Meh....What a way to start a chapter...it's actually quite embarrassing to write this, and then upload it, and let everyone else read it, and all that stuff...yeah....
Disclaimer:
*sigh* I swear upon my frikken grandmaw's grave that I don't own KKM. I do not!
Disclaimers are tedious...
Fourth Night
I pulled down my pants, worry residing deep inside my chest. I didn't want to do this. I really didn't want to do this. But Wolfram wanted it. He wanted me. And, if he felt that he wanted me, I could give myself to him. After positioning myself, and giving Wolfram one last queasy glance, to which he nodded, face red, I slowly, carefully pushed into him.
Dammit, Wolfram, you're freaking tight. I didn't dare to speak over his cries, I was too busy giving him strategically placed kisses, whispering to him that it would be O.K. Of course, he was the one who asked for it, so it was his fault, but nonetheless, I felt horrible. Even causing one speck of pain to this man could destroy me. Once I was completely inside of him, I pressed my lips to the shell of his ear.
"I love you," I told him. Every time I said that, a weight lifted off my chest.
"Just…move…wi..mp…" I sighed harshly, complying with his request and, very slowly, rocked into him. "Nng…" He released his thighs and brought his hands to his face, covering his lewd expression. "More…" he pleaded. In my mind, I nodded, and pushed into him more callously than before. He, on the other hand, had taken to shoving sheets into his mouth to muffle the noises he would otherwise be making. It was humorous to see it, yes, but I was more preoccupied with staying sane. Every thrust was a new experience, a new pleasure. Every second inside him I felt more connected. Every drop of sweat that rolled down my face reflected all the work it had taken to get this far.
Wolfram thrashed around, his head shooting from side to side as he reached his peak, coming onto his stomach.
"Shit," I growled.
"Just…cum inside." Wolfram's voice was barely a grumble. But I did as I was told, arching my back into him. I then dropped onto him, wrapping my sweaty arms around his body and pulling out.
"I love you, Wolf," I reminded him, as if I hadn't told him a minute ago.
"Hopefully…There'd be some explaining to do…if you didn't." he chuckled. "I love you too…" He whispered as he ran his fingers through my damp hair. I rested my head in the crook of his neck, letting my body recuperate before rolling onto the bed and sighing.
"Shower?" I asked him.
"…Yeah…." But we both laid there. We were as exhausted as anything. After a few moments, we both decided that it would be best to get up to take a shower.
"So…umm…" I blushed. "Together?"
Wolfram gave me an incredulous expression. "You just screwed me, and you're blushing at taking a shower together?" He asked me.
"Well…" I held my hand out, to which he took, and hoisted him up, catching him as he legs gave out. "Who's the wimp now?"
"It's not as if it's my fault. Next time we'll see who the real man is." He grinned, pushing out of my grip.
"Next time?" I called after him. Next time!?
"You imagine that to be it?" he asked me, looking around the corner to see if anyone was there. After deciding everyone was downstairs and unable to see him, he bolted to the bathroom. Seriously, I'd never seen anyone so fast, especially after something like that. I too glanced, but I had pulled on a pair of boxers.
I shut and locked the door behind me.
"Yuri…" Wolfram whispered once we laid down on my bed. He wrapped his arms around my waist from behind me and kissed the nape of my neck. "When are we going back?"
That was a good question. I needed to stay to do my classes, but I also needed to go back to Shin Makoku. My country needed me. And I needed my country. "Tomorrow," I told him. I'd have to formally withdraw from University. I couldn't keep all these wishy-washy whims going any longer.
"Really?" He asked, extremely happy.
"Well yeah, what, did ya think we were gonna stay here forever?" I laughed. He didn't respond. "Did you?"
"Well, it seemed like you really wanted to stay here and finish your term."
"I still do," he went ridged. "But it doesn't really matter. Shin Makoku needs their king back." I could feel him relax.
"Mmm," He responded, then yawned.
"Tired?" I asked, laughing.
"Well, duh! It's not as if I'm going to be bouncing off the walls after tonight," He informed me. I felt my face grow hot. That was way too embarrassing to talk about so casually.
"Wolf, let's keep that…to ourselves, alright?"
"Aw, damn, I was planning on screaming it from your rooftop." He said sarcastically.
"Don't be cheeky," I told him. "And I thought you couldn't joke, what happened to that?"
In a monotone voice he responded, "I wasn't joking."
I laughed, turning around to face him. "I see, now are we going to sleep?"
"Yes," He told me, his voice still forcibly monotone.
"You know what I just realized?" I told him after a moment.
"What?" Still monotone.
"I want a lullaby,"
"As you wish, your majesty." At this, in his deepest, most unemotional voice, he gently sung me a lullaby from Shin Makoku, the one he'd 'secretly' sung to Greta once. But this was anything but relaxing, if anything it kept me up. Hearing Wolfram like that was insanely amusing.
"In a normal tone, soldier," My voice was harsh.
"Ah, yes sir," He was back to normal. I kissed his forehead, to which he closed his eyes, and began to sing again. It was still just as funny. Wolfram just didn't have that kind of personality. Smiling, I too closed my eyes, feeling his breath upon my face with every word.
When I next woke up, it was still dark outside. I looked at Wolfram, who was soundly sleeping with his arms around me, and then stood, moving him gently so as to not wake him up. The only light in the room was from the almost full moon outside. I walked to the window, moved the blinds, and stared. It was a pretty night. Cicada's noisily played their song, the stars twinkled, streetlights flickered. I looked over to my left. Now that sight was so much more beautiful. I then knelt next to the bed, reaching over to move some hair from his face.
