Disclaimer: All recognizable characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Any other copyrighted or trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners, all other content belongs to me. No copyright infringement is intended. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.


Friday, August 15, 2008

I had not slept. I could still see my moth–Esme's face glaring at me, and it was killing me. Flight of the Bumblebee emanated from my suit coat which I had haphazardly tossed over the back of the couch when I stumbled in sometime early this morning. I knew if I didn't answer Alice's call she would just keep calling, or worse, come over here. I reached behind me and dug through my pocket, eventually closing my hand around my phone. I glanced down at my watch before answering. It was just past six o'clock. Alice always was an early riser.

"Alice." My voice was raw—nothing but gravel.

"Oh, Edward. God, are you alright? You sound awful. Shit, was it as bad as I think it was?" Alice cried.

"Have you talked to either of them?" I needed to know if there had been any residual fallout yet.

"No, honey. I thought I'd wait to talk to you. I was sure Mom would call me, but I haven't heard from her or Dad. What happened?"

"It was bad." I sighed, rubbing furiously at the stubble along my jaw with my free hand. "Look, Alice, I really don't want to rehash it right now. Can you give me some time? I need to figure out some things in my head. I'll call you soon, I promise."

"Please don't disappear again, Edward," she begged. "We all love you so much. We're here for you, you just have to let us in, sweetie."

I knew she was just being honest, but her words sliced at my heart like a scalpel. I didn't want to cut my family out of my life. I missed them and knew now, more than ever, I'd need their support. If Esme was going to pull the crap on me like she did last night, I could not imagine what she'd say to my brother and sister.

"I won't, Alice. I promise," I said, meaning every damn word. "I'll call you soon, alright?"

"Thank you, Edward. You know Jasper and I are here for you, anytime you need us."

"Thank you."

I ended the call, and as I tossed the phone on the cushion next to me, I let out a dry laugh. I hadn't said "goodbye." What the hell was up with that?

I started bouncing my knees and running my hands through my hair. I needed caffeine or a drink. Anything to get my mind off the fact that my life was total shit. Agitated, I picked up my phone and dialed. After several rings, I was sent to voice mail.

"Dr. Clear–I mean Sue, this is Edward Cullen. Is there anyway I can see you before Thursday? Please call me back."

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

I was staring out the window of Sue's office at a small fountain. The splashing water made me think of standing in front of Buckingham Fountain four days ago. Fuck. Had it only been four days? It felt like a lifetime had passed.

"Edward?"

I snapped my head around to look at Sue. I could see concern plastered all over her face.

"Have you talked to your parents at all since then?" she inquired gingerly.

"You mean my father and Esme?" I growled. I had just finished telling her about "The Dinner," the moniker that the night I informed my parents of my plans to quit medicine had become known as.

"I spoke with my father briefly yesterday. He informed me that Esme had flown to Arizona to 'recover' at a spa in Sedona."

"Other than that bit of news, how did the conversation with your father go?"

I roughly ran my hand through my hair. "Fairly well, actually. I mean, I am angry at him, but at the same time, I don't really have the energy to do anything about it. He's reticent about the whole thing so...I don't know, I just want to move forward. I'm tired of all the drama. I just want to...break free from it all." I shrugged my shoulders at the apathy I was currently feeling.

I knew my voice communicated the abject dejection I wore like a shroud. I just wanted to strip myself free from the weight that I had been carrying for as long as I could fucking remember. I let out a loud growl of frustration.

"Alright, let's stop with this for now. We'll let it lie for a few days and see what happens. Let's talk about what you are going to do now? What do you see your next steps as being?"

"I did talk with my father about that a little bit," I said. "I'm actually able to complete my general surgical residency. I have enough hours."

"How do you feel about that?" she asked in her perfect therapist voice.

"Well...part of me is glad that I'm not just flushing my entire residency down the john, but mostly I don't care. I know giving up medicine is what I need to do. What I do from here...well, that's just a big blank."

"Alright, let's talk practicalities then. What will you do for money? How will you live?"

"I have money. I mean, I received control of my trust fund when I was twenty-five. There's enough there to live on. I need to figure out some specifics, but right now I'm not going to starve or anything. I have the condo. I could sell that." I laughed at that thought.

