Chapter 11

The queen punched her pillow in frustration. Stupid Sebastian. Why did he have to go and ruin everything? They were supposed to be friends. She was mad. Mad he'd tried to kiss her, mad at herself for not seeing the creature of ice under the warm exterior, and mad at Jareth for not being there to save her.

She knew the last one was irrational but where the hell was he? He was usually everywhere. Poking into her business at every opportunity. But not anymore? It pissed her off. She hated it but it really really pissed her off.

With a frustrated growl she stalked into the bathroom intent on having a nice hot bath and washing that kiss, whatever the hell it was, off her. She ran it to the top and filled it with all kinds of relaxing oils and salts before stepping into the warm suds.

Still feeling dirty, she picked up a loofa and began scrubbing at her body as hard as she could. The skin was pink and raw she still wasn't satisfied. She felt slimy somehow and she couldn't explain it. Realising if she carried on she'd have no skin left, she sighed and exited the bath, throwing on any old dress as she paced her room.

Who the hell did he think he was? Avoiding her! She should be avoiding him. She should be telling him to clear off, and it wasn't fair that he wasn't around so she could tell him to leave. She growled. Shiny fucking goblin prick.

Pacing wasn't cutting it anymore. She had to go and tell him to leave her alone or something. Yeah that was it she had to tell him that she wasn't playing his games, that she knew what he was doing.

Steeling her resolve, the queen stormed out her chambers in search of the bastard. Nobody dared to get in her way as she stormed up to them, demanding to know where the king was. In a matter of minutes she was outside his office door. She didn't even bother knocking before she stormed in.

Jareth looked up from his desk, startled by the interruption but not at all displeased. "Sarah! To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Oh don't play coy with me you smug wanker! You need to leave me alone."

A smiled played on the corners of his lips. "Sarah you're the one who barged in here." His eyes were twinkling at her and she wanted to punch him.

He took a second to admire her. She had just had a bath if her long damp hair was anything to go by. He loved it like this, wild and untamed by ribbons or braids or clasps. Her skin was flushed and her dress was simple, one he'd bought her as a gift, he felt smug realising she must have picked it of her own accord. Cassy wouldn't have been around at this point in the day. This was how he liked her best, passionate (even if it was bought on by anger) and unpolished. Because it was only him that ever got to see her like it. To the rest of the world she was the queen regal and poised. But with him in their chambers at night, she was stripped down, wild and beautiful but not plain, never plain.

It took him a second to realise she hadn't responded.

He was looking at her with that gaze again, that hot, scorching gaze. Mercifully she finally felt the sickly feeling from the afternoon's events being lasered away from her flesh with his searing stare, and she wanted it to encompass every inch of her.

She didn't realise her feet had carried her forwards until she was stood in front of him and he was smiling up at her.

She cleared her throat her senses returning. "Right, um you know what never mind. I'm gonna go, sorry." She mumbled walking away.

"Wait!" he shot up from his desk. "I could really use your opinions on a few matters if you'll stay? I miss having your input." He smiled and hoped she'd say yes. He just wanted to sit with her. Just for a little while, he wanted to feel normal with her for a little while.

So when she nodded her consent and sat in the chair next to him. Her seat. He nearly collapsed from giddiness. He settled quickly into his own chair, for fear that she would change her mind if he didn't get the proverbial ball rolling.

Why had she sat down? It had seemed like a good idea at the time. She was willing to do anything to stay in the warmth of that gaze. She was so scared that should she leave, the comforting aura would be gone and the ice would return to cling to her skin and seep into her bones.

But now with his attentions turned towards the multitude of papers on his desk she suddenly felt very inadequate. He wanted her opinion. Hers. On important matters. She wasn't even wearing shoes for crying out loud. Could she really give him advice? She realised very suddenly the ridiculousness of the situation. Here she was, wet raggedy hair, casual dress, and barefoot. And there he was, looking every inch the king he was born, despite the dark circles under his eyes.

Would anything she had to say really benefit him? The young woman was not convinced she even had any good advice to give, especially without her memories. No this was all so foolish, she had to leave, and she definitely shouldn't have sat down.

"Sarah? Sarah?"

Warm hands cupped her cheeks and she found herself staring into familiar eyes. Her cheeks immediately grew warm when she realised he had been speaking to her while she had been too busy with her inner monologue.

"And she's back in the room," the goblin king smiled.

Feeling the blush travelling down to the very tips of her toes, she mumbled out an apology.

Those stupid eyes stayed kind and understanding.

"What's wrong?" the mighty man's voice suddenly went very small, "do you not want to be here?"

His eyes were searching hers, but for what she couldn't be certain. His face, so joyful moments ago, had morphed so completely to one that was weary and haggard. Dejected, she thought suddenly, he looks dejected. Why she wanted to wipe that look off his face completely, she'd never know.

Still she replied with a worrying amount of haste, "no no it's just that, well…" she trailed off not sure how to admit her worries of failure or worse, humiliation.

A long finger found her chin and brought her watery eyes back up, from where they had been burning a hole in her lap.

"It's just what? You can tell me anything, you know that don't you?"

Why was she nodding? Sarah opened her mouth to tell him about her shortcomings to admit that she felt inferior or incapable but instead what came out was, "Sebastian kissed me today."

