," Sarah admitted, downing the rest of her wine, "More please," and George poured her more, "but I never thought he would get over Lily." She took another sip. "He practically killed himself for Harry to atone for her death. I mean…that's love."
"Or guilt," George offered.
"Or both, maybe. And now, Andi…"
"Isn't she older than him?" George asked,
"Snape's mature," she waved him off, dismissively. She sunk back, curling her legs up, "I'm feeling loopy already."
"No wonder," George said, "you have had a lot of alcohol in the past hour."
"And I'm not used to it either," she said, rubbing her head and sighing, "it's been a night, George."
"Sarah," George leaned back. "Can I ask you something?"
"Yeah," Sarah stared up at the imperfections in the ceiling, "What is it?"
"Tonight…you called me Fred."
"No, I didn't," Sarah laughed. She paused, her mind wandering back to that moment. She looked over at him, "Did I?"
"Before you cast the fiendfyre, you said that she's coming and Fred, she's going to kill you."
Sarah bit her lip, "I don't understand."
"I think you were having some sort of flashback to the last battle," George said, his hands on his knees. "It's no wonder, Sarah, we all went through hell that night. You especially."
"They are going to sack me for sure," Sarah sniffled.
"Are you going to cry?" George asked, frowning.
"NO!" She said, indignantly, and then she buried her head in her knees, "Will they send me to Azkaban?"
"No," George took another drink of his wine and then put it down. He reached to put his hand on her head, "I told them that Yaxley cast the curse and you diverted it, turning it around."
She lifted her head to meet his eyes, "Why would you do that?"
"Because…" he paused, "you would have saved him…if you had the choice…you would have brought the fury of thunder down to save him…"
"That's so poetic," she gave him a small smile.
"I like to read. It was Fred that detested it," George admitted, "but that's not the point. You showed your loyalty tonight…and bloody hell, I would have done that too. I would have use whatever magic I could to save him. And tonight, you also saved both of our arses in the process." He reached to put his finger under her chin, "And I think you are brilliant. I never saw what he saw…until tonight."
She continued to stare at him, meeting his eyes, "You have been so awful to me. And now, you aren't."
"We were friends for years, Sarah."
"Yeah…" she rubbed her head, "I'm feeling plastered already."
"Maybe you should rest," George said, "Here, put your head on my lap."
She laid down and put her head in his lap. He began to rub her head. She closed her eyes as his hand moved down her neck and under the neckline of the shirt, his fingers dancing along her upper back. "Hum…" She turned over to look up at him. "Why is everyone in this world in a relationship except me? What is wrong with me?"
"Nothing," George said.
"Draco and I almost had sex at the New Year's ball. My knickers were on the floor and we had to hide under the desk in the library because Robards and Harry came in."
"I'd say you dodged one with that one," George said, quietly.
"Why did you break up with Katie?"
George shrugged, "I didn't think I had the right to be happy."
She sat up, "You do, you know." She leaned her cheek against his. "Every right."
He maneuvered his head and before she could respond, he kissed her. And all the emotions of the day (and the alcohol consumed), burst forth…she kissed him back with such a fervor and passion. They kissed for several minutes, their hands all over each other.
"Sarah," he moaned, "We're further gone than we think we are."
"I don't care," she said and at the moment, she didn't. She reached for his shirt, pulling it off of him and then reached to unbutton his pants, unzipping them.
He scooped her up on his lap and before she knew it, his hand snaked under her shirt and her knickers were untangled from her legs.
"Ah," she gasped as he pressed and rocked against her. His hands rather frantically unbuttoned the two few buttons of the shirt she was wearing, opening it up to snake his hand in, inside her bra…all the while they were kissing without a care in the world…But then he touched her, caressed her tenderly…and in that moment, for that moment… she was on Snape's bed again…with Fred, the first time a man had ever touched her in that way.
In that moment, it wasn't George with her…it was him again. Her mind was already dulled by the fire-whiskey and wine, but even in it, she just knew…she knew this wasn't right. Actually, it was the furthest thing from right.
"Wait a second," she flung herself away, breathlessly. "Just wait."
He gripped her hips to keep her from tumbling of the couch, "What is it?"
"I…" she gripped her forehead, "I don't think this is right."
"Why?" George asked, his eyes on her. "What's wrong? Don't you want to?"
"Of course I do," she admitted, "really badly. But it's for the wrong reasons."
He paused, reaching up to brush the hair from her eyes.
"Please don't be sweet to me now," she entreated, softly.
And then he knew. "Bloody hell, Sarah."
She slid off of him and leaned against the couch, her legs curled up against her, her eyes staring at the ceiling again. "I look at you…and sometimes I see him…"
"We are identical twins. We used to confuse mum all the time for the hell of it," George said, softly, reaching over to squeeze the back of her neck, comforting her.