"What do you find funny about that?" Sue asked, the confusion plain to see on her face.

"Bella hates that place. From the minute she saw it, she hated it and wanted to get rid of it."

"Why do you think that was?"

"Always with the questions..." I looked at Sue, and she smirked at my teasing and motioned for me to answer her, not allowing me to brush it off.

"I don't know... No, that's not true. It's because it symbolized everything she never wanted to become. Bella's family comes from, uh, rather simple means. I'm not passing judgment. Honestly, they are just normal people with regular jobs and houses. The trappings that came along with my life were always something Bella fought against. My parents bought us the condo as a wedding present, fully furnished. Bella called it our 'gilded cage.'"

"How did that make you feel?"

"Honestly? Angry. I mean she was hands off with the wedding, letting my mother and Alice plan the whole thing, and then when we received the condo she was less than enthused. I set aside my irritation at her because I loved her so damn much. I still do...I just wanted us to be..." I trailed off, not sure what more I wanted to say on that subject.

"Be what? Come on, Edward," Sue pleaded, leaning forward. "Finish that thought."

"Happy."

"Was there a time you and Bella were happy?"

"Yes, of course. I was. We were. I mean, not all the time, but we were most of the time. I got so busy with med school. I just wanted us to have a place that could be ours and my parents wanted to help us. They bought Emmett and Rose their home and did the same with Alice and Jasper last year when they got married."

"So all your siblings have penthouse condos in the city?" she asked, eyebrow cocked in questioning.

"No...no. Uh...Emmett and Rose have a brownstone by Wrigley, and Alice and Jasper have a house in Evanston."

Sue was quiet for a moment as she finished making a note. "Do you think those homes match the personalities of your siblings' spouses?"

I thought about her question. Images of the two houses flipped through my mind. I could see how Jasper and Rose had both made those houses their homes. I knew before Sue even asked that the condo wasn't the same for Bella. It had been decorated to the nth degree by my mother. It was minimalist, but still, there had never been a chance for Bella to make it her home. From the very first step we took into the place she must have known. I felt a tear slide down my cheek. My poor Bella. Fuck. I had been so wrapped up in my own shit I hadn't even considered what Bella would have felt. I raised my eyes to meet Sue's. I wiped at my wet cheeks and nodded my head.

I cleared my throat and let my breath out between my teeth. "Bella never had a chance, did she? Fuck, this was all my fault." I sniffed.

"This isn't about assigning blame, Edward. I just wanted you to take a moment to think about it from Bella's perspective. We can't change what happened. We need to think about your life from this point forward. You don't know if Bella will be a part of that or not, but you most certainly are. This is about you, Edward, and I am committed to helping you make your life what you want it to be."

I took a minute to look at this woman. This woman who I had spent only a few hours with in my entire life. And I realized she was doing more to help me than my own mother was. That thought made me want to vomit, but it also made me feel somewhat hopeful, that I had someone to help me through this. I thought of Alice and Jasper—and Emmett and Rose. And Joshua. My baby nephew, my godson. I had good in my life, and I was letting it slip by me once again. I couldn't let those relationships suffer like I had with Bella. I loved her so goddamn much and it was killing me that we were apart.

I would do just about anything to get her back, even though I'm sure she wouldn't take me.

I still wanted her.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

"I'd like to talk to you about Bella's blog, Edward."

I was leaning back on the small loveseat in Sue's office with my hands thrown behind my head and my feet stretched out before me. Our session was almost over, and it had been a lesson in complete futility as I had spent most of my time lamenting the situation with my mother and the fact I let Bella slip through my fingers. I had mentioned I was still checking her blog religiously to see if she had updated. I knew I had become a tad bit obsessive. Sue was being patient with me, but it was obvious this round of "Edward feels sorry for himself" wasn't one she was particularly enjoying. I pursed my lips and let out a short breath through my nose.

"What about it?" I asked like a petulant child.

"I'd like to ask you to stop reading it for now," she said with a calm demeanor.

That got my attention, and I bolted upright in my seat. "Why would I do that?"

"I think your obsession with Bella's activities are reaching an unhealthy level, Edward. You need to distance yourself. Do you see how that might be helpful?"

