Breakfast was rushed, especially for Kallen who had training duties right after. Suzaku had nothing scheduled, and hunted down Schneizel to see if any progress had been made on allowing Suzaku access to Genbu.
Schneizel didn't laugh, but there was something in his face that made Suzaku think he wanted to. "I haven't brought it up. Your attitude and bearing over the past few days have done nothing to recommend you. But if you think you've managed to overcome your latest emotional anguish, I can ask now."
"Yeah. That'd be great, thanks." Suzaku couldn't really blame Schneizel for being reluctant to speak on his behalf when Suzaku wouldn't have been able to put forth the necessary effort to speak for himself. But he was better now, so things could move forward.
Schneizel sighed. "This is one of the reasons I'm so grateful to have Lelouch back. His impressive consistency. He's been tortured, brainwashed, interrogated, and replaced, and through it all he's been remarkably stable. It's admirable, really."
"He's really something," Suzaku agreed, deliberately not taking the bait. "He's okay with working with you, then? After everything you did in Pendragon?"
"Lelouch sees the bigger picture," Schneizel said. "He doesn't get caught up in pettiness and inconsequentialities. You could learn a lot from him."
It occurred to Suzaku that perhaps making an enemy of Schneizel while asking for a favour wasn't the best idea. So he bit back his retort. "I'm sure I could. Thanks again for talking to Genbu for me."
Schneizel inclined his head. "My pleasure, Suzaku. And you needn't worry. You're still young, and you seem rather educable."
Suzaku mulled over the conversation as he meandered towards the Knightmare hanger, and decided that, while he hadn't won, he hadn't really lost either. With that comforting him, he entered the hanger and looked around for the Lancelot or Lloyd, to restart his training schedule.
What he saw was Kallen, pinning Lelouch to a wall and saying something far too quiet for Suzaku to hear, while Lelouch glared at her defiantly.
Before Suzaku could break them up, someone's hand on his arm stopped him.
"Gino!"
"Stay out of that for now," Gino insisted. "Kallen's run out of patience, and Lelouch is moments away from just running out."
Suzaku side-eyed Gino. "You know she could break him like a twig."
Gino sighed. "I'd pay good money to see that." He shook himself. "But no. She's not going to do anything to him. This is just how they communicate." He grinned at Suzaku. "Is there anything between them? I mean, besides you."
Suzaku wasn't about to touch that last comment. "They worked together for the evacuation of Area 11, and I think Kallen's one of the few people Lelouch would have trusted with Nunnally's safety. But nothing that should have made them hate each other." Except for him.
"Huh." Gino laughed a little. "Yeah, I got the impression that they kinda resented each other, but they had each other's backs. Neither of them would let me go too far in teasing them, and they both worked really well together when they had to. But when they didn't, they'd squabble and spat like children."
"What's this about?" Suzaku asked.
Gino shrugged. "I have no idea. Usually, Lelouch needles Kallen until she reacts and they fight, or Kallen pushes Lelouch until he snaps, but this time Lelouch was just working over the Shinkiro's Druid System controls when Kallen came in and started a fight. I know she was planning on getting the two of you back together. Did something happen?"
Suzaku had no idea how to begin to answer that. "What's the Shinkiro?"
"Seriously?" Gino goggled at Suzaku. "I know you've had a rough few days, but you should really keep on top of this. The Shinkiro's Lelouch's special Knightmare, designed mostly by Rakshata. It's slow, but it packs a heck of a punch, and it has this amazing defensive system…"
Suzaku tuned Gino out, focusing back on Lelouch and Kallen. Neither of them actually seemed like they were about to get violent, but there was definite anger there. Suzaku wished, more than anything else, that things like this could be simple, rather than a complicated mess of emotions and adolescent hormones.
And then Kallen leaned forward and kissed Lelouch.
"…complex calculations, and… what the hell?" Gino stopped reciting the schematics for the Shinkiro and finally released Suzaku's arm. "What are they doing? And how can I get them to do it more often?"
Suzaku sent a half-hearted glare Gino's way and moved towards Kallen and Lelouch. He didn't care what was happening, but he wanted to be a part of it, somehow.
