Happy 2013!
The next evening, the captain was in her quarters, attempting to have dinner with her first officer. They had already begun discussing Holly over the nice salad Chakotay had brought.
"Damn! Come on old friend! Please!" Janeway leaned over, talking to her replicator after it burned the second dish that evening. Chakotay began laughing and came up behind her.
"Let me try. Computer, one roast with vegetables for two." The computer dinged before a beautiful looking roast with veggies appeared. He carried it to the table, smirking. Kathryn just stood there staring.
"How, Chakotay? HOW?" She seemed so flustered.
Chakotay saw an opportunity for a game. He pursed his lips. "You see, Kathy, the ship and I have an agreement."
Kathryn was intrigued and joined him at the table. He began serving them both food. She poured them each some wine before asking about this so-called "agreement".
"Oh, is that so? And how does this pact work exactly?" She leaned towards him and her voice dropped low. "And how do I get in on it?"
"Well, you can't." He stated bluntly.
She straightened. "Really? This I have to hear."
"How it works is, the replicator never works for you, and always works for me."
She scoffed. "Well how does that benefit either of you?"
He smiled wickedly. "We both get to laugh at you behind your back and you get to come running to me so I can use my 'magic replicator abilities' to rescue the coffee-less damsel in distress."
She laughed a harshly with mock-hatred and threw the cork from the wine bottle at him. As it flew towards him, he had another evil idea. He let the cork get him in the face, it glanced off his cheek. He rapidly brought his hand up to his eye and began going "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!"
Kathryn leapt from her chair. He turned his own away from the table to the open floor of the living room area, and leaned over a bit, still saying "ow". Kathryn reached over for him, babbling out "Oh my god! I'm so sorry! Are you all right?"
He reached up with both hands and grabbed her sides when she got in front of him. She had assumed it was to hold himself steady. But, suddenly, he launched himself from the chair and tackled her. She shrieked and was laughing as he started tickling at her sides. She tried to speak between gasps and fits of laughter.
"No fair!-" She sucked in air as he tickled her stomach. "Let me up Chakotay!"
He smiled and got off of her, helping her up. She stood and punched him in the arm.
"What was that for, Kathy?"
"Nope," She crossed her arms and looked away, nose turned up as she stalked off towards the table. "You're not allowed to call me that anymore! Now you have to call me captain, like everyone else."
His smile grew. "So sorry. What was that for captain?" He walked back to the table.
"Let's see; making a pact with my ship against me, faking an injury, making me feel bad for that fake injury, pinning me to the ground, and making me squeal like a teenage girl." She seemed to think about it for a moment. "Yes, Those are all good to start with."
He sighed. "Let's go back to dinner, that'll make you feel better."
The captain harrumphed and sat with as much dignity as she could muster. Chakotay sat and they both resumed eating. He didn't dare to mention her hair, which had become quite disorderly at this point.
"So, this Holly, she's a good friend of yours captain?"
She smiled her Kathryn Janeway signature smile, but it faltered as her pushed away thoughts from earlier flooded back. "Oh, yes, Chakotay, I would like to think so. You heard of all of our time together at the academy, all of the trouble we got into. We're good friends, if I haven't screwed things up too badly. But, I'll fix this if it's the last thing I do."
"Why's that?" Chakotay rarely saw this side of Kathryn, and had already decided he liked this Holly, based on what he gathered at the staff meeting. He would have to meet her in person soon. Surely she would know more about Kathryn than anyone. She could be a very good ally.
The captain looked away slightly before answering. "Well, considering I've almost gotten her killed a few times, let my ego push her away, she's saved my life more than once and kept me from failing the academy, I intend to keep this woman close to me."
Chakotay smiled, happy to see her happy. Kathryn appeared to be contemplating something for a moment, her smile disappeared and she set her fork down.
"Chakotay, I need to get some help from you…"
"Fire away."
"I'm going to be frank, for best-advice purposes. I think I've pushed Holly away for the past fifteen years. We haven't spoken much and I let command go to my head. I can't put any of the blame on her, it was all me. I don't know if she still considers me a friend. I need help…"
She explained how she had pushed Holly away, what was going through her mind, what Holly's outer reactions were. It was very difficult for her.
"I think, if she was that good a friend, if you just talk to her, explain your own stupidity-" She gave him a glare for that word.
"Hey, your description, not mine. You did say 'how stupid could I have been?' As I was saying, explain your own mistake, she'll understand and want to mend the friendship, if it was even damaged. But, you need to do this with her. And the sooner the better."
The captain nodded. Chakotay asked if there was anything else she needed to get of her chest. If there was anything else she wanted to tell about Holly.
Janeway remembered the nightmares and Tuvok and...everything else. She knew she wouldn't feel comfortable talking to B'elanna about it, and she certainly couldn't talk to Tuvok.
