A/N: It's been forever, but finally back with the new chapter! Thank you for the support and all the nice messages… it means a lot 3


I had all and then most of you
Some and now none of you
Take me back to the night we met
I don't know what I'm supposed to do
Haunted by the ghost of you
Oh, take me back to the night we met
When the night was full of terrors
And your eyes were filled with tears
When you had not touched me yet
Oh, take me back to the night we met

(The Night We Met by Lord Huron)


People says getting used to the good things is easy. And they are right, aren't they? It isn't about having a perfect life; no, no one has that. Maybe it's because you finally reached that one goal you wanted for so long, and everything else seems so little, so insignificant. Maybe it's because you learned how to value even the tiniest things in your life. Maybe it's because you worked harder than ever. Maybe it's because of good fortune. Maybe it's God. Maybe it's because all of this, maybe it's nothing in particular.

But it's happening, and you're happy, and you don't think about things can go wrong in any second. You hope until the very last second, until something bad comes like a bolt from under the blue. And you can never be prepared for that. You think "Now I'm done, the worst is over", but you aren't, and it isn't, because the tiniest bit of hope can break you all over again and again and again.

Elsie's life became much better quickly after she left Hogwarts. She got the chance to study what she truly loved to, she found new friends, and even a best friend. Juliet and Elsie were different in many ways, but the contrasts between them made their friendship so strong.

There were difficulties in her life as well, but she was happy. She didn't have any reason to complain, yet still, she always felt something was missing – but she could never explain what it was. The feeling crawled under her skin.

Remus came into Elsie's life out of sudden. She didn't expect him, yet it felt like she was waiting for him for a very long time. Deeply, she knew he was that something she missed; she just didn't want to voice it, not yet, because she wasn't sure why. It seemed such a cliché, so simple, that all she needed was a boyfriend.

But everything made sense now.

Elsie stayed at home for the rest of the week. She didn't go to school, or work, and Juliet didn't badger her with it. If it was just a break-up or something similar, she wouldn't stop talking to her, trying to lure her out of her room; but even Juliet could see it was something else now. Some space and time is what she needed.

The first month without him was the worst. All she could feel was sadness, deep, never ending. Yet it was still better than that she felt after the sorrow; the echoing emptiness, knowing what she missed, and knowing she could never get it back.

Of course Remus tried to contact her many times. Nearly every day. He sent her letters, but she never answered. All of them lied on her desk, unopened. He waited for her in front of her school, because he knew she loved to take a walk – but he never found her. She knew he'll try to talk to her in person too, so she apparated into their house. He visited her, but Juliet sent him away. Elsie told her friend that she don't want to talk to him.

"You can't avoid him forever," the blonde said once after another letter arrived from Remus. Elsie took the parchment out of the envelope, but she couldn't bring herself to read it. She tore it into pieces and threw it into the dustbin.

"I'm not going to forgive him."

"Okay, then don't," she shook her head, "But you still need to talk to him. You have a lot of question, I know you have, and if you just let him go without talk to him… you'll regret it later."

Elsie noticed the shift in Juliet's voice, and she knew she was thinking of Sirius. Even though they both agreed they should stay friends, it wasn't so easy. They haven't talked in weeks. Both of them needed to calm down inside – especially Juliet, and it was only possible without each other. For Juliet, it was hard without Sirius, but she knew it would be impossible to move on if she saw him every day.

She picked up her spoon with a sigh and stirred her black tea, staring down into the steaming liquid as she said quietly, "I'm just not sure I'm ready to talk to him."

"I know," Juliet said reassuringly. "But you have to. It will hurt, but you'll never move on if you don't get your answers."

Elsie knew she was right. And she wanted to talk with him. She was just so afraid of what she's going to hear…

She sat down to write a letter several times in the next few days, but she couldn't send any of them. She was angry at him and she was angry at herself, for being such a coward. All she wanted this whole thing to be over.

On a late afternoon near the end of May, Elsie sat in front of her desk again, trying to draft another letter to Remus. "I need to talk to you" was all she scribbled down, but it still ended in her dustbin. She growled and leaned back on her chair, just when Juliet stormed into her room.