"But, it still isn't right. I'm so mental, George. I'm sorry!" she began to cry.
"Aw, Black, don't cry. I'm not mad at you," he scooted over and put his arm around her, "I have a confession too…that perhaps is just as twisted as yours if not even more."
"What?" Sarah asked, dropping her head, wearily on his arm, and George continued,
"Sometimes I look at you…and sometimes, I can almost feel him here too…like I'm living his life…and he is still here. Being with you…makes me feel that…and that's just as twisted as you seeing him."
"I miss him," she said, the tears still falling, "If I had just seen what Bella was doing like he did. I could have been the one to save him."
"And then you would have been dead," George said, quietly, "he wouldn't have wanted that for the world."
"I'm lonely," Sarah said, rubbing her head against his arm, "I'm so lonely."
"Me too," George ducked his head on hers.
"I just want to be normal."
"I know."
"I wanted to just shut off my mind and have fun…any other person our age can have a drunken shag, but I can't even do it without making everything so damn complicated."
"Maybe," he rubbed her head, "it's just not who you are, Sarah. Drunk or not."
"He has taken everything from me," She pulled away, determined, "I have to go."
"Where?" George asked, incredulously, "I don't think you are in any condition to go anywhere."
"I'll be fine," she said…"can I borrow your jacket?"
He nodded and she pulled his jacket from the hook, "I'll see you in the morning."
She went back to the table, "I almost forgot this. Can't forget this."
She reached for her wand…and then the bottle of wine, "Can I take this too?"
"Sure," George nodded, as if there was nothing the least bit odd in her request.
She waved at him.
"Sarah, your knickers," he called, but she was already gone.
"I don't know, Severus," Harry patted down his hair and leaned against the door, "George said Yaxley cast the fiendfyre curse and she turned it around and the result killed them all."
Severus's eyes narrowed, "That wouldn't make her as upset as she was when she came to my quarters."
Harry thought about and frowned, "Do you think George is lying? No, offense, but I can't see him lying for Sarah. I mean they are doing better, but not that better."
"I suppose, we'll have to ask him then," Severus said, resolutely. "Are you coming?"
Harry nodded, "Sure. But…why did Sarah leave you? If she was that upset and came to you, why did she leave?"
"She found out that Andromeda Tonks and I are in a relationship. I hadn't told her."
"She walked in on you?" Harry's mouth dropped.
"No," Severus snapped, "Nothing as unseemly as that. She saw Andi's bag and deduced…honestly, Potter, she is my child. She isn't a dunderhead. She can put two and two together."
Harry grinned, "You and Andi, huh?"
"Oh, just stop," Severus scowled, "Now, she is a mess. Let's pack a bag for her. Wherever she has landed, she will need clothes."
"Is she really that upset about you and Andi?" Harry asked.
"I think…" Snape paused as he walked upstairs to Sarah's room and swiped his wand, a small bag packing with a change of clothes. He zipped it up, "I think perhaps, it is the omission of truth…she's had to live with a lot of that from me."
"You know…she feels your disapproval…and it's hard for her to handle…that's why she stays away."
"I know," Severus said, his voice short as he gripped her bag, "Let's go, Harry."
Severus stood in George Weasley's flat. "What do you mean you let her go?"
George shrugged, "I'm not her child minder, Snape."
Severus's eyes scanned the room…to rest on the bottle of fire-whiskey, the two shot glasses, the two wine glasses each with some wine residue left on the bottom of them.
He frowned, "What state exactly did she leave in, Weasley?"
"She's a bit plastered," George admitted, "like me."
"A bit?" Harry muttered.
"Maybe more than a bit," George said with a wry smile.
"And what exactly caused her to want to intoxicate herself?"
"She figured out that you have been shagging Andromeda Tonks," George said, still grinning. "Way to go, Snape."
"Watch yourself, Weasley," Severus growled, "I will not have you disrespecting Andromeda…not in my presence."
He held up his hands, "I'm not disrespecting anyone, Snape. I'm just relaying the facts. She found out that you and Andi," he grinned again, "and then she came here and wanted to drink with me."
"But she was upset before she found that out," Snape said exasperated and then took and let out his breath. Dealing with a Weasley was hard enough…dealing with an intoxicated one was close to torture. "So do tell me…what caused her to come to me in the first place?" he questioned.
"Like I told the ministry, she turned the curse around," George said, crossing his arms.
"For Merlin's sake. I want to help here. We both know that is not the whole of it," Snape said, "now kindly tell me the full story so I can help protect her. Why did she say she needed a solicitor?"
"I have taken care of it," George said. "You don't need to protect her."
"Clearly," Snape drawled, sarcastically.