"Chakotay, I pulled up a disturbing memory yesterday in her quarters. It requires a bit of a story, though. Would you mind being my sounding board for a little while longer?"
He absolutely LOVED being her sounding board. "Sure thing, captain."
She leaned back in her chair and sipped her wine. "Back when we shared a room at the academy, I'd begun to notice that Holly talked very softly in her sleep. It didn't bother me much, I could easily sleep through it. On days when her family called or visited, Holly would talk louder in her sleep. Well, only really her father got this unconscious reaction from her. Mind you that it was usually in Vulcan and other random languages that these mumblings would occur. The worst night though, her father, a human, came to our room drunk, and tried to get money out of her and abuse her... in all senses. He hit her right in the doorway. I called campus police immediately and she had to suffer watching him getting dragged away by police.
After he had been taken away. She didn't follow her usual routine for a few weeks, she didn't eat regularly or study or run. She sat and just stared at the wall. When I went and sat by her one evening, she turned away and I realized she was crying. When I tried to touch her, comfort her in any way, she got up and went to take a long hot shower. When she came out, she just went to bed.
She was plagued by the nightmares that night, and almost like a cry of help to me, her screams were in English that night. She cried of abuse, soft 'no, please, don't touch me father' and things like that. I recorded them, thinking I would get her a therapist or a counselor, or at least have him locked up for child abuse.
She began screaming at some point. I shut off the recording and woke her; it was that night we really bonded. She had grabbed me like a lost little girl and cried. I smoothed her hair and comforted her. She told me how she never sought out her father, he always found her. She said if he were to disappear from the face of the Earth and no one told her, she would never know and not care. And she was serious, I could tell.
She told me how she hated staying with her father when she was younger. Her parents had separated when she was 3. He never raped her, or anything awful like that. But he would hit her, and leave marks. She hated how the kids would tease her, for having pointed ears, for anything they could, and he never did anything.
I couldn't send her to the counselor. She would just put up that Vulcan mask of serenity and state there was nothing between her and her father. So, I took the recording to my mentor, and we took it to an admiral.
Long story short, we had his ass locked up forever, though his file reports it's for repeated public indecency. But really its for child abuse and neglect. And she can never ever know."
Chakotay couldn't find the right words to say, so he just shook his head slowly. "So all the studying and becoming a genius was her way of escaping?"
Janeway shrugged. "Or maybe she enjoyed it. I'll never know, she may not even be sure. Anyways, when she finally left the academy and got assigned to Vulcan, she found herself a real father in Tuvok. The best letter I ever got from her was one she had sent anonymously, so if it were ever found, no one would know it was her. It said 'Kathy, I finally found a place where the dreams do not haunt me. I have found a where I feel whole. I love them.'"
Chakotay understood. "I'm happy for her."
Janeway nodded and took a raspy breath. "Well, enough of the heavy. So, you got a letter. News from home?"
He smiled. "My sister is getting married. She wrote me about what I've missed. And scolded me for doing something as stupid as joining the Maquis and ending up in the Delta quadrant."
Janeway smiled. "I'm guessing she's an older sister?"
He laughed, affirming.
They ate peacefully and had dessert after that, discussing less heart-wrenching subjects. Like, who was going to assist Holly in attempting to build another drive? Would it really work? What would they do when they got back to Earth if this did work? And the odd Vulcan conversation Holly and Tuvok had…
They moved to the couch and Chakotay asked, "So, did you ask Tuvok what they had said last night?"
"That would be rude and an invasion of privacy, Chakotay!" She smiled a little. He smiled brighter and repeated his question.
"So, did you ask him?"
She blushed. "Yeah. He avoided the question and told me I could look it up if I wanted."
Chakotay tossed his head back and barked out a laugh. "He must know of your poor lingual skills!"
She thought of how by the time the week was out, she was sure everyone on board would know, if they all didn't already. Gossip and news travelled at warp 9 in this ship.
Chakotay pulled over the small computer that was on the coffee table.
"Fortunately, captain, I passed linguistics with almost no problems. Now, do you remember what she said? And can you try to repeat it in the same sort of lilt that they did? Trust me, in Vulcan it makes all the difference…"
This is where Kathryn's eidetic memory came into play. "Well, it started with Holly mumbling something to Tuvok that was just a statement. Nothing fancy."
"Do you think you could reproduce it for me? One word at a time."
"Umm, first she said teh-nash."
He began typing into the computer. "I remember that partially," he said. "That's not the whole thing, though. Was it maybe teh-nash-lot or teh-nash-vey?"
"Yeah, that second one."
He wrote it down on a padd he had also pulled out.
"So what does it mean, Chakotay?"
"Oh, I think it would make much more sense if we got it all translated before reading it." He smiled and she sighed. She would have to agree to his conditions, he was helping her after all.
"After that she said yet saw-mehk. Then she paused like that was the end of a sentence. Then it was eddikdoongee stare eebin…"
She went on through everything they had said. It took some memory and a little tweaking, but Chakotay figured it all out. They had gotten it all after an hour.