"Will you ever learn to knock?"

Juliet tilted her head. "Sweetie, I saw you eating cookies naked before Christmas, singing a Beatles song. There are no secrets between us."

Elsie laughed. "That was also because you came into my room without knocking."

"Yeah, but that was with a good reason!"

With a long sigh and a small smile, Elsie stood up from her chair, hips leaned against her desk. "So what is it this time? Is it as important as choosing the perfect bra two in the morning?"

As Juliet's smile faded away and she bit down her lower lip, she knew it was something more serious…

"Remus is here," she started slowly, and Elsie straightened up. "I'll send him away if you want, but…"

They fell in silence for a couple seconds. Elsie felt her heart banging against her ribs and her mouth went dry; she wanted to choose the easier way. But Juliet was right – she couldn't do this forever.

Elsie slowly nodded, and they both walked out of her room. To leave them some privacy, Juliet disapparated from the house to one of her friend, making sure first Elsie was okay with stay alone with Remus.

A lump formed in her throat in the moment she opened the front door and saw him. She felt she could cry, so she turned away and said with a surprisingly steady voice, "Come in."

Remus followed her into the apartment, a bit surprised she finally let him in. She offered to make some coffee or tea, but he refused it. Considering how nervous he was, he might accidently break the cup between his hands.

"Well, sit down, then," she breathed out, avoiding his sad brown eyes while she sat down on the armchair, tucking her legs under herself. She stared down, toying with her sleeves, whilst Remus sat down across her. He looked exhausted.

Remus watched her, and he couldn't say a word. His brain was full in the past few weeks with all those things he wanted to say to Elsie, but now, when he was finally in front of her, his mind went blank. What he could say that would be enough?

"I have some questions," Elsie said after she couldn't stand the silence anymore.

Remus gave a short nod, a small weight lifted off his shoulders as she spoke first, but his relief didn't take long, thinking about what kind of questions she could ask.

"Did I know you're a werewolf? When we were dating, I mean."

He frowned a little, but cleared his throat before he said, "Yes. You figured it out pretty soon."

He studied her expression, and their eyes met, but he couldn't read anything in the deep blue depths. Usually, it was easy to read her face, but now, he couldn't decide anything. Was she angry, sad, or disappointed; he couldn't tell.

"What about my Patronus? You were distracted when you saw my wolf," Elsie sad; in the past weeks she had enough time to think about every little strange detail that happened between them. "It wasn't always a wolf, was it?"

Remus smiled sadly, but it faded away soon. It never take long to put two and two together for her. "It was a rabbit. I saw you conjure it many times. It was never a wolf."

"So it changed after you Obliviated me," she said, and Remus nodded in answer. "How?"

"I'm not an expert, but I believe they can change due to trauma and…"

"I know that too," Elsie cut him off. "But how could it change when I had no memory of you?"

Remus looked down with a shrug and shook his head. "I don't know."

His words made her angry; she needed answers. She wasn't even sure if he was telling a truth or not. Knowing she'll probably can't get more answers about this subject, she asked her next question.

"How could I remember you?"

Remus snapped his head up and frowned hard. "What do you mean?"

"I thought they were dreams. It started after we first met…" he stopped and sighed, realizing it wasn't true. "I mean, when we met at James and Lily's last year. I had dreams about you. Small things, really. Walking together, talking about small things, kissing… I don't know, sometimes I could barely remember them by the time I woke up, but they were much more realistic than dreams. And after we first slept together," he stopped again for a second, but went on quickly, "At least the first I can remember. You know I had a nightmare, but I didn't tell you what it was about."

Remus nodded, a lump forming in his throat.

"I saw you attacking me. But I guess it wasn't just a dream. None of them, right? How is it possible?"

She saw him thinking hard for a long minute, yet his answer wasn't really satisfying. "I can't be sure. I've never done that spell before… maybe I screwed something up."

Elsie let out a frustrated sigh; he didn't sound honest.

"What about Sirius? And the others? Did they know you're going to Obliviate me?"

A shaky breath left Remus as he shifted on the couch. He knew everything he was about to say will hurt her.