It was at that moment, Harry's eyes caught Sarah's discarded knickers, steps away from his foot. He gave George an exasperated look and motioned to the knickers. George shrugged and in desperation of what would happen if Snape found those, Harry attempted to cover them with his foot, but the motion, caused Snape to turn his frustration on Harry.
"Honestly, can't you stop fidgeting for two moments, Harry?" Snape snapped but then he saw what he was doing.
He stared for a few moments, his hands turning in to fists before he turned his steely gaze back on George. "I'll ask you one more time…" his voice was low, but his anger was made clear, "in what state did my daughter leave your flat?" he growled.
"She's wearing my shirt," George said, his look turning weary at Snape's fatherly wrath. "And she asked to borrow my jacket."
"For Merlin's sake, Weasley!" he thundered. "you call this taking care of it?! Did you have sex with her?"
"No, I swear," George held up his hands in defeat, "We just fooled around a bit."
Snape's scowl was fierce, "You just fooled around a bit," he repeated, "while she was intoxicated?"
"We are both intoxicated," George drawled. "And it's not like we really did anything…I didn't even go inside h.."
Harry's eyes were wide, "Bloody hell, stop talking, mate," he interrupted, quickly and then stepped in front of Snape.
"And that makes it all the better, Weasley?!" Snape thundered, stepping around Harry, "You are her partner. You are supposed to be taking care of her…not providing her alcohol and some cheap thrills."
"Look," George held up his hands again, "it really wasn't anything that bad. And she's not a little kid anymore. If she wants to have causal shags with whomever she wants to, she should be able to do that. And you shouldn't have any say in the matter."
Harry frowned, running his hand through his hair, "But I thought you two didn't like each other."
George shrugged, "I rather thought she was imagining I was my brother," he paused, "Actually, I rather thought I was imagining I was my brother too."
Snape turned around abruptly and went and smacked his hand against the door to George's flat.
Harry glanced at Snape, concerned, and then turned to George, "Listen, mate, we just need to know where you think she could have went. She isn't dressed and she clearly has had too much to drink. We just want her to be safe."
"Harry," George poured himself another shot. He had drank some more after Sarah had gone and he was really uninhibited now, "Have you ever seen Sarah starkers?"
Harry grimaced, "No, mate."
"Me either," he sighed, "she had my shirt on. I wish she had taken it off completely...I only opened it a bit to stick my hand in...she feels so good, Harry. You have no idea. And the way she snogs...do you think Malfoy taught her how do do that?"
"Potter," Snape thundered, "I'm going to curse him. I won't be able to help myself. I'll end up in Azkaban and for once in my life, I have a future that doesn't look dreadful, so…Merlin help me…" he took a shuddering breath, trying to control himself. "I'm making you coffee, Weasley. You need to sober up." He went over to his small kitchen and swiped his wand.
Harry went to sit next to George and take the shot glass and the firewhiskey from his hand. "No more of this, for you," he said. "Now, what happened tonight?"
"I think she thought I was Fred," George said, again.
"You said that," Harry said.
"No," George put his finger to his lips, "Not then…but before."
Snape left the kitchen to enter the living room again, "What do you mean by before," he questioned, "when you were facing Yaxley?"
"She had some sort of flashback and she thought she was protecting Fred."
Snape let out his breath, "Did Sarah use the fiendfyre curse?"
"Yeah," George said, "it was bloody wicked. Turned everyone to ashes. Do you think he taught her to do that?"
Harry jumped up, "Severus, you don't think she went to…."
"Voldemort's manor," Snape grimaced, "I think that is precisely where she is." He wagged his finger at Weasley, "No more fire-whiskey. And drink that coffee. Don't burn down your flat."
"I won't," George said, leaning back.
"Though…if you know what is good for you, you will never take advantage of my daughter again…"
"Sarah has her own mind, Snape," Harry intervened. "It sounds pretty consensual to me."
"I understand that, Potter," Snape replied, "and believe you me, Sarah and I will discuss her choices at length tonight…but when you have a daughter, you'll understand the inclination to curse any man that touches her…whether it is logical or not. Now are you coming?" he asked.
"Of course," Harry said, shooting George an apologetic look, "Let's go."
"I was waiting for you to come back," Voldemort said as Sarah gazed at the painting. His eyes narrowed, "What are you wearing?" he demanded as he saw her oversized man's shirt and jacket.
"I couldn't do it," she sniffled, crying, "I'm plastered and I still couldn't do it. You really fucked me up."
"Oh dear," Voldemort sat down in his leather chair, "are we talking about sex here?"
She grunted, "No. Of course not."
"Yes, we are," he said, amused, "Who were you trying to have sex with?"
She gripped her wand and the bottle of wine, but remained silent. "I'm going to have more wine."
"Oh, no," Voldemort growled at her, "You have had quite enough, young lady," he told her sternly.
