I don't want to be here. I never wanted to be here. I should have listened to anyone and everyone that wasn't a Slytherin, and gone into hiding. I shouldn't have been so utterly conceited. I shouldn't have been so dismissing. I shouldn't have hated anyone except for the Dark Lord.
I had walked the streets with some pep in my step, and what did it get me? I thought it would open doors for me. I thought I'd finally have a cushy life. I thought, I'd finally be accepted for being fatherless, because at least I was Pureblood.
None of that mattered. It didn't matter that I was Pureblood. It mattered that I hadn't made my declarations. I hadn't sworn my allegiance. I hadn't aided Death Eaters and Snatchers when it came to capturing, maiming, and killing.
I didn't want too. I didn't watch to cut down witches and wizards that I had once walked passed in the corridors of Hogwarts. We might not have been friends, but I knew their names. They weren't strangers.
The Order of the Phoenix had attempted to recruit me, more than once. I didn't want to fall in that lot. I didn't want to fall in with any lot, but my choices were stripped from me. I should have listened to Potter. There are moments, when I replay our short conversation, and curse myself.
"Zabini, you could do a bit of good for the world." Harry Potter had come out of hiding only long enough to grab my arm and hurry me into Muggleland.
I didn't like it out there. There was entirely too much unknown. The Muggles had no idea what was happening in the world, and they seemed content in their ignorance. It made me uneasy.
"I don't want to do any good. I don't want to do any bad either. I just want to…yannow…fucking live." I kept ducking my head, expecting someone, anyone to throw a hex at me.
"You can't want to live in a world where Voldemort wins, Zabini. No one wants to live in that world except his deluded followers. They're a bit insane, not to mention exceedingly sadistic and stupid." If Potter hadn't had such a firm grip on my arm, I probably would have run away.
"Maybe not, but falling in with you lot signs my death warrant, and I'm not ready for all that. I'm not a Gryffindor. I'm not brave or courageous or whatever you call yourselves." I was scared, really scared. I mean, being seen with Harry Potter and not attempting to capture him was akin to betrayal.
"You could be brave. You could change the face of the war. You could utilise your Slytherin cunning for something good. Or, you could turn your back and probably wind up dead. Voldemort's Death Eaters aren't taking prisoners, not anymore. They're killing anyone that doesn't stand with them. You could be next." Potter slipped a scrap of parchment into my hand, and disappeared into the crowd of Muggles.
I should have read it sooner. I should have uncurled it and listened to the words scratched upon it. I should have chased after him, and begged him to take me in.
I didn't. I shoved that speck of paper into the pocket of my cloak and hurried back to Diagon Alley. It was a disastrous scene.
There were Death Eaters marching through the cobblestone streets, proudly sporting their masks. They hexed whomsoever got in their way with raucous laughter. I was frozen. In the face of madness, watching people fall to the wayside, I was frozen.
"You there!" I blinked and there was a Death Eater hulking over me. I couldn't even fumble for my wand. "I know you. You're coming with us."
I never knew his name. I didn't care to ask. I didn't…much of anything really. He pushed and shoved me, causing me to crash to my knees. He kicked me, laughing when I grunted and groaned. He was absolutely merciless.
"Please." I was pathetic. I knew I was. I had always imagined myself as a strong wizard, but in the face of adversity, I was a coward.
"Aw look at the Slytherin beg. You'll do wonderfully." He dragged me about by the tufts of black hair on my head, quite pleased with himself.
I wasn't surprised when we arrived at Malfoy Manor. Everyone knew the last vestiges of Death Eaters and Snatchers were holed up in the Manor. I wondered what happened to the Malfoys, but not enough to do anything about it. Draco and I were never particularly close, but we accepted each other.
I pissed myself. I admit it. You would have pissed yourself too if you had seen a floating apparition of the Dark Lord in the Malfoy Manor Drawing Room. I rubbed my eyes, but he was still there.
"Blaise Zabini." He spoke! I would have shit myself if I had anything to shit.
How the fuck was he alive? How did no one know he was alive? What was going on in the world? No wonder the Death Eaters hadn't surrendered after the Battle of Hogwarts. They knew what no one else knew. Lord Voldemort was alive. Sort of.
"Kneel you cretin!" Bellatrix. I shuddered when I heard her otherworldly shriek, before I was forced to my knees.
"You shall serve me. Nott, show him his quarters. I believe Draco's former bedchamber is fitting. Acquaint him with how things are done. I expect results or I shall take it from your flesh."
It was strange not to hear the little hiss that has always accompanied Voldemort's words. I was hesitant to look into his face. What if he still didn't have a nose and I was caught staring? I imagined certain death.
Theodore Nott helped me to my feet, after bowing heavily to the Dark Bastard, I noted. He allowed me to lean on his slight frame, which I needed. I swear that Death Eater had broken a rib or two.