"I..." I had no words. Of course I knew this. I knew it every time I read the damn thing I was only making it worse on myself, but I couldn't help it.

"Will you at least think about it? We can talk more during our next session."

"Uh, yeah...I...yeah, I can think about it," I agreed.

"Edward, let's change tracks a little. Aside from a memory with Bella, can you tell me about a time where you were truly happy and content?"

"I don't know." I was still sulking about being admonished for reading Bella's blog, and I knew I was acting like a spoiled child.

"Try to think of one," Sue pushed.

"Um, okay... Summer before my senior year in high school I played Godowsky's Sonata in E minor, all five movements, for one of my parents' parties."

"You'll have to help me here," she said with a smile. "I'm not familiar with that piece."

"Let's just say it's...difficult," I elaborated for her. "But I played it flawlessly. That made me feel really good."

"Wonderful! Can you tell me another time where you felt most alive."

"Aside from being with Bella?" I clarified.

"Yes, Edward. This is about you."

"For my sixteenth birthday my dad arranged for me to play the CSO's grand on the main stage. My family were the only people there, but it still felt pretty awesome."

"That does sound like an incredible experience, Edward," she said, her voice filled with amazement.

I nodded my head at the memories. They were both up there as far as moments where I felt like a king.

"Have you played recently?"

"My piano?" I asked.

She nodded at my question.

"No, it's in Lake Forest at my parents' house."

"Why is that?" There was no malice in her voice, but my defenses started kicking up.

"I had no time. Why move it when the only playing I ever did was at my parents'?"

"What about now? Do you have time now?"

"Time is all I have..." I scoffed as I met her eyes. Her black orbs were burning into me. "What?" I asked.

She removed her glasses and arched an eyebrow at me. I felt like a teenager for a moment and realized this must be the look she gave her children. It took me a few seconds to figure out what she was getting at.

"Ohhh...yeah. I have time now, but...I just never thought to move it. I mean, I guess I could, right? It's mine." I rubbed at the back of my head, suddenly deep in thought. My answers to Sue's questions about the times where I was most happy filtered through my mind.

I met her gaze. I nodded my understanding and was met with a smile.

"Wonderful. Well, our time is up for today, but I'll see you on Tuesday, alright?"

We said our goodbyes, and I headed to my car. Once inside I got out my phone and called information.

"City and state, please," the female voice asked.

"Chicago, Illinois," I answered.

"Go ahead, please."

"I need the number for a piano moving company."

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

"So, tell me. How does it feel to have your piano again?" Sue asked, a smile plastered all over her face.

"Good," I answered, "but I'm a little rusty."

"That doesn't surprise me. You mentioned you have played only very little over the last nine or so years, correct?"

"Yeah, mostly just Christmas carols during the holidays. I just didn't have time. I had put that phase behind me, you know? I was focused on medicine."

Sue scribbled some notes down and the looked up at me. "Was it difficult arranging the move? How did your parents react?"

"It was pretty easy actually as my...as Esme is still in Arizona. My father was more than accommodating about the whole thing."

"Edward, she's still your mother. No matter what, you know this."

I rolled my eyes and nodded. My anger at Esme was actually subsiding and I was feeling irritated more than anything. Both of my siblings had received calls from her over the weekend where she played up her fragile state and how my "heartless actions" had almost killed her. Emmett had gotten so frustrated with her that he handed the phone off to Rosalie, which ended up earning him a night in the guest room. Alice, on the other hand, had spent nearly an hour trying to smooth things over with her, to no avail. I ended up sending Alice a giant bouquet of hydrangea as an apology for putting her through that.

"So you've been playing?"

"Some, yeah," I answered. "I have been going through the music Bella sent me. Whoever owned that sheet music was pretty eclectic, but I'm getting back into the groove. I just wish my fingers would cooperate on some of the harder pieces."

"I'm sure that will come with time. I mean you had to practice your surgical skills, suturing and the like, correct?"

"Yeah, that required quite a bit of practice, but I know how to play the piano. I did it for most of my life, and I am getting so damned frustrated that I almost don't want to bother."

I heard Sue's pen scratch against the paper and wondered for the countless time just what she was writing down about me.