"See if you can stop me," Sarah taunted and then she took a gulp straight out of the bottle.
"Tom!" Voldemort called.
Tom apparated in, the house elf bowing as he did, "My Lord?"
"Kindly take Miss Black's bottle of wine."
Sarah hugged it against her, "This is mine!"
The house elf snapped his fingers and the wine disappeared.
"That's not fair, evil incarnate!" she pouted.
"Your names for me are just so charming, little one," Voldemort looked smug, "And even from the grave, I am in control."
"Bugger off," Sarah said, crossing her arms, hugging herself.
"Now, let's see…where were we?" Voldemort twined his hands, "Whom did you try to shag but were unsuccessful?" He thought for a moment, "I shall attempt to guess. Was it Longbottom?"
"No, of course not."
"Potter?"
"Don't be ridiculous," she laughed.
"Someone older? Someone younger?" he paused, "Weasley's twin, perhaps?"
Her mouth dropped open, "How did you know that?"
"I have exceptional powers of deduction," Voldemort drawled, "and there is a W on the jacket you are wearing,"
"Oh," she said, sighing. She plopped down on the couch and curled her legs up, hugging them, making sure the shirt was covering her properly.
"Oh yes, please do have a seat, dear one."
"I want my wine back," she grunted.
"I think you have definitely have had your fair share tonight," Voldemort crossed his arms. "Why couldn't you finish the deed with Weasley tonight?" He paused. "Were you imagining it was his brother? Your dear departed Fred?"
She waved her hand at him, "Just shut it! Shut it! You don't know everything!"
"You came to me tonight, little one," Voldemort's voice turned soothing, "and clearly there is a reason for it. What is it?"
"I don't even know why I am here," she said.
"Besides the fact you are intoxicated, which by the way, imbibing is a dreadful show of weakness," he told her, sternly.
"You drank," Sarah shot back at him.
"Of course, I did. But I could hold my liquor. Unlike you, clearly."
"I hate you," she scowled up at him. "With a passion."
"And yet you came to me…" Voldemort eyes were on her.
She buried her head in her knees, "I just need to rest a little. My head feels so funny. May I?"
"Of course," Voldemort nodded, seriously. "Go on. Rest for a bit. I have all the time in the world."
She sighed and closed her eyes. She sat there for a good ten minutes before lifting her head.
"Do you feel better?"
"No," she groaned.
"Why do you look so tortured, little one?" Voldemort asked, softly. "Tell me."
She bit her lip, hesitant. "I don't know."
"Let's not be coy, dear one. Yes, you do. And you want to tell me. Now, tell me all about it. What happened?"
"The fiendfyre curse…"
"I taught you that," Voldemort looked delighted, "did you use it tonight?"
"Yes," her voice was defeated.
"The great auror, Sarah Black, descending into darkness," Voldemort chuckled, "the darkness I instilled in you…the darkness that pops up at the most inopportune times…go on…why did you use it?"
"Yaxley. He caught us and they were firing curses in all directions and I had some sort of flashback to Fred and Bella and I don't know…I just did it."
"Of course you did. You did it because it is how I taught you how to respond to a curse," Voldemort retorted, "And what were the results?"
"They're dead."
"Are you sulking?" Voldemort's voice was stern.
"If it wasn't for George, I would be sacked."
He waved his hand at her, "No you wouldn't," he said. "the aurors need you."
"I'm a horrible person," her voice cracked, "I don't even know why I am here."
"Because I understand you better than them all," Voldemort said, "you are drawn to me, Sarah Grace. Down in the far recesses of your soul…you are drawn to me. You always have been."
"No," Sarah said, dejectedly, "No, that's not true." Tears sprang to her eyes.
"Then why are you here?"
"I don't know…I thought you would understand…"
"Did you now?" Voldemort mused, "I'm touched."
"I'm leaving now," Sarah stood and took a step to the door but Voldemort's voice stopped her.
"You came to me because you know that I am incapable of revealing your pain…your emotional weakness to others. You must remain stoic and strong to continue with your position as an auror. The conflict within you…must be hidden…but here, it can be revealed. That's why you are here. My only question is why didn't you go to Snape?"
She turned slowly around, "I did."
"And?"
"He was with Andromeda Tonks. And apparently it wasn't the first time."
"Does that bother you? Surely, you will allow your father some sort of happiness."
"It bothers me that he didn't tell me that he and her were dating…for months. Why didn't he tell me?" She asked, her lip trembling.
"Maybe he thought you couldn't handle it maturely and from the looks of it, that wouldn't be far off," he scolded, "honestly, Sarah. I'm gone for a year and this is what you come to. You would have done much better if I had lived. At least your path would have been determined for you…you would have been my mistress. You would be protected. I would have cared for you…provided for all your needs. More than that, I would have given you all your desires…you wouldn't have to struggle to find your way. Tell me you haven't thought of it that way."
