Jacob: (Is bound and gagged with all the OCs) MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMPPPHHH!
(Ms. Endive whacks him over the head with an oven mitt) Oh, give it a rest, you hooligan! This is what you deserved.
?: So true. (Notices the camera) Oh, hey, everyone. The name's Kalvire, and I'll be your "host" this chapter. You see, I became dissatisfied with the shoddy job that Jordan and Jacob were doing, so I grabbed a bunch of my associates and took over the booth. And I gotta admit—it was easier than I thought. (Bends down to face Rika) I expected a bit more from you dopes.
Rika: (Spits out the gag) You little worm, wait'll I get my hands on you and—
Kalvire: (Gags Rika again) Well, you're no fun. Just behave yourselves, or Endive here will have you for dinner!
(Endive holds up a sharp knife in a terrifying manner…then starts cutting carrots.)
Jacob: (Spits out gag) Where the heck is Jordan?
Kalvire: He…uh…(Turns to Endive) Where IS he, anyway?
(Viewpoint switches to the inside of a closet, with Jordan sitting.)
Jordan: Hey, everyone. Uh, due to circumstances I'm unwilling to admit, I have found myself to be locked in here. I tried yelling for help several times, but nada. So, while I wait to be rescued, I will start the chapter, which takes place six days after the last one. Yeah, I'm lazy…Anyway…
Chapter Eleven
Nudge the Judge's Grudge
"Are you sure it's ready?"
"Now is a better time for a test drive than any, Albert."
"Very well. Let us begin."
"Well? Have you remembered anything yet?"
"Kaitlin, it's been almost a week. I can't remember a single thing from that dream now."
Max shook his head. "That's a pity. Think it was something important?"
"Hey, I think it was something EXTREMELY important!" Jaron threw his arms wide, startling Holly, who was on his lap. "I just can't remember a single stupid thing!"
"Well, maybe it'll come back to you sometime."
Takeda gave a loud snort. "Yeah, like, NEVER…"
"Takeda!"
"What? Holly, you know he's an idiot."
"Don't call him that!"
"Okay, you two, break it up!" interrupted Kaitlin.
Jaron chuckled a little, then looked out the bus window and became silent. thoughts kept going back to what happened nearly a week ago—the guy in the mask, Anti-Jaron, that woman, Nova, the crazy dream, Kaitlin muttering darkly about the Burger King the next morning—
Well, okay, forget that last part.
"Earth to Hedgehog Boy, come in, please!"
"Huh?" Jaron snapped out of his reverie and looked at Kaitlin. "Sorry, I was thinking…How come you called me 'Hedgehog Boy'? I'm not a hedgehog right now."
"Yeah, I know, but you have to have at least ONE nickname, right?"
"Maybe, but Hedgehog Boy? Really?"
"Would you rather prefer 'King of Asparagus?"
"Okay, okay, you win! Hedgehog Boy it is, then."
James looked out the window. "By the way, you said you wanted to stop somewhere first, right?"
"Yeah," said Kaitlin. "We need to stop by the café first—I have a couple things to take care of." She anticipated Jaron's response beforehand. "No, we cannot go to Toon Town right away, Jaron. Besides, we have one day before a week has past, so we have plenty of time on our hands. So no complaining, all right?"
Jaron sighed. "All right…" He became silent as he gazed out the window, occasionally glancing at Holly, who had fallen asleep on his lap.
I had no idea that Holly was a Pokemorph. But if that's true, then how come she hasn't tried to become human yet? Ugh…So many questions! But still…she was really cute…okay, Jaron, get it together! The sooner I find that guy, the better.
This thought brought the previous night's dream to mind, causing Jaron to shudder—it had been downright scary. Something about a big, black, demon thing with a sword had been involved, along with a couple of people he had never seen before…
"HEY, MUD FOR BRAINS!"
"Eh? Wha? I'm awake!... Uh, what am I awake for, again?"
"Ugh…we're here, for cryin' out loud!"
Jaron looked at the neon sign above the diner. "The… Old Crow Diner?"
Yes, the Old Crow. The sign above it depicted a crow with a monocle and smoking a pipe—despite the fact that the words NO SMOKING ON THE PREMISES were underneath it. There was a loud commotion inside.
Kaitlin sighed. "Oh, yeah, I forgot…"
"What?"
"It's Happy Hour."
It was certainly loud inside, with customers coming and going and chatting and shouting as well as singing along with the song Merry Go Round Broken Down playing on the jukebox. Speaking of which, dancing on top of the counter was—
My Buddy's Eddy V.,
a sourpuss you'll see,
but when I'm done,
he'll need no gun,
a joker he will be,
C,
D,
E,
F,
H,
I-I-I-I-I-I
LOVE to raise some cain,
It really is no strain,
It feels so great to smash a plate
And look there is no PAIN
CRASH!
"No pain—"
CRASH!
"No pain—"
CRASH!
"No pain—"
CRASH!
"No pain—"
CRASH!
"No pain—"
CRASH!
"No pain—oh, wait, that's a glass—NO PAIN!"
CRASH!
"No pai—"
Kaitlin immediately stopped the jukebox, causing Roger Rabbit to freeze in place, a plate over his head ready to be shattered against his skull.
The woman at the counter, looking like she was in her twenties, and wearing a classic white-apron-blue-diner-dress-combo, removed the plate. "Thank you." When she had finished, she took a glance Kaitlin and stopped what she was doing. "Oh, my go—is that you, Kaitlin? Where have you been all this time?"
"Hey, Flo," said Kaitlin as she led the others inside. "What's up?"
"Well may you ask, Kaitlin, well may you ask!" Flo said wearily as Kaitlin swung over the counter. "I have been working like a horse since you left. What about you? Where've you been?"
"Oh, you wouldn't believe me if I told you," said Kaitlin.
Flo looked over at Jaron. "Well I'll be! You've got yerself a man, have ya?"
Jaron looked baffled as he paused from poking the frozen Roger. "What does that mean?"
Kaitlin gave Flo a LOOK. "Let me make this clear—he is NOT my boyfriend."
Flo chuckled. "Suit yerself, sugah…so, who's the kid with the cap and the upright, talkin' dawg?"
James frowned. Talking 'dawg'?
"I'm Max," said Max, "and this is James, this guy here is Takeda, and the little one that Jaron has on his head is Holly."
Jaron held out his hand. "I'm Jaron Roxai. Nice to meetcha."
"Charmed," said Flo as she distributed a Mile High Shake to a man with an orange turban.
Jaron just looked up at the Shake. "Whoa…wait, if it's a mile high, then how—"
"When you're this close ta Toon Town, sugah, physics are thrown out ta window."
"Riiiiiight…" True, Jaron had seen and been through a lot of weird stuff (Not even counting the stuff we've covered in this fic).
"So, Kaitlin," said Flo as she whacked the head of a customer attempting to steal another's plate, "What're you doin' back? What's up?"
"Oh, THAT'S a story and a half," Kaitlin said wearily. "I don't know where to start…Jaron?"
"I'm lookin' for someone."
Flo raised an eyebrow. "Uh-huh. Who?"
"I have no idea. I've been having these weird dreams for over a year now, all of them with a boy in it. About half as short as I am, yellow hair." He suddenly looked hopeful. "D'you know anyone like that?"
Flo thought for a moment. "Hmm…uh…there was this guy—no, he was taller. And had chestnut colored hair."
Jaron looked disappointed, but then became interested again. "Who did?"
"Uh…lemme think...oh yeah, Wally."
"Wally?" James asked. "Who's that?"
"Wally Ryu. He's this guy who lives in Toon Town with this other guy, Auto, no, Otto, I think."
(Jacob:(spits out gag) Hey, I didn't know we put them in-
Kalvire: Shut it, knave!)
"He came in once or twice. He was pretty friendly—not like that Otto guy."
"What do you mean, 'Not like that Otto guy?'"
Meanwhile, Jaron was prodding and poking the still frozen Roger Rabbit. "Uh, hello? You okay?"
Poke poke poke.
"Um, do you think we should turn back on th-"
"Nope."
Meanwhile, Max was looking at the menu with an expression of longing. "Hey, Kaitlin…"
"Go right ahead, but nothing over five bucks."
"SWEE—Wait, so I can order every—"
"You get ONE THING under five bucks!"
"Oh…"
Just then, the door opened and a man in a trenchcoat came in. A hushed silence fell as everyone became aware of the man with the purple blade he wore at his hip. Moving toward the counter silently, he sat down on a barstool and turned to look at the other customers with annoyance. "Well, what is it? Don't go silent when I enter. Get on with your business!"
The patrons at the restaurant, almost uniformly, went back to their conversations. The madness had caught up to Jaron and figured Kaitlin would know this debonair dandy. "Hey, Kaitlin…"
The man, ignoring Jaron completely, turned to look at the frozen Roger and gave him a quick tap on the ear, which somehow unfroze him.
"—ain! Huh? Is it over already? Ah, darn!"
The man chuckled. "One step at a time, Roger." He turned to Flo. "One coffee, thank you, and no sugar."
Flo handed him a coffee in two seconds flat. "Here ya are, sah."
"Thank you." As he sipped at his drink, he noticed Jaron and Kaitlin whispering to each other. He nudged Jaron's elbow. "I don't think I've seen you around here, young man. What's your name?"
"Me? Uh, Jaron Roxai."
The man nodded. "A pleasure to meet you, Jaron. I am Alphonse Corby."
Jaron thought for a moment. "Uh…Never heard of you."
You could hear a record player skip as all activity halted. All patrons dropped what they were doing and swung around in their chairs to stare at Jaron with profound suspicion, making him feel a little spooked. "Uh, did I do something wrong?"
Alphonse turned to look at the crowd with a look of pure irritation. "What is it now? Get back to what you were doing!"
Once again, they all went back to their business. Alphonse turned back to Jaron. "You really must be new here. Did you come to town recently?"
"Yeah, I came here today with my friends, Kaitlin—" Kaitlin acknowledge Alphonse with a nod—"Max—" Max let out a muffled "Hi," as he bit into a cobbler—"And James." The red Lucario just shrugged. "Oh, and Holly." The Shaymin on his head let out a yip. "And Takeda." A grunt. "You said you're Alphonse, right?"
"Yes." He did a polite bow. "I happen to be a resident of Toon Town. I also happen to be the host of the—"
"VERY ANGRY SHOW!"
The television screen turned on and blared out that line, not only causing the windows to shatter, but also causing the TV to implode. Flo tsked. "That's the third time this week!"
"Sorry about that, I'll send a repair man out, posthaste." Alphonse looked sheepish.
Max stood up from where he had taken refuge from under the counter. "What the heck was THAT?"
"Sorry, that happens every time anyone says the name of the show. Everyone is convinced that the name is cursed."
"Does not surprise me," James muttered as he picked glass out of his fur.
Alphonse sighed. "Doesn't matter, I suppose." He drank his coffee. "So…Jaron, right? What brings you and your friends here?"
"I'm looking for someone," Jaron said quickly before the others could open their mouths.
"Oh, really? Who?"
"I dunno. I never met the guy. All I know is that he has blond hair and is kinda short." He suddenly looked hopeful. "Do you know anyone like that?"
Alphonse stroked his chin in thought. "Hmmm…Blonde hair…short…sorry, can't say I know anyone like that, but the best place you can look is Toon Town."
Jaron immediately stood up. "Well, let's get going, then!"
Max grabbed him by the elbow and dragged him back into his chair. "Hey, there, cowboy, don't you think you should slow down for a bit? For that matter, do you even know how to get there from here?"
"…uh…."
"I rest my case, thank you very much."
Alphonse raised an eyebrow. "You're a strange bunch, you know that?"
"You have no idea," they all said in unison.
Alphonse shrugged. "Now, I don't mean to prod, but may I ask, why are you looking for him?"
Jaron sighed. "I've been having these weird dreams for over a year now, all of them with this kid. I know they're just dreams, but I'm sure this guy's real…" He thought back to the masked man. "Heck, I know he is."
"And what do you plan to do when you do find him?"
