CHAPTER 11

"Well, everyone, are we ready to go yet?" asked Archie impatiently.

"Yes, I think that's everything now" replied George loading up the last parcels in the car.

"OK then, hop in, we'd better hurry up if we are to get there at a reasonable time" said Albert finishing a last check of the tyres. They had to make sure they would be safe to get through the plentiful snow that had fallen the day before.

Two cars would have to go up to Pony's Hill to take all five of them and the many presents they were taking along for the children.

Christmas morning was sunny and crisp, a complete change from the dull skies and wild snowstorms of the previous day. The morning had passed quite quickly with the preparations for the journey. Both Candy and Albert behaved as if nothing had happened the night before, and they made sure to stay busy, avoiding to look each other in the eye at breakfast and while taking boxes with food and presents out to the cars.

She was hoping they could drive up to Pony's Hill together so that they could talk in the car, but Albert decided it would be easier if she went with Archie and Annie and he would follow behind them with George and the presents.

The journey was uneventful, as fortunately the good weather made it easy for them to get up to the orphanage without any problems. Immediately on arrival, Miss Pony, Sister Mary and the children ran out to welcome them. Mr Cartwright, Tom, Mr Stephen and Patty had also just arrived and it was wonderful for all of them to see one another again.

Cheerful screams and laughter filled the air, as the excited kids ran around surrounding them, hugging them and climbing all over them. It took a long while and a bit of effort by the adults before they could finally calm down and walk into the small chapel for the Christmas service.

(Luke 2:8-20) And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were so afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men. And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us. And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger...

Candy was sitting next to Albert in the church, with Patty on her other side. She was struggling to follow the sermon as her mind was still fixed on the events of the previous night in Lakewood. She had wanted his kiss so badly, she shuddered at the memory of the short-lived ecstasy she experienced in his arms... the way he held her, the way he explored her body and set fire to her senses... did he feel the same too?

She tried to look at Albert discreetly not wanting him to know she was trying to read his expression. No matter what he was thinking, his face seemed impenetrable; he appeared fully absorbed in the words of the gospel and oblivious to her subtle attempts to make eye contact with him.

In reality, Albert's mind was also miles away from the words of the priest. His thoughts revolved around their passionate kiss, his inability to control himself and her ardent response to his advances. Was it really her who asked him to kiss her or was it the wine? Is this a sign that she wants him too? He wished he had the courage to ask... but was too afraid of a potential rejection and the impact this would have on their friendship.

His thoughts had turned melancholy, but Christmas day was the wrong time to be pondering such issues. There was way too much activity and spontaneous merriment surrounding them, many good-natured jokes, laughter and singing, that even the most troubled heart would find it impossible to not participate and enjoy. Albert being an excellent cook lend a hand in the kitchen, Candy, Annie and Patty helped out with laying the table, Tom and Archie kept the children happily occupied playing games with them.

After dinner it was time for the children to open their presents; that was nothing short of pandemonium as they all ran simultaneously towards the gigantic Christmas tree and the many boxes George had carefully placed underneath it. Miss Pony and Sister Mary went after them trying to restore order, without much success. All the visitors laughed at the sight of colourful wrappings being torn apart and thrown into the air and the happy noise in the background.

The adults got the chance to talk for a while and swap presents too. Candy's heart skipped a beat when Albert came close to her. She had been standing in a corner next to a cupboard alone for a while, observing the action around her and smiling warmly; Albert's sudden presence next to her made all her senses come to full alert, again she found herself drowning in the depths of his vibrant blue eyes...

"This is for you, Candy. Happy Christmas" he said softly offering her a small box.

"Why, Albert, you didn't have to... thank you... well, I actually got you something too" she said shyly and retrieved a carefully wrapped parcel from a drawer behind her.

He opened his present; a travel diary, bound in soft brown leather. He looked really pleased.

"I... I thought you could perhaps make notes to remind you of the many places you visit..." she said quietly.

