Ratings: PG13
Warnings: Violence, Swearing
Genre: Angst, Romance, High School, Drama, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in this story, living (or passed) human beings or fictional characters. These events never happened, according to history or as the original author intended them. This is a work of fiction and is not intended to offend. For entertainment purposes only. Thanks.
Also, the original characters developed in this story are that of the author's creation. They are not to be copied without written permission.
Chapter 11 - Your Darkness Has a Shadow:
Wednesday, October 19th - Noon
Fuji and Nijimura came rushing over immediately, breaking out of the shock states they seemed to have fallen into. Fuji wrapped his arms around his younger brother, trying to restrain him from suddenly reacting violently about the pain while Nijimura held his arm still so they could survey the damage. He hissed as he saw the bones of Atsushi's knuckles pushed through his skin, and he quickly pulled out a clean shirt from his backpack to cover Atsushi's hand with.
"We need to get you to the hospital!" he exclaimed, speaking directly to Atsushi and attempting to keep the large man from reacting violently as he tried to make a sling with another shirt.
Atsushi grit his teeth and hissed, his body shaking all over as he registered the amount of pain he was in.
Fuji held him still and nodded at Nijimura. "You get your things," he informed the former Teiko captain, "I'll keep a hold on Atsushi so he's supported."
"Aka-chin." Atsushi mumbled, groaning from the pain.
"We need to stop the bleeding and get your bones back inside your flesh before we find Aka-chin." Fuji murmured, "Please, Atsushi, calm yourself. This is important. You can infect easily out here."
"It. Hurts!" Atsushi groaned, speaking through gritted teeth.
Nijimura quickly gathered his things, slipping his backpack around the extendable handle of his suitcase, then slipped an arm around Atsushi's waist and nodded at Fuji. He kept a hold on Atsushi, his other hand dragging his suitcase alongside them. "Alright, let's go."
"Why don't we just call him an ambulance?" Himuro asked, following them still.
"Go away, you're not wanted here." Nijimura groaned, "Can't you see how much trouble you already got us into?"
"We can't call the ambulance." Fuji replied, speaking matter-of-factly. "Because they'll inform the police that there was violence occurring and Atsushi will be arrested."
Nijimura groaned, "Seriously?! This is ridiculous."
"This is the mess that Himuro made." Atsushi replied, his words stressed as his breathing was laboured.
"It's alright." Fuji shifted the conversation along, "The hospital isn't too far from here. We should be able to make it in a few minutes if we walk fast enough."
"It hurts." Atsushi moaned again, whimpering as they walked.
As the group of young men made their way towards the hospital, groups of adults would step around them, some looking at them in concern, others in fear. While most assumed that they had gotten injured in a gang fight, one lady was kind enough to inquire if it was a sports injury. She wanted to call them an ambulance, but Nijimura kindly rejected the offer, telling her they wouldn't have money to pay for the emergency service.
They continued on their way, waiting to catch the bus, and then riding it the eleven stops, until they were close enough to the hospital to walk there on foot. They spent the bus ride trying to predict the questions the doctors would ask them and how to best answer them; they had to be as honest as possible when it came to how the injury was obtained in order to make sure Atsushi was properly cared for, but they also had to be careful not to say Atsushi had punched the tree out of anger or else the doctors might alert the police to the violence. They decided to say they were discussing sports and he hadn't meant to punch the tree, simply they were practicing some kind of martial arts when the injury took place. It was believable since Nijimura was a black belt two times over and they were all long time friends and sports enthusiasts. They could see the hospital in their sight when they were stopped not far from the bus stop by a dark haired young man running towards them, calling out to Atsushi.
"Murasakibara! Murasakibara, right?" he asked, coming over to them slightly out of breath. "I was walking by...and saw you on the bus." he explained, then paused to catch his breath and take a sip from his water bottle. His short black hair didn't appear to have been bothered by the fact that he had chased the bus down to speak to Murasakibara, but his clothing was disheveled. "Where is...Kise?" He asked him.
