A/N: Here we go again. Thanks for hanging in there with me on this story. Hope everyone enjoys this chapter – it has a lot of feels in it.

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Chapter 11

It was late. Night had fallen. There was no way Beth would ever be going back to her bed upstairs until Daryl was well enough to go with her. No way, no how. If she had to curl up at the foot of his bed like a dog, that's what she was going to do. No argument from Daryl would ever change her mind again. Beth still couldn't believe she had let Daryl talk her into leaving him before. It wouldn't have stopped him from getting sick and it probably wouldn't have made him confess his symptoms any earlier. Nothing would have changed and they would have still needed the meds, but maybe Beth would have noticed it earlier, maybe it wouldn't have seemed so desperate.

Beth and Jess had poured over all the information they could find about the medications she had been able to locate. They read the little white disclaimers that came with the meds and cross referenced them with the veterinary handbook like the one her father had used. Then they tried to research the antibiotics in any of the first aid information the little infirmary already had. Finally, they made their decision on which veterinary medicine to use, trying to make the best informed choice they could.

As predicted, Daryl had been less than eager to be poked but in his condition he had been given little choice. They had cleaned his wound as much as possible but Beth had known it had hurt; her husband had tried to silently endure and grimace but had failed more than once.

After ten hours since the administration of the antibiotics, Daryl's fever was finally under control and the infection seemed to be at least under control at the moment. Jess was hopeful and Beth was relieved.

So why couldn't she sleep?

It was quiet, middle of the night and no one else seemed to be awake. Even the normally fussy Isaac seemed to have drifted off for a few hours of precious sleep.

The moon was out; high and glowing white light that highlighted her sleeping Daryl. He was resting more easily and breathing more quietly now that his fever was down under 100. His hair was getting a little long again and in need of a trim she noted from the chair she was perched in next to him. Beth had a blanket on over her lap to keep the chill away as she rested. The chair was uncomfortable to sleep in. She could easily take the blanket and the extra pillow and stretch out on the floor, as she had done for nights in a row before. Beth knew she should at least try and rest, Lord knew she was tired. Despite her exhaustion laying heavily over her, Beth just couldn't sleep.

Beth had been ignoring the reason, hiding it away during the frenzied rush to help her husband. It hadn't even been a thought she'd had on her own until Daryl had released his own worry in a fevered plea. Pregnant. Was she? Beth was certain she'd know. A woman knew her own body, didn't she?

A strange sense of uncertainty filled Beth as she worried her lower lip. Her eyes darted from Daryl to the glowing moon and then back again. He was sleeping. Daryl was sound asleep, his breathing slow and even for hours. She could leave him for a moment. Just a moment to be certain, couldn't she?

With a deep breath of resolve and before she could talk herself out of it, Beth eased herself quietly but quickly from chair, setting the warm wool blanket down in her seat. She crept from the room and down to the supply area. Her footsteps were nearly silent from her training with Daryl.

It was dark in the supply room, rows and rows of supplies hidden in the blackness. Beth closed the door behind her before she dared turning on the light, not wanting to alert any passerby to her presence. The brightness stung her eyes, making her blink rapidly before she could adjust. She could have waited and asked Kayla, who managed the room. She could have asked Jess to help her look as well. But Beth didn't want either woman involved at the moment. There was a clenching in her gut as she admitted she didn't even know if she wanted Daryl to know just yet either.

Searching the rows and rows of miscellaneous supplies took longer than Beth thought. Finally, she was able to locate a few boxes of pregnancy tests in the way back up on a high shelf. Of course they would be located there; they weren't anything many in the group would have needed… especially on a daily basis. She should know looked there first, instead of wasting time near the front of the room.

Beth took one of the small pink and white boxes into her hand. There weren't many of them. She supposed someone would notice sooner or later that one was missing. Beth figured she would deal with questions if they came her way. But right now, she wanted it to just be her. She wasn't sure exactly why. She had shared so much with Daryl the past few months, over the last year really. Even though Beth wanted it to just be her at the moment, Beth knew she could rely on Daryl for this if she wanted to. He would never fail her in that; he would always be at her side. Right now, Daryl was hurt and sleeping and didn't need to be bother. Or at least that was her justification as her insides squirmed painfully as she clenched the test box firmly in her hand.

Beth turned off the supply room light off, letting her eyes readjust to the darkness before she ventured down the hallway. She hurried quietly to the bathroom, quickly locking the door behind her. She ignored the fine tremble in her fingers as she ripped the packaging open. She brushed it aside, attributing it to her exhaustion. The instructions were fairly simple. Pee and wait. And so she did.