Lelouch saw Suzaku first and laughed, low and amused, as he approached. "Ah, here comes more trouble."
Kallen whirled around. "Suzaku! I… I can explain…"
"Oh, no explanations needed, I assure you," Lelouch said, still more darkly amused than anything else. "He understands completely, don't you, Suzaku?"
"It's fine," Suzaku said, not really caring one way or the other about the kiss itself. "But Gino said you two just started fighting as soon as you saw each other. Is this about last night?" He leaned in, eagerly looking for a problem he could fix. "Is there something I can do?"
Kallen sighed in exasperation. "Suzaku, we decided you wouldn't do this…"
"But he looks so good on his knees," Lelouch said. "Not that it changes anything."
"We need to talk," Suzaku said firmly. "The three of us. And I'm not letting anything distract us from–"
"Attention, level 2 emergency outside the hanger bay east entrance. Level 2 emergency outside the east entrance of the hanger bay. Would all nonessential personnel please clear the area as quickly and efficiently as possible. Attention, level 2 emergency…"
Lelouch grinned. "Look! A distraction." He slid between Kallen and Suzaku, moving against the flow of engineers and pilots evacuating the hanger, and towards the east exit.
Suzaku and Kallen exchanged looks and went after him. No matter how they felt personally, Lelouch was important enough for them to see him safe.
"Milly!" Lelouch pushed past the guards who clearly had no idea what to do with a 'Zero' and hurried to Milly's side. "What's happening?"
"I don't know!" Milly said. "I was just showing her that we were safe here, protected, and she started playing with one of the computers while I tried to keep Rivalz from climbing on one of the Knightmares, and the next thing I know…"
Suzaku turned to the nearest person in a uniform. "Sitrep."
"Sir. One of the prisoners from Pendragon has somehow managed to acquire a nuclear weapon and is threatening to detonate it inside the complex if we don't comply with her demands."
"Ah." Suzaku was impressed with the calm used to deliver what was basically an ultimatum of death. "Thank you."
"Sir." The man moved away, intent on whatever job he had been given.
Lelouch looked at Milly. "You let Nina near a nuclear weapon, Milly?"
"How was I supposed to know that she'd be able to get one?" Milly wailed.
"She's a friend of mine," Lelouch snapped. "You should have expected above normal intelligence." He looked over at Suzaku and Kallen. "…with some exceptions."
"Hey, guys, I think Nina might actually get us out of here," Rivalz said, optimistically cheerful.
"Lulu!" Shirley wrapped her arms around Lelouch in a warm hug. "It's so great to finally see you! Milly promised we would, eventually. I can't wait to get home, can you?"
Lelouch sighed and patted Shirley on the back. "Well, Nina's brilliant, in any case." He pulled away. "What are we doing to stop her?"
"Stop her?" Rivalz asked, incredulously. "She's getting us out!"
"She's risking the lives of millions of people, she's unstable, and she's frightened," Lelouch corrected. "I can assure you that none of us will return to Pendragon this way." He grabbed Milly's wrist. "Come on. We'll talk her down."
"We will?" Milly asked incredulously, even while allowing Lelouch to pull her along.
Suzaku and Kallen trailed behind, mostly focusing on keeping Shirley and Rivalz back. Lelouch dragged Milly past another blockade of guards, somehow making it through without being challenged, all the way to the room Nina was in.
The guards blocked Suzaku and the rest from following them, but they were allowed to hover by the door, close enough to overhear. Rivalz and Shirley had to be told to be quiet a few times, but once they calmed down, Lelouch's clear voice carried easily and Nina's normally soft voice was bordering on hysteria and loud enough for them to hear.
"…caged like animals and, and…"
Lelouch touched Nina's hand. "I know. I know, and I'm sorry. This is all my fault, Nina. If you guys hadn't befriended me, if you hadn't been with me, then none of this would have happened to you. But this isn't all bad."
"How is it anything but bad?"
"You met Milly," Lelouch said. "You've always had the same problem I did with making friends – people take advantage of you, they don't understand you. You had no family in Pendragon, and no friends aside from those here. But Milly…"
Milly took up the thread. "I don't know about Pendragon, but in the Areas we have families. Some families, like Lelouch and his sister and mother, are bound together by blood. But some, like Suzaku and Kallen are formed by choice. Nina, you're part of a family that I chose. And I'll do anything I can to protect you."