"Ki-chin?" Atsushi responded, "Why are you looking for him?"
"You're Kasamatsu, aren't you?" Fuji asked.
The black haired man looked surprised, as did Atsushi. "You know him, Fu-chin?" Atsushi asked.
Fuji chuckled, "I've seen him in photos with Kise in the paper; he goes to Kaijo with him, don't you?"
"Yeah." Kasamatsu replied, "I'm his team captain. I've come to talk to him about skipping practice."
Atsushi rolled his eyes. "I know he goes to Kaijo, I've seen him play." he mumbled to his eldest brother, trying to not appear like he was being treated like a child in front of his peers. "Look, Kasamatsu," He turned his attention to the shorter man, "I have no idea where Ki-chin is. He went running off after Aka-chin and Zaki-chin before I started to bleed." he tried to motion to his hand wrapped up Nijimura's shirts. "I wanted to go after them-"
"What?! Are you crazy?!" Kasamatsu replied. "Murasakibara, you're hand! It's covered in blood!"
"We're on our way to the hospital." Nijimura informed him, "So if you'd excuse us-"
"I'll come with you!" Kasamatsu replied, shifting his backpack on his shoulders. "If you don't mind. And after we fix Murasakibara's hand, maybe I can help you find Akashi and you can help me find Kise?"
Atsushi looked at Nijimura, then at his older brother. They seemed to debate the situation and all seemingly agreed that Kasamatsu's presence wouldn't do any harm to them. Nijimura nodded and wrapped his arm around Atsushi's waist again.
"Alright, c'mon." He encouraged them, "The sooner we get to the hospital, the sooner we can find our missing boys."
"Akashicci, wait!" Kise called, trying to keep up to the redhead. The young man was fast, but it amazed him how much faster Haizaki was. He had lost sight of the silver-haired man entirely and was reduced to relying on keeping sight of Akashi to be his guide in his chase after them.
Despite his plea, Akashi ignored him and continued to press on. He ran with his chest up and his arms at solid right angles pumping at his sides, his steps deliberate, taking him forwards at a speed that seemed impossible for his short stature to achieve. He was incredibly fast and precise, his body seemingly moving effortlessly. Kise felt like he was either going to lose sight of Akashi or lose consciousness trying to keep up with him. He was a great athlete, but he was taken by surprise and forced himself to sprint after them when Haizaki had fled. His only fuel was the thought that after hunting Akashi down all over Japan for the past few days, he was determined not to lose him again.
He wasn't sure how long he had been running or where he was going. The streets seemed endless and everything began to blur. Cars honked at him, people screamed at him, he knew at some point he had raced through an intersection when he didn't have the right of way as a pedestrian, but he didn't care. He wondered vaguely if this was how Murasakibara lived his life, in this same endless state of meaninglessness and chaos. He assumed this was how the world would look if you were to rush through it on a skateboard. With his loud music pumping, Atsushi would be able to tune out all the honking and yelling, all the things that kept Kise in this moment. Without hearing anything but the relatable feelings of anger, sorrow, and loss, Atsushi would be able to fully hide inside his head and drown out reality. Kise wondered if that was how he had been all this time at Yosen, blocking out the reality that he was no longer a part of Akashi's life?
When he had began to feel as through his legs would give out on him, his knee was protesting by sending him searing flashes of pain, and his lungs felt as though someone had scrapped them out and left them hollow, raw, and internally bleeding, Akashi turned into a driveway indicating that the chase was at an end. Kise followed him, not even having the breath to murmur aloud his thought of "Oh thank god!" This had been worse than any of the runs Akashi had led them on in their time as sports team and he could recall a few of those that had made him question his ability as an athlete and Akashi's level of sanity.