Afterwards, Beth set the test on the edge of the sink as she washed her hands quickly. She didn't have a watch on but the box said it would take five minutes. Five minutes in the middle of the night would be an eternity, watch or no watch. Beth drew in a deep breath before releasing it slowly, trying to control the growing anxiety welling up within her. When that failed to quell the worry inside her, she nipped at her lower lip again, creasing her teeth down hard on her sensitive skin. The pinch of pain that came helped to center her, to try and push back the troublesome worries.

Beth glanced to the mirror before her. Her own worried and haggard reflection peered back at her. She was only nineteen years old. She felt decades older than the two years and few odd months that had passed since the world had changed, since she had changed. Beth didn't even know if she could see the sixteen year old girl in her anymore. That happy go lucky and smiling little naïve teenager she had been when everything had changed. She could barely remember what it felt like to a boy's hand at a dance, giggle uselessly at secrets being told and dreaming of running off to Nashville to become a star. All of that was gone now, just gone.

Was what Beth saw staring back at her better or worse? She felt so much stronger, more capable, than she had ever felt before, even if her own strength seemed to be wavering at the moment. She was a woman now, a wife, a leader, a provider. She didn't feel the same, but she still held the same values close at heart; to love others, to help others, to care for others. Perhaps the real question was she ready to be a mother?

Beth didn't even have to hesitate to answer that question. No. She wasn't. If she had a choice, if there was even that possibility nowadays... Sure, she had stepped up and helped to practically raised Judith on her own, especially after they had merged with Woodbury and Carol had been so much busier with the council.

The thought of Judith brought a swell of another emotion to the surface. The little infant Beth had loved as her own was now lost to them all. There was rawness there, an emotion buried since she hadn't had a lot of time to deal with the idea of that beautiful little girl being gone. Judith was dead.

Beth couldn't bear to look at herself anymore as the grief and sorrow started to flood her. She ran a hand over her face and turned away. She tried another long cleansing breath as she leaned back against the sink. Beth knew she couldn't open those doors at the moment, ones holding back all the heartache and sadness that had been piling up inside her for days. She could handle just one thing at a time. Her own possible pregnancy had to be dealt with first and foremost at the moment.

Knowing it was too soon but unable to stop herself, Beth glanced down at the test stick. A haze of a blue line was coming in. From what the instructions had said, it looked like the control was coming in. But Beth needed to know if there was going to be a plus or another line. She didn't want the plus, that much she had already admitted to herself.

At least not now, not yet. She loved her husband. She loved Daryl with a passion that was still hot and crazy and so new. Even if the world wasn't hell and chaotic and everything was stable and easy, she still wouldn't be ready. Not yet at least, someday… just not today.

Beth turned back and braced her arms against the sink and closed her eyes. She held them tightly shut. A watched pot never boiled, she could hear her mother's bell like voice ringing in the back of her head. Beth counted silently, slowly and spaced with a reserved patience that seemed to be tapping into the last of her will power. She made it to the count of two hundred and eleven before she caved. She had to look again.

When she opened her tired blue eyes again, they immediately focused on the test in front of her.

Two blue lines.

She wasn't pregnant.

She wasn't and that was a good thing. So why wasn't she immediately happy? Why wasn't the longest relief filled breath escaping her? Why wasn't the tension leaving her shoulders or the clench in her gut subsiding?

Beth pushed aside the ringing questions in her head. She took the test, the instructions and wrappings and shoved them hard into the small package. She exited the bathroom to return to Daryl. She deposited the evidence in the garbage in the infirmary, burying it carefully under other trash so not to be detected.

Beth lowered herself back into her stationed chair and curled the blanket around her again; the chill of the night was starting to affect her. She wasn't pregnant. No baby. No worry. No problem. She tried to tell herself that. She tried. She tried to understand it was a good thing, but somewhere else deep inside her was telling her the opposite. A rush of disappointment and sadness bellowed up from deep within, stinging her eyes in a way she couldn't stop. Tears started slowly at first, leaking at the edges before a soft sob escaped her. She didn't understand what was happening to her, she didn't understand the emotions that were the opposite of what she had been thinking.

She didn't want to wake Daryl, so she covered her mouth as another sob slipped out. She had to be quiet, he needed his rest. She didn't understand how she could be crying over something she didn't even want, something that had never been… just a possibility. It was so stupid, it was so irrational, but she couldn't stop.

"Beth?"

His voice was barely a rasp, deep and low. He had heard her, of course he had. He was Daryl.