Jaron opened his mouth to answer—and then realized that he had none. Now that he thought about it, he had no idea what he would do if he found him. The only thing he could do was scrap up what little sensible answer he had in response. "…I guess talk to him, find out who he is, and why I've been seeing him in my dreams for the past few months. He might be friendly—heck, I KNOW he is."
"And how, exactly, do you know that?"
"He just does," Kaitlin and James said simultaneously before Jaron could respond, prompting him to glare at them, which in turn made them smile at Jaron.
Alphonse chuckled, then noticed the Raptor Sword at Jaron's hip. "That's an interesting blade you have there."
Jaron unsheathed it and looked at it. "You think so?"
"Of course. Where'd you get it?"
Jaron shrugged. "Dunno. Had it for as long as I can remember."
Alphonse pulled out HIS sword. "It is a nice sword. I suppose it can be compared to mine?"
The sword that Alphonse held was simply amazing—it was a sword with four blades protruding parallel from the hilt, almost like a cross, and the blade itself had to be twice as long as Jaron's arm. The most interesting thing, however, was the fact that the blade was made out of what looked like purple diamond. "Wow…" Jaron mumbled. "Where'd you get THAT?"
Alphonse put it away. "All I will say is that I had a very hard time just getting the thing, thank you." He chuckled. "I am glad to see that you are interested. The Crucifix Saber—that's what it's called—is a sword made out of pure diamond—nothing can destroy it. What's VERY interesting about it—" Here he took it out again and showed them the blade—"is that, rumor has it, a piece from the True Cross is imbedded in its core. I do not know if it's true or not, however."
"What's a True Cross?"
Once again, all activity halted as all the patrons turned in their chairs and gave Jaron the LOOK, Evil Eye (TM) included. Alphonse turned to look at them all, his eye twitching. "Oh, for—don't you people have anything better to do?" They all went back to what they were doing. "You'd think they had no lives…" He looked at Jaron. "You have no idea what the True Cross is?"
"Never even heard of it until ya mentioned it."
"Don't even start!" Alphonse said loudly as everyone else was about to turn. They kept turning.
Meanwhile, three people had managed to fix the television. "It's working, Flo!"
"Finally. Now, if anyone eevan THINKS about sayin' the YOU-KNOW-WHAT again, I will bash their heads with this here rolling pin, got it?"
They all got the message. Flo promptly took the remote and turned the TV on to the Boxing Channel.
"Welcome to the WBVA Major Circuit! Today we will show a boxing match of EPIC POPORTIONS!" Kaitlin immediately sat up and gave the TV her full attention. "In the RED corner, age 17, weighing a measly 107 pounds and 5.7 ft., the Bronx's champion—LITTLE MAC!"
"Hey! My brother's on! Turn it up!" Kaitlin called over to Flo.
All activity halted when she—"OH NO YOU DON'T!" They decided that discretion was the better part of valor and crowded around the TV. The person depicted had dark tanned skin, black hair, a black tank top and green shorts—which, in my opinion, is a color you NEVER see on anyone's shorts. It would've been impressive if it weren't for the fact that he was 5.7 ft. high.
"And in the BLUE corner, age 20, weigh-in at 210 pounds and 6.3 ft., Brooklyn's grooviest 'gah-roooooove thaaaang' out there, DISCO KID!"
The weirdest thing happened—a disco ball descended from the ceiling, and music began playing in the backround…
There's nothing more than I'd like to do
Than take the floor and dance with you
Keep daaaaaancin'
Just keep '!
And that was when Disco Kid emerged dancing to the music. Tall, with short yellow hair and blue boxing gloves, he seemed to RADIATE disco.
Shake your groove thang
Shake your groove thang
Yeah yeah!
"Show me how you do it nooooooOOOOOOOOOwwwwww!" Disco Kid seemed to have the song known by heart, as he was singing along to it while he was shakin' it up to the ring.
Jaron was laughing so hard that he could sit up right. "AHAHAHAHAAA! Who IS this guy? He's a riot!"
"Totally ridiculous, but he's good," Kaitlin said. "'Fraid he doesn't stand a chance against Mac, though."
"How come?"
Everyone—"AHEM!" Never mind.
"Mac's been the three time champion of the WBVA," Kaitlin explained. "He's the ONLY one to ever been able to beat Mr. Sandman, the previous champ." She sighed, shaking her head. "And he's my older brother."
"Kaitlin he-ah is tha only one who can get away with callin' him a midget," Flo commented. Jaron raised an eyebrow at that, but decided to leave it be.
There was the sound of a plank hitting a pound of meat, and they turned back to the TV to see Disco Kid flying across the ring. "You go, Mac! Send him back to his 80's era where he belongs!" This was said by a large African American man in a red sweater and jeans, holding a chocolate bar in his right hand.
"Hm, I think the camera puts on 50 pounds, don't you?" Kaitlin asked.
"You have NO idea, sugah," said Flo, shaking her head.
"And that is…?" Max asked.
"Jerome Louis, AKA Doc, Mac's coach," Kaitlin explained. "Also was a former WVBA champ when he was younger. He's a nice guy, though I think he likes chocolate a bit much."
"A bit? The guy looks like he weighs more than the diner!"
"Okay, that was not nice, Flo."
There was another thwack, and they turned to see Mac giving Disco Kid one across the chin. Then the bell dinged, and that was the end of round one.
Well, you can tell by the way I walk
I'm a woman's man; no time to talk
Music loud and women warm
I've been kicked around since I was born
And now it's all right, it's okay,
And you may look the other way
We can try to understand
The New York Times' affect on man
Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother
You're STAYIN' ALIVE, STAYIN' ALIIIIIIVE!
Jaron was confounded. "How is this even LEGAL in the match?"
Alphonse shrugged. "Who knows?" As he spoke, several patrons actually got up from their seats and started dancing to the music. "Maybe the judges are like these patrons and can't resist 'the fever.'"
(Kalvire: Yep, this fic is going downhill fast.
Endive: I say we finish off these heathens with a wet noodle and be DONE with it.
Kalvire: That would contradict the point of having hostages, wouldn't it?
Endive: … I still say we finish them off. After all, who will save them? Certainly not their little friends Gatling Gun and Suitcase.
Jaron: (Spits out gag) Their names are GANTZ Gun and NUTcase!)
Jaron shook his head at the dancers and took a look out the window—and his heart nearly stopped. He couldn't see it clearly, but he KNEW that he had seen someone with blond hair enter an alley.
"Yes!" Kaitlin yelled as Mac socked the Kid in the face, thus making him suffer a TKO. "Mac won again Jar—Jaron?"
Jaron had ran out of the diner so quickly it was as if he had teleported. Kaitlin stood up from her seat, only for Alphonse to signal her to stop. "No, stay there, I'll go get him myself. You stay and enjoy the music." He got up and left in pursuit of Jaron.
Kaitlin sighed. "Fine…" She turned to Max. "Wanna dance?"
Max turned pale. "D-dance?" He looked down, suddenly finding his shoes to be VERY interesting, and only the color red returned to his face. "Uh…I don't know how to dance…"
"Well, come on then!" Before he could protest, Kaitlin had grabbed Max and dragged him to the dance floor.
"Forceful, isn't she?" James asked Flo.
"Oh, trust me, she is, sweetheart."
Jaron was running so quickly you could barely see him rush past. He KNEW that what he saw was the one from his dreams. There was no way he was going to let him get away now.
As he rounded the corner of the alley, he yelled out, "HEY, WAIT!"
The alley was empty. Jaron looked around, perplexed. The only way out was the way he came in, and he would've seen the kid go that way. He checked the nearby dumpster. Empty. He thought he was going to explode. I was so CLOSE! He slammed his fist against the wall in anger. Suddenly, he heard the sound of clanking.
"What… the…?" In front of him were little creatures with beady yellow eyes, and weird, metal helmets that covered their heads. They also had strange, heart shaped emblems on their chests, and did I mention the red claws?
"Uh…" Jaron wasn't sure how to react. "Can I help you?"
The one in front responded by lunging forward at Jaron with a rolling kick. Jaron neatly jumped over the creature and landed behind the others. Dusting himself off, he said indignantly, "What the heck was that for?"
They replied by dog piling him. "AGH! Get—offa—ME!" The creatures flew in all directions as Jaron punched them off. As he stood up, he clenched his fists. "I am NOT in a good mood today, so BACK OFF if you know what's good for you!"
Either they didn't know what was good for them or they just didn't like him, I don't know, but they regrouped and got ready for their assault. Jaron sighed in frustration. "Okay, fine! You asked for it!" He waited calmly until the first creature lunged forward, then calmly punched it in the stomach, sending it flying. Sensing two more behind him, he spun around dealt with them with a swift sweeping kick, knocking them into the dumpster. While his back was turned, another attepted to jump on him, only for Jaron to move and have it kiss the asphalt. "Look, you guys asked for this, so don't get mad at me, okay?"
Three more jumped at him, only for him to pulverize all three with a kick. "Can't you guys get the message?" He elbowed another in the ribs as it attempted to attack him from behind. "Quit bugging me!" He smelled another presence behind him, causing him to turn around, fist raised…
And he froze. The creature in front of him was a lot smaller than the others, black, with claws, antennae, and yellow eyes. If Jaron didn't know better, he'd saw that it was actually…
Kinda cute, in a way.
He continued to stare at it, his fist still raised. This…whatever it was…he didn't know why, but it seemed a little innocent to him in a way.
…There was no way he could harm it. No way. There was no way that he could bring himself to actually harm this little guy. Of course, many people would see differently…
"OI!"
The little shadow-whatever-it-was evaporated in a cloud of black smoke. Jaron jumped in shock as Alphonse stood up from where he had slain it, giving him a fierce scowl. "You need to pay more attention, Jaron." He turned to the other creatures as they approached them, stopping instantly as his gaze hit them. Alphonse pointed his sword at them, looking fierce. "You want more of this? Then get out of my sight!"
Now, if those thing's faces could show fear, they would've right then and there. They obviously took Alphonse's threat seriously, as they vanished in apparent fright as he took a step forward. Alphonse sighed as he sheathed his sword. "Those Heartless…more and more are appearing these days." He turned to Jaron, who had fallen down on his rear. "Are you all right?"
Jaron didn't react. He just sat there, looking at Alphonse with a blank look on his face.
"Jaron? What's wrong?" Nothing. Has he gone into shock? He was fine a second ago—
That was when Jaron realized what happened and his expression turned to one of anger.
"What the HECK DID YOU DO THAT FOR?" he yelled, jumping to his feet.
Before Alphonse could react, Jaron was right in his face, his expression one of pure outrage. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU! That little guy wasn't doing anything! How could you be so heartless?"
None of this registered in Alphonse's brain at first. What the heck was he talking about? Then the realization hit him like a freight train in Vermont.
(Endive: Vermont?
Kalvire: Are there even any trains in Vermont?
Chris McClean: I happen to know for a fact that there is, without a doubt, no trains in Vermont.
Rika: That makes you a complete dumbbell.
Chris: Why yes, I know I am strong and handsome, thank you very much.
Max: She's calling you a moron.)
"You…do you even KNOW what those creatures were?" Alphonse asked in disbelief.
"Think I care? Don't change the subject, you—"
"Listen to me!" Alphonse placed his hands on Jaron's shoulders. "Jaron, you should be thankful that I helped you here—"
"You want me to thank you for murder?"
"Murder? Jaron, have you even seen those before?"
"So what if I haven't?"
Alphonse shook his head in bewilderment. The Heartless were supposed to by universal phenomenon—ask anyone from ANY world and they will have at least heard of those creatures of darkness, even if they had been living under a rock. Therefore this was completely new to him—almost like someone asked him what two plus two was.
Jaron shoved Alphonse's hands away. "I'm leaving!"
"Wait!" Alphonse grabbed him by the collar, almost choking him and causing him to slip and fall on his behind. "Ow!" Jaron got up, rubbing his backside and glaring at Alphonse. "What the HECK was that for?"
"Jaron—no, listen to me!" He grabbed Jaron by the shoulder as he attempted to leave. "If you truly don't know what those are—"
"I don't CARE what they are!" Jaron shoved Alphonse's hand away. "Just leave me alone."
