"I know what you mean. You're wrong though. Maybe she meant nothing but what you did, that meant a lot. The actual physical... physical thing you did, it meant a great fucking deal. Coming face to face with it today, I couldn't handle it because it meant everything. Everything that was wrong with you and me... and everything that was wrong with us."
Callie took a deep breath as Arizona just stared back at her. She looked as lost as the brunette.
"You know this was a mistake. I'm gonna go."
"No." The other woman said defiantly. "You're not going anywhere in this state. You should come and get a cup of coffee." She was sure she'd be refused.
"Yeah, you're probably right." Callie followed her into the house and went straight to the kitchen whilst Arizona went to the bottom of the stairs. Alex appeared at the top.
"Is everything okay?"
"Yeah. Callie's just... everything's fine. Could you just check that Sofia is still asleep please?"
He nodded and disappeared for a moment before returning and assuring her that her daughter was still out like a light. When Arizona got into the kitchen and sat down at the table Callie was already sipping a cup of steaming coffee.
"Sorry for the whole turning up drunk on your doorstep thing. And the yelling. I'm sorry for the yelling."
"It's okay; you didn't wake Sofia."
"Seeing you two earlier I just..."
"Sorry."
"I told you to stop saying that."
Did you mean what you said?"
"About what?"
"That you still... still love me."
Callie took another sip before replying.
"Yes, that's why this is so hard." She suddenly felt even more uncomfortable sat opposite Arizona. "You know I should go. I shouldn't have come here."
"Hey I'm surprised you didn't have a melt down earlier."
"I guess I was trying to move forward. Get past this too quickly."
"Are you talking about me and Lauren or everything else?" It was a genuine question. The blonde wasn't trying to start another fight or start analysing their relationship again. They were both too tired for that.
"Both. I guess I did it again. Only this time I don't want to just fix us if we can't be fixed. I mean there are all of these feelings from before and now and..."
"It's too late and you're too drunk to make sense of it now."
"Yeah."
"I don't want us to force a fix between us either. I mean I want to be with you married happily but I know there's a strong chance that's not gonna happen. I know that's not what you want."
"I didn't say that."
"Right now that's not what you want. And we can't be anyway. We can't be happily married because I hurt you." Arizona then started to stare into space as if the other woman wasn't there.
The ortho surgeon chugged the rest of her coffee and began to get out of her seat. She stopped when Arizona spoke again.
"You should be with somebody else."
"Arizona." Callie was confused. She thought the other woman wanted them to work this out. Or to at least try.
"I don't mean because you are drunk and angry. I mean if it just happens that you find someone who makes you happy, that isn't so fucked up. If you stop loving me... you deserve it. I've hurt you so many times..."
"It's too late and I'm too drunk remember." Callie interrupted.
"I know, I'm just saying we need to figure out who we are now. It's like we were these two trees that twisted around each other as we grew and..."
"Ended up starving each other of light?"
"Something like that." Arizona said as she rested her chin on her hands and her elbows on the table. She rubbed her temples with her fingers. "You don't need to leave tonight though. You can sleep in my room and I'll go on the couch."
Callie shook her head. "No, I'll have the couch. I'd prefer you near Sofia if she wakes up than me in this state."
"Okay, so an intense twenty four hours then?" Haynes summarised. It was now Callie sat in front of her on the couch but she was thinking about the drive into work this morning. It was civil and Sofia was always enough of a distraction. There was one image she couldn't get out of her mind though. Arizona's hand on the steering wheel.
"Arizona wasn't wearing her wedding ring this morning."
"You haven't worn yours in weeks." The shrink pointed out.
"I know but... I don't know." She gave up trying to word what she was feeling.
"You think that she is taking this discovering who you both are separately a little too seriously?"
"Maybe." The brunette shrugged as her thoughts became somewhat clearer. "We got into this problem because she slept with someone else. Taking the ring off is just gonna attract more people- not just sluts who don't give a crap about somebody's marriage!" She was quickly working herself up and tried to control her temper. The hang over probably wasn't helping.
"Is that how you see Arizona?"
"What?"
"As a slut who don't give a crap about somebody's marriage?"
"No I meant Boswell. Arizona is different. She's not... she was struggling and traumatised. She still is. Not that I'm okay with it I mean she did a slutty thing and... but... AHHH! Why'd you have to confuse me?"
"I'm not. Your emotions are what are confusing you. I'm just drawing your attention to them." Haynes defended. "Arizona did not take her ring off to attract other women."
"I know. At least I think I know. It could happen though."
"She doesn't believe that she could really attract another woman. Lauren Boswell was a surprise. She never knew who Arizona used to be and it made her feel truly beautiful."
"So my attention wasn't enough."
"When you think about Arizona as if she was stood in front of you, how many legs does she have?"
"Arizona has one leg and one prosthetic."
"But when you think of her without consciously thinking of her. In that first second, how many does she have?"
Callie's face softened and she spoke honestly. "Two."
"You see her the way she was. That's not your fault Callie. You knew her for years before this and you are still adjusting but it's also not enough to boost Arizona's self confidence."
"Okay, so why'd she take off her ring?"
"You're asking the wrong question again."
"So what should I ask?" Callie was growing frustrated.
"Why did she continue to wear it?"
"Well because she wants us to resolve all of our issues. She wants us to be married." That was obvious.
"She doesn't just want it. Arizona is desperate for that to happen. She has been hoping that there is hope for the both of you."
"I told her that I loved her last night. Despite everything." She realised.
"Exactly. That gave her enough hope to stop clinging to what you were to each other. She also clearly sees that it won't be easy or perhaps even possible but she is in a better position now to heal than before."
"And what about me?"
"We'll work on you too." Haynes promised with a smile and Callie actually believed her.
She leant back against the couch and rubbed her eyes. "I tell her I love her and she takes off her wedding ring. Doesn't that just sum up how screwed up we've become."
"She just understands that maybe you're not completely over. And hey, so do you."
"I don't think we'd ever be completely over."
"Arizona knows you need the chance to see if you could not only know how to love her again but also if you can forgive her. And on that note, I have told Arizona the same thing as I'm about to suggest to you."
"Okay." Callie responded in an unsure tone.
"I think it would be a good idea to spend this next week apart. You have a schedule for Sofia and unless you have to work a case together, have an unavoidable board meeting or there's an emergency, I want you to avoid each other."
"We already kind of did that."
"Not exactly. When you left the state with Sofia everything was raw. Now you are both coming across all of these feelings and you need a chance for the dust to settle. It's also a way to start getting used to being a separated couple as that maybe the outcome from all of this."
"Is Arizona okay with this?"
"Yes. We are about to get into some crucial topics and her thoughts need to be as clear as possible."
"What kind of crucial topics?"
"I can't tell you until after we've discussed them."
"Okay I can do the avoidance thing."
"Good. I'll see you for another joint session in seven days then?"
"Sure."