"Have you thought about taking lessons?"

I exploded in laughter at the idea.

Sue looked at me straight faced.

"You're serious?" I asked incredulously.

"Why not? If you have a skill you need to improve upon, doesn't it make sense to seek out a professional to help you with it?"

"Piano lessons? Look, Sue. I'm not trying to be an ass here, but I don't need piano lessons. I'll get it on my own. I just need to play some more."

She nodded at me.

The rest of our session went by quickly, and I told her I'd see her on Thursday.

"Edward," she said before I walked out her office door, "good luck with the playing."

I nodded in thanks and quietly left.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

"I'm still really frustrated, and it is just making things worse. If the damn thing wasn't worth a small fortune, I'd probably beat it into a pile of rubble."

Sue looked at me and then let out a deep sigh. She took off her glasses and set her pen and pad down on the side table next to her chair.

"Edward, what I'm about to do is outside the norm, but I just have a feeling about it. If you trust me, I'd like you take you on a little field trip."

I knew I trusted her implicitly. I stood and followed her out the door.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

I fought waking up for as long as I could stand it before I rolled over and glanced at my clock. The numbers "4:48" glared back at me. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't seem to break the habit of waking before five o'clock in the morning. I groaned and swung my feet out of bed. The cold floor helped the process of waking up a bit, but I knew that until my feet hit the pavement fifty stories below, my body wouldn't be fully awake. I dragged myself to my closet and threw on my running clothes.

After inhaling a protein bar, I grabbed my iPod and a bottle of water and entered the elevator to do some light stretching during the ride to the ground floor. I keyed up my heavy beats mix to help keep my mind focused solely on the run and not on the significance of today. I wasn't ready to go there yet. Instead I stepped onto the street and concentrated on my form as I began making my way to the lake shore, taking long and easy strides. The city was deserted, this pre-dawn morning, and I loved it. I reached the lake shore and was greeted by crashing waves and a cool breeze. I turned south and headed toward Hyde Park. My run would take me to where I was being waited for, just like it had almost every day since I met her. To say I was enamored with the woman was an understatement. I had completely adored her from the first moment I saw her. I could hardly deny that my change in attitude wasn't directly related to her entering my life. You know how they say when you close a door, a window opens? She was my window.

I ran hard for almost an hour and looked up to see that I was rounding the curve at The Point. I ran to the underpass at 56th Street and headed west to make my way to the old, stately homes that graced Woodlawn Avenue. It had to be almost six-thirty now, and I knew she would be awake and have a pot of tea waiting. I couldn't believe I had only known her for two weeks, and it was all Sue's doing. I laughed to myself at the memory of my reaction to the idea of piano lessons. Turned out Sue knew I needed something more akin to life lessons, and that's exactly what I was getting from my new friend.

I came out of my thoughts as I reached the massive brick home's black oak front door and knocked loudly. I heard her slow, heavy steps as she approached the door and listened as the bolt was thrown and the knob turned to allow the door to swing open.

"Good morning, beautiful," I said, my trademarked crooked smirk in place.

"Good mornin', indeed! Get inside before the neighbors start some gossip." She chuckled, ushering me into the foyer. "My, you're a mess, lad. Did ya swim over?" she asked, her full, round face beaming up at me.

I smiled down at the wrinkled, old woman before me and grinned.

"I sweat. I'm a man, what can I say?" I teased her.

"Well, Mr. Man, stay put, let me get ya a towel. I cannot have ya dripping all over the carpets."

I watched as she hauled her self back into the depths of the house. I waited patiently as I knew it would take her some time. Siobhan O'Rourke was not a small woman by any means. At just barely over five feet tall, I couldn't imagine she weighed any less than two hundred and fifty pounds. The doctor in me worried about her weight, but she scoffed at any attempts I had made at discussing it. She informed me that she had lived her life as she pleased for over seventy-seven years and had no plans to change her ways, even for "a fine whipper-snapper" such a myself. I was unable to come up with a valid argument after that as she was without a doubt one of the most content people I had ever met.

"Here ya are, my boy," she said, returning to where I stood and handed me a large towel. "Dry off and make yer way to the parlor. I have tea and those scones ya like."