"I will NOT leave you alone," Alphonse said firmly, "until I am sure you are suitably informed."
Jaron glared at him for a few moments, then said sullenly, "What are they, then?"
"They're Heartless."
"Well, that's not very nice!"
Alphonse shook his head. He was getting the impression that this boy wasn't very smart. "With a capital H. That's what they are—those without hearts."
Jaron stared at him, bewildered. "Wait, what? They don't have hearts?"
"No, not at all. Not only that, but they are also extremely dangerous—they wander about in search of food. Do you know what they live on?"
"No…"
"They live on hearts. Preferably the hearts of live people—people like YOU, for example."
Jaron stared at him, slightly shocked. "Wa—they eat hearts?"
"I wouldn't say they eat the hearts, but that's not the point—when the Heartless take a person's heart, he or she becomes a Heartless themselves."
Jaron looked rather uncomfortable. "Oh, wow…uh…" Alphonse sighed. I think I finally got through to him…
Then Jaron said something that pretty much dashed that hope to pieces.
"But…not all of them are that bad, right? I mean, I'm sure some Heartless are nice, right?"
Alphonse stared at him with complete incredulity. "Wh-y-are you serious? They're HEARTLESS! They constantly endanger the lives of thousands—no, MILLIONS of people! They don't have any feelings—they live by instinct! Anything and anyone they encounter are considered food by them! I'm amazed you haven't even heard of them before now! What makes you think that some of them are even CAPABLE of being nice?"
Jaron looked taken aback. "Why are you acting like it's such a big deal? I'm sure not all of them are—" Before he knew it, Alphonse had grabbed him by the collar and had actually lifted him off the ground.
"LISTEN TO ME!" Alphonse seethed. "Heartless are exactly what their name implies—they have no hearts, and therefore nothing to feel with! Why do you keep acting as if they do? Think about it—who ever even thought of a Heartless being tame, let alone nice?"
"Easy for you to say!" Jaron shot back. "Just 'cause you haven't seen a nice Heartless doesn't mean they don't exist!"
Alphonse abruptly threw Jaron to the ground, causing him to land with a loud "OOF!" "You disgust me," he spat, his voice thick with contempt. "I can't believe you could think that a Heartless can even be intelligent, let alone be nice. But I'm sure you'll find out the truth soon enough." He turned to leave, though not before having a last word.
"Your stupidity will mean the death of you, your friends, and the one you search for!" And with that, he left, not bothering to turn back to look at Jaron.
Now, Jaron being Jaron, took this guy as one of the most ignorant people on earth. I can't believe people like him would just assume things…Jaron picked himself up and brushed off his jacket. Stupid jerk…don't say they can't be nice just 'cause you haven't seen a nice one before! He took one last look around the alley, then left, thinking, I should head back. Kaitlin's gonna be pretty angry that I ran off…
If you had asked what Misty was thinking as she gazed from the rooftop, you would've gotten a well-deserved "Get lost, you creep." At any rate, she wasn't really in any mood for talking.
Being a mercenary had its drawbacks. Sure, it meant a steady income, but it could get lonely after a while. She had gotten used to it, however, so it didn't bother her greatly.
And yet, sometimes she couldn't help but think of what had happened the last time she had seen her, the teenage robot…of how she had looked up from the ground, her body cracked and broken, and those six words…
I thought you were my friend…
She sighed. "What the heck am I doing? Thinking about some worthless memories…" Her voice trailed off.
After a few moments, she heard the sound of footsteps and tensed, ready to spring and deliver a ninja-boot to the face of whoever the heck would bother coming up here. After a moment of silence, the person stopped next to her and sat down, his legs dangling over the edge of the rooftop. Misty gave him one glance—some guy in a suit—and looked back down on the street, making no other sign that she acknowledged the stranger's presence.
There was no noise for a while, save that of the hustle and bustle of the lives of those below, Oompa-loompa-ing in and out of the various stores and other buildings and generally living their small, insignificant (to her, anyway) lives.
After a while, thought, the stranger broke the silence…
And what he said thoroughly shocked Misty to the core.
"She thought you were her friend."
Misty just sat there, shocked, unable to believe what this man had just said. Slowly, her head turned to face him, and he continued to look down at the street as he continued, "Odd, isn't it, that it takes so long to create, foster and cherish a friendship, and then dash it to oblivion in a matter of seconds. I always had a problem with it—all that hard work and toil, only for it to be destroyed instantly. All that for something so fragile! But I digress. She cared, you know. She firmly believed that you were a friend that she could count on. Of course, because of your character, your relationship with her grew to a point that the two of you found each other intolerable. And then, well, you know the rest. First the Teen Team, broken up because of such vast differences, even between yourselves, and now you lost something just as precious—a valuable comrade." He looked at Misty. "That's one of the things I can't stand about humans—they always seek to destroy what matters most, even to them."
Mist continued to stare, then she found her voice. "Who—who the HECK are you?" She stood up, fist clenched. "How do you know so much?"
The man chuckled as he looked down at the street again. "Oh, believe me, Misty, my name would mean absolutely nothing to you, and even if it did telling you would be a waste of both our times, I'm sure. As to how I know so much, well, that's what you get when you get around." He looked at Misty. "Guesswork and the original facts give me the truth I want in regards to people like you. It's as simple as that. For example…" He pointed down at the street. "Do you see the boy in the striped shirt with the man in the habit? If you tried to enter that boy's mind, you would find nothing. Not only that, but you'd be instantly repelled. The same applies to that one as well," he added, pointing at a teenager in a red jacket hurrying along the sidewalk, "Though there is a more specific reason for this one. You see, that boy uses his brain for the same things as anyone else—motor functions, sensory input, that sort of thing—but he doesn't think with it. He has no thoughts in his brain; instead, he thinks and remembers using an entirely different organ. Can you guess what that is?"
Misty looked down at the street, then the man, then back again. "How the heck should I know?"
The man chuckled. "Well, you have one, and so does he, as well as everyone else on this world—the thing the Heartless want; THAT is the answer to my question, miss." The man stood up. "All I will say now is this—do not be constrained by your guilt. Your sins are your own, and nobody else—" Here he gave Misty a solid glare—"least of all mine."
Misty stared at him, dumbfounded, then she found her voice. "What the HECK does that mean? And how do you know my name?"
Kavma tsked. "The facts I take not at face value, but as they truly are—that's how I know." Before she could figure out what this meant, Kavma placed a hand on her shoulder. "I will talk to you another time, maybe after you've sorted things out." He walked pasted her on the way to leave, though as he did he had one last thing to say:
"Just remember one thing—she thought you were her friend."
As Kavma left, Misty stared at his retreating back, her fists shaking. "You…you don't know ANYTHING about me! YOU HEAR ME?" She took a step forward. "Don't you DARE turn your back on me, you—"
I thought you were my friend…
Misty immediately stopped. "Wha—"
I thought you were my friend…
She put a hand to her head, her eyes wide. "What the heck…"
I thought you were my friend…
She rubbed her temples, making sure that she wasn't imagining things. "No…no way…"
I thought you were my friend…
"No…no…shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!"
I thought you were my friend…
I thought you were my friend…
I thought you were my friend…
On and on it went, resonating through her skull, repeating itself like some twisted metronome, as if SHE had come back to taunt her mercilessly. Kavma shaked his head, looking back at Misty, who was clutching at her head.
"This is what happens to those who bear guilt and refuse to live with it. You must bear the consequences of your sins, Misty…" He sighed before vanishing. "As I have lived with mine."
Misty pounded at her head, crying, pleading, willing to do something, anything, to get it to stop…
I thought you were my friend…
"SHUT UP! SHUT UPPPPP!"
I thought you were my friend…
I thought you were my friend…
I thought you were my friend…
"DRINKS FOR EVERYBODY!"
Somebody turned the jukebox back on, setting it to "Stayin' Alive." Flo pressed a button under the counter, and a disco ball descended from the ceiling.
In short, it was the new fresh and swanky "Disco Fresh Happy Hour", which meant that all drinks were 30% off. Plus, everyone was allowed to dance.
"I TOLD you that it was a bad idea for Happy Hour to last half a day," Kaitlin said to Flo.
"Hey, sugar, at least it brings in a lot of customers!"
Kaitlin thought for a moment. "Hmm…you have a point there." She suddenly had this thoughtful look on her face. "Say, Flo, about his Corby guy…"
"What about him?"
"What exactly is his deal, anyway? I mean, sure, I've heard of him, but I don't really know anything about the guy. How come he's so famous? It can't just because of that show he hosts, right?"
Flo raised her eyebrows as if to say, Girl, are you KIDDING me? "Kaitlin, you are talkin' about the guy who cleaned up the Zinitra Crisis five years ago ALONE, destroyed the summon NEO Bahamut, and, among other things, fought Sephiroth to a standstill!"
That last one caused Kaitlin to spit out her drink. "WHAT? Flo, you've GOT to be kidding…"
"Nope. Ain't jokin', sugah. 'course, he couldn't BEAT Sephiroth—it was a tie more than anythin'…"
Kaitlin sat back in her chair, stunned. Sephiroth? Anyone who crossed his path would be lucky enough to escape unscathed, but directly challenging him was nothing short of suicide. She immediately got up. "Max, James, we're going after Jaron." She grabbed Max's wrist, dragging him away from the cobbler he was 'sampling'. "We can't leave him with someone like that by himself."
Max panicked. "Wait, Kaitlin—!" Before he had a chance to protest, the door slowly creaked open, and everyone in the diner turned at the noise. An unnatural silence fell, and Roger, upon noticing the stranger, let out a shrill and heavily exaggerated gasp.
The man's voice, curt and to the point, cut through the silence. "I'm looking for a rabbit."
"Okay, was I supposed to take a right here or…" When in Hollywood, bring a map. Why? Because you will be lost. LOST, I say! And, no, I don't mean the show.
(Endive: Can we finish them off NOW?
Kalvire: Again—Hostages?
Endive: No one's coming to save them! Especially not Machine Gun and Briefcase.
Jaron: (Spits out gag) GANTZ Gun and NUTcase! I already—
Chris McClean: Oh, and YOU would know, Mr. Lame?
Rika: (Whispers to Max) I hate this guy already.)
Jaron hated—let us repeat—HATED that he could get lost so easily. He mentally cursed himself for not bringing the others with him—at least they knew their way around.
"Okay… let's see if I can just retrace my steps…" For the record, people, that's the sort of thing that Jaron is NOT good at, by the way. "Okay, first I took a left at Hawkins…or was it Wiltshire? Then I went right at Braewick…no, that was Tanglewood…" He sighed. "Why don't I memorize these things?"
"Well, well, well, what do we have here, boys? Some poor little waif who's lost his way?"
Jaron nearly cricked his neck as he turned to the speaker. Standing there was a group of the shiftiest weasels he had ever seen in his known life. If you haven't watched "Who Framed Roger Rabbit", then allow me to describe them in unnecessary detail.
The first one wore the kind of things you'd expect on a bozo: a white/blue striped shirt and a beanie with a propeller. Judging from his physique and his teeth, it was clear that he had hit on the sweets far too much.
The second had blue fur, and had on some badly wrinkled clothing, and it was obvious that either A: He never once looked at the Surgeon General's Warning, and B: if he did he no doubt found it wordy and redundant, because he had at least half a dozen cigarettes in his bowler hat, not to mention two more in his mouth.
Third one looked scary, and clearly it was because he looked so insane. His outfit did nothing to disabuse Jaron of the idea—he wore a loose straightjacket. His eyes looked like those multicolored Hypno-Wheels he once saw at a fair, though he couldn't stop thinking that little children had died looking directly at those eyes.
Fourth wasn't nearly so chilling, and if Jaron knew what a gangster was, this guy would've fit the part—he wore a green zoot-suit styled trench coat, with his green pants pulled all the way up to his chest (the sight of which is enough to make any self respecting man wince).