"You can't," Nina said, almost in tears. "You can't protect me from them, from all the Numbers. I see the way they look at us, like it's our fault, but we didn't do anything." Her voice broke. "I want to go home!"
"I know, sweetie," Milly said. "And I'm sorry. But why can't this be your home now?"
Lelouch moved aside as Milly took his place, wrapping her arms around Nina's shoulders in a gentle embrace. "I'll protect you too," he said. "And Suzaku and Kallen. We'll protect you and Shirley and Rivalz, until you grow strong enough to protect others with us. In Pendragon, we were wards of the state, provided for and protected by the law and nothing else. But here, we don't have that, so we have to form families. And you'll always be a part of mine."
Nina sobbed into Milly's shoulder and nodded. Lelouch petted her hair, gentle and kind. "How do I disarm the bomb, Nina?"
Nina mumbled something and Lelouch's fingers flew over the keyboard. There were a few harrowing moments with the technicians, but when the all-clear was given, the hanger burst into cheers.
Rivalz groaned. "That was our best chance of getting back home."
"He's not Lulu," Shirley said, clearly saddened and disappointed. Kallen looked at her.
"No, he's not. But he still cares for you."
Suzaku watched Lelouch helping Milly and two of the security guards lead Nina away. "You'll see. Hey, Lelouch!" Lelouch approached them. "What's happening with Nina?"
Lelouch shrugged. "I don't know. Milly's going to speak on her behalf, but I hope they lock her away for good this time."
"Lelouch!" Rivalz and Shirley's voices sounded oddly harmonic together.
Lelouch snorted. "What? She put the entire complex in danger, including the people I care most about. I sympathize with her but she, and you two, have been treated far better than any Number behind Pendragon's front lines would have any right to expect."
"So you're just abandoning us, then?" Rivalz demanded.
"You reap what you sow here," Lelouch said. "Unlike in Pendragon where you neither reap nor sow, and just consume what others supply." His eyes narrowed. "It's not an easy world, outside of Pendragon, and you have been living life on the backs of those who have nothing. It's about time you realized that, and what it means, and stopped being so demanding and entitled."
"That was never our choice!" Shirley objected. "We just happened to be born in Pendragon, we didn't ask for it."
Kallen stepped up. "But now you have the chance to learn from it, to make up for it. And you can take that chance, or ignore it and pretend that we're just being unfair to you, or lash out against us for showing you the truth."
"Either way," Lelouch said firmly. "You're never leaving. You both are far too much of a liability. Get used to it."
Suzaku gaped as Lelouch turned and walked away on that note. He hadn't expected that, but it seemed to have surprised Rivalz and Shirley much more. "…sorry. He can be a little… indelicate at times."
"He's still right," Kallen said, "indelicate or not. I'd think it over, if I were you." She smiled. "And if you need anything, to talk or anything like that, Suzaku and I would be more than happy to help." Suzaku nodded. The last thing he wanted was for them to go to Lelouch for more verbal abuse.
"And Nunna-chan?" Shirley asked quietly. "She's Lelouch's sister, right? Does she feel the same way?"
"I doubt it," Kallen said. "She's much more forgiving and understanding. In fact, why don't we go visit her now." She looked at Suzaku. "And you should go after Lelouch."
"You just told me not to."
"Things have changed, Suzaku. Keep up." Kallen winked at him and escorted Shirley and Rivalz away while the guards continued to clean up and make sure everyone could return to their stations. It felt oddly anticlimactic; Suzaku hadn't even had the chance to really be afraid over a nuclear weapon within the hanger before Lelouch had taken charge and fixed everything. And no one had been hurt, there hadn't really even been a fight, and Lelouch hadn't even looked at him.
Kallen was right. He needed to go after Lelouch.
Unfortunately, he was accosted just outside the hanger, by Kanon.
"Suzaku! Just who I was looking for. Schneizel spoke with Genbu, and he's willing to hear you out. Additionally, given the latest security scare we just had, he's considering allowing you and Kallen to have access to the locators, just in case our new guests get into any more… trouble."