"I only told them a day after," he answered quietly, and he saw as Elsie swallowed hard, and broke the eye-contact. "Except Sirius. He was there."

She turned her head quickly towards him again, eyebrows furrowed. "Sirius was there when you Obliviated me? And he didn't try to…"

"No, no, I mean," he cut her off and took a deep breath, "He was there with you after… after I attacked you. He brought you back to the house, and he stayed until I came back. I told him what I want to do, but I don't think he actually believed me. But he wasn't there when I did it. I took you home first."

The first sting of tears pricked the corner of her eyes, and she bit her lower lip, shook her head and looked away from him. Remus saw as a teardrop rolled down on her cheek and she brushed it away. He wanted to stand up and go to her, wipe her tears away, let her sob into his chest, hold her between his arms, comfort her in any way. But he couldn't, not when he was the one who made her feel this way in the first place.

"Was I close to them?" she asked suddenly, not looking into his eyes. "Sirius, Lily, the others?"

"You were good friends. Especially with Sirius… you were really close."

She gave a small, barely audible laugh. "Yet none of them tried to tell me what happened."

"Elizabeth…"

"It's just strange, you know," she said, finally looking at him again. "If we were such good friends, why none of them told me about it? They just forgot about me like you did?"

Remus heaved a sigh. "You think that? Do you really think that I…" he stopped there as his voice trembled, but continued quickly, "There wasn't one day I didn't think about you. There was not a single day, Elizabeth," they stared into each other's eyes, and she didn't even tried to wipe her tears away anymore. "And of course they didn't forget about you. Lily and Sirius wanted to tell you, and they wanted me to make it back. But just imagine them going to you and tell you all these things – would you have believed them? Just don't… don't blame them."

"I don't blame them," Elsie said, shaking. "I blame you, Remus. You are the one who did this, and dragged all of your friends, our friends into this as well!"

Remus said nothing but clenched his jaw, looking away, unable to stand her gaze anymore.

"Why did you do this, Remus? Why did you take my memories away?"

"I just tried to protect you," mumbled, staring down.

"No!" Elsie yelled, jumping up from the couch, pacing up and down in the room as she continued, "You could just leave me, Remus. Told me you don't want to see me ever again. Or that you want to keep me safe. Sure, I'd have kept trying for a while," she stopped in front of him, but the small table was between them. "But I'd give up sooner or later."

Remus stood up too. "I was desperate, okay? I couldn't think after I saw you like that," he didn't shout, but his voice was loud as well. "You know, not every full moon is the same," he continued more quietly. "Sometimes I remember everything, but usually, when I really lose my mind after the transformation, I can't remember anything when I wake up in the next day. But I do remember everything that happened that night. Your blood curdling screams, the fear in your eyes, my own anger… I wanted to hurt you," he said slowly, his eyes filled with tears.

Elsie let out a loud sob, but then she tried to swallow her tears back. "I knew you were a werewolf, back then. I'm pretty sure I was aware what I was sign up for."

"You don't understand…"

"Oh, I do," Elsie cut him off again. "Do you want to know what I think? I think you're selfish. Because you didn't want to see me and remember what you did when you looked into my eyes. You chose the easiest way," her voice shaky, yet somehow still strong, and every of her words made Remus' heart break a little more. "You wanted to forget what you did, because you hated yourself because of it. It wasn't about me."

"It was about you, Elizabeth, I just wanted to keep you safe from myself!" his voice loud again while he walked around the small table, stopping in front of the girl.

Elsie crossed her arms across her chest. Her face wasn't angry anymore; all he could see was sadness and disappointment. "Do you know what the worst part is? You can't see why I am angry at you. You think the problem is that you attacked me. It is not," she said slowly, and involuntarily took a step closer. "Remus, I knew you were a werewolf. I'm not stupid, I knew something bad could happen any time. This is something you can't control. But you Obliviated me. That was your decision. And you can't see why that is bad."

His legs gave up, and he plopped down on the couch again. He didn't know what he should say, how he could make her understand that he did it for her. He couldn't make her understand.

"Why did you came here today? You wanted to talk to me – I don't understand why. This is what you wanted, right? You wanted me to stay away from you," Elsie said and sat down at the armrest of the chair. Her tears finally stopped, but the lump in her throat didn't disappear.

