CHAPTER ELEVEN:

Ashley's P.O.V:

Ashley sat fingering the edge of a worn out leather-covered book, when the door opened and Spencer waltzed in, deeply engrossed in a conversation with one of the soundboard technicians.

"So you understand what we're trying to do right?"

"Yes, Ms. Carlin."

"Call me Spencer, I have a feeling that we'll be getting to know each other pretty well in the next few months."

Making her way over to where the brunette sat quietly, Spencer eyed the book, before reaching out a hand to retrieve the item.

Ashley snapped her head up and shook her head vehemently, pulling the book closer to her chest before melting in the bright blue eyes and pushing the book towards the awaiting girl.

The brunette's heart pounded hard as the blonde flipped through the book with a look of deep concentration before stopping at one of the latest pages where her eyes lit up with excitement before she turned and fled the room.

Ashley looked around, her mind racing with possibilities of where the girl was and what she was doing with the book.

That book had been with Ashley for approximately five years, four months, 27 days, and…16 hours, but that's just an approximation. The cover was worn, the pages torn and stained, but that book held all of what Ashley had been through. Her father's death, her mother's abandonment, Katelyn, Spencer, her accident; everything was in there. She wasn't sure why she had simply handed the book to the other girl, although she knew that it made no difference.

That book holds everything that ever came straight frommy heart and my heart already belongs to her.

Spencer suddenly became visible when she walked inside the room where the band was preparing for the recording session. She pushed a stack of papers in each of their hands before abruptly turning on her heel. She then emerged in the room where a puzzled Ashley sat, opening to a page in the book and setting it in front of the brunette. One of Ashley's most recent lyrics lay staring at her.

"I want you to sing this," Spencer spoke softly, letting her voice wash over the brunette.

Skimming over the lyrics, Ashley's voice got caught in her throat, and she swallowed hard before choking out a reply.

"I- I can't."

"Why not?" Spencer's voice took on a tone of annoyance and Ashley felt a pang in her chest for the other girl, but she was still mad and she was resolute in her decision to distance herself from the blonde.

"Because."

"Ashley, you're not five anymore, that's not a good enough answer."

"So?"

"Ashley!"

"Fine!"

Snatching the book off the table, the older girl stomped towards the recording room. From where she stood she could see that the other producer had walked into the room and was introducing himself to Spencer.

He made a joke. I can see her laughing. It's not a real laugh. How do I know that? Because I'm the only one who can make her laugh like that. Hey Bud, get your hand off of her arm. Who does he think he is?

"Asshole." Ashley spoke directly into the mike, and when everyone turned to look towards her, she feared she had accidentally been heard. A look at the recording light allowed her to release a sigh.

"You ready to start?"

The harsh voice of Ralph Senteno filled the booth and Ashley began to yearn for the blonde's voice immediately before catching herself and shaking the thoughts out of her head. Looking up at the awaiting workers, Ashley nodded once and all at once music began to fill her ears.

This is wrong. There's too much! Drums? A keyboard? Is that a- a trumpet?? What the hell? Somebody make it stop!

Ashley's eyes snapped up and connected immediately with the blonde who understood exactly what the brunette was asking for and asked the band to stop playing. Spencer then left the room, leaving a confused Ralph and a very concerned (I am not!) Ashley.

She probably left thinking that she messed up something. It was an easy mistake. God knows that anyone else could have done it too! I hope she's okay. Hey, she is my roommate, I have SOME maturity! All this song needs is an acoustic guitar. If I can get that, the song will be perfect.

The door to the recording studio opened and Spencer walked in holding an acoustic guitar, giving the brunette a small smile and pushing it gently in her hands. Pulling away, Spencer brushed her hands softly over the shorter girl's and whispered by her ear.

"You're going to do great. I know it."

Ashley stood there shocked, more so at the blonde's ability to decipher what the song needed then the fact that she had broken the brunette's resolution to stay away from her with a mere touch.

"Ash, are you ready to try it again?"

The older girl looked up and nodded mutely, patiently waiting for the signal to begin.

Feels like I have always known you

And I swear I dreamt about you

All those endless nights I was alone

Gently strumming the strings carefully and expertly, the most perfect melody and sound was produced by the touch of a few chords.

It's like I've spent forever searching

Now I know that it was worth it

With you it feels like I am finally home

Ashley closed her eyes, knowing deep inside that Spencer knew exactly who the song was about and was watching her intently.