He murmured something in his sleep.
His thin fingers lightly gripped the pillow he was sleeping on.
His beautiful, emerald eyes were softly closed.
All of these things made me wonder. Why had it taken me so long to figure out I was in love with him? Of course, it took until he made me say those words to understand, but why? I could have had him so much sooner. I could've kissed those lips earlier on. I could have slept with my arms around him, or vice versa, every night. So why? Why? Was it my own stupidity? My 'wimpiness' as Wolfram loved to call it? Not that that was even a word but… I sighed. It was just denial. Everything he did was a basic declaration of love, and because I was afraid, and in denial, I couldn't see it. It was my fault for missing out on such a wonderful time of my life.
Now I was nineteen, about to be twenty in a few days. Oh that reminded me…my coming of age ceremony was coming up in January. I'd have to be here for that. Or…perhaps I could bring mom, dad, and Shori to Shin Makoku. Well, I knew I could, but that wasn't the problem. I was more afraid of a Celi-Miko tag team.
Back on topic…
I really could hate myself for the way I'd treated Wolfram. I'd constantly pushed him away, even though I knew he loved me. If I were him, I'd have given up. If he shied away from me after I confessed to him, I might've wanted to die. I'd have wanted to lash out, and cry, and feel so damn horrible. I gripped his hand in my own and squeezed it gently.
"Yu…ri," He whispered. I smiled gently, brushing my lips on his before standing up. I was no longer tired. I wanted to get up and move around. But…there was nothing for me to do. I glanced at the clock, which still flashed. I really needed to fix that. I picked up my watch from the bedside table, which read 3:17, and then changed the time on my clock to say just that.
Looking back at my fiancé once more, I walked from my bedroom. Once down the stairs, I plopped down on the couch and crossed my right leg over my left. I tried clearing my mind, but it did no good. That stupid boy upstairs in my room constantly occupied my thoughts, even when I was in university he was the only thing I could concentrate on.
And what did my mind choose to think about? The wedding. Of all the things I could've thought about…
Would it be a marriage in Shin-ou's temple? On earth? Would Wolf wear a wedding dress as mother wanted him to? Should I propose to him a second time; the first time was slightly unconventional…Maybe it would seem a bit closer to home, a bit more realistic, if I proposed to him purposefully. Yes, I definitely should. But how? How? It was all too embarrassing! Should I just get down on one knee and act all smooth and shit? I laughed. Me. Smooth. Perhaps I should say something romantic first? I could do that. In British literature the other week, we skimmed through Hamlet, analyzing certain quotes throughout. Closing my eyes, I remembered Hamlet's letter to Ophelia, his declaration of love.
Doubt thou the stars are fires;
Doubt that the sun doth move;
Doubt truth to be a liar;
But never doubt, I love.
Was that too girly? No, not it wasn't. It was eloquent, beautiful. My favorite quote. Not only that it was easy to analyze and gave me an easy 'A' on the essay I wrote on scrutinizing every emotion poured into their relationship; but the fact that it was so raw. Hamlet himself even tells Ophelia that this was the best he could muster. His love was far too much for words, so he tried the best he could. Perhaps the quote was perfect for a proposal.
Except, marriage? Proposing? It seemed…bad. But that was possibly the only thing left to do. I'd made love to him, confessed, brought him on a date; (in that order) what else was there? Frolicking through the flowers? We had Greta, our child (who was well into her teenage years already). All that was left was the wedding, so why not think about it? What was so wrong about it? Was there anything wrong with it? The more I thought about it, the more natural our love seemed. The more accustomed I grew to it. I was always afraid that if I thought too much, I would reject it, but it seemed the opposite. It seemed that the more I thought about him, the more I realized I loved him.
Then my mind wandered to the next logical thing.
How to break it to everyone in the castle that we were, indeed, in love.
Sure, they'd all say they'd always known, as I'm sure they had, but still…how? Do you go up to your lover's protective older brother and say, 'Hey, hope you don't mind, but I love your younger brother. We have pre-marital sex often and make-out sessions are a daily routine.' Not only would Gwendal be killed for murdering the king, but it would be embarrassing beyond belief. Perhaps I should tell Celi first? She would take the news well. But…maybe it would be too well. She'd probably go off on some tangent about…god knows what. Gunter would cry his eyes out. Conrad would be easy to tell, but he'd probably just smile and nod. Not sure how that would work out, with EVERYONE needing to know. I could always tell the maids, and with their gossiping, it certainly would circulate, but they'd probably make something up along the way. Murata would make it more perverse than it already was. Greta was still just a girl. Anissina would probably come up with some invention for some reason and blow us up. Should I just stand up at dinner and announce it? Everyone would know then. Of course, then I would get a blend of those reactions. Dying to the sound of Gunter crying, the sight of Conrad's smile, and giggling all around was not on my bucket list.
Should it be kept secret?
No, Wolfram would never stand for that. Ever. He'd complain and complain until I cracked and ended up screaming it from some high up place. Perhaps I could enter Maoh-mode and scare the crap out of everyone before announcing it. There'd be no crying (maybe a little), no dying (that would come later), the smile would stay, the girls would still giggle. Nothing I could come up with seemed to help any.
I sighed. It was probably just best to get it over with. The dying and everything would only happen once, then it'd all be over. Done with. Happily ever after at the castle with Greta. That didn't seem so bad.
Standing, I smiled, feeling accomplished for the night. I hadn't done that much thinking in a while.
A drop of sweat rolled down the back of my head. That was nothing to be proud of.
Well, there it is! Chapter...meh, what are we on now? 11? So yeah...today's my birthday! yay!