She didn't answer him, tying to stay still, trying to hold it all in. She didn't know what to say to him, how to explain what was happening to her, she didn't understand it either. How could she tell him?

Daryl knew better. "Beth," he questioned softly again. She could hear the concern in his tone, he knew something was wrong.

Beth took a stabilizing and shaky breath as she wiped at her face. "It's okay. I'm okay."

She could almost hear him scowl at her response, her hands still covering most of her face. "It ain't. You're upset."

"Daryl," she protested, trying not to sniffle but failing. "It's nothing. You need to rest. Go back to sleep. It's okay."

Daryl grumbled heavily as he shifted up painfully to look at her from his elbow. "Beth… talk to me, woman."

Beth didn't want to lie to him, but she didn't really know where to start or how to explain the sudden rush of emotions she had felt. So much had happened over the past few days. Her husband had nearly died… twice. Some of their family had returned to them alive. Some were dead. The memory of her father dying in front of her had rushed forward at the oddest moments during this time. And then there was the final straw, strangely that she wasn't pregnant.

Unsure of how to explain all of that, Beth started where she could. "I'm not pregnant." Her body hitched as she spoke the words softly, threatening to cry again.

Daryl said nothing in response at first. She could see him in the moonlight now that her own eyes were cleared of the blearing tears. His face was stoic as he looked at her. His dark blue eyes trained on hers, watching her. She didn't know what she expected to see him. Relief? Sorrow? But it was something other than his cautious watching of her.

His gaze betrayed him finally with flick to her blanket covered abdomen. "How do you know?" he asked quietly.

"Took a test," she muttered back to him, a slight blush heating her cheeks. Beth hoped the dark hid it from him.

Daryl swallowed, slow and with difficulty. "And you ain't happy?" he questioned hoarsely.

"Yes," she said immediately, but then began to stumble over more words as they pour from her. "No… I don't know… I know I didn't want to be pregnant. I know it's the not the right time but I can't… I can't stop but feeling like I… feeling like I lost something." The tears started again, Beth wiped at them angrily.

"Beth."

The way Daryl said her name, low and rumbling. It made her want to crawl into him. Daryl would protect her. He always did… from walkers, from dangerous people, from himself even at times. Beth wanted him to protect her now from whatever it was that was eating away at her. She just wanted to let her husband to engulf her, to swallow her up in his strong, safe arms.

Daryl must have felt the same way. He struggled to sit up, using one heavily bandaged hand from where an IV had been placed earlier to pull himself up. His other hand cradled his middle where his wound was raw and fresh and much more painful again. Beth couldn't let him strain himself even if it was she desperately wanted. He was hurt and healing and needed to come before her silly emotional needs.

"No, Daryl, don't get up," she said as she rose from her chair next to him, trying to get him to settle back down.

Daryl made no effort to stop. Instead he grabbed hold of her arm and pulled her to him. Beth let him, she knew she shouldn't but she did. She let his arm drape over her shoulder and she curled into him. More tears started to fall again. Daryl held her tight, his protective arm curled around her. His other hand brushed a few stray hairs from her face as his lips brushed a kiss to her hairline. He let her weep, he kept her safe.

"It's not just that," Beth managed to get out, sucking in a sobbing breath. Tears were still coming but somehow more stable than before. "It's my dad and seeing Rick, Michonne and Carl. It's Judith. And it's you. I almost lost you, Daryl. Twice."

"You were never gonna lose me," Daryl reassured her, but they both knew it wasn't exactly true when it was happening. It was now, but during… it had been much scarier and a possibility.

Daryl continued to hold her as Beth worked to composed herself. "I don't like being this weak. I'm stronger than this now. I have to be."

He huffed at her statement. "This ain't weak."

"I'm a crying mess," Beth replied with an edge.

"Everyone's allowed to let it out. You stayed strong even when you shouldn't have to. Shit. The stuff you did today to save me… shouldn't have had to do that," Daryl grumbled back.

Rick had been more than detailed when he had relayed their search for Daryl's medication. Rick had meant to give Beth credit where it was due. But Beth had seen the upset glint in Daryl's eyes as Rick had told how she had gone on alone in the dark and the sudden struggle to save Rick from the erupting walker. She knew Daryl blamed himself for the dangers she had been in.

"I'm so happy to have Rick and Carl and Michonne back… I am… but…" Beth gulped down the words she had barely let herself think, let alone say out loud.

Daryl finished them for her. "But you'd rather have Maggie… Glenn."

Beth fought against another rush of tears. "Yes. Isn't that awful."

He pressed another kiss to her crown. "Nah. It ain't. They're your family."