Falling head over heels

Thought I knew how it feels

But with you it's like the first day of my life

Opening her arms, Ashley struck a different chord as she launched into the chorus of the song, staring deep into the blue eyes she had drowned in two years ago.

Cuz you leave me speechless

When you talk to me

You leave me breathless

The way you look at me

You've managed to disarm me

My soul is shining through

Can't help but surrender

My everything to you

Ashley prepared to start the next verse when she noticed that Spencer was signaling her to stop.

Why are her eyes so bright? Is she- is she crying?

Before she could manage to take a closer look at the blonde, Spencer turned toward Ralph, who was pleased with the song yet confused at why there had been another interruption, pointing to a place in the song.

Ashley watched intently as Spencer's face changed from delight to confusion followed by fear and then finally, a reluctant acceptance.

Ralph's voice surrounded the older girl once more, "Ashley, you have one hell of a producer and for once I don't mean me! Spencer here said that she thought something was missing in the song and well I've got it! How do you feel about featuring a guest artist on this song? Kind of like a duet sort of thing?"

Ashley mulled over the thought and didn't see any harm in the idea and agreed, "I don't see why not, but how are we going to get some one in time?"

"That's the best part! She's already here! Spencer has an amazing voice that I think will coincide with yours perfectly!"

Ashley's mouth dropped slightly and Spencer, seeing the reluctance, immediately cut in.

"Take some time to think about it, we can always record this one later on. With or without another singer."

Nodding her head, Ashley sat the guitar inside and walked out quietly.

Why does she do this to me? Does she think it's funny to mess with my heart or with me feelings? I mean what if I did something like that with her-? That's perfect. I have the song that would be most perfect with this. I wrote it….when I heard about Lauren. That night. She comes close and than runs away and then just ends up coming close again. Well, let's see if she can get the hint from this!

Flipping open her book, Ashley ran towards the copy machine, quickly producing enough copies of the song for the band to look over. Heading towards the band room, Ashley handed each member a copy of the song.

"This is what we're recording next. But I just want the keyboard on these parts right here. Is there a pen? Thanks. Here, here, and this end right here. And guys? No trumpet okay. If you didn't get a copy, I don't need your instrument in this song. You ready?"

A murmur of agreement was heard, and Ashley bounded out of the room and back into the recording studio. Hitting a switch so that she could be heard, Ashley spoke directly to the perplexed group of people staring at her.

"I have a song that I want on the CD. Start recording."

Ashley gave Ralph the signal that she was starting, who nudged one of the technicians letting them know that they needed to start recording.

Music swam into the brunette's mind and she connected her gaze directly with the younger girl staring back at her.

This one's for you…sweetheart.

Here I am again

Talking to myself

Sitting at a red light,

Both hands on the wheel

How am I supposed to feel?

So much runnin' through my mind

First you wanna be free,

Now you say you need me,

Givin' mixed signals and signs

It's so hard to let you in

Thinkin' you might slam the brakes again

Put the pedal down

Headin out of town

Gotta make a getaway

The traffic in my brain is

Drivin' me insane

This is more than I can take

You tell me that you love me first,

Then throw your heart into reverse

I gotta getaway.

Ashley smirked, speaking the next words, knowing from the pain that flashed over Spencer's face, that she was getting her point across.

I can't keep comin' back to you,
Every time you're in the mood,
To whisper something sweet in my ear
It's so hard to move on,
'Cuz every time I think you're gone,
You show up in my rear view mirror

Ashley's smirk just grew when she saw the blonde's mouth drop slightly. At this point it didn't matter that she had hurt the girl that she wanted more than anything because a satisfaction that Ashley had needed for a long time was finally fulfilled.


Is this just a detour?
'Cuz I gotta be sure
That you really mean what you say,
It's so hard to let you in,
Thinkin' you might slam the brakes again.

Put the pedal down
Heading out of town
Gotta make a getaway
The traffic in my brain's
Driving me insane
This is more than I can take
You tell me that you love me first,
Then throw your heart into reverse
I gotta getaway

Reaching over for the acoustic guitar, Ashley strummed violently, much different than the tender choice of chords she had demonstrated moments before.

To a place where I

Can be redefined,

Where you're out of sight

And you're out of mind

But the truth is,

I can't even say goodbye.