Haizaki had taken a seat on the doorstep of the residential dwelling and had buried his face in his hands, slouching over so he could attempt to then hide his hands with his knees. He looked like an overgrown child dressed up as a rebellious teenager sitting on the top step in his baggy black hooded sweater and washed-out ripped jeans, but even without seeing his face Kise could feel his heartbreak was that of a much older, matured person. He felt guilty comparing the image of Haizaki so curled up on the front step to that of an innocent child, knowing full well that a child could never understand the pain that Haizaki was feeling right now.
Akashi sat down beside him and put his arms around Haizaki. And Kise was surprised to notice that Akashi himself was crying as well. He didn't make any loud moans or shoulder-shaking sobs the way Haizaki had finally broken down and was making, but there was visible tears running down Akashi's pale cheeks from his miss-matched eyes.
And while it initially surprised him, it was in that moment Kise understood why Akashi was crying. It wasn't for Haizaki, it was with Haizaki. He could tell from the way Akashi held Haizaki to comfort him, to empathize with him, to let him know that he wasn't alone in his pain, that Akashi wasn't simply pitying him or trying to do the decent thing. Akashi wasn't the kind of person to chase down just anyone to make sure they were feeling alright. He genuinely cared about Haizaki on a level that Kise could only compare to the way he himself felt towards Murasakibara Atsushi.
He was reminded of yesterday, holding Murasakibara's head in his lap as the taller man cried over Akashi. He recalled wiping away tears of his own as he held Murasakibara, so the taller man wouldn't see them, and then finally crying himself to sleep when in the safety of the darkness of his own room at night. Akashi and Haizaki had an undeniable connection: one that was based on a level of respect and empathy that formed the root of unshakable friendship – the same he himself shared with Murasakibara. While they had nothing on the surface that would connect them as friends, there was a love born out of a kindred soul – the very core of their being relating to each other in their moral code that made them understand each other in a way other's looking in on their relationship would never be able to understand. It simply hurt Akashi to see Haizaki hurt, the same way it hurt Kise to see Murasakibara hurt. When one cried, they both cried, and that was the way it was. There was no logic, no reasoning to explain their connection; in the simplest way, it was based on a platonic love.
Kise took his time catching his breath, not wanting to approach them gasping and heaving for air like some troll. He stayed by the gate and let them have a private moment, understanding that the closest friendships were often the most sensitive, and involved a form of communication that at times didn't even require words. After a moment, when he was sure they had shared what they needed to share, and he himself had caught his breath, he approached them. His senses felt fuller and refreshed and he saw now as he approached them that they had run the long distance all the way back to Akashi's family home and were sitting on the front landing.
"Akashicchi, Haizaki-kun, would it be alright if I join you?" He asked them.
Haizaki made no effort to acknowledge Kise, only continuing to cry into the sleeves of his hooded sweater. Akashi looked up and one corner of his lips shifted up in an attempt to smile at Kise gratefully; he understood Kise's presence and hesitation, and he was glad the blonde was being respectful – even if he didn't get along with Haizaki. He tilted his head to indicated that Kise was welcome to sit by his side, and he returned to leaning his head against Haizaki's shoulder, letting the larger man simply feel his presence and hoped it reassured him.
Kise slowly walked over to Akashi's side and turned around, then smoothed out his backside as he sat down on the porch step. He didn't stare and he said nothing, even going so far as holding his breath for a moment, and placed a hand on Akashi's knee beside him; he felt as though the physical connection – even indirectly to Haizaki – would be a welcomed display of comfort. When Akashi didn't shake it off immediately, Kise squeezed lightly, and Akashi lifted his head enough for Kise to see his crooked smile of appreciation again.
They stayed in the position, with Haizaki curled up on himself, Akashi leaning against him, and Kise holding onto Akashi and chewing on his bottom lip for longer than any of them realized. On the other side of the fence that marked the Akashi family property line, cars drove past, pedestrians continued about their day, birds flew by, and everywhere people were smiling and happy and celebrating their lives. No one seemed to realize that just on the other side of the uniform picket fence, in the tidy and well-groomed garden, on the steps on an immaculately kept family home, three young men sat together sharing an ocean of hurt and sorrow.
