Chapter 11

Legit AN: Hey, Buffy, Storm bought out my AN to convince you to come back. Buffy, Storm loves you more than she loves the color black (geddit? Because she likes black, and she's a Satanist, and she loves death… Never mind.) Storm promises to never see Justin again and to promise all her love to you. Please Buffy, Storm needs you.

Storm's AN: Buffy I prumize tat if u cum black (lol black cuz im a sutanist) 2 meep den ill lern al da werdz 2 all das Lonken Prank songz dat u wannu sing wif me! Cum back!

EDEN'S POV LOL!

OMG you guys my name is Eden Melody and I love Draco Malfoy more than life itself! His hair is like so cute! And I could just kiss that little face all day and all night, I love it. From the moment I laid eyes on his steely blue orbs and his golden straw hair, I knew I was destined to love this man, and I could tell that he thought the exact same. We were walking through the halls of Hogwarts one fateful sunny October afternoon. No, wait, it was before lunchtime, so I guess it was a fateful sunny October morning. I was on my way to Hair of Magical Magic Creatures (which is where you style the hair of the magical creatures on campus) and he was on his way to Deviation (where you learn to be deviant. It's a must for Slytherins.) My hazel eyes locked for but a second with his, and from then on I knew it was going to be love. I was going to be Draco Malfoy's beloved, his wife, and the mother of his children.

I am a Gryffindor, but I'm still a pure blood, so Draco has to love me. The Melody family was friends with Salazar Slytherin himself. David Melody was one of the first students to graduate out of Slytherin and he made sure that each and every one of his descendants married a true wizard. I might even have purer blood than Malfoy, but that would be ridiculous because Draco's blood is divine. I hadn't even said one word to him, but I knew deep in my heart that Draco was the only man I would or could ever love.

I HATE that Astoria Greengrass girl; she is so ugly and lame and her hair is so messy and dark. I bet her blood isn't as pure as mine. Her and her sister Daphne (Legit AN: Not to be confused with Daphne the Prep!111) are so lame, I don't see why he would ever love Astoria more than me, his perfect mate in waiting.

"So, Eden, Draco wants you to go find out about what sexist Percy Weasley who is sexist has planned to be sexist with. Can you help us?" Sunset Moonstone said to me as I daydreamed about the life Draco and I would lead together. "Maybe afterwards, Hot Topic might share Draco with you." Hot Topic stuck up her middle fingers at me which were covered in black nail polish and the nail polish was dripping off her hands and onto the floor.

"Okay." Sunset lead me into the Gryffindor common room and pointed to Percy.

"That is sexist Percy Weasley the sexist, he's Seleno and Penty's sexist big brother and he's sexist. We know he's planning to do some sexist things like sexistly planning to make all the girls wear sexist bikinis as their uniforms sexistly. Can you go flirt with him to try to get him to tell his secrets? If that fails, slip him some Volxemortserum." She handed me a little blue vial with a picture of Voldemort's face on it. It had no nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie) and red eyes. It was… … … … … … … Voldemort!11111 I put it in my pocket.

I walked over to sexist Percy feministly, thinking of Draco. Suddenly a woman with ugly black hair walked over to him. It was… Astoria Greengrass! I hated her so much for getting together with Draco in canon!

"Hi Percy!" She shrieked in a hideous voice. She sounded like a harpy scratching her talons on a chalkboard every time she spoke. Not like my voice, which sounds like a mermaid on an all-honey diet.

"Hi Astoria," said Percy sexistly. "What lovely weather outside." Suddenly Sunset lunged into the room.

"You sexist pig stop talking sexist to Astoria!1111" Sunset yelled in madly.

"No Sunset!" I cried. "They deserve each other because I deserve Draco!" Sunset lunged on Percy and I lunged on Astoria. They pushed us off them and I ran crying back to the Slytherin common room with Sunset close behind.

"I can't believe I let Percy act so sexistly toward Astoria," Sunset moaned. I walked up to Draco, who was screwing Hot Topic in a coffin.

"Hello, Hot Topic? Could you move over? I want to have sex with Draco right now, because I'm his perfect mate and you're not."

"FJUCK YOU!11111111111" She yelled a misspelled swear. She kept screwing Draco. She didn't understand how much better of a girlfriend I would be for Draco than her.

I dreamt of the life that Draco and I would lead together once he stopping screwing Hot Topic. We would live in a black house with Slytherin crests everywhere and we would raise our beautiful pure blood children to be good Slytherins – first a boy named Scorpius (yes, I know that was the name of the kid that Draco had in canon with that awful Astoria woman, but remember I'm so much better than her. Also fuck canon.), then a girl named Narcissa (after his mother, whom I admire so much for bringing the world's most perfect wizard into the world), and a boy named Salazar (after the founder of Slytherin, of course!), and then a girl named Voldemortina, and then twin girls named Slytherella and Demona. What a beautiful family we'll make. We'd be the perfect family of Death Eaters we'd be.

Suddenly my day dreaming was interrupted by a pink girl bursting through the door. It was… Cecilia Joy Pink! She pointed her wand at Draco.

"You maniacs! You put up posters of goffic bands all over the Great Hall and the common rooms! You smashed our Backstreet Boys albums! You kidnapped Hilary Duff!"

Suddenly Hilary Duff burst out of Seleno's closet. "Why did you kidnap me Seleno!" She cried tears of water all over the floor and ran out of the room to record more preppy albums.

"Now once and for all, I'm going to turn each and every one of you into pink, non-suicidal, boy-band-loving preps." Hunter the Poser walked in and he was holding all of the goffs' wands and Hot Topic, Sunset, Angelica, Isla, Sasha's and my Sue-Katanas!

"Now you can't defend yourself." Suddenly Isla's wand and Sue-Katana reappeared at her side!

"I can use my magical Sue powers to beat you at any game!" Isla yelled, and raised her golden katana in the air.

"Not if I hit you all with the preppy spell first!" She waved her wand at Draco! "Hair of gold and lip gloss smell, I save this poor goff from hell!" Suddenly a pink beam of light shot out of her wand and hit Draco!

"Hi everyone!" Draco yelled in a preppy voice (basically like the preps in the movie). He had a sky blue shirt on and khakis on! "My name is Vincent. That's a nice normal preppy name."

"Finally!" Angelica sighed perfectly.

Suddenly I realized what I had to do. I shot the preppy spell at myself and all my stuff. They all turned pink! I was a prep too! I changed my name to Eden Melody because that's a preppy name.

"Trixie, I no longer want to have sexual intercourse with you in the Forbidden Forest. In fact, I no longer want to screw you at all!" yelled Draco majestically. "While I will miss Dumblydork yelling 'what the hell are you doing you motherfukers', I am a prep now. In fact, if I'm going to screw anyone, it's going to be Eden because she's my perfect preppy mate."

Finally Draco was coming around to his senses. We took off each other's clothes and started screwing on my preppy pink bed. Hot Topic gasped, I guess because we were such a perfect match.