Here I am again

Talkin' to myself

Sittin' at a red light

Both hands on the wheel

How am I supposed to feel?

So much runnin' through my mind

The music was intense.

It was raw.

But moreover, it was painful.

Ashley needed it to hurt.

Because she couldn't take anymore.

Put the pedal down

Headin out of town

Gotta make a getaway(A getaway)

The traffic in my brain's

Driving me insane

This is more than I can take(I can take)

You tell me that you love me first,

Then throw your heart into reverse

I gotta getaway

The song wound to an end and Robert immediately stood up applauding the brunette's ingenuity but Ashley wasn't concerned with the producer at the moment.

She was more concerned with the blonde who had fled the room seconds after the song had ended.

She was crying. There were no questions about it this time. I saw the tears. Yeah, I said it. Tears. As in more than one. Guess I can hurt her too.

Doesn't mean I wanted to.

Spencer's P.O.V:

Fidgeting with her ring, the ride from the studio back home was very awkward to say the least. Ashley kept her eyes on the road at all times, however, her white knuckles gripping the steering wheel gave her tension and anger away. The music was blaring and it wasn't something that was enjoyable either. No, the music that attacked the passenger's eardrum could only be described as the sounds of an exorcism put to music. The car screeched to a sudden stop, causing Spencer to lurch forward, her head narrowly missing the dashboard before her body was slammed back in her seat. Spencer whipped her head towards the brunette, staring daggers at the girl who continued to drive, seemingly oblivious to the close call.

The song ended and a moment of silence overtook the vehicle, and Spencer took in a deep breath, planning on exhaling a long sigh of relief when-

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

Spencer jumped at the sudden noise that surrounded her and whipped up Ashley's iPod, hitting the pause button and sinking into her seat.

"What the hell are you doing!?"

The blonde flinched at the new source of screeching, closing her eyes and gently rubbing her temples trying to relieve some of the pounding that had started in the past few moments.

"Shut up, Ashley."

Ashley's eyes flared and her mouth opened slightly before she managed to regain enough of her composure to spit out a reply, "What did you just say?"

"I don't think that I stuttered but since I like you, I don't mind saying it again. Shut up."

"Why should I?"

"Because I need to tell you something."

The brunette pulled over immediately and looked on expectantly, her eyes pleading the blonde to ease the pain that remained hidden beyond them, despite the obvious look of annoyance still plain on her face.

Reaching over, Spencer took Ashley's soft delicate hands in hers and closed her eyes before continuing.

"First off, I hate it when you're mad at me. I can't stand it knowing that you're hurting and moreover, that I'm the reason for your pain. In the short time that I've known you, I just- I've started caring so much more than I ever thought that I would. So can you please forgive me for whatever you're mad at me about because I need you Ashley. I really do."

Spencer held her breath, pleading with her eyes, hoping that she would be given this reprieve.

"It's okay Spence. I hate not being able to talk to you either. Now, tell me, what's wrong?"

"God, this is harder than I thought that it was going to be. Two years ago, I went through the hardest time of my life and there was someone that I had in my life that helped push me through it, without even knowing that they even did anything in the first place. That someone helped me dream about the future again."

"Lauren?"

"No, not Lauren. I mean, she was there for me, and I don't think that I could have done a lot of things if I didn't have her beside me but it wasn't her. I never met the girl, at least not face to face until- well that doesn't matter. It's just, that I thought it was all done with. They said I would never have to worry about it anymore. And-"

Spencer broke off with a sob, and was at once engulfed in Ashley's arms.

"It's okay, baby. It's going to be okay. I promise. I'm right here."

"It's all my fault."

"What is?"

"I believed them when they said I would be okay."

"Spencer, sweetheart, you lost me."

"I had cancer, Ashley. Two years ago, I was diagnosed with Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia."

"You- you were?"

Spencer could hear the wavering in Ashley's voice and she clutched the brunette closer to her.

"Ashley…"

Her voice was muffled and quiet, the words spoken softly and gently.

"I'm right here, Spence. I'm right here, baby."

"I'm sick again."

Author's Note: So what do you guys think?? I'd like to thank my readers that have stuck with me all this time and to those who review because seriously you guys make my day. I's also like to give a HUGE thank you to my beta, 2 die is 2 live, she's awesome you guys! Like saves my life every chapter awesome :) So review and make me and my beta happy so we work faster (not like she needs to, lol, im the slow one) LOVE YOU ALL