Suzaku's eyes widened. The bracelets that everyone was obliged to wear in order to move from one room to another or to get food or necessities were, of course, tagged for external tracking. It was how Schneizel was always able to tell where Suzaku and Lelouch were, and how no one had been very worried about the free movements of the Ashford kids.
But the locator system, accessible on every computer terminal in Area 0, was available only to the very top security and administrative personnel. Schneizel had been granted an exception, something Suzaku had thought was rare in Area 0, but he was Schneizel. The thought of being granted a similar exception was incredible to Suzaku, especially since he hadn't even asked for it.
"What does he want in return?"
Kanon laughed. "You're joking, right? This isn't a favour one can just quid-pro-quo." Suzaku wasn't sure what that meant. It sounded painful. "This is something that would normally have you prostrating yourself, promising eternal loyalty and service. But it's also a gift, given freely. Only you can decide what its worth is, and what you'd be willing to do to repay this kind of trust."
Trust. Kanon was right – more than power and influence, trust was the true reward, the bait that Suzaku was willing to jump for when dangled in front of him. "I understand."
It wasn't until he was right outside of Genbu's office that he remembered about Lelouch. He groaned softly, banging his head against the wall as he waited. Surely Lelouch could handle himself for the span of time Suzaku spent with Genbu.
"Priorities?" Kallen asked, coming up behind Suzaku with Schneizel. Suzaku shrugged.
"Pretty much. I don't think Lelouch wants to see me in any case."
Schneizel looked approving. "Very mature of you, Suzaku. It speaks well that you're taking this so seriously."
"Thank you."
Kanon opened the door. "Genbu will see you two now."
Schneizel and Kanon came with them as if it was natural, and Genbu didn't blink at their presence and remained seated behind his desk when the four of them walked in. "Kallen, Suzaku. I'm glad to see you both here. I must admit, until Schneizel brought it up, I had overlooked your situation. These privileges and responsibilities should have been given to you weeks ago."
He gestured, and Kanon handed them slightly larger bracelets. "Here. They're pretty user-friendly."
"Code in a six-digit alpha-numeric passkey. You'll need the bracelets and the passkey to get into the locator system. Should you lose the bracelet, report it immediately." Genbu stood and held out his hand. "Otherwise, congratulations to you both." Suzaku took his hand, then Kallen. "Don't make me regret this."
"Yessir," Kallen and Suzaku said together.
They outlined protocol for arranging a meeting with Genbu, as well as additional duties like sitting in on Area meetings and planning sessions. It wasn't until they were almost done the list of new responsibilities, that Suzaku realized that he and Kallen had essentially turned into militaristic public servants. He wasn't sure he liked the change, considering before he'd been an abandoned orphan and a rebellious poacher. Even being a Hunger Games Victor hadn't been as much of a fundamental shift.
Before, he'd had privacy, if nothing else. Now his every movement was scrutinized, his words weighed and judged. The more power he acquired, it seemed, the more freedoms he had to give up.
Kallen, nodding seriously to one of the instructions, seemed oblivious to that. But she'd always had a strong sense of responsibility, if not a strong respect for rules. She fit in here.
Suzaku didn't.
"What about Lelouch, sir?" Suzaku asked once there was a break in the lecturing.
Genbu frowned. "How do you mean?"
"Will he get the same privileges?"
Genbu shook his head. "Until recently, he was spouting anti-Numbers propaganda and advocating our loss. I know he wasn't in his right mind, but Schneizel has advised me that Lelouch can be quite skilled in deception. I want to observe him for a while before making any irrevocable decisions."
"Like giving him his own Knightmare?" Kallen asked.
"The Shinkiro requires two to pilot it - one to man the weapons and defences, the other to manoeuvre. By himself, Lelouch could only manage the clumsiest of offenses with it, and would be easily and quickly overwhelmed. We've thought this through, Kallen. Lelouch is a very important asset, but he's one we must cultivate carefully."
Suzaku nodded slowly. "I appreciate that, sir. He's not been quite himself since he returned. If I might, I would offer to watch over him on your behalf, as I'll be doing so of my own initiative in any case." He felt pretty pleased at how smooth that sounded, when basically what he meant was that he planned to snap Lelouch straight, even if he had to shake him until his teeth rattled to do so.