"That was very thoughtful of you Candy, yes, I will definitely use it, thank you!"

"Now my turn, I guess" she said. She was stunned to find a beautiful pendant in the velvet box he had given her; a golden chain holding a diamond tear drop. Simple yet splendid... she hesitated.

"Albert... this is way too much... I am not sure I can..." she whispered, her eyes close to tears.

He moved even closer to her and for a moment she thought she was going to faint. He took the pendant gently from her hands.

"I wanted you to have something special... to remember me by when I am away" he said hoarsely looking straight into her eyes.

She managed to stay brave enough to look back at him, still trying to discern how he felt after their kiss the night before. She wanted to scream to him to tell him that she didn't need any presents to remember him. That his handsome face haunted her every living moment, that the sheer mention of his name was enough to send shivers down her spine, that she was finally aware that she had fallen desperately in love with him and there was no going back, that everyone and everything that came before him was distant, irrelevant, insignificant...

Her knees buckled as he stood behind her to help put it on. She could suddenly smell his cologne, his warm breath caressed her neck, she trembled at the touch of his fingers lifting her hair softly to place the beautiful piece of jewellery around her neck.

Candy worried everyone would notice how flushed she was being almost embraced by the man she longed for so desperately, how her body betrayed her suppressed feelings, but fortunately, everyone was too preoccupied with the children to pay attention. Except Albert, of course... he was also short of breath being so close to her, her presence inundating his senses. He turned her around to face him, the shiny diamond adorning her neck and shapely bust.

"You look very pretty. It suits you" he murmured, his eyes fixed on hers. He wanted to tell her just how exquisite she looked and how that elegant pendant accentuated her lovely features... he wanted to hold her tight against his body, to close his strong arms around her and keep her there forever...

"Thank you so much Sr Ardlay for your generous donation, the children have never had so many nice presents, we are really most indebted!" said Sister Mary to Albert with a warm smile on her face.

"Not at all Sister Mary, not at all" he responded courteously and a bit embarrassed.

Candy grabbed the opportunity to carefully slip away. She ran into Patty who immediately noticed the pendant,

"Aww Candy this is really beautiful, did Albert give it to you?" she asked curiously.

"Ehm, yes, isn't it very pretty, I am so grateful, though it does feel too lavish for me" she smiled sadly avoid looking at Patty.

Patty knew instantly that her friend was trying to hide something from her, but understood that they would need to find a more suitable place and time to talk.

"Candy... I was hoping to stay for a few days before I return to my studies in the new year. Perhaps we can spend some time here? We can return to Chicago together if you wish, and you can always stay with me until you find a flat that suits you for work."

Candy hugged her friend with a mixture of happiness, gratitude and relief to know that there was someone she could talk to. But not yet...

***

"Well, Albert, you've hardly said a word essentially since Christmas" commented George while on the train days later. "Are you feeling OK, should we arrange for a doctor to see you when we get to Seattle?" he asked concerned.

Albert was scribbling furiously in the diary Candy had given him hardly paying any attention to the stunning scenery outside the train.

"Sorry George, what did you say?" he said distracted.

"I asked if you are feeling well; you have been unusually quiet of late" he replied.

"Even your Aunt noticed and kindly requested me to look after you and seek medical attention if you show signs of further deterioration" he said mildly amused.

Albert raised an eyebrow in surprise.

"Whatever for? I am absolutely fine, perhaps a bit preoccupied... but fine" he said and went to return to his writing.

Then he regretted it. He closed the leather-bound diary and put his pen down.

"George... I am sorry... I know I have been a pain recently, please, forgive me" he sighed.

"It's Candy, isn't it?" asked George.

Albert let a resigned smile "is it that obvious?"

George chortled "well my friend, observing the two of you over the Christmas period, it would be hard to miss that something special must have taken place. Both she and yourself seemed to be behaving a bit out of character, if I may say so."