"Can't believe he's giving you Malfoy's room. I've been here since the beginning, and I've been relegated to the fucking garden shed. Fucking bullshit if you ask me, not that anyone's asking me." Theo had always been a bit of a bitch, and it seemed that much hadn't changed.
"I don't even want to be here." I struggled to utter that much, each breath causing a piercingly sharp pain in my chest.
"Shut up. Are you trying to get yourself killed? You can't say things like that, not here." Theo and his stupid rabbity face shoved me into Malfoy's bedchamber and closed the door quickly behind us. "No one wants to be here. Well, that's not true. Bellatrix loves it here. She can't wait for the day when the Dark Lord has his own body and can thoroughly plunder her. Avoid her if you can. She'll shag nearly everyone and she'll call you the Dark Lord while she's doing it."
Theo dropped me onto the bed, and immediately began pulling off my shoes. I was glad he was there. I wouldn't have been able to do much on my own. Those loyalists had stolen my wand.
"Where's Malfoy?"
Theo had his wand and I finally shuddered in relief when he healed my ribs. He was always talented when it came to Healing Charms. I suppose that was due to his father.
"Dungeons. It's best not to discuss him. It gives Greyback ideas, and I don't have the constitution to heal him again." Theo gagged and shook his head, as if he were attempting to will away a particularly vicious memory.
"Why are you here, Nott? Do you really subscribe to all of this…Pureblood Supremacy, end the Muggles sort of regime?" I reclined upon the four-poster, comfortable and terribly nervous.
I didn't want to do the Dark Bastard's bidding. I didn't want to do anyone's bidding. I wanted to go home to my humble little flat. I wanted to drink until I could no longer see. I wanted to shag a witch, pass out, and do it all over again the next day. I didn't want much.
"I haven't a choice, Zabini. My father is here. Do you know what would happen to me if I attempted to defect? Don't think I haven't thought about it, I have. I know about the bloody garden shed, and I've kept that tidbit of information to myself. Don't look at me that way, I know you know about the tunnels. I can't get through them, only a Malfoy can, but even so, I've dreamt about it." Theo perched on the edge of the bed and sighed.
He looked a bit wistful, and I understood. His father was a tyrant, and it made me glad I didn't have a father. I didn't know what to say to him, so I closed my eyes and said nothing.
"Bellatrix caught Granger near the Manor. She's being used for spell practice. She looks rough."
"What the fuck is Granger doing here? Didn't she learn her lesson the first time? Without Granger the fucking Order doesn't have a chance." I punched the pillow beside me, nearly in tears.
Everyone knew Hermione Granger was the brightest witch. She was the brains behind the entire operation. It was often said Harry Potter was the Chosen One, but he wouldn't be much without her.
"It's obvious isn't it? Narcissa is with the Order. Lucius is dead, the only person she has left is Draco. If you're going to rescue your son, might as well send the best. Of course, I can't really call her the best now, can I? I mean, she got caught and all."
I had always appreciated Theo Nott's intelligence. He was never far behind Malfoy and Granger in terms of grades. I had barely come to terms with my imprisonment, and Theo was a dozen steps ahead. At least I was quick on my feet, and knew he was contemplating the idea of escape.
"What…are you suggesting, Nott? I've barely got here and you're already speaking of breaking out. You've been here for years, why now? Why haven't you done anything until now?" I probably should have sat up or something, but fuck him, I was exhausted.
I had half a mind to tell him of my conversation with Harry Potter, but I didn't quite trust him yet. He was too forward, too excited. Something wasn't quite right. I stared at him hard, and then I saw it. I almost felt sorry for him, almost.
Theo Nott was always the wizard that lurked in the shadows. His nose was always in some book or another. His features were angled and when he was startled, he truly reminded me of a rabbit. He was nearly the equivalent of Granger, but he clung to his father's ideals, while she just wanted a bit of equality.
His appearance was a test. I knew that now. I was almost sad. It would have been nice to have an ally in a houseful of vipers. I really should have listened to Harry Potter.
"I don't know, Zabini, but I'm sure between the two of us, we could do it. We could escape the Manor. Hell, we could bring Granger and Malfoy with us. Could you imagine how grateful the Order would be to have their little princess back safely?" Theo smiled, and Theo never smiled.
I pretended to consider his words, nodding slowly. In the end, I sighed and shook my head. I couldn't play into his hands. I couldn't rest. I had to embrace my Slytherin heritage and revert to being the sly, cunning, and absolutely devious wizard I had been when I was a student in Hogwarts. The green glint lingering in Theodore Nott's eyes bade me so.
"Look, I can't say I wanted to be here or anything, but now that I'm actually here? It's not so bad, Nott. I mean, Malfoy's bedchamber is larger than my entire flat. I'm fairly certain there's a cache of spirits as well. If the Dark Lord wishes me to bend to his will while I'm here, well, there are worst things in life. I could be a prisoner of Harry fucking Potter and frankly, I'd rather drown in a vat of my own blood than deal with that ponce."