Why the fuck had she said that? Why of all the goddamn things in her head had she said that? His face had been so open, so honest and in that moment she truly felt like she could tell him anything. Like nothing she said would cause him to judge her. Some part of her realised then that she needed him to know. That the kiss had felt like a dirty little secret and him telling her it was okay would make her feel better somehow. Less impure, less alone.

When she caught sight of his face however, she wanted to snatch the words from the air and cram them back in her mouth. Swallow them down and reverse the damage the four little words had caused.

His face closed off completely, his hand had dropped from its place against her chin. But worst of all? That gaze that beautiful gaze, full of warmth and love and trust. That very heat was gone and it wasn't that it had changed, that it had morphed to something darker, like with Sebastian. No it was just gone, like blowing out a candle. Except no smoke was left from the fire, no burnt wick or even the remnants of wax drippings. There was nothing. Just an empty gaze. She hated it.

"I see." God even his voice was empty, devoid of the usual fondness reserved only for her.

"But- I – it was an accident. I mean it wasn't but- I- I didn't- he kissed me."

Even if she could get the right words out she had a feeling they wouldn't impact.

"Yes you've made me quite aware of your actions. Now it is getting rather late and I must ask you to leave." His tone was still dead and she hated it.

"Wait, wait please I can explain. I can-"

"There's no need for explanations, please leave."

He couldn't be kicking her out. But hadn't she been desperate to leave only moments ago? She couldn't leave now though. Not when he didn't understand. Not when he thought that, god did he think that she had wanted it? One look at his blank face told her yes.

"Jareth please I- "she made to grab his arm, but he pulled it away before she could so much as brush it. Her reaching fingers grabbed at nothing and she felt her stomach falling with her hand.

He walked over to the door and opened it.

"Goodnight Sarah."

She was reeling. What the hell was wrong with him? He didn't understand, she had to make him.

"No!"

"No?"

"That's what I said!"

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger.

"I don't know what you want from me." The admission was hissed through perfect teeth.

"I want to explain and I just want you to listen. Instead of trying to throw me out."

His entire countenance changed in that split second. He slammed the door and was suddenly advancing on her. She backed up.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" he seethed. "I have tried! God knows I have fucking tried with you. Ever since you lost your memory I have tried to be what you want. I tried to be kind. You hated it. I tried to be loving. You hated it. I even tried keeping my distance and guess what? You fucking hated it. Everything I have done has been for you, and now! Now you want to come in here and tell me about another fucking man?" his long strides had carried him towards her and he now stood right in front of her, hands on the wall by her head, caging her with his arms.

Her temper flared, how dare he try and intimidate her.

"That's not what this is and you know it."

"I don't know anything when I comes to you anymore. We used to be," his voice cracked. "We used to be that couple. The one that everyone hates because of how infuriatingly in love they are. You used to look at me like I was everything and all I ever wanted to do was to be worthy of the look in your eyes every day of my life. We would talk about everything, we would take on anything because we were together. And when we made love? The god themselves envied us. But I can't sit here and listen to the tale of how you fell for another fucking man so I need you to get out. Please?"

Silent tears were streaming down her face and she had to choke back an anguished sob.

"I'm sorry. But please you have to listen to me."

"But I don't. I want to but I don't. I won't put myself through this anymore. You're selfish Sarah. One of those things we have in common. That's the problem. If I were a less selfish man maybe I could find it in me to be happy for you. But I can't and so I'm asking- I'm begging not to hear it."

She realised then that no matter what she said he wouldn't listen to her. She could scream, she could cry, she could be calm, she could be rational. But no words would reach his ears, he had decided he wasn't going to listen.

Her throat felt closed off, words she wanted to say choking her, she swallowed them down and nodded once. It was sharp and jerky but he understood. Then on wobbly legs she made her way over to the door.

Perhaps she'd talk to him tomorrow. When he wasn't so angry and hurt by his misconceptions, maybe she could explain.

She was almost at the door when a quiet voice halted her.

"Wait."

She spun around and watched his legs make quick work of the distance until he was once again in front of her. He took her left hand in his grasp and she felt goosebumps erupt in the area. Then all too quickly the sensation was gone and his hand withdrew, Sarah felt the familiar weight of the wedding rings he had carefully slipped on her finger.

"Something to remember me by." a sigh and a sad smile.

She didn't stop crying the whole way back to her room. It suddenly felt so big and empty after her exchange with the king.

The goblin king sat there for a while, visibly shaken. He'd given her the rings back because he felt like that was an end for him. To get rid of the only thing he had to remind himself that what they had had been real. Because now she belonged to someone else and she couldn't remember that she had ever been his. But he'd put it on her ring finger and he knew, he fucking knew, he'd done it on purpose. She'd thrown water on the fire but there always that pesky ember that refused to die out. He locked it away and shoved it deep down inside. Something to be kept hidden and taken out to admire only when alone. Because despite what he'd said, he was never ever quite done with the woman who held his heart.

He drank himself into a stupor that night, trying to use the warmth of the alcohol to chase away the bitter emptiness that had settled into his bones.

A/N quite a lot of jumping around in peoples thoughts when it comes to this one. But I wanted to show how both sarah and jareth were feeling without having to make two versions of the same chapter. I hope you guys can make sense of it. Happy reading, reviews are everything to me.