Sarah sat back down, "No."
"Not even a little?" Voldemort pressed. "You do know I can help you. I can help you find your way. You have my mind now, Sarah. I can lead you."
She took a shuddering breath, "No."
"You are clearly so lost," Voldemort soothed, "Let me help you."
"I think you have done enough," Snape thundered from the doorway.
Sarah grimaced at his look. He was angry, barely controlling his temper.
"Kindly, leave my daughter alone," Snape spat.
"She came to me tonight, Severus."
"Because you have somehow gotten in her head," Harry spoke up from behind Sev.
"Oh my, the whole gang is here," Voldemort drawled, delighted. "What a pleasure."
Sarah put her hand on her head, "Everyone just go away."
"I'm mounted here," Voldemort said, seriously. "But do feel free to send the others away. This is your home now. You are well within your rights, dear one."
"We aren't leaving her here with you," Harry said, calmly. He turned to Sarah, who was pale faced and shaking from the spot on the couch."Why are you here anyway?" he demanded. "You promised you would never come here again."
"He's the only one who understands me," Sarah stood, walking over to him, "Don't you understand, Harry?" she cried, her hands on his arms, "those months I was at Malfoy Manor with him…he changed me. He gets me. More than anyone."
"Sarah," Harry looked horrified."Do you really believe that?"
"See," she dropped her hands, "you see me as broken…and I am. He understands my struggles. And he's always listened to me."
Snape cleared his throat, "That's not true, Sarah Grace."
"Oh, but it is, Severus. Sarah and I may have not been having sex, but we did develop a sort of intimacy. It's natural she would come to me tonight in her distress," Voldemort said, "Speaking of that, congratulations on Andromeda. I always thought the Black women were delectable. I was never interested in Andi, but I do believe Sarah would have been such a pleasure…"
"Enough!" Snape barked, "You have no power here," Snape wiped his wand and the portrait was covered magically.
"Now, Sarah," Snape looked at her evenly.
She backed away and then turned to go sit on the couch, "Go away, Snape."
"I'm not going anywhere," Snape said, evenly, "And certainly not because you command me to. And furthermore, you don't talk to your father in such a disrespectful way."
"Then go ahead and spank me," She challenged.
"Believe you me, I am sorely tempted. And I may just do so before that night is out," Snape growled. "Now, let's go."
"I don't want to go anywhere. I want to stay here."
"I'm not giving you a choice," He leaned down and pulled her up.
"Snape!" she grunted. "I want to stay here."
"Honestly, look at you. You are half dressed and wandering around the country. Anything could have happened to you." He reached down to button the buttons that George had undone so she was covered up properly again. "This is the very last place you need to be. I'm taking you home."
"Home? Where's that? I don't have a home!" she cried.
"Yes, you do. Your home will always be wherever I am. And at the moment, that's Hogwarts," Severus said. "Harry wants to come too. And you and I are going to talk tonight. A lot. We are going to deal with everything that happened tonight and all these choices you have made."
And before she could process what was happening, he swiped his wand over one of Voldemort's books. "A portkey. Go on. Potter, you too."
Harry put his hand on the book, "Sarah," he said, "Go on," he coaxed.
She reached out her hand and touched the book too and they were transported back to Hogwarts.
"Oh, damn it," Sarah cursed and rushed off for the lavatory.
"Stay here, Potter," Severus instructed and took off after her.
Sarah began retching over the toilet, her knees shaking on the cold, hard floor.
"Go away," she cried when she felt Snape reach for her hair, twisting it up into a ponytail.
"You have a lot to drink tonight," Snape's voice was low. "And you mixed your drinks. This was inevitable."
"Please go away," she cried as she vomited more.
"I'm not going," Snape said, swiping his wand to summon a towel. "Lift your knees up."
"Go!" Sarah cried.
"I said, I'm not going," Snape snapped, "Do you actually think you become of age and then you can start bossing me about? You must be quite far gone to actually think that is true."
"I'm so mortified," she cried, retching again.
"Really, this is what you choose to be mortified about? Vomiting in my presence?" Snape chided, his tone sarcastic, "Not that I had to find your knickers on Weasley's floor and listen to him tell me how far he exactly went with you?"
She froze and then turned her head, "Really?" she asked, weakly.
"Oh yes, Sarah Grace," Severus raised an eyebrow. "what the hell were you thinking?"
"I'm plastered."
"Clearly," Snape glared, "and you thought mixing alcohol in the midst of your emotional distress was a wise choice?"
She sniffled and Snape summoned a wash cloth. "Lean against the vanity. We are going to be here longer," he instructed, "probably much longer from the looks of things."
"I don't have to listen to you," Sarah glared at him.