Albert felt his face turn red involuntarily.

"Yeah... something did happen... that shouldn't have happened... I was foolish enough to let my emotions get the better of me..." he said sullenly.

George seemed deep in thought for a while, then said "I still think you are mistaken in your concluding that Candy does not have deep feelings for you, Albert."

Albert looked outside the window, probably for the first time during their journey. They were passing through a snow-covered forest. The branches of the tall trees were heavy with fresh snow, bending towards the ground. If only they could shake themselves like a dog does when covered in water; then they would be free... if only I could shake off the name and wealth that chain me to a life that keeps me away from her... then I would too be free to love her... and maybe then she could love me back...

He caught sight of a large grey wolf in the distance running gracefully through the white landscape... am I also destined to always roam this world alone, he wondered bitterly...

"I wish I could take her with me and travel the world together. All the things we could see and share... " he said wistfully.

"Albert... you cannot go on like this tormenting yourself... " said George seriously. "Sooner or later you will have to face her again; what are you planning to do?"

"George... I kissed her... and she kissed me back... I think... it was all so intense and wonderful and since then I have basically been avoiding her, because I am not sure what to do. I feel I have violated the trust we have shared all these years. Our friendship, the fact she is my adoptive daughter... much as I love her, this is not right" he said angry with himself.

"But who decides what is right and wrong, my friend... philosophers over the centuries have spent little time pondering anything else... how can love be wrong, even if not fully shared or reciprocated... trust your heart Albert and stop over-analysing the implications of your feelings. I fear you are seeing challenges where perhaps there are none. Talk things through with her, she is probably as confused as you are..."

Albert contemplated George's words.

"Well, I guess we'll have to talk at some point, Archie's and Annie's engagement party is in a couple of months, isn't it?" he sighed.

***

"So Candy, tell me everything! How have you been!! I am so happy to be here again!" Patty said excitedly following breakfast the day after the Christmas party.

Sister Mary was standing close to them so Candy suggested they went out for a walk instead. They took their sledges and ran out to join the children who were already there making snowmen and playing.

"Sooo..." started Patty. "You have been awful quiet, Candy, that's not like you. Are you OK? I had such a wonderful Christmas yesterday" said Patty dreamily.

She looked much better since the last time they had met, thought Candy and said so.

Patty blushed slightly "ah, yes, well, you know, I have had some time to think about things, see my family... also being back at college is good for me, I am enjoying my studies.. I now know what I want to do with my life, Candy!" she added modestly but her eyes were sparkling with excitement.

"Really? Aww Patty, I am very happy for you!" the two girls hugged.

"Well? Are you going to tell me?" asked Candy impatiently, a wide smile on her face.

"Well... I am going to be a teacher!" said Patty.

"Goodness Patty, this is wonderful!" exclaimed Candy "yes, it is really wonderful!" she said again.

"Thank you Candy... I am very happy with my decision... and... I thought Stear would approve too..." she added quietly.

"Of course ! He would be so proud of you, don't ever doubt that Patty!" said Candy emphatically.

"I sent a letter to the local school here, in the village... they said they would be very glad to offer me a teaching position here when I conclude my studies..."

"What?! Here? Aww Patty, I am absolutely gobsmacked, I really don't know what to say... are you sure you would be happy living permanently away from the city?" asked Candy.

She wanted to be sure her friend was making the right decision for the right reasons, not because the city was too full of painful memories. Patty smiled.

"Candy, my dear friend; I completely understand your concerns and I do appreciate how much you care about me. I don't know how I would have coped all these terrible months without your staunch support" she said.

"But I have thought about this very carefully and it really is what I want to do. I love the children so much, they bring me immense happiness" she continued.

Candy couldn't stop herself from asking "does Tom have anything to do with this decision?"

Patty looked away for a moment but then turned back to face her with a smile.

