So, because I skipped school, I had detention the next day, as well as biology tutoring. And clean-up duty on top of it all. I was informed as soon as I got to school the next morning.
I sighed. As if class wasn't enough. And how was I supposed to tell Natsume that I'd be late. I'd have to call him on the home phone during lunch.
My "friends" were all very worried about me. I don't know why I put the word in quotations. They're very good people—Yuu and Nonoka and Anna and Koko and even sometimes Sumire—but I never felt as close to them as Hotaru. They were never the ones I told everything to, never the ones I exchanged secret with or told who I liked. Actually, I'd never had a true interest in any of the boys in my school. So not even Hotaru heard who I liked.
Miserable and tired, I sat at my desk at school and planted my forehead on it, trying not to fall asleep while I waited for the next teacher to come in. It was going to be one hell of a day just to last through the normal classes.
Narumi pranced through the door happily and took his place behind the podium. "Good morning students!" He said cheerily. I wanted to vomit. Narumi was my favorite teachers—much nicer than Jinno—but he was almost always too happy and never serious when the situation called for it. Sometimes this was a good thing, but more often than not it was just annoying.
I tuned him out after his greeting and didn't pay attention during his lecture. My hand automatically took notes from the board in the front of the classroom, but I didn't listen to Narumi's dictation at all. I was a little more preoccupied with the force that was closing my eyelids.
He assigned us homework half an hour later and then left, just in time for the next teacher to walk in.
The rest of the day continued like this. The only time I actually paid attention was when something about homework or a test was mentioned or when I heard my name. Twice I was called to the board to answer a math equation. I only got it right once, and I guessed. Luck wasn't entirely on my side.
The three morning classes passed and then it was lunchtime. We were free to eat wherever, having no designated cafeteria, and normally I ate on the roof. However it was more important that I call home.
I headed down to the front office and picked up the phone, eyeing the secretary and hoping that if I talked quietly she wouldn't be able to hear me. The clacking of her fingernails on the keyboard in front of her was rather loud anyway.
I dialed my home number and Natsume didn't pick up. I didn't expect him to. He was either sleeping or he thought it rude to answer other peoples' phones. Either way, I had an answering machine for this very reason.
"Hi, Natsume, it's Mikan. Sorry for calling like this and just so you know you don't have to worry about answering the phone. I just wanted to let you know that I won't be home until late. I've got cleanup duty and tutoring and then detention because I missed school yesterday without a 'valid reason' or whatever. So if you get hungry you can fix yourself something to eat and you don't have to wait for me. I'll see you later tonight. Bye." I placed the receiver back on the hook and then left without looking back. I headed up to the roof with my lunchbox and enjoyed the small meal I'd made.
The bell rang, giving everyone a five minute warning before the next class started and I begrudgingly put my things away and hurried back to class. I could very easily have stayed up there, but I'd earn myself another detention. If possible, I wanted to avoid that.
To my surprise, when I got back in my seat, there was a note taped to the underside of my desk. It was just a simple sheet of notebook paper ripped out of a spiral notebook and folded in half. The writing was messy, as if hastily scribbled.
Meet me behind the school at 6 tonight.
I didn't know who it was, but the timing was good. At 6 I'd just be getting out of detention. The rest of the day flew by since I had something to look forward to—a mysterious not under my desk. Could it be a love confession?
I'd never had one of those, but I remember Hotaru's first. She denied him before he could finish his sentence. Hotaru had had many confessions over the years. She was very pretty, more of a classical beauty than me. She was petite with a good shape, sought after intelligence, and—aside from her cold attitude—she was the perfect woman.
I'd always come off as the "cute sidekick" kind of girl, and had never gotten a confession. Anyone who knew me knew that I was always with Hotaru, and if you saw the two of us next to each other, your eye would most definitely be drawn to her.
I didn't know what to do. How does one turn a boy down? Would it be someone I knew or someone from another class?
At that moment the teacher decided to enter, so I stuffed the note into the back of my textbook and pretended to pay attention.
The clock moved slowly for the rest of the day.
-----
"Thank you Jin-jin!" I cried as I ran from the room. He scowled at his nickname, but he'd long since given up on correcting me, as I called him that out of habit now.
I'd just gotten out of tutoring and it was nearing six o'clock. I had fifteen minutes with which to pack my things and then try to make myself presentable. All my textbooks and my notebook and calculator were shoved hastily into my bag and I rushed off to the bathroom to brush my hair and run my finger over my teeth. I popped a breath mint and pinched my cheeks to add natural coloring before deeming myself fit and heading out.
I wasn't sure where exactly they were going to meet me. There were many popular meeting places around the back of the school including the very romantic sakura tree. However, I decided—since I wasn't going to accept him—I'd leave that out and instead I waited by the wall.
A few minute passed before he showed up. I smiled as the boy walked toward me.
"Um… did you leave me that note?" I asked sweetly. The boy—whose face I couldn't clearly see yet—just nodded. I thought he was just shy.