"And the moment, I don't care how old you are," Snape growled at her, "You will listen to me and you will obey me. I have spent half the night searching the country for you to bring you home. I have been beside myself with worry over your emotional state. You don't just run away like that. You stay and handle situations maturely like the woman I raised you to be. You don't go and get plastered and then try to shack up with the first man you see. And you certainly don't go half dressed to Voldemort for comfort. You stay and we deal with this. Do you understand me?"
"I didn't ask you to follow me," she retorted.
"Well, I have news for you, little girl. I will always follow you if you need me to," Severus said, brushing her hair aside.
She smacked at his hand, "You shouldn't," she grunted. "And please don't touch me."
"Why not?" his hand froze midair.
Her lip trembled.
"Sarah," Snape prompted, his voice stern.
"Don't you see?" she cried.
"See what?" Snape asked, his hand still frozen.
"I'm…" she began to sob, "I'm just such a hopeless case, Snape. Just…go to Andi…go to Andi and be happy. You deserve that."
"And you don't?" Severus asked, his voice low.
"I'll…I'll never be happy again…never again. That is my penance. That is my plight in life," she cried. "to be miserable."
He extended his hand again to touch her hair, "That's simply not true."
"But it is!" she cried. "I'm dark. I'm evil. Look at what I did tonight."
"You were trying to protect the ones you love. That's not evil." He continued to rub her head.
"Harry never compromised. I should be in Azkaban or at the very least sacked…but that's what you want, don't you?"
"No!" Snape tipped up her chin, "I don't want you sacked."
She grimaced, "I'm going to sick up again."
He maneuvered her to the toilet and she began vomiting.
"Sev?" Andi knocked on the door, "Is there anything I can do?"
"Hi Andi," Sarah said, in between retches. "I'm sorry I ruined your night."
"That doesn't matter, Sarah," Andi smiled at her. "Too much to drink, I take it?"
"I guess Lupin really did moderate my alcohol that one time," Sarah said, groaning.
"I need a hair tie or something for her," Severus said, "And she needs her clothes. I packed a bag from Grimmauld Place. Maybe transfigure them into pajamas. Ask Potter to do that. And she needs her knickers. This lavatory is drafty."
"That's the least of my worries," Sarah muttered. Snape patted her back.
"Indeed, though that should comprise some of your worries given the cause of you losing your knickers," Severus countered, dryly.
"Where are her knickers?" Andi asked, curiously.
"At George," Sarah retched again, "Weasley's flat."
"Really?" Andi asked. "I thought you two didn't like each other."
"He's growing on me," Sarah groaned. "And…things were kind of twisted tonight."
"That's an understatement, Sarah Grace," Severus reached for her hand and put it on her hair, "Hold this for a second. I'll be back."
He motioned to Andi.
"Was it awful?" Andi asked, giving a sympathetic look.
"We might need your legal advice," Severus said, discreetly, "She had a flashback when they were fighting Yaxley and a slew of death eaters and she cast the fiendfyre curse, killing them all. George covered for her, but I'm not sure we should let that stand. And then, George and her decided to get drunk together tonight and apparently the result ended in Sarah losing her knickers to fool around,"
Andi raised her eyebrow, "He told you that?"
"I found her knickers on the floor!" Severus exclaimed, "But don't worry, Andromeda, I was informed that they fooled around, but didn't actually have intercourse," he frowned. "though he did express regret that he didn't get to see her fully starkers."
"Goodness, how are you not in Azkaban?" Andi's eyes were wide.
"Oh believe me, Andromeda," Snape said, dryly, "it took every part of my being not to curse him with the darkest curses I know, but if it wasn't for you…and I suppose her, I would have."
She leaned up and kissed his cheek. "You are such a good father, Sev. I love it."
"But that's not all," Severus said, forlorn, "And then, to top it all off, she goes half dressed to Voldemort's manor for a little comfort and advice from the Dark Lord's portrait."
"Is there a portrait?" Andi asked, frowning.
"Oh yes, there is. Something Potter and Black have been hiding from the aurors, but that is beside the point. Sarah decided it would be a good idea to share her troubles with the Dark Lord because he was the only one who understood her."
"Oh, Sev," Andi winced, "that's awful and completely unfair to you."
"Yes, it is. At which point, I dragged her away from there and portkeyed her back here and now I'm holding her hair while she vomits all the alcohol she drank tonight but didn't properly hydrate and consumed on an empty stomach. Let's see. I believe that pretty much sums it up."
"What are you going to do?"
"I'm going to hold her hair while she vomits and then try to talk some sense into her. But I'd appreciate if you go to my stores to get me some hangover potion."