"I just don't know how I am supposed to go on without you anymore."

"And how should I?" Elsie asked with pained voice. "You wiped out my memories of you, but I still can't remember anything without you. I feel like… like you were always a part of my life, I just can't put my fingers around it. I can't, because I don't remember exact moments, just feelings."

Remus sniffed, brushing his tears away with his sleeves. "I can't give your memories back."

"I don't want them back," she said through gritted teeth for his surprise. "A month ago… even just a few days ago, I'd have done anything to get my memories back. Not anymore. I don't want to remember you. I just wish I could forget you."

His heart sank to the floor and he bowed his head down. He felt deep sorrow tearing him apart from inside, and he wasn't sure he had ever felt something so painful ever before.

It hurt her too, saying these things out loud. And it hurt to see him like this. But how could she forgive him?

"You have nothing to say?" Elsie asked in a small voice when the silence was unbearable.

Remus raised his head, but his eyes were fixed somewhere behind her. "I don't know what I can say to make you understand," he said with a shaky breath. "I don't know what I can say to make you believe that I did this for you."

Silence, again. It was so hard to say anything.

Slowly, Elsie stood up again. "I don't think we should see each other for a while. Or anymore."

Remus nodded and stood up too, walking towards the front door with weak legs. Still, he hurried, before he'd collapse right and there.

He opened the door, but turned back after he heard Elsie called his name.

"Have you ever thought about that maybe you shouldn't have done that?"

Finally, his gaze met hers, and she felt her own knees trembled.

"Every day."


She missed him. No matter how much she tried to deny, it was empty without him. Now her only hope was that it will be easier with time.

She didn't get much time for it as only two days after her talk with Remus, an unexpected visitor came knocking on her door. Elsie was surprised to see Sirius, and from the look on his face, he expected her reaction.

"It's really nice to see you too," he said with an amused face, causing Elsie to laugh.

"Sorry, I just didn't expect to see you. Juliet isn't here…"

"Actually, I wanted to talk to you," he cut her off.

Elsie heaved a sigh, but let Sirius walk into the house. He followed her into the kitchen; parchments and books were scattered around the table. "Am I interrupting something?"

"Yeah, my non-stop study session. I have four exams this week," Elsie said and waved her wand, levitating her belongings up from the table. With another wave, she wanted to send them out of the kitchen, but they crashed onto the wall and fell on the floor.

She let out a tired sigh, while Sirius laughed. "Well, I'm really happy you're a writer and not anything else that involves even the tiniest use of magic."

"Very funny," she crossed her arms across her chest, but smiled as well, while Sirius finished what she started and levitated her books and papers out of the kitchen, setting them down in her bedroom.

"How's Jules doing?"

"She's fine," pouring some Firewhisky to Sirius. "But why don't you ask her?"

Sirius shrugged and took a sip from his drink, while Elsie opened a Butterbeer for herself and sat down across him. "I just wasn't sure she's ready to be around me again. Is she?"

"I think she is. But if you want to talk to her, you better be quick, because we'll spend the summer in America."

Sirius raised his eyebrows in surprise. "We?"

Elsie gave a nod and put a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "I'll go with her."

They fell in silence for a few seconds, and she was sure what Sirius was thinking of. He refilled his glass, before looked back at Elsie again. "Running away from Remus isn't the solution."

"I'm not running away!" she said loudly. "It's just a good opportunity to see something new."

Sirius watched her with a quirked eyebrow, while she was picking the label off the bottle. Then she looked up suddenly, her voice cold, but not angry. "Did he send you to talk to me?"

"No," Sirius snorted. "He would murder me if he knew I came here."

Elsie let out a deep breath. He knew he was telling the truth; Remus wouldn't send someone else to do the dirty work, no matter how desperate he was.

"He told me those things you told him," Sirius spoke slowly and carefully, knowing the wounds were still fresh. "I'm not saying you weren't right about anything, but… I just want to make you understand what it feels like from his view."