The fifth was the one who had spoken to him, and he looked even more intimidating than the crazy one. Same kind of suit as the fourth, with a gold chain in his pocket, clearly implying that he spent half his paycheck on bling. His clothing was pink—normally that would indicate that he had no self-respect, but this SOMEHOW made him more intimidating. Weird, isn't it?
"Uh…" Jaron wasn't sure what to say. Oh, wait, he had an idea… He extended a hand, saying, "WASSUP?"
Total silence on both sides, then all the weasels broke out laughing. The pink one stopped after a second, but the others kept going on. He almost immediately lost all patience. "Okay!" He swatted each weasel to them up. "SHUT—"
"WHACK!"
"UP—"
"THWACK!"
"ALL OF YA!"
"KATHWACK!"
Each weasel clammed up with each smack to the noggin, with the pink one emphasizing the last whack on the stupid weasel with the butt of a pistol. Jaron tensed up at the sight of the gun. The pink weasel apparently noticed this, for he chuckled and said, "Oh, you didn't need to see that."
(Jordan: (Still locked in the closet) Déjà vu, anyone? For those who read CBB, anyway.)
Putting away the pistol, the pink weasel—let's call him Smart Guy for the time being, became all business. "So, what's with you, kid? You lost or somethin'?"
Jaron wasn't sure if these guys were trustworthy or not. They surely didn't look like it, but he figured that, seeing as he was lost, he didn't have time to argue with himself. "Uh, yeah, I am. Do you know how to get to the Old Crow from here?"
Smart Guy laughed, and, much to Jaron's unease, put a hand around the boy's shoulder. (How he managed to do it, when Jaron was so much taller than he, is something I would rather not disclose.) "Old Crow? Yeah, I know the joint…"
Jaron was relieved, though he was beginning to dislike these guys more and more. "Uh, great…can you tell me, then?"
Smart Guy gave yet another false laugh. "Oh, sure, I could tell ya…" Jaron immediately got a bad feeling… "But all of a sudden…" Smart Guy's voice lost a lot of its fake cheeriness. "I find that I don't like ya, kid."
There was a ka-chink as a pocket knife popped out of his hand. Jaron gave it one look, then let instinct take over. Almost without realizing it, he had grabbed Smart Guy's arm and twisted, flipping him over on his back. Without another backward glance, Jaron took off, dimly hearing Smart Guy yelling, "GET THAT BRAT! I WANT HIS HEAD!"
Why is it that almost every bad guy I meet wants my head? He thought, bewildered. Aren't their own heads good enough? Well, I guess not. Most of them are pretty ugly to begin with.
Now, you would probably think that Jaron would simply fight it out with these guys, but I'm sure at least some of you know that he is NOT a violent person. Therefore, he decided to find an avenue of escape. Suddenly, the sound of a siren reached his ears, making him look back over his shoulder.
They have a paddy wagon? All five of the weasels were squashed into the front seat, with Smart Guy at the wheel, his evil, cartoon eyes radiating murder. Now, Jaron is fast, but even so, he can just barely outrun a car. So while he could stay out of their reach for a moment, he knew that they would catch up to him eventually, so he ducked into the first alley he saw.
The van drove by without noticing. Jaron peered out and looked around for safety, knowing that those weasels would still want him. Trying his best not to think why they would hate him so much, he ran in the opposite direction.
He thought he was in the clear until he heard the siren again.
"I'M GONNA BLOW THAT KID'S HEAD OFF!"
"I happen to LIKE my head, thank you!" Jaron shot back over his shoulder.
There was a loud bang as a bullet whizzed by Jaron's ear. Not wanting to get shot (who would?) he ducked into another alleyway. Looking around, he saw no cover, nothing to suggest he could escape or hide—well, except for the door.
Not wasting time, he started banging on it furiously, shouting, "OPEN UP!"
The slit on the door opened, revealing a pair of eyes. "Password?"
"JUST OPEN THE DOOR!"
"Need the password first.
Jaron could hear the siren getting closer, thus making him rather stressed out. "Um, uh…Walt sent me?"
Silence, then a grunt, followed by the door opening. Hardly believing his luck, Jaron dove through just as the paddy wagon drove by the alleyway.
Jaron shook his head as he picked himself up. "That was too close. He turned around to thank whoever opened the door to find himself confronted with a gorilla in a butler's suit. "Thanks. Nice monkey suit, by the way."
The gorilla growled at him. "Wise guy…"
Jaron was sure that those weasels would still be outside looking for him. He didn't want to attract their attention, but he didn't want his friends to get worried for him. He went down the corridor behind him, hoping that he'd find a phone.
As he went down the staircase, he could hear the sound of laughing up ahead, which grew steadily louder. He could hear it properly as he went through the door, finding something that made him stop in his tracks.
He had stumbled into what looked like some sort of theater/restaurant. It was mostly comprised with circular tables with couch chairs at each table. Up on the stage appeared to be…
"..And then-I say, then I stepped on his toes! TOES, that is!" A certain bipedal rooster with a southern drawl who was part of the Loony Toons. Everyone in the joint bent double in laughter.
(Kalvire: that joke didn't even make any sense!
Endive: (Opens mouth)
Chris McClean: No, we CANNOT finish them off, thank you.
Endive: But why on earth would we keep them as hostages? Nobody's going to save them! Especially not—
Jaron: Don't you even THINK of getting their names wrong again.)
Jaron snickered. That was pretty good! I wish I'd heard the whole thing though… He took a look around the theater. Those weasels are probably still outside…maybe I should take a seat.
The spot he chose was right in front of the stage. As he sat down, one of the patrons noticed him, eyebrow raised. "Hey, I thought the Ink and Paint Club didn't allow minors."
"The Ink and what?" Jaron asked, confused.
The patron stared at him. "The Ink and PAINT Club. Do you live in a barn? What did you think this place was?"
Jaron shrugged. "I dunno…I was being chased by—"
The patron raised a hand. "You know what? Don't tell me and I won't rat on you. Sound good?"
"Uh, well, I guess." Jaron took another look around the room and nearly fell out of his seat—Alphonse Corby was sitting at the bar, his gaze directed at the stage.
Not him again! Not having any desire to be caught, he put his hood up to hide his face. What the heck is he doing here, anyway?
Meanwhile, as Foghorn Leghorn left the stage, several people started whooping and clapping. Jaron looked at the patron who addressed him, confused. "What's going on?"
"Nobody ever misses seeing Jessica Rabbit perform."
"Jessica Rabbit?"
"Oh, for—the wife of Roger Rabbit? Ringing a bell yet?"
Before Jaron could respond, several spotlights lighted up the stage, causing everyone to go quiet, except for a couple of morons who were wolf-whistling.
There was total silence as everyone directed their gazes at the stage. After a second or two of silence, there was a voice…
"You had plenty money in 1922…"
The curtain opened, revealing Jessica Rabbit. Jaron was surprised—he had been expecting an actual rabbit, like Roger. This was completely different. Jessica could only be described as foxy—in a cartoon sort of way. She wore a pink, glittering dress adorned with sequins, which happened to emphasize some of her…em…curves…(We are not perverts.)
"You let other women make a fool of you…"
The man on the table next to Jaron's goggled at Jessica, letting out a low whistle. "Is she hot or what?"
"Why don't you do right…"
"Eh, she's okay, I guess," Jaron said nonchalantly. The man stared at him. "W-what? Eh, you're just a kid. Wouldn't be able to appreciate beauty anyway."
"Like some other men do?"
"Hey, she's pretty and all," Jaron said, gesturing toward her (she took no notice), "but to be honest, I'm more amazed at that dress—how many sequins are on that thing?"
The man stared at him, open mouthed, then looked back to the stage. What's with him? Jaron thought, bewildered.
"Get out of here…get me some money, too…"
She's a good singer, Jaron thought. A sound made him turn to Alphonse's table—some woman with her hair in a bun had seated herself next to him, muttering something into his ear. He listened to her with a look of great interest on his face.
"If you had prepared twenty years ago…"
Alphonse checked to see if anyone was watching him, then quickly made for the door. Where's he going?
"You wouldn't be a wanderin' now from door to door…"
Now, Jaron didn't like Alphonse, but his curiosity often overrode this sort of thing. Doing his best not to draw attention to himself, he quickly got up and followed.
"Why don't you do right…"
~ While Jaron isn't exactly what I would call 'Solid Snake' material, he did a surprising job of remaining undetected. He was also thankful that his shoes didn't make much noise on the gravel floor of the alley, otherwise… well, it was best no to think too much about the consequences of being found out by and/or yelled at by Alphonse again.
CRUNCH.
Of course, he didn't take into account of the glass bottle he just stepped on. The almost unnaturally loud sound caused Alphonse to turn and see…
A decrepit cardboard box that was labeled "NO ONE IS IN HERE."
Alphonse snorted. Solid Snake this clearly isn't. He picked up the box with one hand to reveal a sign that plainly said:
"TOLD YOU NO ONE WAS IN HERE."
Alphonse stared, then shook his head. Toons…
He turned around to continue walking, only to see ANOTHER box that was labeled "SOMEONE MIGHT BE IN HERE."
Alphonse grabbed the box and lifted it up without hesitation, quickly becoming irritated. This time, it was a sign that said "THERE'S A 'MIGHT' FOR A REASON."
Meanwhile, by some unforeseen miracle, Jaron had used the signs as an unintentional distraction to slip by Alphonse unnoticed. He was currently skulking about in a cross-section alley in the middle of a city block, making him feel that he was in some sort of makeshift labyrinth. 'This… is kinda bad,' the young teen thought to himself. 'I don't know my way around, I'm kinda lost , and… well, yeah, I'm lost. Who could I ask for dire-' His train of thought was halted as he heard a soft hum. It was someone, a woman humming, and although Jaron couldn't place it, he definitely had heard that voice before. "Uh-oh, that voice is getting closer!" Jaron ducked around the corner, under a windowsill, and waited for the woman to pass by.
"…like some other men do…" Jaron looked up, and saw that singer from the Ink & Paint Club. It seemed as if she was staring at the noon-time cloud formations, enjoying seeing them waft in the breeze. At least, that's what Jaron figured from where she was looking.
"Can I help you?" There was another familiar voice, and a very deep one, at that. This one bellonged to the doorman of the club. Jaron turned to face him, and was instead met with a toon door-monkey… in a monkey suit no less.
Jaron was briefly daunted by the animated animal's size, but quickly gathered himself for an answer. "Yeah! Actually I'm kinda lost right now, so if you don't mind helping me—"
The next thing Jaron knew, he was being hefted by the collar of his shirt and his waistband simultaneously, hitting a dumpster lid, and landing inside it and shutting it on himself simultaneously.
"AND DON'T LET ME CATCH YOU SNEAKING AROUND HERE AGAIN, GOT IT?"
After a second or two, the dumpster lid opened, revealing a garbage-covered green hedgehog. "What the heck is his problem?" he said out loud, pulling a banana peel off his head. Has he proceeded to pick off trash from his person, the smell of something foreign hit his nose. That, and he realized that he had suddenly morphed into his hedgehog form.
"Meow?"
"Wha?"
Jaron quickly spun around to see a gray cat sitting on a trash can, watching him with its big yellow eyes. He breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh, hey…sorry, thought you were those weasel guys."
The cat's only response was to swish her tail. "So uh…you from around here?" The cat made a movement like it was shaking her head. "No? Where ya from?" She just licked her paw. "Not much of a talker, huh?"
The cat seemed to nod, then jumped off the can and walked over to Jaron, sitting at his feet and looking up at him. Jaron looked down at her, unsure of what to say next. It's REALLY hard having a conversation in which your companion says nothing.
Meanwhile, Summer and Princess observed the exchange with one of Kavma's monitors.
"It appears that our feline friend is aware of our interest in young Roxai," Summer noted.
Princess seethed in frustration. "That damn cat, I oughta—"
"Put her in the you-know-what transformer?" Princess turned to Kavma, who simply raised his eyebrows. "Go ahead, Princess. And perhaps YOU would like to step in with her?" He shook his head and left. Princess leered at his retreating back. "Nyuh, I oughta put you in the B**** transformer…"
"I heard that!"
"AAIIIIEEEEE!"