"That sounds like an excellent compromise, Suzaku. Thank you." Genbu nodded. "Please report to Schneizel once you have any relevant information and once he's satisfied, we can discuss Lelouch's future. Thank you both."
"Thank you, sir."
Schneizel stayed behind while Kanon escorted them to an external computer terminal. "Key in your password."
Suzaku was tempted to use 'Lel0ch', but he figured that would be overly easy to hack. Instead, he simply memorized a genuinely random series of numbers and letters. Kallen likely did the same. Then they tried using the locator, first to find Nina (locked away again, with Milly and several guards) and then to find Lelouch (off somewhere Suzaku didn't recognize, likely with Nunnally and the kids).
"This works well," Kallen said.
"It also functions as a communicator, in emergencies. If you need to call someone who also has a communicator, you can do so by locating them and pressing this button." Kanon demonstrated on his bracelet. "I would limit this to actual emergencies if you need to talk to Schneizel or myself, and never if you feel like talking directly to Genbu." Kanon paused to make sure that was understood. "Otherwise, you can use this to talk to the heads of security and each other whenever you feel it's appropriate."
"Is that all?" Suzaku asked, feeling a little over-lectured.
Kanon smirked. "Pretty much. You are going to need code names as well. Suzaku, obviously, is Zero. Kallen, yours will be Q1."
"I don't get to choose?"
"No. Schneizel is the White Prince, I am the Right Hand, and you can access a list of various other code names of higher ranking officials."
"Does Lelouch have one of those?"
Kanon smiled. "Black Prince. Browse the others at your leisure, but you'll probably find you use very few of them."
There was some symbolism in Lelouch being assigned a nickname that mirrored Schneizel's rather than sharing one with Suzaku, despite the fact Lelouch had been Zero first. But Suzaku wasn't great at decoding those, and he certainly wasn't going to fight for something he didn't even understand.
"Thanks," Suzaku said instead. "Is that all?"
"That's all," Kanon said. "You may have to undergo further training from security, but as far as I'm concerned, that's everything."
"Thank you," Kallen said, waiting until Kanon was out of earshot before turning to Suzaku. "D'you get the feeling we missed something?"
"Nothing important," Suzaku answered, pretty sure that whatever Kanon had gotten over on them had been petty. "For now, I'm going to hunt Lelouch down. Wanna come?"
Kallen shook her head. "Not right now. He has training with me after lunch, so I'll have to deal with him then."
Suzaku nodded and they parted ways. More to practice with his password than anything else, Suzaku looked up Lelouch's location three more times on the way to him. Lelouch, as it turned out, wasn't with Nunnally at all, but had managed to squirrel away in one of the supply holds with what looked like a small mountain of toilet paper and cleaning fluid. He was reading, in poor light, a book Suzaku didn't recognize. Suzaku stepped into the light.
"How did you find me?" Lelouch asked in place of a greeting, not even bothering to close the book.
Suzaku held up his new bracelet. "Locators."
Lelouch hmphed. "Fair enough. Why have a special pet if you're not wiling to give it a special collar."
"You're collared too," Suzaku pointed out.
"I am indeed," Lelouch agreed. "What's your point?"
Suzaku took a deep breath. "My point is… how are you?"
Lelouch finally closed the book and stood. "Fine, of course."
"Liar." Suzaku tried to see what Lelouch was reading. "Still going over the Knightmare specs?"
Lelouch's arm jerked as he at once tried to hide the booklet and stop himself from doing something so pointless now that Suzaku had already seen. "I figured it would be a useful way to spend my time until lunch. What have you been up to?"
Suzaku shrugged. "Kallen and I got promoted, Nina's still being held and Milly's with her, and Schneizel and Kanon are both still prats."
Lelouch grinned. "No surprises on any fronts, then." He seemed to relax, his shoulders easing from being slightly hunched. "I suppose you'd like me to join you for lunch."
"Yeah, but that's not… Lelouch, I thought you were friends with Nina. How can you just turn your back on her?"