"I will do that," Andi leaned over to kiss his cheek, "And Harry? He's asking about her, but I think he is afraid to come in here, not so much because of her sicking up, but she knows how the two of you get under circumstances like these. And rightly so, he doesn't want to get in the middle of it."
"He's growing wise in his older age," Severus muttered.
"But he doesn't want to leave until he is sure she is okay."
"He can sleep on the couch or in Sarah's room tonight if he wants to stay close by," Sev said.
"I can stay in her room," Harry called from the living room, "We have shared a bed before."
Severus rolled his eyes, "And they wonder why Miss Weasley has such difficulty with their relationship," he said wryly to Andi.
She smirked. "They are such children," she whispered.
"I heard that," Sarah called from inside the lavatory.
"We should have used silencing charms," Sev muttered. "Enough out of you," he called, "you are in far too much trouble to be snarky."
"Noted," Sarah grimaced and they heard the sounds of vomiting again.
"Poor girl," Andi winced.
"She deserves it and more," Sev countered.
"Should I go home?"
He shook his head, "I want you to stay tonight. It's late anyway."
"Okay," she smiled at him , "As long as you are sure."
"It's the anniversary of a horrendous event in both of our lives…I wanted you here. And I still want you here."
"I'm glad," Andi said, "Thanks for letting me into your life."
He nodded and she went off to do what he asked while he went back into the lavatory.
Sarah was still throwing up in the toilet.
"Still?" Sev asked, lightly.
"I'm so nauseous," she moaned. "Merlin help me, why do people do this?"
"I suppose it feels good at the time," Sev said, taking over holding her hair for her. "Andi is getting you a hair tie and some clothes."
"Dad," Sarah retched more, but then the nausea waned.
"Are you good?" he asked.
"For now," she said, out of breath.
She leaned back against the vanity, pulling George's shirt around her legs. Snape summoned a blanket from the other room to wrap around her shoulders and around her front, completely covering her.
"I'm sorry," she frowned.
"I know you are," Sev said.
"I do like Andi, Dad," she murmured, resting her head against the vanity and looking up at the ceiling. "I like her a lot."
"I know you do, Sarah," Snape said, "I didn't doubt that. She knows it too."
"I even like you together…you deserve to find love after Lily. I just wish you had told me."
"I should have," Snape nodded, "And I really need to see you at least every other week. It went far too long, but I allowed it. And that was wrong."
"I really fucked up tonight, Dad."
"Yes, you did," Snape said, nodding seriously.
She sniffled hard, "I hate myself. I hate myself so much!" Tears began to fall.
"Come here," Snape said, reaching for her. "Lay your head down. You are so shattered."
She laid her head on his lap, "There you go," he said and he began to rub her head, tenderly.
"Are they going to send me to Azkaban?"
"No," Snape shook his head, swiftly, "No one is going to send you anywhere. You aren't going to lose your job either."
"He changed me. It's true."
"I don't doubt it. You are different from your time at Malfoy Manor. But that doesn't mean he ruined you…or that he pulled you into darkness. Yaxley was going to kill you, Sarah. You saved both you and George."
"But I thought he was Fred," Sarah cried, shivering, "What was wrong with me?"
"Oh, child," Snape said, "It's the anniversary of Fred's death. Of course you flashed back. His identical twin was next to you and you haven't slept in days."
"Does George hate me?" Sarah winced. "After what I did?"
"Almost having sex with him?" Snape asked, his voice low, "I don't think so. But I would caution you against a relationship with George. You two have so much baggage and it would be too easy for both of you to fall into the trap of having this be a replacement for Fred."
"I miss Fred," she sobbed. "I miss him so much."
"I know you do."
"I did love him. I chose Draco because I had to and I did love Draco, but that doesn't mean that my feelings for Fred went away. I did love him."
"I know you did," Snape affirmed.
"I would have been so happy with him," she swallowed hard.
"You'll be happy with someone else one day," Snape stroked her hair.
"Whom?" she cried. "Everyone has someone…except me."
"You are only eighteen years old. Don't settle right now, child," Snape said.
"I'm drawn to Voldemort," she whimpered.
"He draws you to him through manipulation…even from the grave," Snape continued to stroke her hair, "you have to tell the ministry about the portrait. You have to make a clean break from him."
"But what about you?" Sarah asked.
Snape shrugged, "They can't try me for the same crimes once again. They really do know the full extent to what I did while serving Voldemort and they cleared me of the charges because it was part of my role as a spy."
"But he knows what I did…torturing the house elves and…"
"So, you tell Robards the truth of everything you did with Voldmort. And everything that happened tonight…well, besides the George part of it…don't tell him that," Snape amended, "Andi and Lupin will go with you. And he can decide as your superior what to do."
"Why am I so weak?"