Jaron nearly jumped out of his skin at that. "What the-?"
"SOMEBODY HELP ME!"
That sounds like that singer from before! He immediately tore off toward the sound of the shrieks. The cat stared after him for a moment, then followed.
"HEEEELP!"
Jaron rushed out of the alleyway just in time to see a black paddywagon drive off. "Hey, isn't that the—"
CRASH!
"OOOOWWWWW!"
"Ouch…Kaitlin?"
The two of them picked themselves up as Max and James caught up with them. "Jaron? Where the heck have you been?" James demanded. "And when did you do the hedgehog thing again?"
"Long story, I don't know, and now's not the time!" Jaron said in a rush. "Did you guys see—"
"A black paddywagon driven by a bunch of weasels?" Kaitlin interrupted. Jaron stared at her.
"How—"
"We were chasing them too. I'll explain later. But first—" She turned to face the street and stuck out her thumb. "TAXI!" What happened next, from what they could see, several trash cans flew into the air in rapid succession, followed by a fire hydrant until the cause of destruction finally rounded the corner.
"Hey, Katie! What's shakin'?"
"Shut up, Benny! Everyone, pile in!"
"And a nice, 'How's your day?' to you, too!"
Jaron wasn't sure what to make of the sight before him. It LOOKED like a cab, sure, but it was the kind of cab you'd see in cartoons—it even had eyes for headlights. "Uh, who—"
"GET IN!" This was punctuated by Kaitlin shoving Jaron into the cab's seat.
Earlier…
"I'm looking for a rabbit."
Flo, acting purely by instinct, grabbed Roger by the ears and stuck him into a jug behind the counter.
The man was tall and wore black, and had a rather sinister presence about him. He wore a strange mask that covered only half his face, but anyone who saw Who Framed Roger Rabbit could recognize him right off.
"A toon rabbit," Judge Doom countinued, walking around the diner and giving the patrons intent stares, "who wears red pants, and goes by the name," he spat it out with venom, "Roger."
Kaitlin and Max immediately came to the conclusion that this guy was bad news, if not the harbinger of doom himself. "Look," Max started, "There's no rabbit here, so you can just take yourself out before we—"
"Before we assist you with a right stout boot," Kaitlin finished. Doom sneered at them. "Oh, really?"
"Yeah, really," James countered, "'Sides, there's three of us—" he indicated himself, Max and Kaitlin, "and, what, one of you?"
As if revealing themselves in a Broadway musical, the weasels that had accosted Jaron stepped out from behind the judge.
"Okay, now that's just cheating."
Meanwhile, Flo had taken the jug into the kitchen and pulled Roger out, muttering with menace, "One PEEP out of you, Roger, and it's fricasse of Toon Rabbit for ALL of us, ya hear?"
Roger nodded nervously.
Back in the main dining area, a face-off was commencing with Kaitlin, Max, and James versus Judge Doom and the Weaselettes (the vermin version of the Rockettes).
There was total silence, in which several nervous patrons noiselessly passed wind. Doom continued to sneer menacingly at the trio, then said, "Clearly, you three aren't going to tell me where the rabbit is…"
"NO! Really?" Max said sarcastically. Doom snorted so loudly that three partons fell out of their chairs in shock and another three dove out an open window in panic.
"If you won't bring me the rabbit…" Doom looked around the café once, then walked over to the record player and picked up the record. "Hmm..."Merry Go Round Broken Down." Pulling out a magnifying glass, he closely examined the record.
There appeared to be a tiny animated hair bouncing around on the record. Swiftly grabbing it with a pair of tweezers, he closely examined it. "A Toon Hair from a Toon Hare. HE'S HERE!" He promptly tossed the record like a frisbee, nearly hitting Greasy, who dodged it Matrix-style. This led to the weasels cackling madly, until Doom clocked Smart Guy with his cane. He stood over the weasel's stunned form, grimacing. "HOW many TIMES do I HAVE to REMIND you? Stop that accursed LAUGHING!"
Kaitlin sweatdropped. Subtle, these guys AREN'T...
Slowly, Roger peeked around the corner, his eyes almost literally riveted on Doom. It's DOOM! What's that ol' Doom n' Gloom doin' here? I thought he was Dipped!
Suddenly, Flo grabbed him by the ears and dragged him back into the kitchen just as he heard Smart Guy say, "So, Boss, you want us to, uh, ya know, disresemble this joint?"
"No, my fine vermin friend," Doom replied, a scary grin on what they could see of his face. "That won't be necessary, for the rabbit shall come straight—to—me!" He swiftly produced his cane and tapped five times on the countertop.
"What're you—" James started, only for all five weasels to go "SSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHH!"
"You did not just—"
"SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHH!"
Meanwhile, Doom countinued tapping the countertop, saying, "Not even Bugs Bunny could resist the old 'Shave and a Haircut" trick. It worked once—it will work again!"
He moved to tap the counter again, only for Kaitlin to step in front of him. "Okay, Twoface," she seethed, "I have tolerated your unacceptable behavior for long enough! I have been MORE than reasonable, but I can see that neither you OR your Fancy Pants Troupe are willing to end things on a peaceful note. So either get out OR ELSE."
Doom raised an eyebrow. "And?"
Kaitlin cracked her knuckles threateningly.
"Ah…resorting to violence, are we?" Doom flashed another creepy grin. Without bothering to turn his head, he said, "Gentlemen, do me a favor and restrain this violent young girl before she hurts herself while I search for the rabbit."
"Don't you dare lay a FINGER on her!"
The weasels nearly jumped out of their skins as Max stomped in front of them, somehow managing to look more threatening than usual. Smart Guy snorted. "Oh, yeah? Sorry, kid, but there's five of us, and only one of youse."
"Oh, REALLY!" Smart Guy suddenly felt a chill as he turned to see James behind him, holding an Aura-powered fist. He was smirking. "Make ONE move, I dare ya."
Meanwhile, Flo was struggling with Roger, who was almost powerless to resist the tapping. "Shh, quiet!"
While she wasn't noticing, Roger managed to get one hand free, which poked the air twice, making a 'poink, poink' sound effect to complete the whole "Shave and a Haircut" thing.
"AHA! THERE YOU ARE!" Without further ado, Doom grabbed a plate from the counter and tossed it like a discus at Roger, who shrieked as he bended gracefully, much like a swan, out of the range of the projectile. What happened next was Austrian Chaos™.
All we need is to throw in a Swedish vampire and the scene is complete.
Smart Guy cackled as he swerved dangerously, nearly hitting two old ladies, five
fruit carts, and the Colossus of Rhodes (not necessarily in that order). He felt that nothing would ruin his good luck…
Well, it's our job to disprove people of the idea, so it shouldn't be much of a surprise to hear about what happens next, right?
Right after almost running over a trio of Girl Scouts doing battle with eldery, bespectacled toads armed with Bingo card shuriken and prune juice, Smart Guy happened to take a look at the rearview mirror. Then he did a doubletake.
"Aw, for—THAT STUPID CAB!"
CRASH! "OUTTA MY WAY, FLAPJACK!"
James now officially hated cars. Just in the past three seconds alone, Benny nearly ran over a jogging man with his dog, knocked away more fire hydrants than he could count, and somehow managed to drive on the side of a building.
"Benny! Can you PLEASE slow down?"
"Ah, you DO know who you're talkin' to, right bub?" He yelled back at his backseat passenger. Jaron kept a good grip on the seat, doing his best not to puke violently. Sure, he was rather confused about what was going on, but he could hear an explanation later. He just hoped that he wouldn't become violently ill by then.
"Can't you go any faster, Benny?" Kaitlin yelled, ignoring James's shout of "KAITLIN!"
"I'm goin' as fast as I CAN go, kid!"
BANG! Kaitlin ducked just as a bullet whizzed past her head. She looked up, disconcerted. "Oh, he did NOT just shoot at me!"
(Kalvire: Oh, yes he did.
Endive: OR DID HE? (Dramatic music.))
Another bullet made a PING as it hit Benny's chassis. "OW! THAT DOES IT! THIS MEANS WAR!"
And with that, Benny put the pedal on the metal, reaching speeds ludicrously unfathomable to man, woman and ferrets alike. Or just ferrets, really—
(Kaitlin: JORDAN!)
Okay, okay! Jeez.
BANG! Another gunshot. Smart Guy was clearly ticked. "I'M GONNA BLOW THEIR DAMN HEADS OFF! TWICE!"
"Jaron, did you do anything to make him angry?" Kaitlin asked him, frowning.
"I didn't do anything! How should I know why he's ticked off?"
BANG! "Can we talk about this later!" Max yelled. "I don't want my head to be blown off!"
"Try hiding around the corner, and then darting out when it's too late for them to turn around!" James tried a brilliant suggestion.
"SOUNDS FINE TA ME! HANG ON, KIDS!"
"Easier said than done, Benny!" Max yelled, trying his best not to puke.
BANG!
"STOP SHOOTING, DARN IT!"
"MAKE ME!" Smart Guy shrieked. He looked at Greasy. "TAKE THE WHEEL!" He looked back to the empty street behind them—hey, wait a minute.
BEEP BEEP! "SUCKER!" Benny cackled as he zoomed by the paddywagon, then turning the next corner. Smart guy let out some words we can't type here, then slammed on the pedal to the point that his foot crash through the floor.
As the paddywagon rounded the corner, Smart Guy gritted his teeth, only for his eyes to bug out and go "WHOAH NELLY!"
In the small window of time the gang had turned the street corner, they had, in true toon fashion, painted a large, street-wide portrait of a truck exiting a brick tunnel. Smart Guy's eyes bugged out because the trucks headlights shined a bit too realistic, until…
Huuuuuuuuuuurrrrn Huuuuuuuuuuurrrn!
CRASH!
That had to hurt. All of the occupants of the paddywagon flew through the air, landing upside down in the EXACT centre of the intersection, blocking all traffic for hours upon hours on end.
(Endive: NOW?
Kalvire: (Ignores her))
Max had to cover his mouth to stop laughing. "Works every time!"
Of course, EVERYONE knows that you can only go so far with luck.
Case in point:
"BENNY, LOOK OUT FOR THE—"
SPLASH! Unfortunately for Benny and his passengers, the havoc had distracted him from the sudden flood of the foul smelling liquid flowing across the street. And let us add that the sensation of your tires slowly melting to an unnatural acidic liquid is NOT pleasant.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAGH! I'VE BEEN DIPPED! AGAIN! THIS SUCKS!"
Princess barged through the door like a battering ram. "DID SOME MOTHER!$^!& SAY SU—AGH!"
Kavma had grabbed her and dragged her back through the door. "Not now, Princess!"
The sudden flood of Dip caused Benny to swerve violently, causing him to crash into a lamppost. The force of the impact caused James and Jaron to fly through the air, James hitting another lamppost and hanging there, whereas Jaron crashed into a brick wall, creating a hedgehog-shaped hole.
Max, unlike the other three members of their little gang, didn't have as much stamina as them, and was more likely to be knocked unconscious, something he was rather upset about, no matter how many times James told him not to worry about it.
Even so, he was sure that he would never get used to waking up from that horrible blackness—just waking up, not entirely sure who you were or what happened, then BAM! Everything came back to you, along with a major sensation of hunger.
Oh, wait, that was just him.
As he attempted to get up, he felt two arms forcibly grab him from the armpits and lift him up, not at all being gentle. He looked up, slightly disoriented, to see Judge Doom leering down at him.
"Yes, it's always such a shame when a youthful group of innocents decide to drive around town in a maniacal Toon vehicle," he said sarcastically, malice dripping from his words and landing on the pavement, causing it to melt.
Max was then forced up by Psycho and Wheezy, the stench from the cigars nearly causing him to retch. He saw that Stupid had picked up Kaitlin, who was still unconscious.
"Well!" Doom exclaimed, banging his cane on the ground. "Don't just stand there! Help them into my car. We can worry about the other two later."
As Max was dragged to the paddywagon, he saw James hanging from the lamppost, unnoticed by Doom or the weasels. As Max caught his eye, James waved slightly, indicating that he'd be coming after them.