"The cranberry ones?" I asked excitedly. Siobhan's scones kicked ass. It was the butter.

"Aye, now come on. Daylight's a wasting," she smiled as she turned to leave me in the entry way.

I dried myself off as best as I could, thankful for my quick dry apparel, and made my way into the parlor where Siobhan had set up our morning nosh and where her ancient Broadwood piano resided. I'll never forget seeing that piano for the first time. The condition of the instrument and the detailing of the inlay made it simply a piece of art, and I had told her so. It had been in her father's family since the late 1800's and was truly priceless. The fact that she allowed me to play it, the same piano her famous father had taught her on and the piano that she had taught hundreds of students on herself was something I had yet to fully grasp, but Siobhan was a woman full of mysteries. I felt like I had known her my entire life, but truly knew very little about the life she had led.

I met Siobhan for the first time two weeks ago after declaring to Sue that I was ready to take a sledgehammer to my piano. She asked me to walk a few blocks with her so she could introduce me to a friend of hers. I was still balking at the idea of needing lessons, but on the walk, Sue told me of Siobhan's father, Wallace Clifton. He had been a famous pianist that had played on all the grand stages throughout the world in the '20s, and I was more than a little curious to meet this woman and possibly hear about him.

Her home was on Hyde Park's illustrious Woodlawn Avenue, and while it was in need of some slight repair and general upkeep, it was stately nonetheless. We were warmly greeted by a plump older woman with one of the kindest faces I had ever seen and I knew I had made the right decision to visit here with Sue. Siobhan made us feel at home. When I told her about my taking up piano again, and how I was having some issues with some of the more complex pieces, she looked at me and said straight out that it was my head getting in the way of my heart. We had worked together over the next few days and ended up talking about everything from music, art, books and philosophy. She'd place pieces in front of me as I sat at the Broadwood and then tell me to play. Some were things I had never heard of while others were pieces I had played during my youth. She'd interrupt me occasionally and tell me to replay something, giving me pointers and simple exercises which she jokingly called "piano rehab." Today was the day I would show her our time together had worked.

"Alright, boy, after yer tea and one, yes just one of those scones, play me the Schumann piece and we'll see how those fingers of yers fly."

I nodded as I stuffed half a scone in my mouth. I had been working on the first four movements of Carnaval, a favorite of Siobhan's, for the last few days and had felt like my old self for the first time in almost a decade. Playing had become fun again. I wiped my hands clean and walked over to the Broadwood. I sat down and let the music flow out of me. The rich tones of the instrument filled the room and I felt Siobhan's eyes on me the entire time. I ended the piece and turned to her. Her wrinkled face was grinning from ear to ear.

"That was just fine, Edward, just fine," she said, beaming at me. "We just needed to get yer fingers to remember what to do, didn't we? Doesn't look like there is a problem connecting yer heart to yer playing anymore now, does it?"

"I really appreciate your help, Siobhan, and I have truly enjoyed our time. Would you mind terribly if...if I continued to come see you?"

"Ya mean, do I mind having a handsome, young man play me beautiful songs?" She laughed. "I don't mind at all. In fact, if'en ya don't mind, maybe I could have yer help with some of the more advanced students. It's me hands, ya know? They keep tightening up and as the winter months come on, the joints just keep getting stiffer. I would be happy to split the lesson fees with ya if it's a matter of paying for yer time."

"No! No, please, really, I'd...I'd love to help. I mean, I've never taught a lesson, but I'll help however you need me too."

Her smile told me all I needed to hear.

"Yer a good lad, Edward."

Something in the way she said it made me sad, and I could see it saddened her as well.

We chatted about some of the students she wanted help with, and now that I seemed to be over my fingering issues, I was actually looking forward to this. We made arrangements for me to come back on Wednesday to meet with the first student I was to help teach. She ushered me to the door explaining she had a bridge club to get ready for and then I was off running back the way I came up the lake shore.