"You are not weak," Snape countered, "you are incredibly strong. He has drawn in much lesser witches and wizards than you, Sarah Grace. And the amount of pressure he applied to you at such a young age…it's a wonder you were even able to stand firm. But you did stand firm! Do you recall what you did a year ago? You stood in front of him and you declared your allegiance. And that has never changed. You have never wavered to him. Don't cause him to doubt yourself. You are a strong woman and that's what drew him to you. But you have your life back. And it's a life of your choosing."
She sniffled and then slid up and reached to put her arms around Snape. She rested her head on his chest.
"I find it troublesome, Sarah Grace, that you feel like Voldemort is the only person you understands you. After eight years, are we really that far from understanding each other?"
"I came to you first, Dad," Sarah said, crying in his arms, "I knew you would understand and know exactly what to do but then I found out about Andi and I thought you…I don't know…" she cried, "I'm a horrible daughter."
"No, you aren't," he pulled her close around her, "I'm so thankful for you."
"Please tell me that you love me."
"You can burn down all of Hogwarts and I will still love you," Snape said, wryly.
"Why did you come for me tonight?"
"Because as Andi told me early, when your child is drowning, you go rescue them…and because I remembered a promise I made you long ago, Sarah Grace. After Sirius's death, do you remember?"
She snuggled closer to him, "You told me that no matter what darkness I face you would lead me through it because you have faced it too so you knew what to do."
"And I stand by that. You come to me and we deal with this. At eighteen, Sarah Grace, I actually joined Voldemort," he adjusted her and then pushed up his sleeve, "This is what I did at your age," he pointed to the dark mark. I chose him and it wasn't to protect anyone. It was because I believed in him. I understand completely what is like to make those choices."
Her lip quivered, "I know."
He put both hands on her head, "You are going to have a beautiful life, Sarah Grace," he told her, firmly, "While I have breath, I will not allow you to settle for less."
"Do you believe I can do this?"
"You can absolutely do this. And if you want to continue to be an auror, I have no doubt you will be the best there is. But," his voice became low, "if you want at any point in the next year or two or five or ten, want to do something different, I'll support you. Don't give up your dreams completely."
She closed her eyes, "I'm so tired," she laid back down to rest her head back on his lap.
"We'll give you the potion and get you into bed," he stroked her hair again, "But Potter is not sleeping in the same bed as you. You two need to start acting like adults and you may be best friends, but he is in a relationship. You need to draw limits."
"We only did that once," she murmured, "promise."
"I know," Severus said, soothingly.
There was a knock on the door, "Hey, Snape?" Harry poked his head through the door, "Here's Sarah's clothes. I transfigured them in pajamas and her…um…other things are there."
Sarah giggled, "Oh, Harry. You have a girlfriend and two best friends that are girls. You can say the word knickers."
"Don't be snarky with him," Snape poked at her, "It's the middle of the night and he is here."
"Harry's the best," Sarah smiled up at him, "Thanks, mate."
"No problem, Paddy," Harry grinned at him, "but the next time you want to get plastered, you have a best friend. I don't know why you keep going to Lupin and George for things. Ron and I would be happy to drink with you."
"There will be no more of this…" Snape said, but then frowned, "Well, if you two do feel inclined, then we should talk about the best way to do so."
"Yes, Dad," Sarah sighed, "because there has to be a better way. This is horrid."
Harry gave Sarah a sympathetic smile, "Andi is making toast for her and has the potion too…but Severus, I need to talk to you for a minute," Harry said.
Severus shifted Sarah. "Get dressed, Sarah," he told her, "but do so slowly and if you feel like you are going to pass out or vomit, call for me."
"Got it," she nodded.
Severus stood and went to the door, shutting it behind him. "What is it, Harry?"
"Lupin is here. He had to bring Teddy. He's sleeping in a portable crib in your room."
Snape frowned, "It's a crowded house tonight. What was so pressing?"
"He can tell you more, but the press has the story now. The ministry can't keep it a secret any longer. It's going to be everywhere come the morning."
"What story?" Snape demanded, "What has happened?"
"The press knows that Voldemort named Sarah as his heir."
"Oh for Merlin's sake," Snape cursed. "How did that happen?"
"I don't know, but she is going to be hounded for a while. Lupin wants to stay to take her into the ministry. And then Grimmauld Place will probably be the safest place for her. But it's going to be rough for a while."
Snape let out his breath, "And to think that before tonight, things were going so splendidly."
"Who is going to tell her?"
"We let her sleep tonight, Potter," Sev said firmly, "She has had too much to deal with for one day. Tomorrow, we'll tell her."
Harry nodded and left. Snape leaned against the door, closing his eyes.
"You are going to need all that strength we talked about, Sarah Grace, both of us…" he murmured. "We'll do this…together."
Up next: The press has the story & Sarah gets her new assignment, one that takes Sarah in a whole new, unfamiliar direction. :)