Please, just make it be quick.
Ugh, my aching… well, EVERYTHING!
"Whoa, hey, AGH!" There was a loud thud as James landed right on Benny, who was just waking up. "OW!"
Jaron got to his feet, rubbing the back of his head. "Ow…" He shook his head to clear it. "Ugh…hey…HOLLY!" He ran to Benny and checked the back seat. "Holly? Takeda?"
Holly poked her head from under the back seat. "Ow…one good reason why I don't like driving."
She was immediately grabbed by Jaron, who held her close in relief. "Oh, thank goodness…thought you were a goner, there!"
Takeda staggered out of the cab, completely disoriented. "Owwww…anyone get the license plate of that truck?" With that, he stumbled over himself and landed upside-down.
James got up and brushed himself off. "If you're done," he said hurriedly, "we need to get going. Kaitlin and Max were taken."
"WHAT?" Jaron nearly dropped Holly as he spun in a complete circle, seeing that the two were indeed absent. "Well, let's go! We can't leave him with that maniac!"
"Benny," James looked at the animated taxi with concern. "Can you still get us around?"
"IDAHO!" he shrieked, pointing his tire into the air as if he was answering a question.
"Umm… well, can you… okay, I feel really awkward asking you this but…" Jaron twiddled his fingers. "Can you, y'know… drive other cars?"
Wrong question.
"WHAT?" Benny yelled, no longer disoriented. "I'M A CAB! I CAN—OW!" He had tried to drive, only to remember that his tires had melted from the dip. "Uh, well, to answer your question…yeah. Yeah, I can."
"Uh, wow, um… didn't actually expect the answer to be 'yes,' but this is still great! All we need is a getaway vehicle, and we can give chase!"
"Do you even know where they're going, Jaron?" James asked, deadpanned.
"Uh….well, okay, you're right but—" Jaron realized something about James. "Do Pokémon have increased senses of smell?"
James looked like he was about to argue, then realized that he COULD smell Max. "Okay, well, yeah. Still need a car, though…"
To answer this (Even though this was completely beneath his dignity), Benny stuck out a toon thumb from his wheel cover, and along came a very real, very non-toon taxi cab. James stared at him. "Isn't this—"
"Don't even THINK about talking about the irony," Benny said, annoyed.
As Doom strolled into the Acme Factory, he noticed Smart Guy and Greasy checking Max, Kaitlin, Roger, and Jessica, who Wheezy was currently holding up with a gun.
"We searched the kids, Boss!" Smart Guy said irritably. "It ain't on them or the rabbit!"
"Then frisk the woman!"
Greasy snapped on a pair of rubber gloves. "I'll handle this one." He reached his hand toward Jessica…
Only for the crocodile from Peter Pan to erupt and jump him as he shrieked, resulting in a severe beatdown, complete with dust cloud. After the crocodile slinked off, Greasy resembled a weasel piñata.
Kaitlin glanced at Jessica. "I will never get how you Toons can do that."
"It's a gift, sweetie."
Doom stomped forward, shoving Stupid and Psycho aside in the process. "Do they have it or not?"
"Hey, what do you mean by 'it', exactly?" Max asked. This was followed by an "OW!" as Smart Guy stomped on his foot.
"Well, never mind," Doom said as he turned his back to them, "I doubt it will matter, given what I have planned…" He gestured toward the large object in the middle of the room, which was covered by a tarp. "Can you guess what that is?"
Kaitlin and Max looked at each other, nonplussed. Jessica and Roger, however, stared at the tarp in apprehension.
Doom grunted, then reached underneath the tarp and lifted it a fraction, revealing a pump. As he turned the wheel on it, he said, "Can you guess what this is?" Out of the nozzle came the foulest-smelling green liquid in all of existence. Both Roger and Jessica freaked at the sight of it.
"No!... No, it can't be! It's… DDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP!"
"That's right!" Doom declared, tearing off the canvas in one swoop, showing everyone just what was inside it.
It looked like a gigantic tank, with an enormous cauldron welded to the back of it. Judging from the smell, most of the Dip was in it.
"May I introduce you to the Dip-O-Matic 2.0!" Doom exclaimed. "A much more advanced model than the one you two saw, my Toonish friends. With this, Toon Town will be erased in a matter of seconds."
"WHAT?" Kaitlin shoved Greasy aside. "Why the heck would you want to do that?"
Doom glared at her. "Oh, it's a sad tale to tell, missy…"
The taxi came to a complete stop in front of the factory. "I'm tellin' ya, I've got a serious case of clichéd déjà vu goin' on here…" Benny grumbled.
"Okay, I've tracked Max to here." James stated. "How do we go about rescuing him?"
"Crash through the front doors and punch this Doom guy?" Jaron asked.
James stared at him. "I was thinking of more of a stealthy approach."
"Idiot," Takeda scoffed.
"TAKEDA!" Holly glared at him.
Jaron sighed. "Guess we can go your way." He turned to Benny. "Benny, can you go get help?"
"Hey, man, with four flat tires, I'll TRY, but no guarantees."
"Quite a long time ago," Doom began, pacing back and forth in front of the captives, "I attempted a massive takeover of Toon Town, in order to accomplish a plan once proposed by a member of the city council, which was quickly rejected." Doom turned on his heel suddenly. "Obviously, my thoughts were too ahead for their time."
"Meaning…?" Max asked.
"My plan," Doom started, "Was to clear the area of Toon Town to allow space for the construction of the greatest thing since sliced bread—" He faced the captives again. "—a freeway."
There was dead silence.
"Dude, they friggin' HAVE them already!" Kaitlin yelled.
"Yes! They do NOW!" Doom stated, with a sudden burst of emotion. "But they didn't have it back when I was on top of things, and THAT was the point of it all!"
"You're nuts," said Max. "A FREEWAY? What the heck were you thinking?"
"I was breaking new ground, you little brat!" Doom yelled, his face turning red from anger. "I would have been the revolutionary of my time, until that VERMIN and his hairy detective friend interfered!"
"Is that why you came back, then?" Jessica asked calmly. "For revenge?"
"All that and more, my beauty," Doom sneered. "I am going to personally see to it that Toon Town is melted to the ground, along with all those within it."
"Are ya NUTS?" Roger shrieked. "You can't! There are innocent Toons there! Even humans live there now! They'd die!"
"What do I care about a bunch of worthless singing birds?" Doom scoffed. "As for the humans, it's their fault for associating with them. Let the brigands hang!"
"Max's right! You ARE nuts!" Roger exclaimed.
Doom fixated him with his Evil Eye (TM). "I don't have time to waste listening to you idiots. Lieutenant?" Smart Guy jumped to attention. "As soon as I leave, see to it that the lovebirds are Dipped. Make the brats watch, then break their legs—BOTH of them—then shoot them. We can deal with their little friends later." He turned and walked off, only to slip on a banana peel. This resulted in the weasels cackling, only to be silenced when Doom glared at them as he got up.
"I told you," he seethed, "time and again—STOP. THAT. LAUGHING! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU FOOLS?"
He turned and went for the door, though before he went through he turned and fixed the weasels with an evil glare. "Just mess up ONCE…I DARE you…" He immediately left.
"He certainly told YOU guys, huh?" Max asked.
Smart Guy pointed the gun at him. "SHADDUP. Boys, tie the lovebirds together. And as for YOU," he seethed, then he stopped, looking up. "What the—"
"Wha, hey AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"
The grate on the VERY high-up ceiling had given way. Jaron had thought it best to go through the air vents, which is a classic move in spy films. Unfortunately the vents hadn't been maintained in years, leading to this result. And believe me, it was a high drop.
And guess WHO was directly underneath the grate?
"EEYOW!"
After the dust settled, Jaron sprang up and dusted himself off. "Sorry I'm late!"
There was a loud CLICK as Greasy pointed his gun at Jaron's back. "Don't move, you little brat."
Jaron froze. "Oop…" He reached for his sword, only to realize that it wasn't there. "Hey, what the?"
"Hey!" Benny reached behind himself, into his back seast. "Who left this sword in here?"
"Oops…"
"Oops? OOPS?" Kaitlin shrieked.
Smart Guy fixed them all with a glare. "I SAID SHADDAP! Boys, those Toons tied up yet?"
"With Escape-Proof Toon Rope (TM), boss," Greasy said as he assisted Stupid in placing the tied-up Jessica and Roger on a hook.
"Good. Now, don't you DARE start laughing, you stooges, otherwise…" He made a slicing motion across his neck.
"Hey, Kaitlin," Jaron whispered, "What WOULD have happened if they kept laughing?"
"How should I know?" Kaitlin muttered.
Jaron glanced behind him. The Acme Factory is notorious for storing all sorts of crazy Toon merchandise, such as what we can only assume is a Vaudeville Music Projector (TM).
The sight of it made him start thinking. "Hmmm…"
"Jaron, you've got that look on your face again. What's your plan THIS time?" Max whispered.
"Ssssh. Just follow my lead. Hey, Smart Guy!" Jaron said loudly. "You think everythin's funny, huh?"
"You've got a PROBLEM with that, kid?" Smart Guy demanded, jabbing the gun in his direction.
"No, no," Jaron said calmly, a goofy smile on his face. "I just, oh, you know, wanted to tell you a bit about the guy YOU'RE ABOUT TO DIP!"
And with that, Jaron did a full backflip, landing right in front of the projecter, slamming a button on the console labeled "Merry-Go-Round Broken Down". The machine came to life, with the infamous tune echoing throughout the warehouse.
All of the weasels stopped what they were doing, staring at what was happening dumbly. They were even more astounded when—good grief—Jaron started to sing and dance.
(Endive: NOW?
Kalvire: (Ignores her)
Endive: WELL? SAY SOMETHING, CURSE YOU!
(Chris McClean turns on TV, turns on an episode of House, MD.)
House:(On TV) You're ORANGE, you moron!
Endive: HOW DARE YOU!
Chris McClean: Hey, WAIT—!
CRASH! )
From the top, please:
"Roger is his name,
Laughter is his game,
Come on, you dope,
Untie his rope,
And watch him go insane!"
What is he DOING? Kaitlin thought. She could honestly not see were Jaron was going with this, especially with him making a fool of himself…AGAIN.
It was this precise moment when Jaron slipped on a banana peel, causing him to fall backward into a pile of crates. This, combined with the music and dancing, was more than the weasels could stand.
"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!" They dropped their weapons, bending over while laughing so hard that they were liable to pass out from lack of air. THAT'S when Kaitlin and Max realized what Jaron was getting at.
They can't do anything if they're laughing so hard! Even so, Kaitlin was reluctant to join in the act.
Max…not so much reluctance. He nudged Kaitlin's elbow, whispering "Follow my lead!"
As Jaron got up, he slipped again, accidently falling against a crate, causing it to break open and spill bowling balls all over the floor. Max caught on immediately. Grabbing two bowling balls, he started to juggle them, DESPITE their apparent weight.
And, of course, taking a leaf out of Jaron's book, he started singing:
"This singing's ain't my line,
It's tough to make a rhyme,
If I get stuck,
I'm out of luck,
I'm running out of time!"
As Max took a step backward, he tripped, causing the bowling balls to fall and land on his head, one after another.
(Endive:(Scoffs) How inept.)
This just made the weasels laugh even harder. Stupid was purple in the face as he fought to catch his breath, he was laughing so hard. Just as he was struggling to get up, he gave one great gasp and passed out. Greasy and Wheezy followed suit merely seconds later. Smart Guy was SURE that there was something familiar about this scenario, but his laughter kept him from figuring out why.
Kaitlin pretty much gave up whatever doubts she had at this point. Oh, what the hey. She might as well get in on the act.
"I'm through with taking falls,
I'm bouncing off the walls,
Without that gun
I'd have some fun
I'd kick you in the…in the…"She scratched her head and turned to Max. "What rhymes with 'walls', anyway?"
Smart Guy shrugged. "Heck if I—" then he realized that he had stopped laughing. He also realized what was going on. "HEY, WAIT A—"
WHAM! At long last, a chance for Kaitlin to hit something. The resulting punch was enough to send Smart Guy flying, right into a window with a loud CRASH!