"I did put that under your desk. I didn't think…"
Didn't think I'd show? Didn't think I'd notice the note? What?
"I didn't think…" his shoulders were shaking. Was he crying? No…that was…laughter. "Didn't think you'd fall for it!"
More laughter joined his and three other boys came around the corner. My shoulders drooped in disappointment. I should have known better.
"Alright guys," I said, defeated. "You've had your laugh. I'm going to go now."
"Hold on now," one said. I didn't see which one it was. I'd already started to walk away, but he reached out and grabbed my wrist, preventing me from walking any further. "We're not finished yet. This is just too much fun."
"Sakura-san, why did you even bother showing up?" the laughter started up again. "I mean, you do realize you're the plainest girl at school, right?"
Yes, as a matter of fact, I do know that. Thank you ever-so-much for rubbing that in.
I said nothing.
"I mean, who'd fall for you? Why even bother hoping? You should have known that this was a trick."
"Yeah. I mean, are you that dumb?"
"You're not even good enough to be a last resort."
That one actually hurt.
Yes, I wasn't the prettiest, or the smartest, but to say that no one would date me, even if they were desperate was going a little too far.
"Are you done? You've had your laughs now let me go!" I yanked my arm from the one boy's grip only to fall into the arms of another. He pressed me against the wall, despite the way I struggled, and moved his face close to mine.
"We're tired of you being such an eyesore." His breath was rancid, like he hadn't brushed for days. I turned my head away but he only grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him. "If you're not going to be eye candy, you'd better put out, or you'll never get a date."
"Enough!" I don't know what came over me, but my hand had plans of its own. The one that wasn't being restrained was holding my bag. I dropped it real fast and smacked that boy across the face. I was done. They hurt me. I wasn't taking any more of it.
I was proud to note that there were no tears in my eyes.
The boy released my hand in shock and I grabbed my things quickly and prepared to run.
"I might not be pretty or smart, and I might not be the object of anyone's affection, but that doesn't mean you can treat me like this! I'm still a person!"
"That bitch slapped me!" It seemed as though they hadn't heard me at all. "Cut her!"
What?
One of the boys pulled a knife from their pocket. It was a switch blade. They pushed a button and the blade popped out, ready to bite into my flesh and drink my blood. I backed up, only to hit the wall, having forgotten it was there.
"Dammit."
I turned and started to run, but one of them caught my wrist just like the last time, and I felt the cool metal on the tender skin of my inner wrist.
"Let go!" I shouted, but they weren't going to listen. I didn't expect them to, either.
"Let this be a lesson to you. Ugly girls can't just go around hitting anyone they like." He applied pressure.
I didn't cry out. I winced a little, but that was all. The blood dripped down my arm fast—too fast. I don't think they meant to cut that deep.
"Hey, man…I think you overdid it…"
They were scared by the sight as well. I stared at it, lost and mesmerized by my life ebbing out of my skin. "Ow," I mouthed.
"Let's get out of here!" One of them slapped me across my face for good measure. "You better not say a word!"
Feeling spent and tired, pain itching through my every fiber, I turned and ran home.
-----
I ran. I didn't stop for traffic or pedestrians. I wanted to go home. I wanted a bath. I wanted to go to sleep and not wake up. More than anything I needed a hug from Hotaru or my mother. I needed someone to tell me it was going to be alright, that I was beautiful.
I was colder than usual since I was losing blood, but I didn't care. I wasn't getting lightheaded, so I took that as a good sign and just kept running. I ran past the bridge, past the convenient store, turned onto my street and burst through my door.
I didn't say hello like I usually did. I ran through the foyer without taking off my shoes. I simply dropped my bag and kept going, heading straight to my bedroom. I heard Natsume ask "What's wrong?" But I ignored him and slammed the door shut behind me.
I slumped against it and stared at my arm again, marveling at the redness. It was throbbing now.
After a moment I got up and moved to my bed. Everything was starting to sink in now, and there was a hotness in my eyes. I reached up to touch them. Tears.
There was a knock at the door. I managed to choke out "go away" around the sobs, but I knew he wouldn't.
The door opened and he peeked inside. "What's the matter?" I knew he didn't care. He was acting like a good friend. He was pretending he cared. I cradled my arm against my chest so he wouldn't see it.
"Nothing," I sniffled. I heard the door shut and he walked over to my side. He took in the sight before him and sucked in air quickly. "Go away…"
He knelt beside my bed and took my arm in his hands. He was surprisingly gentle. "Where's your first air kit?"
I nodded toward my closet and he retrieved it. He soaked up the blood and applied pressure to stop the bleeding. Then he bound it up and took care of the blood-soaked rags.
"Are you going to tell me what happened?"
"What do you care?"
He didn't reply to that. "Alright then." He stood and walked from the room, pausing in the door for a few seconds. "I'll be going out for a while," was all he said. And then he was gone.