Theo blinked slowly, and a sly smile broke across his thin lips. He nodded, suddenly pleased. He brushed the invisible lint off his dark slacks and stood without ceremony. The mannerisms were not Theo's. I didn't know which Death Eater was using him as their personal puppet, but it was definitely someone. I didn't spend my life surrounded by wizards who utilised Unforgivables as child's play without the ability to spot the Imperious Curse.
"Well done, Zabini. Rest. Malfoy is receiving special attentions. You'll escort him back to the dungeons. Whatever he wishes, you shall provide, except of course…his freedom." Theo laughed, or whoever was pulling his strings laughed and left the bedchamber without another word.
I replayed the conversation in my head numerous times over the next few weeks. I was never able to surmise who controlled Theo on occasion, but that didn't matter. Whoever it was, knew about the tunnels, and found them impenetrable, which worked well for me. I couldn't utilise them either, but that didn't bother me. If I could get Malfoy out, he'd come back for me. We're Slytherin. We always pay our debts.
I treaded carefully. I wanted to survive, and Hermione Granger was my best bet. I didn't know how I was going to engage her. She wasn't especially forthcoming, not even after I arranged for better accommodations.
You'd think she'd be thankful, but her main concern was Malfoy. I had to stand before the Dark Lord and request a fucking feather bed and a bathing tub for a prisoner, and all she could muster was a simply 'thank you'. I would have been insulted, but her concern for her one-time enemy was almost touching. If I cared about such things.
It didn't take me long to discern Malfoy's blindness. It was more prominent when Granger was asleep. He didn't try as hard and bumped into things quite often. He never seemed to notice me hiding in the shadows either.
Their conversations were so fucking boring. They didn't even talk about anything personal, unless, I didn't understand their inflections. They barely mentioned Potter, the Order, or even Narcissa, which was bullshit. I knew that Mudblood bitch knew something.
I don't know how Malfoy managed to keep his hands off her. Oh right, he couldn't see her. I could, and her body was fantastic. I wouldn't have minded a romp or two, but she was off-limits. Bellatrix had gone and ruined it for everyone, stupid bitch.
I was surprised to learn Malfoy knew his feminine guest was the Mudblood. I was even more surprised to learn he didn't care. It seemed he truly was desperate, which absolutely worked in my favour. Desperate men resort to desperate measures.
I expected them to snog regularly after that first disaster, but they didn't. It made me wonder if Malfoy was still depressed about the loss of his cock. It was still attached and all, but what good was a man if his parts didn't work?
My duties were pretty limited, which was for the best. I didn't have the slightest bit of interest in interrogating whomever Greyback dragged back to the Manor. I wasn't interested in murdering them either. I just fucking wanted out.
"I know you're there." Granger scared the piss out of me. No, not literally, thank you very much. "You've been there quite often. You want something. Are you spying on us, is that it? Do you think we harbour some secret you can utilise to rise up the ranks?"
"You're still a bitch." I stepped near the bars and lit a sconce, pleased to see Malfoy was a slumber.
"Some things don't change, Zabini. What do you want?"
I laughed. She might still be a bitch, but she amused me. I didn't trust her, she didn't trust me. It would definitely be interesting to see how this worked out.
"I want you to help me…help you." I smiled, but she didn't.
It annoyed me. I was used to witches fawning over me. It seemed the little Gryffindor Princess was enamored with a completely different Slytherin, and that Slytherin wasn't me. I didn't much like that. I hadn't considered her developing feelings for Malfoy. That wasn't part of the equation. I had wished to have her eating out of my hand, but it wasn't meant to be.
"Oh, you're disappointed I'm not batting my eyes at you. Isn't that sweet? I'm not a fool, Zabini. You have an agenda. You don't wish to help me, you wish to help yourself, and if that happens to help me, than so be it. I don't need your help, but Malfoy here does. Why not put your knowledge to good use and get him out of here?"
I wanted to throttle her. I didn't, but only because I couldn't. I had learned my lesson when returning Malfoy to his cell. Those enchantments were the strongest I'd ever witnessed. It had to have been blood magic, most likely the work of his mother.
Everyone knew those sorts of protections were impossible to breech. Voldemort had tried with stupid Harry Potter and it had rendered him useless. He wasn't apt to try again. No wonder he delegated when it came to the dungeons. He was…afraid, and that knowledge gave me power.
"I would, but I can't, at least not yet. The Dark Lord is busy trying to reclaim humanity, and I prefer to remain out of sight. He's barely more than a ghost, but he still wields incredible power, not to mention he's got Bellatrix wrapped around his…whatever."
I didn't like her, and I didn't want to help her anymore, but there wasn't a choice in the matter, not really. If I had any hope of regaining my freedom, I needed her. That gave her power, and well, I fucking hated that. I was going to have to change tactics. I was going to have to circumvent Granger, and strike up a bargain with Malfoy.
Everything was a mess. I should have listened to Harry Potter.