Upon arriving home, I took a quick shower and tried in vain to not think about it being Bella's birthday. I putzed around the condo and found myself back at my piano, digging through the stack of music she had sent me. I ended up playing several of the pieces before my fingers stumbled upon the short melody that brought my thoughts right back to the truth of the day: Bella was somewhere in the world celebrating her thirty-first birthday without me. If she had been here, I'm sure we would have had a small party. Alice and Rose would have spoiled her and I'm sure I would have purchased her a piece of jewelry that was deemed "too much," but my guilt would have made it impossible not to over-spend. If Bella hadn't left, things would have been exactly the same. We both would have been miserable. While that thought left an ache in my heart, a small smile took shape on my face as I remembered the first of her birthdays we shared.

September 13, 1995

In the three short weeks that I had known Bella, I don't think an hour passed that I didn't think of her in at least some small way. Her entry into my life was like a blast of winter air off Lake Michigan, something you felt clear to your bones. The night we sat and talked at The Lodge was the first time I had really let myself completely relax with someone outside of my family. I had dated occasionally while in high school, but the girls were never truly interested in me. They were more attracted to my last name or how my social standing could benefit them. Second dates were a rarity. But, it was different with Bella. I won't deny that the fact she knew nothing about me before we met was an attractive quality, but Bella was truly without guile. She was intelligent and funny, unabashedly humble and truly the best person I had ever met. I knew after that first night I would want her in my life for the rest of it. Emmett and Rose were confounded by my behavior toward her, but they had both taken to Bella as much as I had and were happy that I had finally found someone. The fact that it was a girl they liked was a bonus.

Finding time in the day to spend with each other, with our busy academic schedules, had been difficult. My decision to live off campus didn't help the situation. But on days like today, having privacy was very handy indeed. It was Bella's eighteenth birthday. I was shocked to learn that she started college at only seventeen years of age. She explained that her mother, who was a school teacher, had petitioned for the almost five year old, and already reading at a second grade level, Bella to be accepted early into kindergarten. I made a note to thank Bella's mother for her actions, as it allowed Bella to be here at Madison with me now. Setting fate aside for the moment, I hurriedly finished the final touches on Bella's birthday dinner before leaving to pick her up at her dorm.

The drive over to campus seemed to take ages as I drummed my fingers against the gear shift and steering wheel. After what felt like an hour, truly more like thirty-five minutes, I pulled up to Bella's dorm and watched her as she came bounding down the steps. I quickly got out and walked around the car to open her door. The gesture always made her blush and I can't deny I didn't enjoy seeing that, but I was raised to open a lady's door. The fact that Bella was my lady made it even more important to me. I put my arm in front of her before she could sit down in the car and she looked up at me quizzically. I brought my lips down to her upturned face and kissed her gently.

"Happy Birthday, Bella," I breathed, giving her one more kiss which she softly returned.

"Thank you." She smiled, her skin blooming into that irresistible blush of hers."Although you already wished me one earlier when you brought me breakfast."

"I didn't realize there was a limit on the times I could say that to my girlfriend," I teased. I moved my arm and helped her in the car. She looked up at me and shook her head. The smile on her lips let me know that while attention wasn't something Bella craved, she would accept it from me. I reveled in the knowledge that I was the exception to many of Bella's "rules."

The drive back over to Monona went quickly, and I had us back to my parent's house a little before seven.

"It's just us, right? I mean people aren't going to jump out at me and yell 'Surprise!' or anything are they?"

I laughed and nodded my head. "It's only us, just like you asked for."

When I had asked Bella what she wanted to do for her birthday last week she said she just wanted to be with me. Her statement made me feel like a million dollars. It might have pissed Rosalie off, as she wanted to throw a big party for such a monumental birthday, but Bella held strong to her wishes. Rose knew she had no room to argue as finding time alone with Emmett was something she took very seriously herself and having Bella out of their room helped them a great deal as well. As the thirteenth fell on a Wednesday, there wasn't too much we could do as we both had early classes the next morning, so I knew dinner at my house would be a perfect solution. We could be alone, and I could play the piano for her. Rose had clued me on the fact that my relationship with Bella was too new for any major gift, so I came up with the idea of recording myself playing some of my favorite songs. Luckily I had been able to get time in the studio on campus ,and I had the finalized CD wrapped and waiting inside with eighteen red roses on my piano.