Kise thought of Murasakibara: this was how his home in Akita must have felt the entire time he had moved there. A whole world was just beyond his doorstep and yet not one person realized that he was stuck on the landing, practically shouting for the world to notice that something in his life was not okay, that something extremely dear to him was lost. It made sense for him then to treat the world outside his door just as cruelly as the world treated him: to ignore them and drown them out the same way he was drowned out by the mundane going-on's of everyday life when he was in pain.
Kise's backside had begun to feel numb and his right foot was beginning to tingle with the familiar feeling that came whenever the muscles would fall asleep while he was still conscious. He wanted to shift and shake his leg, kicking some life back into it, but he knew that would upend the moment. He held his posture, knowing that both Akashi and Haizaki probably felt the same, and he hoped that they would shift their positions soon, knowing that it wasn't his moment to make the first move.
Suddenly, Haizaki shifted. He had fallen quiet a short time ago, his sobs finally ceasing but his tears continuing silently. He moved now, raising his head and sniffing, then wiping his eyes with the backs of his hands.
"That- that dirtbag!" He began, pausing to inhale through his runny nose and swallow his hiccoughs. "I- I wrote to him- ev'ry day after he- he left."
Akashi shifted, sitting up straight and beginning to rub Haizaki's back in small, soothing circles. He remember that his mother would rub his back like this when he was a child and the motion always soothed him. He hoped that it would comfort Haizaki some.
"I wasn't even aware that you two were dating." Akashi admitted. "I'm so sorry, Shogo. That...I can imagine how painful that was to hear."
Haizaki sniffed and nodded. "That- that wasn't what I expected his return to be like." he confessed.
Kise fished in his pockets and pulled out a wrinkled tissue, reaching across Akashi to hand it to Haizaki. The thug took it and held it up for a second, tipping it to Kise in a manner that silently expressed his appreciation for the tissue, then blew his nose with it.
The tissue seemed to bring out the nurturing nature in Akashi that made him an excellent sports captain. "We should go inside." He stated, shifting and then standing up. He stretched his legs, arms, and back, and then unlocked the front door. "I can make us some late lunch. Shogo, you can clean up, and my father has some chocolate pudding we can have for dessert. I know it's not much, but chocolate is a good cure for sorrow."
The two other boys nodded and stood up, Kise holding out a hand for Haizaki to take as he rose to his feet, and the larger man nodded at him again in thanks. He didn't look up to meet Kise's gaze, keeping his head down as if he were ashamed. The trio took their shoes off as they entered the house and Akashi pointed out the washroom for Haizaki so the tall man could wash his face in the sink. Kise and Akashi headed to the kitchen, where the redhead put on an apron and began to chop vegetables and simmer them in a pan. Kise did his best to help, doing whatever small things he could and bringing Haizaki a tall glass of water when the man joined them in the kitchen. The thug took a seat at the kitchen table, staying out of their way and trying to keep himself from crying anymore.
"I'm really sorry about what happened, Haizaki." Kise began, sitting at the table across from his ex-comrade. "I didn't know you were with Nijimura either. At least, not in that way."
Haizaki snorted and shook his head slightly. "No one did. We didn't tell no one. And now I can see why he wouldn't have wanted to, wouldn't have wanted to tie himself down."
"I would have thought you never wanted to be tied down." Kise replied, raising a perfectly shaped eyebrow. "Not that I mean anything offensive by that, just that you still flirted with women. From what I heard."
Haizaki chuckled, "Women." He shook his head. "I flirted with a lot of ladies, yeah I know. But not that way, not for a relationship. I'd grab them and touch them in public, but it's all part of the scene, right?"
"So it was all just an act?"
"I wouldn't call it an act. But I was faithful to Shuzo, y'know? I never messed around on him with no other man, the way he went and tried to hit up that, whatever the fuck that boy was."