"So are Rick and the others. Everyone is family now. I should just be happy with what we have, I shouldn't… I shouldn't wish for something different," she countered sadly.

"Maggie's your sister." Daryl tipped her chin up, forcing her to look at him. His dark blue eyes burned down to her, letting her know the truth of his words. "It ain't bad to want her here. Probably shoulda been with her this whole damn time."

Beth saw the pain in his eyes, the knowledge that her husband thought she should have been with her sister, that it would have been better than with him. Nothing could have been further from the truth. Give a choice, years before, yes Beth knew she would have chosen escaping the prison with Maggie over anyone else. But Beth knew now that was the wrong choice for so many reasons. She loved the man before her. Even before the romance between them, Daryl would have been the better choice. Beth didn't know if Maggie was alive, she didn't know if she would have survived as well with Maggie. Her older sister had never believed in her like Daryl did, never thought enough of her to show her how to survive or how to useful in this world. Beth had to grow up fast with Daryl. It had been hard and hurtful at times but she had survived it and grown from it. She wouldn't change that for anything.

"I was meant to escape with you. I was meant to be with you," Beth told Daryl without hesitation. It was truth she believed in.

The intensity in him seemed to relax at her words, his eyes telling her he believed her. For once Daryl wasn't fighting her words. Finally he was allowing himself her love.

"You were," Daryl told her, brushing another random strand of her golden hair back from her face. "You ain't weak. You're strong, hellava lot strong than you know." And for once and without question, Beth let herself believe in his truth.

Beth wanted nothing more than to relax into her husband. She wanted to kiss him, and melt into him completely. She wanted to be enveloped in his comforting touches, to stay forever in his warmth. But she knew she couldn't. He shouldn't. Daryl was injured, gravely, and needed time to heal and rest. He didn't need her crying all over his bruised and damaged body.

Beth gave him a last gentle and reassuring hug before she started to pull away. "You need to rest. You should lie back down."

Daryl released an annoyed snort. "Tired of being damn tired."

"Sooner you rest, the sooner you'll get better," Beth chimed, bringing forth another of her mother's old sayings. This one did not bring a swell of sorrow as the one earlier had.

Beth released him from her hold, trying to ease up from the cot but Daryl's hand went to hold her in place. "No. You ain't sleepin' on the floor."

She started to protest, they had already had this argument… more than once. "The chair –"

Daryl growled. "You can't sleep in the damn plastic thing. Ain't even a high back. No." He was forceful with his words, his annoyance at the situation boiling over.

"Daryl, I'll be fine," she protested back.

He shifted back on the cot, slowly and painfully, with gritted teeth. "Here. Lay here with me."

There was the smallest space available but it would be pressing up against Daryl. That couldn't be comfortable for him. She couldn't do that to him.

Beth gave a shake of her head. "No. I'll be fine on the floor. It'll be okay."

A scowl was firmly set on his features. "It's either you here with me or me down there on the floor with you. Ain't no other way."

Beth gave him an exasperated look as she released an aggravated breath. She couldn't have him on the floor in the dirt and grime. And she knew Daryl was stubborn enough to do it. She had no choice.

"Fine. But you tell me if you hurt, or if it's too much, or if I'm crowding you," Beth relented.

"You could never crowd me, woman," Daryl returned as he attempted to gingerly scoot another inch over, his back firmly against the wall.

Beth settled in carefully as much as she could. She hoovered by the edge as much as possible to give Daryl space, but his strong arm draped over her, pulling her closer to him to spoon. The blanket covered the both of them nicely; Beth could already feel herself relaxing. Too many sleepless nights without her husband next to her, she had come to need his warmth to sleep.

"You good?" she asked. "It's not too much?"

"Just fine… but…"

"But what?" Beth questioned as she looked back over her shoulder to him, worried she was hurting him.

It was dark in the room, but the faint moonlight allowed her to see the smirk that was on his face. "But now I'm tryin' to think of a reason as to why you should be naked."

"Daryl," Beth groaned. "Sleep. Time for that when you are better."

"I'm pretty sure I'm better now," he replied, his voice going lower.

"Daryl," she reprimanded despite the heat that pooled between her thighs just at the sound of his voice in her ear. Damn him.

"Pretty sure it would help me feel better too…"

"Daryl!"

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A/N: This is the end of what I'll call Part 1 – there are going to be 3 Parts to this story. I think I'm leaving you at a good point. Wait? What? I'm leaving you? Yes. I've got to get caught up in Part 2 before I can start posting again. I'll be on a little hiatus to get caught up - hopefully it won't be too long but please continue to hanging in there with me!