"Sirius," Elsie shook her head, "You don't have to explain anything, because I understand. I get it, you want to protect your friend. But I can't change my mind, no matter what you'll say. I'm not angry. I'm disappointed."

Sirius leaned closer above the table. "First of all, you are my friend too. I'm trying to help on the both of you, since none of you can do it by yourself," he said jokingly, causing Elsie to roll her eyes with a tiny smile before he went on, more seriously. "And I don't think you understand, because I don't understand either! None of us can understand."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about that he's a werewolf."

Elsie let out a growl, leaning back on her chair. "Sirius, don't start this you too. I never cared about his condition!"

"I know. Me neither," he explained, drinking his remained Firewhisky. "I just want you to try to imagine being him for a second. Yeah, you and me, we don't care about that he's a werewolf. The rest of the world does. It isn't just about one night at every month, it's about every single day of his life since he's a little kid. He isn't just judged by the whole society, he's feared. Like he isn't scared enough he could hurt someone," he took a deep breath and leaned back against his chair, staring his empty glass for a few seconds.

"I know him for a long time, Elsie. He always put others first. Not just because he's selfless, but because he's scared. Of himself, what he's capable of. It could poison anyone's mind."

She felt as tears burned her eyes again, even though she was sure she couldn't cry anymore. She cleared her throat, trying not to speak with a hoarse voice. "I understand what you are saying, and I feel sorry for him, but his condition can't be an excuse. Should we let him to hurt us all over and over again and then forgive him, just because he has issues?"

"No, of course not," Sirius shook his head. "I know he fucked this up, but I swear he had never done anything bad to you before that."

Elsie brushed a tear away. "So what do you think I should do? Forgive him, and forget everything that happened? You know, it's not just that he Obliviated me… after years, he let me fall in love with him again, while he lied to my face for months. Why he couldn't just let me go?"

"Did you know werewolves only fall in love once?"

She stood up with a growl, walking towards the window. "Don't come at me with this. It's just a tale anyway."

"Yeah, it isn't," Sirius answered with ease, watching Elsie as she leaned against the wall with her shoulder, looking through the window, arms crossed across her chest. "I'm not saying you should forget everything, or forgive him immediately, but… I don't know. Maybe you could give him a chance. Stay close to him. Help him to understand he doesn't need to push people away."

He stood up and walked closer, stopping behind her. He saw as she shook her head before she said,

"I don't know how I could trust him."

"You need time," Sirius nodded, and Elsie turned around to face him. "All I ask is try to think this through before you make your final decision."

She let out a defeated sigh. "Okay, I will. But I can't promise anything. And don't tell him we talked."

"I won't. I told you, he'd murder me," his scared expression made Elsie chuckle.

"How did we become friends?" she asked then, her eyes still teary, but a small smile on her lips. "Remus told me we were really close."

Sirius leaned against the counter. "Well, I guess I just tried to talk to you a lot. You weren't really talkative."

Elsie gave a short nod and a silent chuckle, before Sirius went on. "But the bonding moment was when we spent nearly a week together in the Hospital Wing."

"What?!"

He laughed at her surprised face and the memory. "You joined to one of our prank wars. I pranked Remus, he pranked back, and then I pranked him back. You laughed at him when I turned his hair into pink for a week, so he pranked you, and you joined to me… don't look at me like this, I know it was a mess," he grinned. "So, you joined to me, and this one time we were making a potion, and you blew it up somehow, and both of us as well."

"Yeah, that sounds like me."

"We spent the next couple days in the Hospital Wing, then a week at detention. You had literally no other choice but like me, or suffer."

They both laughed while she wiped her still wet eyes with her sleeves. When they stopped, Elsie looked at him with a sadder smile, "I wish I could remember."

"Me too."

Sirius stayed for another hour, while they talked about old memories – well, Sirius did. Nothing sad, nothing serious; just funny little things that helped to cheer her up. Even she was surprised that it actually helped, a lot.

"Will you think about what I told you?" Sirius asked before he left, leaning against the doorframe.

Elsie sighed, then gave a little shrug. She wished she could just forget all the bad parts, make the pain go away. It hurt without him, but she knew it would hurt with him more.

"I will think about it, yes. But it still hurt too much to promise anything."