In the quiet of the room, the only sound were Merlin's broken sobs as he finally snapped, grieving for the first time, and the almost silent comfort of Gwen as she wrapped her arms around him.

His sobbing continued for several minutes, soothed by the gentle administrations of Gwen, who was murmuring tenderly in his ear. The Knights all muttered condolences; Gwaine looking upset at his friend's pain, Leon looking guilty, Elyan looking uncomfortable, and Percival still looking amazed at whatever Merlin had said about the Lake.

"I still see her sometimes."

Arthur hated to do it. But someone had to; everyone else was looking at Merlin like he'd grown another head. He spoke bluntly. "Isn't she dead?"

Gwen whacked him on the arm, muttering darkly about tact.

"Yes."

This did not lessen the looks sent at Merlin. How Gwen managed to maintain glaring at Arthur whilst looking concernedly at Merlin, as though worried for his sanity Arthur would never know.

"When she died, something ...happened. Her magic, my magic, our love. It bonded her soul to the Lake where I left her to rest. The Lake of Avalon is the home of the Sidhe but it's also the home of the dead – their souls and spirits. What happened to Freya was different. She can appear corporally. She did when we were fighting Morgause's immortal army. She gave me the sword."

The looks had softened slightly but most were still looking at Merlin as though he'd lost it. Arthur couldn't help but snidely think that was how he always looked at Merlin. It was Elyan that enquired, "What sword?"

"I'll tell you later." He swiped away a stray tear that had been making its way down his cheek since he'd told them about seeing Freya sometimes. He might ask more later, but looking at Merlin's face he wasn't sure if he wanted to know. Merlin with a girl. Merlin in love. Merlin with a ghost for a girlfriend. How tragically Merlin.

Suddenly Merlin stepped back, his cheerful demeanour snapping back into place, shields going up around his emotions. Looking at the mask, betrayed by the puffy red eyes, Arthur's heart broke for his servant. How many times had the mask gone up around him and he hadn't noticed? How many other times had Merlin been in pain without being able to show it and grieve?

Everyone else looked morose, even Gaius who had obviously seen it before. It seemed that Merlin used happiness to disguise his pain; and as, before, Arthur had seen Merlin as perpetually happy, he had no hope of telling whether it was a facade or a true emotion.

Tentatively Percival said, "Is it true what you said earlier?"

"Is what true?" Merlin asked. Arthur was also wondering, and judging by the looks on everyone else's face's they were too.

"Can you see the Lake of Avalon?"

Gaius now looked like he understood, as did Merlin. Arthur was still utterly confused. It was a Lake. Why shouldn't Merlin be able to see it? Percival continued, "It's supposed to be impossible for any mortal to see when alive – only the dead or dying can see it."

"There are ...problems with my mortality. I've survived and seen things that are supposed to have killed me. I can see the Lake of Avalon – it's biologically impossible for someone who's fully both human and alive to see it. Freya saw it right before she died ... I've survived blows that were supposed to have killed me – Nimueh and her light bolt, Tauren and his killing spell." Merlin sounded far to cheerful to be talking about attempts on his life, but Arthur guessed that was him trying to distract himself from what he'd started to say.

Leon interrupted this time, "Tauren? Wasn't he that sorcerer involved with ..." He trailed off, glancing nervously at Gwen and Elyan.

"Yes." Merlin looked at the siblings sympathetically before continuing, "When Uther had Gwen's father killed, and Tauren wanted the stone he had been using to make gold back he threatened Gwen." Arthur, who hadn't known this held his girlfriend protectively. "Morgana had found the stone in the forge and taken it. When Gwen told her that Tauren had threatened her for the stone, she took the stone to Tauren. And offered to help him kill the King."

This was a surprise; Tauren had been a long time ago. Had Morgana really been a traitor for that long?

"She was angry – she'd already asked Uther to spare Gwen's father but he had him killed anyway." Arthur decided he wouldn't bother asking Merlin how he knew half of this stuff. At the rate this was going, he probably wouldn't understand the answer, or it would make him feel the urge to have a heart attack. "When she got to her 'father's' grave he apologised for killing Tom and she forgave him – that time. Tauren came up whilst they were hugging but she'd decided she didn't want to go through with it. She grabbed Uther's sword and stabbed Tauren with it."

Leon nodded in understanding. "So that's where the whole Morgana saved the King stuff came from."

"Merlin just did 'background stuff'" Gaius sounded as though he was quoting someone – Merlin. "If Tauren attempting to kill him and him killing the two other assassins counts as background stuff."

"Anyway back to my mortality, the killing spell only knocked me unconscious. Quite lucky really. Or you, Arthur, would be very, very dead." Merlin seemed to be regaining his earlier 'humour' and need for sarcastic, supposedly witty remarks. Arthur would have complained; but Merlin's earlier mood had, admittedly, frightened him. Merlin was one of the happiest, up-beat people he knew. He hated seeing Merlin like that – warlock or no warlock. It registered that he had just referred to Merlin as a warlock rather than a sorcerer. Arthur wondered whether it was a good thing or a bad one – he was separating Merlin from the rest of the magic users he had known. Most of who had tried to kill him. Pleasant thought!

So did this mean Merlin was immortal? How scary for the rest of the world – having to put up with Merlin forever. He voiced this thought aloud.

"I hope not. But knowing my luck, I'll probably live a very long time. Anyway the druids like to address me the immortal Emrys but I don't know if they mean that literally or figuratively."

The rest of the room seemed positively terrified at the thought of an immortal Merlin – imagine all the people he could drive insane or the accidents he could cause with his clumsiness?

Merlin's tone was sad when he spoke again. "I wouldn't want to live forever anyway. Imagine standing there watching the world go by, move on. Watching everything and everyone die. I'd probably go evil in a while out of sheer boredom." The last sentence was said with a small grin to show he was joking, but Arthur could see his emotions shifting and swirling like a storm behind his eyes. Merlin leant on the table, his first show of complete relaxation and trust since he entered the room. Arthur wanted to ease the morose atmosphere both from this question and the last one.

"You know, you never answered Percival's question earlier? Can you disguise yourself with magic?"

Merlin stiffened again and looked out of the window, avoiding everyone's gaze. Arthur couldn't help but groan mentally, this avenue of enquiry was supposed to ease the tension not create more. Both Gwen and Gwaine shot him dark looks whilst Merlin was looking in the other direction. 'He probably wouldn't notice if he was looking right at them, he's so distracted,' Arthur thought.

Merlin finally answered, sounding as though he very much didn't want to. "Yes, yes I can change my appearance."

Percival resumed his line of enquiry. "When did you do it?"

Dazedly, Merlin mumbled, "A few times, each worse than the last."

"But when?" Gwaine sounded far too excited. Was his ale finished already? Even Arthur could tell this meeting was far from finished – they'd probably stop in a bit so that people could assimilate what they'd learnt. And people's tempers would calm down. For now Arthur felt sorry for Merlin – for Freya. He guessed in about half an hour, he'd want to kill Merlin himself.

"I'll tell you later." Merlin wanted far too much to get off this subject and was looking the very opposite way to Arthur. "How about we sort this out in a timeline? I'll tell you what happened in order and if anything goes together I'll tell you that as well – like Nimueh."

The room nodded and mumbled their assent. Well apart from Gwaine, who clapped his hands like a child and threw himself back in his chair to put his feet on the Round Table. He exclaimed, "Story Time with Merlin!"

Four chapters in two days my lucky readers – this should make up for the fact that it could be a while before I update again. To be fair I've said that for the last three chapters and that was yesterday, so I might be lying xx Please review!