Kise tried not to smirk but he couldn't stop his lips from curving upwards. He gave Haizaki an apologetic look as he smiled, mumbling a "Yeah, Himuro isn't too well liked around here," so that the man would know he agreed with him on his opinion on Himuro.
Haizaki nodded and turned to glance at Akashi working on the stir fry and listening to their conversation with interest. He wasn't saying anything, glad that Kise and Haizaki were being civil, but it was obvious that he wasn't just standing by docile. If anything upset Haizaki, he was sure to step in.
"Did he ever give you the indication that he wanted...more?" Kise asked.
Haizaki shook his head, his eyes back on the table. He took a long sip of water from the glass Kise had given him and put it down rather heavily, as if his reality was distorted. "Never," he spoke in a low voice, gruff with emotions. "Not a single one. Not even in the beginning."
"When was the beginning?" Kise asked, "I'm not trying to pry-"
"No, it's alright, Ryooota. Since you all found out about it, I might as well tell you about it. It began all the way back in middle school, waaay before you came along." He pointed at Ryota across the table from him. "He'd beat me up 'cause I'd fuck up a lot, ya know? Skip practice, steal lunches, beat up kids for money, stupid shit."
"Like you do now?" Ryota asked, raising an eyebrow and smiling at Haizaki. He was trying to keep their conversation humourous, and it reminded him of their recent phone calls and how civilized they could actually be.
"Yeah, yeah. Stupid, stupid shit. Akashi knows all about it. Anyways, this one day he finds me at the arcade and brings me back to the school, but he doesn't beat me up… he just tells me to meet him in the locker room after practice when all the other boys 'ad gone home. So I went, thinking he wanted to challenge me to a fight or some'in, make it so I could cut myself a deal in exchange for an ass whooping. Anyways, I went in there not really knowing what to expect. He was just standing there, waitin' for me; I can still remember the look in his narrow eyes and the way his arms were folded across his chest. He had his shirt sleeves rolled up like he was ready for a fight, right? And he just grabbed me and slammed me into some lockers, real hard, hard enough for me to cry out. And then he kissed me, full force on the mouth. It knocked the wind out of me. I admit, I liked his abuse before, but it was nothing like this. I'm not some sicko that enjoys being raped or anything, but this- this was different. This was exhilarating! I hadn't even looked at Shuzo that way but once he showed me that side of him, I just...I couldn't get enough. He had this dark look in his eyes, as if he could see right into my soul, and then he closed his eyes and pushed his tongue inside my mouth and pulled my head back hard by my hair. It's not like I just let him do what he wanted, I tried to push him away even though I knew it was no use. He was rough, and quick, and he smacked me around a lot. He was bigger and stronger than me-"
"In the locker room?!" Kise asked, his voice shooting up a pitch higher in his surprise. "Like where we all changed?!"
"Yeah. Well, no, no! Not like that! We didn't do it that day. He just...teased me. He sent me home with a bloody lip from biting me and some bruises to remember him by. And to be honest, I couldn't stop thinking about him. I- Fuck man," Haizaki wiped the tears from his eyes. "I can't believe I spent all that time waiting for him to come home. I honestly let that fucker in...like in my heart! I was fuckin' real with him! I thought he was different!"
Kise blushed and rubbed his hands together to burn off some energy. "Well, did you ever...with him? I shouldn't ask, but-"
Haizaki glared at Kise through his swollen eyes."Whaddya think, baaaka? That's why I'm so fuckin' upset. Don't fuckin' look at me like that, Ryota; it was at his house. It was always at his house. Fuck. Even my family doesn't fuckin' know about him, man!" The silver haired boy's eyes were red. "Why do you think I tried so hard with them women, man? Who do you think I was tryna to impress?"
Akashi came to place the pan of stir fry on the hot plate in the center of the table and rubbed Haizaki's back.