Chakotay looked down at the translation, reading through it really fast.
"Oh, captain, you're going to cry."
"Nonsense, Chakotay! Now let me read that padd!"
He held it out of her reach as she grabbed for it. "Ah, ah, ah. I will read it to you." He cleared his throat and she sat back, anxious.
"Good girl, Kathy. First, Holly told Tuvok 'my true father.' This is an acknowledgement, as simple as me saying 'captain' in greeting. But it runs deeper than just calling him her 'father'. Oh, and 'ko-fu' means daughter."
The captain nodded, piecing together the puzzle in her own mind.
He went on "She then told him 'we will speak of our family in privacy later.' This just means she wasn't comfy speaking of family in front of you and B'elanna."
The captain was having too much fun; it was like an old Spanish soap opera. "I think it's the other way around, Chakotay. She knows Tuvok is a private man and doesn't like discussing such personal things with others present. Holly knows that."
Chakotay nodded and went on. "The next thing was Tuvok asking a 'relation' question. They ask these to help them assess the familiarity two people have with each other. It literally translates to 'please, what is the captain for you?'"
Her heart stopped. They had talked of her? "And? What did she say back, Chakotay? What did she say about me? This is the part where she got all serious, right? Well, more serious, as a Vulcan."
She was on edge, thinking this might answer her questions about their friendship. She had to hear it. But, would it fix everything? Or just confirm her worst fears? Would she cry? And would it be out of happiness or pain?
Chakotay nodded. "She told him, 'Kathryn is dahshauk k'war'ma'khon."
That hadn't helped at all. What was that?
"Which means?" She asked, since those were the key words. It would tell her how far she had destroyed everything…
"You're going to cry, I'm just warning you…" He said it with a serious face.
Her gut clenched. "Just tell me Chakotay. I can handle it."
He nodded and put the padd and computer down. He looked her straight in the eye. "'K'war'ma'khon' is a very special word. It means family, in a special way…"
She was waiting for the part where he told her it meant "distant family" or "family that has pushed itself away".
He continued. "It means 'family that is not of blood'. Made of something stronger, more cared about and cherished in every way."
She had begun to cry, without even realizing it. Tears started rolling down her cheeks. Chakotay put his hand on the side of her face, wiping the tears away with his thumb.
"The part that worries me, Kathy, is this word." He pointed on the padd on the coffee table. "The word 'dahshauk'. It's another special word, from an old Vulcan saying. It used to be a hunting word. It meant an animal that peeled off from the pack, separated, and left itself vulnerable. Now days, it means a loved one that has isolated themselves for an unknown reason. They still have the chance to rejoin the herd, but have already caused damage."
She was crying out of pain and happiness now. She leaned on his shoulder. He pulled her onto him as he lay back against the couch, his arms encircling her.
"What should I do?" She sobbed into his shoulder.
"I learned the saying as a child. The way I see it, you have caused damage, that will leave a wicked scar, but you can still save this friendship." He paused thinking of more to say that would emphasize the seriousness of the situation."You have separated yourself, you are still wanted and loved, but you have work to do if you want to earn her trust back. Trust that you won't hurt her again."
She nodded. "You're right, Chakotay. You always are." She sighed as her sobbing slowed and her breathing eased. Chakotay's "Kathryn-senses" told him she still needed comforting. So, he began stroking her hair while quietly singing an old native Indian song. He kept at it and she snuggled closer to him. At the end of the song, he carefully looked down and found his precious Kathy fast asleep. He lifted the lightweight woman into his muscular arms and took her to her bed. She was dead to the world, couldn't feel a thing, except a warm fuzzy feeling of security.
He pulled down the covers and laid her down. She had worn a beautiful, flowing, red dress and a purple crystal necklace that evening. When he'd asked, she had told him that they were just crystals from Risa that Holly gave her. She hadn't said when, but he guessed recently, she had never worn them before.
He pulled the crystals carefully over her head and watched as they turned a bright white when they left Kathryn's clothing. He was intrigued and touched them. They turned a vibrant red. He wondered….
He set them in Kathy's open palm and touched them at the same time. He almost gasped as it turned lilac on one side and crimson on the other. The two began swirling and mixed, making the most beautiful purple-ish color he had ever seen. He quenched his curiosity and set them down on the bedside table, trying to focus on cleaning up and tucking his captain in.
He pulled the dress off of her, carefully, and hung it in her closet. He tried not to pay too much attention to the fact that she was now in just a silk black bra and underpants as he tucked her in. She rolled over as soon he pulled the covers up. He leaned over and kissed her cheek. Her hand seemed to unconsciously move to his face, almost as if she was partially awake. He put his hand over hers and tugged it off his face before placing it at her side. She smiled in her sleep.
He cleaned up and left, happy. He still had work to do before his night was over, though…
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