A/N: HI! I feel so bad about how long it's been since I've updated. Don't worry, though. I'm back and better than ever! Here's a brand spankin' new chapter.
Shout Outs!
marleneke2 - Winner.
Naya's Boobs - Have you seen my rough draft? I have my eye on you! I already did, but now I'm watching even closer.
Meow - Santana's British?! So, the fact the you've called off our pretend dating makes me want to pretend date you even more. Hard To Get is my fave game. I have it in board form, dice, the Jr. version, handheld, cards, and on these video game systems: Wii, Xbox, Sega, Playstation, Super Nintendo, and Atari. I prefer Atari. Joysticks.
"Janie's got a gun!" - Aerosmith
"So how does that make you feel?" Dr. Shelby Corcoran asked Brittany.
Brittany was lying on Dr. Shelby Corcoran's couch in her office. Dr. Shelby Corcoran was a psychiatrist.
"Kicking ass makes me feel good," Brittany answered. "I love kicking ass."
"Do you think maybe you like kicking ass because you feel neglected by your parents?"
"Why would I feel neglected by my parents?" Brittany was confused by her line of quesitoning. "My parents are great parents. They're CIA operatives who are also in the mob who are also double agents shooting an HBO special. We Skype once a month. I'm like 17 and I'm a total rage case and I'm engaged to a girl that I hated and loved and now I just love and I've killed several people and I talk to a dog and I'm totally dependent on a 12 inch ruler. I'm fine."
"Can we discuss your ruler, Britney?" Dr. Shelby Corcoran asked.
"Why do we need to talk about my ruler?" Brittany reached into her special pocket in her specially designed jeans. They were designed just for her. She clutched her ruler tightly. "You can't take my ruler, Doctor Pepper."
"I'm not going to take your ruler now, Brittany," Dr. Shelby Corcoran said. "We'll work up to substituting your ruler for a shorter ruler. Then we'll make it an even smaller ruler. Pretty soon, it'll just be a one inch ruler."
"Not on your life!" Brittany sat up on the cowch. "My ruler is twelve inches. A couple chapters back, it was thirteen! I'm not settling 4 a one inch ruler!"
"Okay, settle down, Brittany," Dr. Shelby Corcoran said. Then she sang a lullaby.
The lullaby lulled Brittany to sleep. Then she woke up and her ruler was sticking straight up. "Oh, I'm so embarrassed," Brittany said. "Sometimes that happens, usually only in the morning when I'm not wearing my specially designed jeans. They were specially designed for me."
"That's okay, Brittany," Dr. Shelby Pepper said in a soothing voice. "You have a nice ruler."
"Thank you. I like the fact that's it wodden."
"Wood is good!" Dr. Shelby Corcoran said. "Is there any particular reason you carry the ruler with you at all times."
"No," Brittany said, but Dr. Shelby Pepper could see that she was remembering something important.
FLASHBACK
This flashback is a flashback to the time that Brittany's geometry teacher caught on fire. The only thing Brittany escaped with was her 12 inch ruler. And that's what Brittany is remembering. And it's important.
END OF FLASHBACK
What Brittany didn't know is as she was discussing her 12, occasionally 13, inch ruler with her psychiatrist, Dr. Shelby Corcoran-Pepper, Will and Emma were planning to ambush her outside.
See, Will knows that Santana was stealing his cash from the Saturday night cock fighting on Saturday night. Santana also knows that he knows. Brittany knows that Santana knows. Will knows that Brittany knows. Yodi knows that Will knows. Rachel Faberry knows that you know. Mike Chang knows that Tina Cohen-Chang died in a tragic beam accident. Emma knows how to plan an ambush because she found a pamphlet in her office left by somebody who knew how to plan an ambush.
FLASHBACK
"I know how to plan an ambush because of this pamphlet," Emma told Will one day as she held a pamphlet titled, 'How to Plan an Ambush!'
"I know just the person we should ambush for stealing my money!" Will said.
"Santana Lopez?"
"No!" Will yelled. "Santana Lopez is British!"
"Oh, yeah."
"Brittany Pierce!"
"Let's get her!"
END OF FLASHBACK
So, Emma and Will were waiting on Brittany outside.
"Are you wearing gloves?" Emma asked.
"Yes, can't you see them?"
"I'm just making sure."
When they saw Brittany leave the office, Will grabbed his shovel. "I've got a shovel," he told Emma.
"I'm standing right here, I can see your shovel, no need to say everything allowed"
"I'm just making sure," Will said. "What weapon did you bring?"
"A frying pan," Emma said. "Can't you see it in my hand?"
"Oh yeah."
Then Emma hit Brittany with a shovel.
Will dropped his frying pan, "To the river!"
A/N: so how did everyone like this chapter? i know you're probably worried about Brittany, but you shouldn't be. i'm going to tRy to gIve you a hint abouT The next chApter. Not that You need a hInt or anything. So just relAx and enjoy alL the rest of the fIc. i'd Very much like if you'd rEview! It spells Brittany Is Alive in case you didn't know.