I held Bella's hand as we walked into the house, and she gasped at what she saw. I had placed votive candles in tall, clear glass cylinders around the entire house, filling the rooms with a warm glow. Fire hazard be damned, my lady was going to be romanced.

"Edward." She sighed. "It's so beautiful."

"Not half as beautiful as you are, Bella."

I felt her small arms wrap around my waist, and her face press into my chest. I bent my head toward her and placed a kiss on the top of her head. I could have stood there in the entryway holding her for hours, but I was impatient for her to see what else I had done to celebrate the day of her birth.

"Come on, I want to show you the rest" I smiled as I pulled her further into the house. She just shook her head at my efforts to move her. She grabbed both of my hands and looked deeply into my eyes. I could already see tears forming before she spoke.

"Edward, nobody has ever gone to this type of effort for me. Ever," she said, her voice cracking slightly. "Thank you so much. I love y-it." She blushed at her almost admittance at her true feelings.

My heart soared.

Bella and I had yet to exchange "I love yous," and I planned on not only telling her that verbally tonight, but hopefully showing her she had all my love throughout the night via my actions. She seemed touched by the setting I had created and now I wanted to get her fed and start serenading her with the piano selections I had recorded on the CD for her. I took her hand and pulled her into the sitting room where the piano was. While this wasn't my Bösendorfer–which was still safely ensconced in my family's home in Lake Forest–this Knabe Concert Grand had been in my mother's family for over sixty years and had a rich, wonderful sound. It was the piano I learned to play on and as such would always hold a special place in my heart.

I had spread a blanket on the wood floor and had our dinner waiting. I figured a picnic on the floor would be something Bella would enjoy and the smile on her face as she settled beside me let me know I had chosen well.

I had a varied selection of fruits and vegetables with a variety of dips as well as fresh bread and a baked wheel of brie for us to start. I had some sparkling cider chilling in an ice bucket and even brought out the champagne flutes my family used whenever we were at this house for any type of celebration. We laughed and talked, taking turns feeding each other until Bella laid back on the blanket and declared she was stuffed.

I stood up and reached for her hand. "Come sit by me. I want to play for you."

She smiled as she took my hand and excitedly walked with me to the piano. I sat her down on the bench next to me and started to play. I moved and swayed to the music and could hear Bella's soft sighs throughout the pieces and sounds of recognition as each new song would begin. I had chosen ten songs and as the final strains of the last one filtered through the room I turned to look at Bella. Tears trailed down her ivory cheeks, so I lifted my hands from the keys and softly brushed them away.

"Don't cry, Bella," I said, leaning forward to press my lips to her damp skin.

"I can't help it," she sobbed. "That was the best moment of my entire life."

Smiling at her statement, I kissed her softly and reached over for her gift.

"Happy Birthday, yet again, Bella." I smiled, handing the small package to her.

She rolled her eyes at me. "Edward, you didn't have to buy me anything, really, tonight was totally enough of a gift."

"Humor me, alright?" I chuckled.

Resigned she gently opened one of the flaps on the paper and carefully removed the paper. She was lucky Emmett wasn't around as he couldn't stand when people opened their gifts like that. He was a firm believer in ripping and tearing your way to the present. She pulled out the CD and looked at me a bit confused. I had tried my best to make the cover festive. I drew a birthday cake and put eighteen candles on it and a banner across the top with "Happy Birthday Bella!" Under the cake I wrote out the song titles and composers, not all of them were classical, I had included several current songs that translated well to piano.

"I recorded myself playing all of these songs for you. Do you like it?"

"I...Edward...I just...wow. This is so amazing. Really, thank you," she said through her soft sobs.

I couldn't help but wrap her in my arms and hold her close to me. We sat there tangled in each other for a few minutes before I pulled back. Bella looked up at me, and I brought my gaze to lock on her face. I could see her eyes questioning my movement away from her, and I wanted to quell any doubt she had as to my motives. It was time.

"I love you, Bella. Happy Birthday, beautiful swan."

Her small gasp and a fresh round of tears brought a slight smile to my face. I couldn't help it. Her surprise at my words was something I had expected. Verbalizing my love for her was just a not simply a formality. Those simple, but unquestionably true words, were something I had wanted to tell her for awhile. I knew that hearing those words would mean something deep to Bella and wanted the moment to be perfect for her. I had never said them in that context before to anyone, and I never planned on saying them to anyone but her for the rest of my life. I knew if Bella had any idea of how deeply I loved her or my expectations of our love she would be terrified, but I couldn't hold them in any longer.