"MAN, that felt good!" Kaitlin said cheerfully.
Max stared at her. "You can be a very scary person, you know that?"
Jaron interrupted. "Hey, wasn't there a fifth one?"
Loud cackling cut through the conversation, causing them to look up. Psycho was dancing around on top of the machine, clearly gone crazy (well, MORE crazy) with laughter. As he continued to prance around, his flailing arms hit the switch of the machine, activating the Dip-spraying water cannon.
Oh, deary me.
"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALP!" Roger shrieked.
Jaron reacted quickly. Running toward the machine, he leapt up and clambered on top of it, shoving the still laughing Psycho aside and grabbing a lever, yanking it down. This was enough to turn the machine off.
Both Roger and Jessica (still tied to the hook) let out sighs of relief.
Wait for it…
"I am the NIGHT!" Judge Doom declared as he glided down on an invisible zipline attached to his back.
(Jordan: Jacob's idea. Not mine.)
Jaron just looked at him as if he was nuts… then again, he wasn't that far off. Jaron, seeing the utter uselessness of the zipline, simply stepped to the right twice, and laughed as Doom's zipline ended, and he flew through the air like a grace-less swan.
CRASH!
"Should've given that some more thought there, huh?" Jaron asked, still laughing.
"SILENCE, YOU LITTLE BRAT!"
Jaron shook his head, chuckling. "That all you can say?" He jumped down from the machine to land in front of Doom, who was struggling to get up. "Eh, what do you expect from guys like you?"
Doom responded by whipping out his cane. Jaron raised an eyebrow. "You're gonna attack me with a cane? That's kinda—"
He then proceeded to pull a sword out of the cane and point it at Jaron.
"Uh, okay, never mind." Jaron immediately reached for his sword…then realized he didn't have it. "Darn—YAGH!"
Doom's thrust would've gotten Jaron in the eye if he hadn't ducked. He followed this with a downward swing, only to be met with a CLANG!
Jaron still had his spines, if you remembered. As he forced Doom back, using only his spine-covered arms, he chuckled and said, "Heh, guess I don't need a sword after all!" He then proceeded to kick Doom in the stomach, sending him sprawling.
Meanwhile, while this was going on, James was sneaking around on the upper catwalk near the ceiling. Noticing Jaron's rather precarious position, he looked around for something, anything, to use to help.
And much to his relief, he saw a Baby Grand Piano (TM) hanging from the ceiling on an already frayed rope. Hesitating for only a moment to calculate Jaron and Doom's movements and where Doom would end up, he started to saw through the rope with one of his wrist spikes.
WHAM! Jaron was knocked into yet another pile of crates and Doom swung his cane saber. The evil Judge glared down at him. "You thought that a little brat like you could stand against a visionary such as myself?"
"Uh, well, yeah," Jaron admitted as he stood up.
A sudden tapping on his shoulder caused Doom to turn and see Max, who coughed politely and pointed upwards. As Doom looked up, Max leapt back, out of range, just as the rope went SNAP!
It was not a good day for Doom. Before he could so much as react, the piano landed on him with a loud DONG!
Both Jaron and Max winced.
"What're you guys DOING over there?" Kaitlin yelled, who was busy trying to operate the crane to get Roger and Jessica down.
After the dust settled, they saw the wreckage of what was once a piano on the exact spot where Doom had been standing only a few seconds ago. Jaron winced. "Ouch…maybe we overdid it a little…"
SPRRRRRRRRROING! Much to their shock, Doom sprang up from the wreckage, going up and down like an accordion. After a few seconds of this, he lifted himself from the pile, holding his mask to prevent it from falling off.
"You…" he seethed, his voice taut with rage. "I never thought…that you BRATS could give me so much trouble…"
Max took a step back. "Okay…most people would not survive that without a scratch…"
Doom smirked. "Oh, but I'm not most people, AM I?" He took off the mask with a flourish.
Jaron, Max, and James fought the urge to vomit. Doom's face was human…on the right side. The left side, on the other hand, was downright GROTESQUE. It resembled a melted rubber mask, with the flesh drooping and waxen, and was even dripping a horrible, blackish-green ooze in places.
"Oh my—what on earth?" Jaron exclaimed.
"And that's not all!" Doom shrieked. He then reached his hand up and—gag me—plucked out his own eyeballs. What happened next freaked the ever-loving crap out of everyone present, except Doom himself, of course. What was underneath his Googly-Eyes™, were Toon, red-and-white eyes that swirled demonically.
"Wha-?"
"What the heck are you?"
"Oh, I don't know," Doom shrieked in an increasingly squeaky voice, "what do YOU THINK?"
And with that, he sprung into action—quite literally. A pair of springs and appeared on his boots, allowing him to jump right over the three and land behind Kaitlin, who was busy fiddling with the machine's controls.
"Ugh, I swear, I can't figure out this stupid—" A tapping on her shoulder caused her to turn around. "What is i—WHAT THE HECK?"
And with that, he threw her off the machine, luckily Max and James caught her in the nick of time. "You alright?" A concerned Max asked.
"The only thing I need is to kick that freaky butt of his!" She yelled as she leapt up out of Max's and James' grasp.
Doom leered at them evilly from atop the machine, then, turning to the controls, switched the cannon on, causing it to start spraying Dip. When Jaron had knocked aside Psycho earlier, he had accidentally caused the weasel to hit the joystick, aiming the nozzle away from Roger and Jessica. As Doom turned on the nozzle, however, he also turned on the wheels of the machine, causing it to slowly start moving forward, about 1/20 MPH (SLOW!)
"Damn weight restriction," Doom cursed. He leapt down from the machine, grinning evilly at the four. "Now then, where were we?"
Kaitlin ran toward him before the others could stop her. "You son of a—"
CLANG! Before Kaitlin could get close enough to punch Doom's block off, he had taken off his glove to reveal a yellow ANVIL attached to his wrist. You can guess the result.
Kaitlin was sent flying right into Jaron, knocking them both backward. Before they hit the floor, Max and James had charged toward Doom, Aura Spheres in their hands. James reached him first—he attempted to plant the sphere right into Doom's face, only for Doom's anvil to turn into a shield, with he used to block it. Max was luckier—he successfully hit Doom into the abdomen, knocking him into the machine.
"Guys, MOVE!" Kaitlin yelled as Jaron, still in his hedgehog form,(This whole time, remember?) rolled up into a ball, but not spinning. Showing a kick that only David Beckham would be proud of, Kaitlin kicked Jaron like a soccer ball, right into Doom's gut.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Jaron leapt back, uncurling, to see Doom clutching his stomach, staggering against the machine. "Had enough?"
"Oh, I'm not done yet, boy," Doom whispered. He stood up and turned, his back to the group. When he turned again, their eyes nearly popped out—his hand that had previously held an anvil had transformed into a giant chainsaw. He lifted the thing into the air, as if it weighted no more than a feather, then brought it down on Jaron—too quickly to dodge. The best he could do was raise his arms to block.
The best way to describe the sound was that of an angle grinder ringing against a chainsaw. Jaron, who never once felt pain when he had blocked something with his spines, now felt something akin to that of a razor lightly razing his skin—the chainsaw was cutting the spines that deeply. He had no idea how much he could take—
"OI!"
Doom turned—the saw still concentrated on Jaron—to see Max next to the back pump of the machine, his hand on the winch. Before Doom's eyes could even widen, Max had turned it with such force that it broke off in his hand. With a loud FWOOSH! Dip started spraying out—right towards Doom.
"Oh, NOT !" Doom shrieked as he was blasted backward, hitting Jaron and knocking him out of the way, right into—big surprise—James and Kaitlin.
"OW!"
"Sorry.." Jaron picked himself up, helping Kaitlin and James to get to their feet. "I'm beginning to get used to that lately…"
A loud shriek interrupted him. Doom was trying (In vain) to get up, but judging from the puddle forming under his feet and the greenish-yellow vapor emitting from him, he was clearly melting.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shrieked. "THIS CAN'T BE! HOW COULD I BE DEFEATED IN THE EXACT SAME MANNER AS LAST TIME? IT'S UNORIGINAL! AAAAAAAAAAGH! I'M MELTING! !"
"Ah, put a lid on it, will ya?" Kaitlin yelled at the now-puddle-like Doom, just screaming/ gurgling in agony, disintegrating into a large, green puddle on the floor of the warehouse.
Jaron stared at the puddle in silence. "Wow…" He stepped toward it. "I can't believe it…"
"Excuse me!" They looked up to see that Roger and Jessica, who were still hanging from the hook. "Have you forgotten something?
As soon as they were set free, Jessica grabbed up Roger and started kissing him. "Oh, Roger, darling, that was too close!"
There was a loud CRASH as the doors were kicked down, with three police officers pointing their guns at the group. "FREEZE!"
"Hey, hey, WHOAH!" Max raised his hands in the air in protest. "Don't shoot! We didn't do anything!"
"Hey, hey, hey!" Came a familiar voice from behind the cops. Then, in came Benny, charging like a mad bull. "These youngsters are innocent! I can vouch for all of 'em!"
One police officer looked at his comrades. "Is this guy's word viable?"
"Move, please." The officers moved aside, and who entered? None other than Alphonse. Jaron tensed up at the sight of him. "Now, what happened here?"
Jaron, Kaitlin, Max, James, Benny, Roger, and Jessica (not necessarily in that order) all started talking at once.
"Well, he—"
"Doom was—"
"Wasn't my fault—"
"I'm starving—"
"BONESAW!"
"Alright, ALRIGHT!" The policeman yelled. "One at a TIME, people!" He pointed at Jaron. "You first. Now, what the HECK happened here, kid?"
Jaron pointed at the puddle. "That answer your question?"
"NO! That doesn't tell me anything! Now either give me an explanation or—"
"It was Judge Doom, officer," Jessica interrupted calmly.
"I'll—what?"
"She's right!" Roger exclaimed. "It was Doom! He came back from the dead, like—" He proceeded to imitate a zombie. "Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaains…"
"Roger, honey, as impressive as that is, it's beginning to scare me a little."
"Sorry, sweetheart…"
The cop made a snort of disbelief. "And where is Judge Doom now?"
"Over there." Max thumbed backward toward the puddle.
Benny looked indignant. "Oh, what, AGAIN?"
The officer turned to the animated automobile. "This has happened before?"
"You have NO idea, bub…"
Meanwhile, Alphonse inspected the puddle warily. "So this is what remains of the infamous Judge Doom, eh?"
"You knew him?"
"Not personally, but I've heard of him. He caused a lot of trouble quite a while back. It ended with him being Dipped, but I can't see how he could've been revived."
Jaron leaned over the puddle. "You know, I can't help but wonder what kind of Toon he was…"
No one would've predicted what happened next. Before ANYONE could react, a melted hand emerged from the puddle, grabbing Jaron around the throat.
"Why so curious?"
Then a horrible—thing—emerged from the puddle and stood over them all. It was TALL, believe me. There was no accurate way to describe the thing—it was melted and had scabbed over in places, with two dysfunctional wings on its back. no longer even remotely resembling the flawed Judge that had stood in that exact spot mere minutes ago, save for the small tuft of hair at the top of the thing's cranium (it could no longer be called a head).
The cops immediately pointed their firearms at it in alarm. "Sonofa—"
Before they could pull the trigger, the monster threw Jaron at them, knocking them over. "AGH!" Jaron got up groggily. "Sorry about that…"
There was an unearthly screech. As Jaron got up, he saw the monster raise it's arm to strike at him. He lifted his arm to defend himself, but the blow never came. Confused, he looked up to see Alphonse standing before the thing, sword drawn.
There was a slight grin on Alphonse's face. "At last, a chance to stretch my legs." Without turning his head, he barked, "Stay back! I'll handle this." Kaitlin, Max, and James, who were about to rush to his aid, immediately stopped.
"Wait, you're going to do this alone?"
"Obviously." And with that, he dashed towards the monster, who screeched as it swung it's impossibly long arms at him.