"She would have killed Nunnally, Suzaku. That's all that matters, not how close we were when I was brainwashed." Lelouch snorted. "Incidentally, she would have killed you and Kallen and over half the population in Area 0, which includes almost all the major military force and minds on our side in this intractable war." Suzaku opened his mouth to object and Lelouch held up a hand to forestall him. "We've only recently taken Area 2, which brings the Areas under our control, but Pendragon is heavily defended and heavily defensible. Nina almost guaranteed a Pendragon victory, at the low low cost of the lives of her and her 'friends'. Why she did it, and how she did it, is less important than the fact that she did it. She's dangerous to us, she's dangerous to the cause, and you think I should be supporting her?"
Suzaku narrowed his eyes. "I supported you, even when everyone thought you might have defected."
That stopped Lelouch mid-motion. "It… it's not the same."
"It's not that different. Do you really think Nina wanted to hurt all those people? Or was she a frightened, stressed girl who just needs support. What do you honestly think, Lelouch?"
Lelouch sighed. "You said everyone thought I might have defected. Not everyone but you."
"It crossed my mind. It probably crossed Kallen's as well. But we had faith in you."
Lelouch reached out, laying a hand on Suzaku's chest, just above his heart as he moved closer. "You're a fool and naïve and it's going to get you killed one day."
Suzaku leaned in and kissed him.
For a glorious moment, Lelouch kissed back, melting against Suzaku and opening up to him. It felt like old times, simpler times, when the rest of the world might have been collapsing around them, but they could still take comfort in each other.
And then Lelouch pulled away, almost violently. "No, no…" He laughed. "We're not starting this again, Suzaku. I've given you up, it's over." He brushed off imaginary dirt from his clothes, as if trying to brush away the feeling of being kissed. "But I appreciate your faith, as widely offered as it may be, and I will advocate on Nina's behalf. I'm not sure I can add anything to Milly's undoubtedly passionate rhetoric, but I'll try."
"For me?" Suzaku asked, feeling a little cocky after that kiss.
Lelouch bit his lip and Suzaku ached with want. "For you."
Suzaku could feel his face stretch into a wide smile. "Really? Lelouch, that's the greatest–"
"In return," Lelouch said, interrupting, "I'd appreciate you giving me at least the appearance of space. I meant it when I said I was giving you up, Suzaku, and you'll thank me for it later."
"I won't," Suzaku said. "I won't, and Kallen won't, and you'll just feel stupid. But that's okay because we're kids and we have time." He grabbed Lelouch's hand and pressed a kiss to it. "We have all the time in the world, once this war's over. And I'll spend all of that time proving to you that you're the one I love, you're the one I choose, and you're the one I want by my side. Forever."
Lelouch smiled gently, taking back his hand. "Forever's a long time, Suzaku. The things you want at eighteen aren't necessarily the ones you want at twenty-eight."
"Like?"
"Children, connections, lack of connections. Schneizel will always be my brother; Cornelia my sister. I have no choice in the matter. You do. And you're amazing with children, you overflow with love and care, and you deserve some of your own. You and Kallen were, seemingly literally, made for each other. You challenge each other, bring out the best in each other." Lelouch looked sad for a moment. "This isn't an impulsive decision, Suzaku. It was always the plan, once the fuss about us died down. I was never meant to keep you."
"That's not–"
"And what about me?" Lelouch asked, gathering up his haughty personality. "I always expected to pass down my genes to a child, to raise and protect them. If I hadn't met Luciano, I'm not sure I would have ever considered bedding down with another boy." He shrugged. "Not that you aren't a generous and caring lover, just that I never expected to end up with you forever. You take your Kallen and I'll take my freedom, and we'll call it even."
"I love you."
Lelouch sighed. "And I loved you. But that's not enough, Suzaku. It may never have been. But it's enough that I'll do this thing for you, and it's enough that I hope we can remain friends."
Suzaku couldn't answer that, as Lelouch turned to leave. Mostly because he could feel the tears building up behind his eyes, tightening in his throat, but also because he was afraid that he couldn't promise that.
If he and Lelouch couldn't be together, Suzaku was fairly certain he wouldn't be able to stand being 'friends'.
What Lelouch was doing was even crueller than walking away. He was forcing Suzaku to be the one who'd have to leave, even if it broke his heart.