"Oh, Edward...I...I love you too. So much." She let out a small giggle.

I furrowed my brow in confusion as to why she would be laughing. "What?"

"Oh, um...it's just that that was actually the best moment of my life."

I smiled along with her. "Mine too."

I wiped my eyes free of the tears that had formed from that bittersweet memory and stood up from the piano bench. Determined, I made my way to the kitchen where my laptop sat. I opened a browser window and did something I hadn't done in almost three weeks, I pulled up Bella's blog. She had posted an entry earlier in the day and with curiosity I noted that she was in Bournemouth, England. What the hell? How did she get there? Not wanting to get side-tracked I decided to do what I had come here for and clicked on the comment section of her most recent post.

The blinking cursor taunted me, calling me out. Pussy. Pussy. Pussy.

"Jesus, you are a pussy, Just do it already. She sent you something for your birthday, this is the least you can do," I whispered aloud. Luckily Bella accepted anonymous comments as I don't know if I would have done this any other way. I was indeed a giant pussy.

I typed out my message and hit enter before I could completely wuss out. I sat back in my chair and let out the breath I had been holding. It was done...now I had the time to find out why she wasn't on the boat with Peter and Charlotte headed to New Zealand.

~*~ BPOV ~*~

September 13, 2008

Celebrating one's birthday by themselves sucks. I can't lie. It does, but I had found a good Thai restaurant not far from my hotel and as always, good Thai makes most things bearable. I hadn't been forgotten, as I received calls from my parents and Alice and Rose, but still, I had never been alone on this day before.

This was all still feeling a bit surreal as it was only two weeks ago that I was saying a tear filled goodbye to Peter and Charlotte in Port Elizabeth, South Africa. Charlotte's unexpected pregnancy had wreaked havoc on our trip. She was violently ill daily and we all agreed that other arrangements had to be made. It was quickly decided that the boat would be harbored there until another crew could be hired to sail it the remaining seven thousand nautical miles to New Zealand and that the newly expecting parents would themselves fly home to Wellington. They both asked me to join them, but I declined. This was a time for them to be focused on each other and not to be worried about hosting a guest. I was a bit sad that I wouldn't be going with them as I had been anxious to see the beautiful splendor of the island, but promises were made that once the baby arrived happy and healthy I would come for a visit. I thought it might also be an excellent time for Alice and Jasper to visit as I was missing them horribly and wanted to see them, even if it meant everyone flying to the edge of the world for us all to be together.

I had spent several days in South Africa on my own trying to figure out what to do next when the idea came to me to visit all the homes of my favorite authors and poets. With my proclivity for English writers, I decided to hop on a plane in Johannesburg and flew eleven hours to London. I had to admit that flying first class on British Airways felt really good after so much time on the boat, so I checked into The Dorchester and took advantage of every amenity they had. It was worth every last pound I spent. I'd spent just over a week in London and made sure to do every tourist thing I could imagine and after my fill I meandered my way down to Bournemouth. I was enjoying the myself immensely.

It was late and I was tired after a day of exploring the countryside, but was very pleased with my choice to come all the way to Dorset. Tess of the d'Ubervilles and Jude the Obscure were both on my all time favorites list and as such I'd never forget my visit to Thomas Hardy's cottage. I could now check Mr. Hardy off my newly created "must-see" list. I was tired and let out a giant yawn, but I still needed to plan out my trip to St. Ives in Cornwall for my homage to Virginia Woolf tomorrow. Dragging out my laptop and the map of famous sites I bought, I saw I had a new comment to moderate for my poor little blog. Clicking on it, my heart started to pound. It was from "A Friend" and it simply said "Happy Birthday, beautiful swan." I gasped. Edward. He remembered

AN:

CSO: Chicago Symphony Orchestra

Siobhan has a slight Irish accent. I really tried to make it as subtle as possible. Any mistakes to that end are entirely mine.

BPOV will alternate with EPOV for the rest of the story.