11. Gina

TW serious car crash - skip the middle section if you want to avoid it.

Clarke followed Lexa back down the street, turning her head to the side so she didn't have to look at the vehicles. A couple of cops had turned up to restore order and the impatient LA traffic was already beeping to get past.

Inside the cafe, a small group of customers had congregated by the window to stare out at the crash. Lexa pressed one hand to Clarke's arm to tell her to wait then squeezed through, gathering Clarke's things from the table into one arm. She gestured across the room at a flight of spiral stairs. Clarke unhooked the chain and made her way up. She risked one final glance at the carnage outside, her stomach lurching with a wave of discomfort, then the scene vanished behind a wall.

Lexa's apartment had just as many plants as the cafe below. It was small and open plan, with a counter and short fridge separating the kitchen from a sofa, rocking chair, large bookcase and coffee table. There was no TV set anywhere. Across the room, Clarke could see a four poster bed through drapes and a bead curtain. Photographs of birds and mountains and forests had been hung up in no apparent order on the walls.

Lexa didn't offer her a drink. Instead she motioned for Clarke to take the sofa and settled into the rocking chair. It creaked softly when it swung backwards and her eyes bored into Clarke. The tick tock of a clock filled the apartment and a muffled buzz came from downstairs.

"You were in a car accident," Lexa said.

Clarke eyed the ceiling and nodded. Then she forced her eyes down, so she was looking back at Lexa. Her expression was the usual neutral, but there was more of a softness to it than normal.

"Almost a year ago. In our summer break," she said.

"Your friend too? Bellamy?"

"Yes. Me, Bellamy. And Gina."

It was the first time in months she had said that name. With it came the screams, echoing down her ears in torrents. Bellamy's and Gina's and her own, all mixed in together. Smoke had filled the car so quickly. She had opened her eyes and for a moment thought she was dead, because she could not see anything. Then she felt the pain of her seatbelt digging into her shoulder and chest and neck, somehow holding all her weight. Then a sob. Then a scream.

Clarke felt a trickle of sweat run down her neck, somehow at the same time as goosebumps rose on her arms. Lexa watched her intently, but when her mouth opened she couldn't put the words together.

Lexa stood from the rocking chair and sat on the sofa next to Clarke.

"It's okay, Clarke. Only tell me what you want to. Or I can leave you, go back down-"

"No," Clarke snapped, shaking her head. Green eyes met blue. "Don't leave," she added, quieter this time.

Lexa leaned back in the sofa, her head resting on it. Clarke copied, but her gaze kept shifting between Lexa and her feet and the rest of the room.

"We went camping. Octavia was meant to come too, but she was sick and Bellamy insisted she stay home to rest." As always, a rush of relief ran through her at the thought. If it had been different, if Octavia had been there as well… All four of them trapped… "There was a deer. Bellamy swerved to avoid it and we went off the road."

Shouts of panic had turned into shrieks of terror as they had tumbled down the hill. The car had turned. The windscreen cracked like a gunshot. Bangs and thumps had filled her ears - just like the cars outside the cafe, but only for a moment.

"I hit my head. When I woke I couldn't see anything through the smoke. I could smell petrol."

Lexa's hand curved around hers, cool and calming with a gentle squeeze.

"I got free of the seatbelt. Kicked the door open and got out. Gina was unconscious and Bellamy started shouting. I pulled him out, then her. He carried her and we started up the hill - but a fire started. We ran, but we couldn't get far enough away.."

Fire rained down on them, bringing chunks of metal and pieces of nearby trees. A branch had dropped on Clarke's back, setting her shirt alight.

She could feel the torturous flames dancing over her back now as she pulled one strap down and twisted, revealing the scars.

"Like mine," Lexa murmured, tracing one slender finger over the biggest scar. "They show your strength, Clarke."

Clarke's lips pressed together and she pulled away from Lexa's touch entirely, settling her hand back in her lap. "It doesn't matter. Gina died two days later."

Strong. Brave. People kept saying that to her in the weeks after the crash, like it made some difference. She'd thrown away all the get well cards as soon as she'd got out of hospital. She'd almost left the state, but her dad convinced her to stay and finish her piloting course. She'd found an apartment for her and Bellamy and they'd gone back to school, trying to pretend everything was normal. Pretending they didn't hear each other's nightmares.

"Were you close?"

Clarke shrugged, pushing the strap back up.

"Not as close as we could have been. I only realised at the funeral - I had never met her family before, I knew nothing about her when she was a kid."

Gina had been nice. Sarcastic on the surface, but friendly… And now there was no chance to get to know her more.

Lexa turned sideways, pulling up her shirt sleeve to fully reveal the scars and tattoos Clarke had only had cursory glances of before. The burns stretched beyond her neckline, down to her chest.

"When I was ten, there was a fire in our stables. Three horses died, but one carried me out to safety. We rode together every day after that, for twelve years. When the other children at school made fun of my scars, he was always there at the end of the day, happy to see me." A smile flickered on her lips then faded into a preoccupied frown. She stared across the room. "When he died, I thought I would never get over the pain. He was not human, but he was the only friend I had."

"I'm sorry," Clarke said. She glanced down at Lexa's hand, considering taking it, then rejected the idea. "How did you get over it?"

"At first I vowed to never become so attached to another creature or person again. I moved to Los Angeles to distance myself from my parents. But eventually I realised that the weakness was not in caring to begin with - it was becoming so absorbed by the ending that I could not honour our memories." The intensity of her gaze increased, trapping Clarke in it. She could not look away. "Life ends for everyone, Clarke. The dead are gone and you should not lose yourself in regret. Focus on the living, while they are still here."

A memory flashed before Clarke's eyes. Gina, laughing so hard that she spat her drink out - then laughing even louder, all because Bellamy had drawn a smiley face drawn on top of his steak in ketchup. It had been so long since she had recalled a happy memory of the two of them. Every mention of Gina just brought back the screams and smoke and panic of that final day.

A wave of gratitude and appreciation for Lexa swelled up in Clarke's stomach. This time, she did reach forward and take her hand.

"Thank you, Lexa."

She smiled - that beautiful, soft smile of hers. For a second, her gaze flashed down at Clarke's lips - but then she was staring into Clarke's eyes again and squeezing her hand back.

The emotions behind her gaze jerked Clarke out of her comfort zone and she pulled her hand away, shuffling around so she wasn't looking straight across at Lexa.

"I should get back downstairs," Lexa said, standing and stretching. "Indra will want to have words with me about leaving her on shift alone. You are welcome to stay up here as long as you wish."

"Wait - one last thing."

Lexa turned back to face her.

"Just one part of your story that doesn't make sense. You let kids make fun of your scars?"

Clarke knew full well that kids could be cruel, but Lexa didn't seem the type to stand by idly.

Lexa smirked. "They did it once. I broke two noses. And after that they never said a thing to my face again."


I think this chapter turned out quite well :) Better than the last one anyway. Special thanks to everyone leaving reviews, it makes my morning to wake up and go through those email alerts :3