"Tom is a great friend and a very nice guy, Candy. I am grateful he makes time to write to me and send me his news, I know he is very busy with the farm. It's true I enjoy spending time together, he is a genuine and caring person... so yes, in some ways maybe he has something to do with the decision..."

"Patty, I am so happy you shared your thoughts and feelings with me; yes, Tom is a wonderful person and it is so obvious he cares a lot about you. Nothing and I mean nothing would make me happier than to know that you can spend some time together – I know he will look after you" said Candy warmly.

Patty nodded.

"Thank you, Candy, I feel the same way too. But then, I guess you would know about having someone special to look after you... I saw the way Albert was looking at you..." she said.

Candy felt as if she had stepped on a nail.

"What are you talking about?" she asked abruptly.

"Ehm, nothing new I suppose. He couldn't take his eyes off you and that beautiful pendant he gave you... Candy, I think he is very much in love with you... and has been for a while" answered Patty.

Candy went quiet. Could she tell Patty what had happened? Did that kiss matter after all? Could Albert really be in love with her? But why didn't he say anything, why didn't he show anything?

"I think I am in love with him too, Patty... but... he is legally my father... and at Christmas... when we were all at Lakewood..." she hesitated.

"Yes?" Patty prompted her to continue.

"We... we shared an intimate moment... we... we kissed" she said hastily. She didn't feel she could tell Patty more than that, she was still so embarrassed by what had happened that night.

"And now you feel you can't face him anymore?" asked Patty seriously.

"... I wish things were that simple, Patty... of course I want to see him again but what are we going to say to each other after what happened? Who are we kidding here... he belongs to another world, the famous and ever so powerful Ardlay family, and I am still no more than the orphan he took pity upon years ago... what kind of future could there be for us" said Candy dejected.

Patty looked doubtful before she replied.

"Candy, hold on a minute, I think that your anxious mind is making you imagine things that may not be true. I discussed this with Annie, who by the way is of the same opinion, and I can't see how anything has changed now that Albert is the head of the Ardlay family. I mean, he hasn't changed..."

"Oh Patty, sure, I am not saying that Albert behaves differently, no, he is as loving and caring and as wonderful as ever, but... he has a name and a reputation to protect and he will soon marry someone from his own social standing... don't you see... and then, again I will be left to mend my broken heart..." she turned her head away from Patty and suppressed a sob.

"No, no, I can't let this happen, I shouldn't have let myself develop these feelings, I made a terrible mistake and the sooner I get out of his life, the better" she said with determination.

"Do you think he is going to let you?" asked Patty.

"Oh, I don't know Patty...this is such a mess..." said Candy breathing a deep sigh.

"Well, I don't know for sure either, but what are the chances of both of your friends being wrong about the same thing?" Patty winked at her.

"I... I got a letter from him a while ago" said Candy. "Before all of this happened... Do you want to read it?"

"Well... only if it's OK with you Candy..." said Patty timidly.

Candy pulled an envelope out of her pocket and gave it to Patty.

Dear Candy

My work affairs are progressing well and when I have finished with a few more business trips, I hope to start again my travels with Pouppe, like before.

Would you like to join me? I would very much like you to accompany me, I hope you accept my invitation.

See you soon,

Albert

"I had almost forgotten about it, I was looking for something else yesterday when I found it again..." said Candy.

Hmm..." said Patty. "OK..And what are you going to do? Will you join him then?"

"That's what I wrote back to him at the time... but now... I am not sure I could fulfil my promise..." said Candy worried.

"Well, listen, Annie's engagement party is only weeks away Candy. It seems to me that kiss, however brief or tormenting to your heart, was something special for both of you. You should at least give each other the chance to talk things through, don't you think?" she said seriously.

Candy gave this statement a bit of thought. Then she finally smiled, a wave of relief washing over her at last...

"Patty, you are right. You are absolutely right. I know that once we get a chance to speak things will be much clearer! Thank you for listening and your kind advice!"

The two girls hugged warmly, then made their way slowly towards the orphanage.