"Thanks man." Haizaki reached an arm around to hold Akashi close to him. "No wonder he didn't tell me he's coming back. He already moved the fuck on. He just fuckin' played me!" The break in Haizaki's voice was painful, even to strangers. He covered his face with his hands and sobbed, letting down all his walls again and simply giving into the feelings of betrayal and hurt. If the pain was something that Haizaki could have handled until he got home and could hide away for several days, he would. But the excitement of being so close to Nijimura again and then having heard he was so easily replaceable by any dark-haired cute boy in America was more than he could take. The raw emotions rolled off him in waves and Akashi stayed beside him, absorbing it all.
It wasn't until then that Kise realized how dark Akashi was, how truly fucked up he became. Standing side-by-side with Haizaki, having heard the way Nijimura had seduced the young thug, Kise was suddenly surprisingly aware of the core similarity that bonded Akashi and Haizaki together. Akashi wasn't your average teen boy with homosexual desires that he was tempted to explore and act out on. He was as fucked up as Haizaki was: turned on by passionate emotions and pain, aroused by the danger that they put themselves into by being with their romantic partners. It wasn't a simple BDMS relationship that allowed them to explore their kinks, fetishes, and sexual fantasies; Akashi and Haizaki wanted to have a threat of abuse in their relationship, an element of resistance that was bred out of a loving tease that provoked a violent yet still compassionate reaction. A relationship with someone that they could trust to walk that dark and twisted line of obsessive romance, to the point that their disobedience would cause a panic so great towards the thought of them being lost that their partner would become enraged towards them.
To love them was to receive their pain, but it was also to give them it. It wasn't at all what someone as kind as himself was able to understand, let alone fulfill. The changes he saw in Murasakibara, the beast that had been brought out by Akashi's darkness, was clearly a reflection of the pain that Akashi had etched into him; a pain that had molded him to be Akashi's perfect other half, one that would fully understand him and be able to give and take exactly the pain that Akashi needed.
Kise suddenly felt like he was invading on a very intimate moment between Akashi and Haizaki. He shouldn't be here, he should have never followed them. But if he didn't, if he left now, he would be betraying Murasakibara's friendship by simply abandoning him to his own anguish over Akashi. He would be just the same as the rest of those living on the other side of the metaphoric fence, leaving him to scream on the front porch wondering why no one could see him as they went on in their day-to-day lives. He reached into his pockets and breathed a sigh of relief when he felt the small plastic rectangle that was nestled there. He debated calling Atsushi and letting him know where they were, letting him know that he was feeling intrusive and that he wanted to leave. He needed the reassurance that he was doing the right thing by staying here.
But instead he took his hand out of his pocket and waited. Murasakibara hadn't called him yet. He wasn't even sure what was going on. He hoped that Murasakibara hadn't gotten into another fight with Himuro, and the thought that police would be anywhere near Murasakibara was another reason that he held off from calling him. He couldn't risk reaching out to him, but he couldn't stand to stay in the same room as the affection and twisted couple that Akashi and Haizaki formed.
"C-can I...use your bathroom?" the blonde asked the redhead, hoping his shaking voice wouldn't betray him.
"Sure." Akashi replied, not even looking up at him from his gaze on Haizaki.
The blond stood and walked a small distance from them, pausing in the doorway to the hallway. He glanced back at them, his hand on the doorframe, and observed how they gazed silently into each others' eyes, as if there were having a deep conversation without the need to speak. He shivered, and smiled sympathetically, hoping that they wouldn't have been offended by his involuntary reaction to their interactions.
Neither of the men looked at him from the table, and Kise turned away to hide his expression of relief. He stepped down the hallway slowly, taking his time to find the bathroom in the Akashi family home. He would be able to give them a moment of privacy for whatever intimate conversation they would have, and he himself could use a minute alone to get himself into the right mindset to stay and support them both. He reached into his pocket for his phone, wishing reverently that it would ring. But his cell phone never rang. All was quiet.