The arms never came within a foot of him. Alphonse dodged them gracefully as he leapt. Before anyone could blink, the monster's arms fell off, sliced at the shoulder. Naturally, the teens were stunned at the adept movements that Alphonse was displaying. Alphonse smirked as the Doom-thing, screeching horribly, leapt at him to tear at his throat. Just as it was about it hit him, he grabbed its head and, using it as leverage, leapt up into the air. As he descended, the Doom-thing looked up at him, screeching.
Alphonse said only one thing as he swung the sword:
"Off with your head!"
There was a loud SHING! The Doom-thing immediately stopped as if someone hit the pause button on the DVD remote. Alphonse landed in front of it, his back turned to it. With a flourish, he sheathed his sword, and just as it finished sliding into it, the Doom-thing's head fell off.
If there is a better way to make one's jaw drop, I'd love to see it.
As it hit the ground, the Doom-mutation's head didn't hit, it simply smooshed into itself, like it wasn't solid. With that as a cue, the rest of the body dissolved, but unlike the head, the body of the mutated judge simply dissolved into a green, sick mist. This left the police officers coughing and gagging.
Jaron, Kaitlin, Max, and James simply stared. "I suddenly have the urge not to argue with this man on any topic at all," James said blankly.
"Yeah. And you're at level 100!" Max said, dumbstruck.
Alphonse dusted himself off, then looked up to see everyone's faces. "What?"
Roger fainted. Not very subtle, eh?
Two hours later, yellow police tape had been set up, interviews had been conducted, and the clean up was underway; however, that green mush that was Doom's head would be a very stubborn stain to remove.
"PUT YOUR BACKS INTO IT, YOU SLOP EATING, COCONUT INFESTED BACKWASHERS!" A policeman shrieked at the pitiful attempts to remove said stain.
"Well, hopefully, this encounter, and the information about it, won't go past this warehouse's doors," Alphonse told the group, casually slinging his trench coat over his back. "And if you ask me, it's for the best."
"How come?" Jaron asked.
"The fact that Doom came about again is strange enough. If it were made known that he had returned, people would panic. It's best not to trouble the public about this. However, the police chief has told me that the Author Fighters may need to be informed about this."
"The who?"
Once again, there was the sound of a skipping record player as everyone present swiveled around to stare at Jaron in disbelief. Alphonse blinked. "…Is there ANYTHING that you know about?"
"Well, he didn't know about the planet of Fanfiction, or Toon Town, until last week," Kaitlin quipped.
"HEY!"
"So..." Alphonse looked like he was struggling. "You're constantly clueless?"
"No!"
"…Who's David Letterman?"
"…Uh…"
"Exactly. At least it explains why you didn't know about the Heartless."
Okay, trick question: would Kaitlin, Max, and James have reacted calmly to this statement? The answer… of course not!
Kaitlin: "WHAT?"
Max: "Are you KIDDING?"
James: "Even I know what they are! Tell me you are joking!"
Their shock at their friend's cluelessness subsided, realizing it was Heartless they were talking about.
"Wait," James asked Alphonse. "Why did heartless come up in the conversation?"
"The moron," Alphonse said oh-so-eloquently, "tried to CUDDLE one of them earlier!"
Next series of reactions, please.
Kaitlin: "What the HECK were you THINKING!"
Max: "Oh, COME ON!"
James: "You could've DIED, MAN!"
"Hey, it looked harmless!" Jaron retorted.
Next:
Kaitlin: "HARMLESS?"
Max: "HOW the HECK can a HEARTLESS look HARMLESS?"
James: "They eat HEARTS! NOT on a plate, but LEAPING onto your CHEST AND EATING YOUR HEART RIGHT THEN AND THERE!"
"Wait a second!" Jaron asked. "They EAT hearts?"
Alphonse stared at him blankly. "Apparently you are just as forgetful as you are clueless."
"Hey…"
Alphonse patted him on the back. "Well, don't worry about it. I'm sure you'll learn." As he did so, Alphonse slipped something rectangular, thin, and foldable into Jaron's pocket in such a manner that no one could've noticed.
Alphonse promptly turned, his back to them. "Well, it was nice meeting you all. Maybe I'll see you again sometime." He left.
Meanwhile, one of the officers was reporting to the chief. "Sir, we've checked the entire area, and the weasels are nowhere to be found."
"Well, where the hell are they?"
If Smart Guy had gripped the steering wheel any harder, it would've broke. Right now the other four weasels were in the back seat of the car, still trying to recuperate from the fiasco. The next time I see those damn brats I'm gonna—
It was right then that Benny drove by—on the sidewalk. Smart Guy gripped the wheel harder. "Time for some payback."
He promptly slammed on the brake so hard that his foot went through the floor, and the paddywagon raced after the cab.
"…Ugh…" Slowly, his eyes opened. Blinking, he took in his surroundings—some old alley. Slowly, Gantz van Drake stood up, disoriented. "Where…am I?"
"Whatcha doing?"
"Meditating. Sorry, Jaron, but could you please leave me alone for a minute?"
"Sure, but how come you're meditating? What's it good for?"
"That—I—that is—that's for me to know and for you to found out! Jaron…"
Max looked at the two with amusement. To be honest, he was never sure was the point of meditation was—according to James, it was "one of those Lucario things you're not supposed to reveal to the public". He resisted rolling his eyes; he was positive that it was James' way of saying that he wasn't even sure what the point was himself, but he wouldn't say that to his face. He just kept meditating in the hotel room they rented out for the night, until they went tomorrow for Toon Town.
At the exact moment he thought that, he heard the door to the next room close. He knew without looking that it was Kaitlin—every time they stopped the night somewhere, Kaitlin insisted on her own room. Not that he blamed her—she deserved the privacy, after hanging around a bunch of boys all day. That, and he knew their aura signatures by heart, even though A: he wasn't nearly as good at detecting aura as much as James, and B: Jaron, for some reason, didn't have any aura to begin with.
Before he could think about that further, he could hear faint voices coming from the door. Huh? Who else—oh, Takeda. The Sky Shaymin was a complete mystery to Max. During their separation from Jaron a few weeks prior, Kaitlin had gone off on her one somewhere and had came back with Takeda. She had ignored their questions about him, and Takeda had absolutely refused to talk to them, even more so when they had found Jaron in Toad Town. Max was always under the impression that Takeda disliked Jaron for some reason. Even so…he glanced at the door again. I doubt that Kaitlin would want me to listen in, but… He looked at Jaron and James—the two of them were still arguing. I guess it wouldn't hurt…He tiptoed toward the door.
"…believe you'd say that about him!" Kaitlin. "What the heck's your problem with Jaron, anyway?"
"Isn't it obvious?" Max's eyes widened. Who the heck…?
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Kaitlin, that guy is too dangerous."
"Dangerous? How is he dangerous? Okay, he's not exactly Mr. Cuddlebear or whatever, but dangerous? You're overreacting."
"If anything, I'm UNDERreacting. You need to stay away from him. Why the hell are you still with him anyway?"
"I can't believe you would ask me that-"
"Kaitlin, I'm telling you this for your own good—get away from him or he's going to kill you!"
There was complete silence, then Kaitlin said quietly, "Jaron would never, ever want to hurt me. I know him too well for that. I can't believe that you would even suggest that he'd do such a thing. It's clear to me that you hate his guts, Takeda, but the one thing I don't know is why. Why, Takeda? Why do you hate him so much?"
More silence. Then: "That's none of your business. If this is how you're going to continue to act, then there's nothing more to be said."
A pause. Then Kaitlin said sharply, "What are you doing?"
"I'm leaving. I'm not staying around that…thing…any longer than I have to. I've warned you enough times, but you're just not listening. Goodbye, Kaitlin. Maybe I'll see you again, and hopefully without that freak of nature."
"Takeda, wait-!" There was a sound like a puff of smoke, then silence. Max was too stunned to move. I can't believe it… He then realized that Kaitlin was going to leave the room sooner or later, so he got up to move—
"Max, I know you're behind the door, so how long have you been listening?" Max froze. "Uh, the last minute?"
Another pause, then a sigh, followed by the door opening. Kaitlin looked at Max silently. Max was startled to see that there were tears in her eyes. "Kaitlin what—"
"Not now." Kaitlin said silently. "I…I'll tell you about it later." Max looked at her, troubled. "Kaitlin…" He placed a hand on her shoulder. "Please, don't cry, okay?"
"T-that damn Takeda!" Kaitlin yelled out to no one in particular, before she rushed into an embrace with Max, eager for a shoulder to cry on, literally.
To be honest, Max was totally confused—not to mention caught off guard—by this situation. He was therefor forever grateful when Jaron, James, and Holly came over to find out what was the matter. Max reciprocated her embrace, letting her weep out her troubles, letting her know that he was there to listen, even if she didn't want to talk right at that moment.
The yellow-haired child recoiled as Jaron extended a hand. "Hey, don't be afraid," he said kindly. "I'm not gonna hurt ya."
Slowly, the boy raised his eyes to meet Jaron's. they were a clear blue. "W…who are you?"
Jaron sighed and sat down. "Someone whose been looking for you for a long while. The name's Jaron." He smiled. "Your's?"
Hours later, in the middle of the night, Kaitlin's stomach woke her. "Urg… I guess emotional outbursts take a toll on the appiti—"
"OOOOHHHHHH !"
With absolutely no warning to speak of, the Kool-Aid Man came crashing through the wall of her hotel room.
"OH, COME ON!"
Excerpt from Kavma's Research File 48626719940681:
The experiment for the D-Virus today was even more of a success than I anticipated. It resulted in the termination of the subject, but we collected the data required. Dr. Wesker plans on taking one of the other subjects and subject it to further testing—the D-Virus seems to affect its victims differently based on different factors, such as their species and age. I'm curious to see how this plays out.
Kalvire: You guys disappoint me, you know that?
Kaitlin: (Sneers at him) Oh, gee, I'm SO sorry.
Endive: The blasted chapter's over, so can we finish them off NOW?
Kalvire: You know what? Sure, go nuts.
Endive: (Pulls out a rolling pin)
Lucas: Eep!
Endive: Prepare yourselves, you little—
(Suddenly, Flight of the Valkyries starts playing)
Kalvire: What the—
(The roof blows apart with a crash, revealing the descent of Pearl, Bobo, and Brain Guy on flying horses)
Pearl: FOR QUATAR!
Brain Guy: FOR JUSTICE!
Bobo: FOR THE HELL OF IT!
Endive: YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!
Pearl: Wasn't planning on it!
Kalvire: Wasn't counting on a rescue mission, but I'll beat you anyway.
Brain Guy: You have villains on your side, mine? (Holds out hands, weird spirits rise from the floor) I've got to be quick though; I'm paying them with curly fries.
Chris McClean: (With Bobo on top of him, picking at his scalp for insects) WORST. HAIR DAY EVER!
This author's note has been compressed and edited for time.
Needless to say, it's getting too crazy even for us.
(The scene now shows the aftermath. The room is totaled, with the door hanging off the hinges, indicating a swift retreat.)
Pearl: Ah, that was fun!
Bobo: Nothing better than a full round of ass kickin'.
Kaitlin: Have you guys FORGOTTEN something?
Brain Guy: (Uses his mystical mind powers to remove the ropes) Happy now?
Max: (Looks around) Did you guys have to make such a mess? It's gonna take weeks to clean this place up!
Kaitlin: Where are we supposed to stay until then, huh?
Pearl: Well, I suppose you can stay at Castle Forrester for the time being.
Kaitlin: …Tell me you're joking.
Pearl: It's decided then! Let's get packing, but first let's celebrate!
Bobo: PARTY AT GANTZ'S PLACE!
Jacob: Woah, woah, woah! We need to notify him in advance! We can't just barging i—
Brain Guy: (Starts levitating everyone into the air) We're going, 'nuff said.
Pearl: NO PROTESTS!
Bobo: I'll get the togas!
Kaitlin: … Wait, I feel that we're missing something…
Jordan: (Still in the closet the whole time) Hello…? HELLOOOOOO? Anybody there? I'm bored out of my mind here! Anyone!
